Seated Ch 02

I have been gone now for just over a week. It has been the toughest week of my life. It has taken a great deal of mental energy to complete my daily tasks. I had no sleep for the first three nights! It was not just my replaying the last few months or even that last evening with Elizabeth and Brad. This whole thing had triggered emotion and memories I thought I had buried years ago. So here I lay in my hotel room, the lights off, curtain open so I can see the city below, my mind tells me it is beautiful, my heart says so what!

I stare aimlessly, once more, drifting into a forest of memories; memories I long ago wanted to rid myself of. I feel the pain afresh as my mind's eye looks back.

Linda.

I was 18 years old just graduated from H.S. It was summer, and I was free of school work, just wanting to have fun. I met Linda during this time. She was also 18, neither beautiful nor unattractive. She had a killer body, long brown hair, sparkling hazel eyes. We met, we dated and I fell in love, I thought she had as well. Linda lived with her mother and younger sister.

It was about 5 months into the relationship when Linda told me that her mother wanted her to date other guys, that she thought we were getting too deep for our age. Now Linda had taken my virginity, although without a struggle on my part. We fucked at least twice every time we were alone. One weekend we fucked and sucked to six orgasms in one 5 hour period. I remember one night we were in the drive in, when halfway through the movie she moved astride me and planted herself on my cock. I was buried in her hot, silky pussy. My cock was in her up to its' hilt. We fucked to two orgasms without my cock ever leaving her pussy. Life was not just good, it was great.

But then the ultimatums from her mother; date others or no one. Linda assured me that although she would date other guys as her mother made her, but that she was still my girl and I was her guy. This was difficult to say the least. I was quite jealous; she was my true love.

It was just before Thanksgiving when I spied on her. She was going on a date, she was to be home by 10:30, and I waswaiting, hidden behind a fence next to the parking lot behind their apartment. It was just past midnight when a car pulled in and parked near the rear of the lot. I worked my way down until the car was only a few feet away. I had a view of the interior. By the time I had reached my vantage point, Linda and the guy were wrapped around each other sharing their tongues. Over the next 20 minutes I watched it go from kissing, to groping, to giving head, to Linda skirt around her waist her panties pulled to the side and the guy pounding her cunt hard and fast.

When they finished up and Linda got out of the car, she walked around to the driver's side and leaned down and kissed the guy. I heard her say that she did not think she was going to walk straight for a while.

He laughed saying his dick almost fell off from all the times they had fucked that night. She laughed and said, "Yes, but we did not break the record by a few."

"What?" He asked.

Linda again laughed. "My boyfriend can go six or more times a night. Your four was good though."

I was hurt to the core; if I could have gotten over the fences I would have killed the pair of them. I did nothing however, I said nothing, I did ask how her date had gone, and all she said was not as good as ours. I watched her fuck 5 different guys over the next few months. I grew to understand that love required more than just great sex and a steady girlfriend.

Linda was a slut, she loved to fuck and she did whenever she could. I had begun to enjoy watching her fuck, but I also grew less and less in love with her. I was hurt, and ashamed. Hurt that I was not enough for her, ashamed that I found watching her cheat was arousing. The hurt won out and I confronted her. It was a farce, She did not care I was just one of her cocks, maybe one that she enjoyed most, but still just a cock to fill her cunt. It was that element that hurt me deepest.

I joined the Air Force, to avoid the war. I went DDA straight out of boot, assigned to a SAC wing, top secret installation. I was just a 2 striped photographer, yet because of what I did I had a higher security level than 90% of the officers in the facility. I had to be able to go into any part of the building, or buildings and move freely. I received a lot of strange looks from higher ranking enlisted and officers.

After 18 months, I was sent to SEA as a combat documentary photographer. I spent a little over a year documenting death and on a few occasions was the cause of it. I hated the war and what I had to do in it. I did my full 4 years and opted out. I was not celibate during these years; I had my share of sexual partners, some paid for and some just dating, but nothing serious!

I had been discharged for nearly a year when I met Lou. Lou was a tall 5' 9" at 135 lbs. long blonde, frizzy haired, blue eyed joy. I cannot even remember how we met, but we did, we hit it off from the start. Hell we fucked on our first date. Now I need to say at this point that Lou had the most amazing pussy you will ever experience. Think of the warmest, moist, tight, silky, thing you could stick your dick in. Then feel it nearly suck the head of your cock into itself, encircling your shaft with a tightness that allowed free movement yet held your cock firmly. That does not truly describe Lou's pussy! Her pussy feels better by a million times.

