Scrabble? My Ass!

This story is completely fictional. Well, apart from two things: There is a brand of panty liner which really has trivia on the wrapper, such as an explanation of ‘Mageiricophobia’. And the Concise Oxford Dictionary, 7th edition, reprinted in 1985, really doesn’t have the word in it.

I know, because I checked. Both.

*

"Welcome, Jim. Nice of you to come around tonight. I know a manky, old bastard like you has better offers on any given Saturday night. Come on in."

Jim stepped into house and followed his friend Fred into the kitchen.

"Have a seat, have a beer. Or a wine maybe?"

"Thanks for the invitation, Fred. Of course I had better offers than a dinner with you two. Just blobbing out with the dog and a wee fire in the garden sounded much better. Wearing a bit of a Vodka glow. Getting all maudlin and depressed. Waking up in the morning remembering why I shouldn't drink by myself. Yeah, mate, I think hanging out with you was definitely the worse option."

"Still feeling a bit down?" Fred's wife Sandra asked.

"Yeah, Sandra, I think this whole business with Miriam walking out, then the job loss, all that has taken its toll a bit."

"Got any offers yet?"

"Oh, hundreds, can't walk through town without mothers throwing their daughters at me. Unbelievable, I might have to get high heels soon to dissuade the ladies. Although that kinky stuff might actually make matters worse."

"So I take it you haven't had any job offers then?"

"Ah, well. No. But hey, early days yet. And so far doing all the stuff around the house is doing me a world of good. The new place needs doing up anyway. Good that it's only 2 bedrooms, makes for a bit less wall paper hanging. I hate wall paper hanging. Especially in the loo. You sit there and you stare at the corner you didn't cut in properly. You see every joint that you could have done better. But hey, good distraction from Miriam."

"Jeez, Jim, I didn't invite you for dinner so you could ramble my wife's ear off. Maybe we should play scrabble after dinner. Then you can just lay your soul bare on the board instead of telling us all about it. Might even win this time, you whinger." Fred winked at Jim, knowing that his old friend would understand Fred's rebuke as an attempt at getting him out of his rut.

"Anyway, Jim, you still got to choose: beer or wine. I'm having a sauvignon blanc, Fred's having a lager. Dinner is a venison burger with salad and fries."

"Well in that case I'll have a sauvignon with you, Sandra."

"Stop hitting on my wife, Jimmy boy, otherwise she'll regret marrying me."

Dinner was accompanied by light-hearted banter, interspersed with offers of help from Fred and Sandra if Jim "needed anything, you know, just let us know."

Once dinner was off the table, the dishes stacked in the machine and the crumble in the oven the three sat down to a round of Scrabble.

"Only words in this here dictionary shall be legal in this game" intoned Sandra.

"Geez, you're always so formal, girl. It's not a world record attempt or anything. We're mates here, you know?" Fred looked peeved that his wife had made it clear that she wanted this to be a serious game. That meant they would probably argue a bit over every word and then end up checking and rechecking everybody's score three times.

"I just want this to be a good game. So quit whinging and get going."

"Man, last time I played with you two you couldn't have cared less about the game. And tonight you're rolling out the big guns, even the oldest Oxford dictionary I've ever seen."

The jokes soon stopped with all three being engrossed in the game. Despite their early comments Fred and Jim enjoyed playing Scrabble seriously just as much as Sandra.

"Mageiricophobia. What sort of word is that, Sandra? Geez, trying to cheat or what?"

"The abject fear of cooking, Jim, that's what sort of word it is. Want to look it up? Sure a hillbilly like you needs to look that up?"

Sandra's tone told Jim that she was more than a little bit annoyed about being challenged.

Fred tried in vain to placate his wife, knowing that once the game got too serious they would all get annoyed with each other. His attempts at clearing the air fell on deaf ears.

"Oh come on, Fred, if he doesn't know his words he shouldn't play Scrabble. Simple as that."

"Well, I just think there is no need to be rude, that's all. Jim just challenged your word, that's all. So how about we all pull back a bit, eh?"

"Hang on, mate. How about we just check in the dictionary. That'll solve it once and for all."

"Jim. I'm trying not to get my wife riled up, so please don't push it, alright. You're not the one who has to have her tomorrow."

"That's true, Freddy, but then again I don't have to have her at all. Well, let's put it that way: I don't get to have her." Jim smiled at his friend, knowing full well that his comment would annoy Sandra.

"Stop that, Jim. We both know that you're just trying to get me worked up."

"That's true, sorry. Long day at home. But how about a bet? If the word's in the dictionary you get to choose whatever you want and if I win I can choose whatever I want."

Sandra looked at Fred and Jim then replied: "Jim, that's a silly bet. You know you're going to loose and you know I will make you clean the gutters. Just like last time when you tried to palm off 'frigosta' as a type of South American fruit."

