Secret Men's Business

I finish the dishes and check my daughter is doing her homework -- who can tell? She's banging away on her laptop, thudda thudda music leaking from the headphones she's wearing. I make coffee and take it through to our bedroom. Louise, my wife, is sitting in bed talking on the phone, the TV on mute. She is listening more than talking. I put down the coffee and go back for cups. When I return she is just hanging up.

'That was Sharelle,' she says. 'Poor kid isn't handling the pregnancy too well.' Sharelle is our son's girlfriend. They've been going out for more than a year and she's six months preggers. They've just moved in to a flat together. I pour Louise a coffee and start to undress.

'You know. She's only 20 and she's having trouble with all the changes -- pregnant, relationship on a different level, moved out of home, studies going on hold. You know.' I grunt.

Sharelle's a bit of an air head and I wonder that Julian got so involved with her. She wants to be a fashion designer, doesn't seem to have any conversation beyond what celebrities are wearing, and is painfully -- 'fashionably' -- thin. At least Julian's finished his degree and has a job. Even so, 23 is pretty young to be starting a family.

I get into bed with a cup of coffee. I'm reaching for the remote -- the sports report is on -- but Louise puts her hand over mine. 'You've got to speak to Julian. Man to man.'

'Huh?'

Louise gives me a serious look. 'Sharelle's a bit upset. Things aren't going right in the bedroom.'

Although we didn't warm to the girl at the beginning, she and Louise have become quite close since the pregnancy. I know they talk on the phone at least once a day and that Sharelle confides in her a lot. So it's no surprise that her sex life is a topic of conversation. After all, I've long understood that women discuss their personal lives with their friends much more than guys do.

I give Louise a nod and she continues. 'Seems that our son is very demanding.' I nod, making an effort not to grin. 'Sharelle is experiencing a lot of discomfort with hormonal changes and fluid retention,' -- again I repress a smile, thinking of the stick insect waddling about with an unfashionable bulge and a constantly glum expression -- 'and Julian isn't giving her any space.'

'What exactly do you mean?' I ask, looking puzzled and hoping she's sucked in.

Louise gives me a look. 'Cut it out,' she snaps. 'This isn't for your amusement.' She foldsher hands. 'It seems our boy's solution is anal sex,' -- I can't resist a smile this time, and she scowls -- 'and Sharelle doesn't know how to hold him off. It's not comfortable for her and she doesn't want it but he's not listening.'

I'm silent, visualising my 6 foot 4 inch son sodomising his 5 foot 2 inch reluctant pregnant girlfriend. Louise slaps my thigh. 'Stop smirking you dirty minded lecher. Now make sure you talk to Julian about this on Saturday. They're coming for lunch.'

'Jesus. What do you expect me to say?'

'Well, you can start by telling him anal sex is unnatural and disgusting and not the kind of thing women want.' She has a disapproving look, lips thin and lines across the forehead. This primness pisses me off.

'I seem to remember a time when you enjoyed a bit of anal sex,' I say.

Her eyes flash. 'And there was a time when I did binge drinking and smoked dope,' she snaps. 'But I'm not going to suggest to the mother of my grandchild that she go down that path.' I'm about to argue the logic of this when she adds, 'God knows we're too old for that kind of thing now.'

I roll onto my side towards her and put a hand under the sheet on her bare thigh. 'Next you'll be telling me we're too old to fool around in the middle of the week.' Her eyelids lower and she rests her head back on the pillow.

'Got something in mind?' she says, voice softer. I slide my hand up to her densely furred snatch and lightly cup it, then under her nightie to stroke up her soft belly and around one of her heavy tits.

'Yeah, I do,' I reply, squeezing and massaging. 'Wanna get on your hands and knees?'

'Ha!' she says. 'You just want to look at my bum!'

'Can you blame me?' I ask, rolling her nipple. 'You know how it turns me on.'

'Anything turns you on,' she laughs. 'One mention of anal sex and you want to put me in the doggy position.' She may be speaking in a derisive way but her nipple is hardening. She feels it too and sends things in a different direction. 'Why don't you lick me honey ... my parts are soooo horny.'

She doesn't have to ask twice -- I love the taste of her pussy -- and I'm happy to start things off this way. I push back the sheets, but before I dive in on her muff I suck her nipples through her thin nightie, making her squirm and grab my head.

I get into position between her thighs she gets her night gown off. She is already squeezing her boobs by the time I lick up between her labia and around the bulb of her clit. It is already beginning to poke out of its hood and she gasps as I gently lick at it. Hmmmm, I think, it won't be long tonight.

'Suck it!' she urges. 'Suck it!'

I do for a minute, then travel south, running my tongue deep between her meaty labia. I like to taste her honey and for a few minutes alternate between working on her clit and lapping up all the wetness that gathers in her vagina. God I love this stuff!

After another minute, I lick down her perineum and on to her anus. It is drenched in her juices but I barely get a taste of her musty bum when a hand scrabbles at my head. I don't have much hair and what I do have is very short, so she grabs an ear. 'Get back on task,' she hisses, dragging my face back up to her cunnie. Oh well, it was worth a try.