I fell physically in love with her body and truly felt emotionally connected in a way I had not felt sense Linda. We dated for 8 months, we fucked continuously. I was looking for a direction to take my career or to see whether I had one or even wanted one. The war had damaged my love of photography and although I did not sell my camera gear, but neither did not shoot. I believed we were headed for a life together. Three things happened that would end the dream and send me back into a state of fear and depression.

We had been dating for a few months and I thought exclusively. Then, one weekend Lou tells me that she will be going to a frat party with her ex-boyfriend. She had promised before we met and he did not have a date. I was not happy but what could I do. The night comes. I am not happy and before the night was over much less happy. It was nearly mid-night when I got a call from Lou, she was crying. She told me that he ex had gotten drunk; he had taken her to his room to show her around and had forced himself on her. That he was so drunk he did not know he was fucking her in the ass. I was in a rage; I told her I would come get her. She refused, saying he was more sober now and he would take her home soon. She would not tell me where the party was being held. I found out a few days later that Lou's' ex had not sexually assaulted her once but three times that night. Before he took her upstairs and ass fucked her. He made her give him a blow job downstairs while a few of his buddies had watched. Then when he took her home, another of his buddies drove, with him and Lou in the back seat. He fucked her all the way to her apt. He tried to get himself and his buddy inside but her roommate was home and would not allow it.

The second incident occurred a few months later. We were to go out after I got off work. Lou calls and says she has to work late, inventory or some such. Just before 9:30 she calls and says that the groups of them are going to go out and get dinner, she would see me the next day. I had been there before so believed her.

The next evening I arrive at her apt ahead of her. Lou had left the door unlocked and I went in I had 45 minutes to wait and being bored begun looking around. I was not looking for evidence of cheating, rather something to read while I waited. I found few books; Lou was not a reader. I opened a black covered book to find it handwritten. It had opened to the last page. I scanned the page out of curiosity, had I found Lou's' diary? I had. The entry stated that she had fucked him last night. It did not say who she fucked but that she had fucked him! She was working late, dinner with coworkers after late night, fuck after dinner, makes sense right! I was again hurt and angry. I calmed myself by the time Lou came home. We kissed chatted, she changed and I did not attempt intimacy, which seemed to set an alarm off for her. We sometime played Ouija board and I suggested it. I let her ask the first question.

"Why is Robin so quiet?"

Ouija: "Secrets"

This seemed to spark more uncertainty on Lou's part. It was my turn.

"Why is Lou so nervous?"

Ouija: "Last night!"

Lou actually looked paler but forged on, bluffing her way through this not so fun game.

Lou, "Does Robin know that I love him?"

Ouija:"?"

Lou looked stunned, why did the board move to the question mark? "Robin you know I love you!"

My turn

"What about last night is making Lou nervous?" I asked!

Ouija: "She fucked him!"

Lou's hand recoiled from the board before the message was complete. She stood, running to her diary; she turned back to me where I was standing by the door. Lou demanded to know if I had read her diary.

My response was, "What? You keep a record of the guys you are fucking behind my back?" With that I left her standing there, calling after me to wait, to talk, to let her explain. I did not accept or return any calls from her for a month.

It was getting close to her departure to Hawaii. She was going with two girl friends as a graduation present from her parents. The week before she was to leave she cornered me at my work and demanded we talk. She explained that what she meant by the entry was that he fucked her, not that she fucked him.

The entry was about a guy at work that hit on her all the time, and had made a move the night they worked late. Yes, she had accepted a ride from him back to work. He offered her some wine and she had a couple of glasses. He was the manager. He was 50 years old and fat. When they got back to the office he said he wanted to talk to her inside. He gave her another drink, after that she was feeling too good. Lou says he said she looked uptight and for her to just relax, he moved behind her and started massaging her shoulders. The next she remembers is that she is on the floor, her blouse and bra are off and he is massaging her back. He handed her another glass of wine and she drank it sitting up. He told her to lie on his desk and she did, she just followed his instructions. Lou told me she thinks she passed out or something because the next thing she remembers is his weight on her, her legs are stretched wide and he is fucking her real slow.

Lou broke down crying,

"Oh Robin, he was so big, it hurt a lot. His penis was real long and thick, real thick. I did not want him to put it in me, but I could do nothing, he was on top of me and just kept pushing it deeper."

She stated that she did not know how long he took but it felt like forever. It hurt the deeper he went inside her. After he was all the way in he sped up his strokes until it actually hurt her back as it was pounded onto the desk. She said she cried and told him it hurt, so he stopped long enough to let her stand. But then he spun her around and took her from behind. He finally came. At least he pulled out, but made her take his cum in her mouth. Lou said her jaw was sore for days after that.