Fred leaned back in his chair and assessed his wife and his closest friend. Clearly Sandra was being overly sensitive, but Jim was definitely enjoying winding her up. And he was going to win this one. Not because the word didn't exist, far from it. It just wasn't in this particular edition of the Concise Oxford. Fred had checked it a while back. He had stumbled across the word on the back of the wrapper of one of his wife's panty liners. The wrapper held other gems of wisdom, but that particular one had stuck in Fred's mind. And their ancient Concise Oxford didn't have the word.

"All right, Sandra, since you're so sure here's my hand. Deal or no deal?"

With the deal settled Sandra started to flick through the pages.

"Magazine, magdalen, Magdalenian, Magdeburg, mage, Magellanic, magenta."

"Stop right there, lady, 'i' before 'l', isn't it?"

Sandra looked up in surprise. How could it be, she was sure she had spelt the word correctly.

"Right, Sandra. I've won, I want to give you a spanking." Jim joked.

Fred laughed incredulously at his friend's suggestion.

To his and Jim's surprise Sandra paled.

'This can't be happening to me,' Sandra thought. 'What am I going to do?' "Surely you can't be serious, Jim?" she asked. "You don't expect me to just let you give me a spanking?"

Both men were surprised by the lack of furry in her voice. Rather than forcefully telling Jim to get lost Sandra had spoken quietly, almost pleadingly.

'I know what the problem is,' thought Fred, 'normally Sandra runs a tight ship when it comes to taking responsibility for any actions. And not just telling others to do so, she demands it from herself. Now she is caught between a rock and a hard place. She can either renege on her part of the debt or she stays true to her word.' Musing what his wife would do Fred took a swig of his beer.

"Well, my bottle is empty. I'll get some more beer while you two stare at each other."

Walking into the kitchen Fred began debating how to proceed from here. Should he help his wife out on this one? Should he let his best mate give his wife a spanking? The situation was absurd, in fact so absurd, that it was kind of sexy. 'Imagine sitting there and watching your wife getting spanked by another guy. Maybe she likes it? Maybe she won't. She's definitely old enough to put her foot down if she really wants to, or doesn't,' thought Fred. When he returned Sandra looked at him.

"Fred, you won't let him do this, will you?!"

Without thinking about possibilities and implications Fred replied: "I will in fact do more than that. I will sit back and enjoy the show. If that's okay with you, Jim?"

"Be my guest."

"Well. You've just eaten a dinner I cooked and drunk wine I bought. And now you propose to spank a women I've spent years trying to get to marry me. So all things considered I think you're more my guest then I am yours. But let's put these inconsequential quibbles aside. Smack away, dear friend, don't spare the spoilt child."

'This really can't be happening' thought Sandra. 'Here I am, a grown woman, who can't just for once go against her own principles to avoid getting spanked. How hard can it be? But Jim is right, I did give my word. Serves me right for believing he would choose something easy.'

Jim in turn was beginning to wonder what had possessed him: 'She's really caught out here, isn't she. I was just kidding but now that she's in such a turmoil I think I'll insist and give her nice bottom a good seeing to. Miriam always did like a spanking, got her all hot and bothered. We'll see what Sandra thinks of it.'

"Step this way please, madame" Jim said with a lop-sided grin.

Sandra seemed to work on auto-pilot. She walked over to Jim and when he patted his lap sat down on it promptly.

"Please, Sandra, that's not the way it's done. How am I going to reach your delicious behind from here? Now I would suggest you get yourself comfortable over my knees and I'll lead the way from there."

Sandra stood back up as if in a trance and lay over Jim's legs. 'What am I doing here? Why am I doing this?' These and similar thoughts ran through Sandra's head. 'I've never let Fred spank me and now I'm going to get a spanking from his best mate just because I can't back down. Silly cow. Serves me right for being so principled.'

When Sandra had gotten as comfortable as she would ever get on Jim's knees she braced herself against the pain.

"Now I don't know what you two do between the sheets," said Jim and added hurriedly "and I really don't want to know. But, please Sandra, we can't do this properly with jeans on, can we now?"

Jim's fatherly voice, accompanied by his rough hands very lightly squeezing her neck, send shivers down Sandra's spine. 'I can't believe this, I think this is really turning me on.' Looking at her husband she realised that Fred was trying to hide an erection, his eyes rapidly alternating between her behind and the front of her top. Letting her head fall down Sandra noticed that her top had come away from her chest, giving Fred a nice view of her cleavage. 'Nothing he hasn't seen. But he does seem quite aroused. He certainly is enjoying himself, that's why he didn't defend me, the bastard,' thought Sandra.