I lick away, the whole area now slick with saliva and pussy juices. It's hard to get a grip on her bulging clit, even though it is now straining forward. I finally get it pinched between my lips and roll it back and forth.

'Oh fuck that's good,' says Louise in a strained voice. When she starts swearing I know she's close. I look up and see her hands working hard on her mounds, mouth slightly open, eyes closed. I pinch and roll harder and in a few seconds she cums. She writhes and bucks and I use my weight to hold her down, continuing the action on her clit. She goes oh oh oh and strains in every fibre. I leave off her clit and kiss her thighs and up to her belly, enjoying the way she bucks her hairy snatch against my chest as she rides it out.

Acouple of moments and she lets out a long long sigh and goes limp. I tongue her belly button and she giggles. She runs a hand over the top of my head as I kiss back down her soft belly and start again to lick up and down her gaping snatch. She is very wet and I lap up all the juices before circling her clit.

'Mmmmmmmmm,' she says lazily, hands gently stroking my head. 'You're gonna make me cum again.' That's the idea, but I don't want it to happen soon, so slow down, sucking at her hole to get the last of her juices, then taking each of her labia into my mouth and sucking them dry. 'Oh yeah, honey,' she says, hand tighter on my head. 'Do my lips!'

OK! I love it when she asks this. For the next five minutes I really work those meaty flaps -- sucking and chewing till they are all swollen and Louise is churning her hips. Then it is back up to her clitty and direct action on that little outcrop while using my fingers to pinch and tug her labia.

'Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh fuck!' she gasps and I feel her beginning that climb to orgasm. I dig my nails hard into her fleshy lips, grate them back and forth, and pluck at her nub with my mouth. 'Yyyyuuuuuurrrrrrgggghh!' she howls, hips bucking so violently that she throws me off. I try to get my face back in the saddle, but she rolls away and into the foetal position.

I want to keep licking her -- can't get enough of that taste! -- but know that she won't want any more. So I spoon up behind her, kiss her sweaty neck and shoulders and hug her gently. It takes a while for her to come down, but I know when because she begins to grind her bum back at my groin. I push back and start massaging her boobs. She twists her face back and we kiss hotly. As our tongues duel she gets a hand on my cock and soon has me hard.

'Christ I need you in me!' she pants. 'Fuck me!'

She tries to roll onto her back, but I use my strength to push her onto her front and up onto her hands and knees. She resists for a second but then complies. I don't wait for her to think twice and get up behind that big bum. Jesus, that's a horny sight! Big white moons, deep cleft, clenched brown pucker, trail of hair from the small of her back down to her pussy where is thickens into a forest, but not enough to conceal the gaping pink cunt.

I fit my cock into place and jag forward. Louise pushes back to meet me and we both sigh as my thighs thud against her buttocks and my balls swing against her hot splayed quim. Her snatch is liquid hot and I begin to fuck her in long squelching strokes.

'Do me hard!' she gasps over her shoulder and I lunge forward, making her eyes roll before she turns back and hangs her head. I thud into her over and over and she bucks back equally hard. She's grunting and panting and after a couple of minutes reaches a hand back to her parts. I can feel her strumming furiously and then her vagina clamps and she screams into the pillow. I try to keep fucking but she is falling forward and rolling onto her side again, knees tight together.

I spoon her again, kissing her back and hugging, keeping myself hard by gently rocking against her cushiony butt. I wonder if I could somehow get my cock head against her pucker and try to shift into position. But Louise lets out a long sigh and rolls back abainst me. I let her lie on her back, and kiss her.

It's a soft kiss and her hand strokes my shoulder. She looks up at me and spreads her legs. 'Come on lover,' she says warmly -- one might say indulgently. I prop on my elbows on top of her, slot my cock home and we start a nice comfy screw. She kisses me, pulls my face to her wobbling boobs, squeezes me with her snatch, and gives me a good ride. I know she's not going to cum again, but neither of us is in a hurry and it's a good few minutes before I feel my balls begin to lift. I step up the pace, she wraps her legs around me and begins to rhythmically buck back then, to help me over the edge, pinches my nipples.

'That's it lover,' she murmurs as I go into overdrive. 'Cum in me.' I grunt and unload, grunt and unload, strain and collapse forward on her generous front.

'Mmmmm, that's nice,' she murmurs, stroking my head and exercising her vaginal muscles a few more times. 'Fill me with hot cum.' My cock twitches a last couple of times and I relax completely, head snuggling down between those fleshy boobs...

Saturday. I'm out in the shed servicing the lawnmower when Julian and Sharelle arrive. Julian comes out back with a couple of beers and watches as I fit back on the air filter. He's having a couple of problems with his car and we go out front with a tool box. Over the next hour we re-seal the windscreen, touch up some rust patches, flush out the radiator, tighten hoses, top up fluids, clean spark plugs. The car is only four years old with less than 60,000 kms on the clock and it's falling to pieces-- fucking american junk. Still, it will be a while before he's able to afford anything better.