So Lou was a victim again? I asked why she did not quit after that happened. She said he would not let her. He would tell the next employer how she seduced him. I did not buy the excuse, she was full of shit but hell I loved her and she said she loved me. She just could not go off to Hawaii with us not being together.

The final straw as if the first two were not enough, came when her two weeks in Hawaii became three then four, then 6. We talked she said she wanted to stay as long as she could, her two friends had come back and Lou was staying with some new friends she had met. She was having a great time. So three weeks before Christmas I was on a flight to Hawaii, I had spoken with her best friend, who had grave concerns about what Lou had gotten herself into. I also spoke with her parents; they wanted her home for Christmas!

I checked into a hotel and went looking for Lou. I left messages in all the places her friend had said I might reach her. On my second day on the island, Lou found me; she was emotionally distant, happy to see me, but not. I explained her friends concerns and her parent's desire for her to come home for Christmas.

The flight home was quiet with very little discussion about her stay in Hawaii or our future. I knew there was no future. Lou had picked up chlamydia and I had no interest in also getting it. She tried to reconnect, but she returned to Hawaii a month after Christmas. I was less damaged this time but still could not wrap my head around why females needed more than I could give. Looking back perhaps I was too old for her, we were just in the wrong time of our lives to have met.

Three years later and a week before her wedding she called me and told me she loved me. I returned the sentiment, and knew it was true; I also was marrying Elizabeth the same month.

These two and others relationships ran through my mind like a looped tape. Linda and Lou were not the only girls and women to have been unfaithful; there had been Shari, Nancy, and Marylou. I had if nothing else, developed radar which alerted me to be watchful of the circumstances around my relationships. Then why had I not attended to the signs sooner with Elizabeth. Perhaps because I had total faith in her, or perhaps I had gained a sense of self that was not as watchful.

Shit on a shingle I thought. So what? The past is just that, past. Now is where I want my future to lead and with whom I want to share it. I rolled the equation; with or without Elizabeth. Did I love her enough to overcome the loss in trust? I have two weeks remaining. I had not planned on talking with her and had made that plain before I left.

It was nearing the end of the third week; I had a PI checking on Elizabeth while I was away. Actually I had to have it done as per the contract. If I had not the DOD would have pulled my contract. I needed to reassure the Feds and myself that Elizabeth was not a potential security risk to either the country or me. When I got back to the hotel I found a small folder on my bed. It had to be the report. My hand trembled as I picked it up; this was potentially the end of my marriage.

I called Elizabeth's cell phone it was just past 7:30 p.m. she should have been home, the GPS locator activated. I would know where she answered the phone. It rang several times; it would be going to voicemail soon. Elizabeth answered. I looked at the location, it was not our home. I was not familiar with the location. The map looked all wrong! Elizabeth answered, yes she said, her voice without emotion, dull, monotone. I nearly hung up. The she cried out, Oh Robin, I did not look to see who was calling, oh god you called, thank you, thank you. I let her wind down then asked where she was. There was a pause as if she was trying to figure a location out that would not be a problem.

"Robin I am at Julys', we have been talking a great deal since you left."

What the fuck I thought, why would Elizabeth buddy up to Chuck's' wife or even more why would July want to befriend the woman her husband was attempting to seduce.

"Why is that Elizabeth?" I asked

"Robin I do not know how I allowed myself to be lead down a path I would never imagine having gone down. But I have to know, even if you decide we are done, I have to know. It was too easy to just say he was my fantasy. That should not have been enough to endanger our marriage and yet it did."

There was an extended period of silence; I began to wonder if we had been disconnected. Then Elizabeth's' voice."Robin, about a week after you left July called me! I thought she wanted to threaten or blame me for her upcoming divorce. But she just wanted to talk about Chuck and her, how they had attempted to reconcile several time, that he was a serial tail chaser, he had seduced several women, destroying their lives, their families. I guess I was both easy prey and reluctant enough to have been stopped in time."

We talked for nearly an hour, EL sounded in pain, afraid of our future, unsure that there was one. As I had said before I needed to discover whether I could live with or without El in my life. Although I was not a hundred percent sure, I did know that the pain was greater when she was not near me. If we could be as close as before or not would work itself out in our future. When I got back home we sat and talked, I lost track of the hours, we slept in our chairs, ate, went to the bathroom and on the second day, we showered, ate and fucked ourselves unconscious!

Epilogue:

It has been 3 years now sense we nearly came to an end. We have two children, we both work and have continued our counseling and may never stop. I continue to be on guard as does El we keep each other in the fore front in everything now. We talk, daily, we share thoughts, and feelings. Life may turn out good yet.