As he passes me tools, we chat about cricket, work and finally Sharelle. He tells me that she's been unbelievably grumpy. She wants to eat all the time, but doesn't want to get fat. She can't smoke (he hopes this means she will give it up for all time) which she always did to suppress appetite. She can't drink hardly at all, and she's always horny but vaginal sex is out.

He asks me if it was the same when his mother was pregnant. I tell him that we had to adjust a few things in our personal life. In fact, Louise was hyped on sex both times and the closer she got to full term, the more she wanted to fuck. But I don't want to share this information with my son.

Instead, I ask him how they're compensating. He says that it's been oral sex for the last couple of months but he's beginning to want more and has suggested anal sex.

I nod sagely.

Sharelle kind of agrees but, almost before they begin, tells him to stop. He tries a couple of more times, but it's the same. He's frustrated as hell.

Privately, I think a few months of only oral sex wouldn't be too hard to put up with, but I have to be sympathetic. I guess I can understand the need in a red blooded 23yo for penetration and it's clear that Julian is looking for guidance. I'm wondering how to respond when he asks if Louise and I ever had anal sex.

I put down the tools and wipe my hands. Sure, I tell him. I expect that all couples in a long term relationship experiment a little. He is very attentive and I realise that he really does want advice. I lean back on the car and tell him that the important thing is preparing your partner. This is not just lots of lubrication. Preparation starts hours earlier with a bit of quality time -- maybe shopping together for clothes for Sharelle. I tell him to prepare her a meal, romantic setting, candles, tell her how much you lover her, maybe a little gift of chocolates or soap. Chicks like that kind of thing. Cuddle up a bit, offer her a massage. As you oil her body, tell her how sexy she is, how she is blooming as the pregnancy goes on, how much you love her, yadda yadda yadda.

Julian nods like this is a given, but I see him making mental notes.

I continue, telling him to make sure he makes sure it's a long massage, working especially on her lower back, either side of her spine, and between her shoulders -- the most strained spots for pregnant women. Apply lots of kisses and the odd sexual suggestion. Tell her how much she turns you on, how you find her so sexy, how much you want to make love to her, how you understand that vaginal sex is out of the question, how you love her beautiful arse -- I give Julian a look and he nods.

I tell him he needs to stroke her cheeks, kiss them, massage them, reassure her that he loves her, that she's sexually desireable, and wants to make love to her. Then it's a matter of preparing her with his mouth -- he nods without hesitation -- then a finger or two, making sure she is gradually stretched. More nods. Only when she is properly ready should he go to the next step. She'll probably tell him she wants it, but maybe she'll just agree with what he suggests.

Julian nods again and asks if that approach worked for me. I tell him this is secret men's business that I am passing on and to help me put away the tools.

We are in the shed when Sharelle puts her head in and tells us lunch is ready. We follow her to the house and I look at her butt swaying, her stretch slacks low on her hips revealing the top of a small tattoo, t-shit tight over her expanding bust -- now she's got tits -- long dark hair swaying from side to side.

Yeah, I think. Christ, I'd fuck her in the butt and take no objections! Hmmmm. Maybe I won't mention that to Louise. Or Julian.

Lunch is fun, lots of family jokes and laughter. Sharelle manages a half glass of Chardonnay and looks pretty relaxed by the time they leave. Louise and I finish the bottle then I have to take our daughter to a friend's for a study group. I warm up the car and she comes out with her overnight bag. She's dressed in her finest with all that teenage make-up and I figure that maybe the study group involves going to a party. What the hell -- she's 17 and god knows I was the same at her age.

On the way home, I stop off at a deli and get some nice cheeses. Back home I prepare a plate with melon and water crackers. I call Louise from the garden and while she's washing her hands, make margharitas. We sit out on the deck until the autumn sun goes down.

We carry the dishes inside and I take Louise in my arms. We kiss and I suggest dinner out at the Indian restaurant down the road. It's a great meal and we do it justice with beer and wine. Walking home, Louise pulls me into a dark driveway and we kiss and grope like a couple of teenagers.

Once in the house I get us liqueurs. Louise is in the shower and I turn down the bed, light a couple of candles and get out the massage oil. Louise comes in naked, drying her hair and accepts the glass of cointreau, giving me a kiss. I suggest a massage and get undressed as she lies on the sheets. Lots of oil, rubbing her neck and shoulders, lying on top of her, licking her ear, telling her how sexy she is, how much I love her. More oil, each side of her spine, lie on top of her again and kiss her neck and ear making her pant. More oil, that great bum, tell her how much I love it, slippery in the crack, tell her again how sexy she is. I push her cheeks apart and am about to rub her balloon knot when she props up on her elbows and looks back at me.

'Why don't you just put your dick in my arse right now,' she says, raising an eyebrow. 'I've been waiting for it since Wednesday.'

'Why didn't you say?' I ask after I've collected myself.

'Because I wanted a massage,' she replies with a smile.