Jim's hand kept squeezing her neck and then wandered into her hair. Slowly pulling her head back up Jim leaned forward and looked Sandra squarely in the face. "Did you think I'm going to spank your bottom with the jeans on? I suggest you lift your hips a bit and I do the rest. How does that sound?"

Without showing any resistance Sandra lifted her hips. Jim's left hand went around her waist and deftly opened the button of her pants. Pushing herself off Jim's thighs with her arms Sandra arched her back further, pushing her butt up high into the air. Slowly wriggling her hips she managed to assist Jim in tugging the jeans down to her ankles.

"Knickers on or off, madame, your choice."

Sandra had given up any hope of having any say in any matter during this evening. "Whichever you would prefer, sir."

Fred's penis grew to proportions he had not know previously. His mind raced 'Where did that 'sir' stuff come from. God I love this. Her arse looks absolutely scrumptious, especially in those lacy knickers. If I can get my act together I might join in. Good lord, I think I'm going to come right here in my pants.'

Sandra noticed that Jim's member had grown and now pushed into her ribs. 'Those bastards are loving this, arent' they?' she thought. Wiggling around on Jim's lap she decided to give those two bastards a night to remember. She hooked her fingers under the elastics of her underwear and slowly pushed it down, leaving it hooked around her knees.

Jim felt like he was going to faint. He had not expected that Sandra was going to go for his bet in the first place. But now, with her lying over his lap, her delectable arse in plain view he felt compelled to smack away and let out all the pent up sexual frustration.

Jim slowly rubbed Sandra's butt cheeks, warming them up for the smacking to come. He kept on rubbing the cheeks long past the point where Sandra expected a slap. At first Sandra was tense, nervous, eager to get it over and done with. When she realised that Jim wasn't going to simply pelt away she grew restless. When she began to understand that Jim was no stranger to this kind of sexual practise Sandra slowly relaxed. Her body began to snuggle more into Jim's lap, her mind began to fill with an almost longing for Jim's callused hands.

SMACK! Sandra let out a high-pitched yelp. Jim broke into a grin reaching from ear to ear. Fred found his happy place to avoid soiling his underwear and quite possibly filling his loafers right then and there.

SMACK! Sandra's yelp reached an even higher pitch. Jim's hand came back down immediately after the blow to caress Sandra's cheeks. Fred gave up any pretense of being a casual observer and pulled his penis out of his pants.

Smack ... Sandra's bottom grew pink, Jim's fingerprints clearly visible. Fred's hand was a blur, a precision instrument adjusted for maximum speed, pressure and pleasure.

SMACK!!! The whopping slap nearly left Sandra crying. Jim's eyes seemed wild for a moment. Fred's head began to loll back an forth, seemingly connected to his torso by a very badly designed ball joint.

Smack, smack, smack, rub, rub, rub. Sandra began to grow increasingly confused, 'I like it, I don't, I like it, I don't.' Jim's hands moved methodically, geared for maximum pleasure, now that he had eased the pent up tension with a few good smacks. Fred was lost in the no-man's land of indecision, 'Should I get up and go over or sit back and enjoy?'

Once Sandra realised that the worst was over and that Jim was indeed intend on her pleasure she let herself relax again. Immediately the tears flew freely. Jim steadied his hand and asked "You okay, was I a bit harsh there for a minute?"

"Yes you were. Sir."

Again, Jim and Fred perked up even more in their respective nether regions.

"I think your punishment isn't over yet, you little minx. Fred, any requests?"

Fred broke free of his self-absorbed state and made a decision he would never regret in the years to come. Getting up on unsteady legs he walked over next to his best made, dragging his chair behind him.

"You do know that it looks quite ridiculous when you walk around with your fly open and your dick sticking out, darling."

"Sandra, I think Fred is about to be a very nice man, so please don't be so negative."

Rather than giving any witty but ultimately extraneous repartee Fred let his pants fall to his ankles, sat down on his chair and guided his wife's face to his groin.

"Gentle smacks and nice rubs in between, Jim. I think she likes that better than your assault on her hiney from earlier on."

"Well, bring on the cavalry then, Fred."

Sandra did not add anything, trying to come to grips with the situation in general and her husband's penis brushing her lips in particular. Slowly opening her lips she licked the head of Fred's member, making sure to clean up all the pre-cum oozing out of it. Jim in the meantime continued his gentle smacking interspersed with equally gentle rubs. Relaxing more and more into this evening's somewhat unusual turn of events Sandra began to suck her husband in earnest. Long downstrokes followed by gentle licking of the entire shaft, which was in turn followed by a sucking of Fred's balls.

Jim, noticing the increasingly urgent nature of Sandra's sucking and licking, slowly eased one of his fingers between her outer lips. 'She's not quite there yet, but she's definitely getting there' he thought. Jim pulled his finger out of Sandra, unceremoniously popped it into his mouth and, newly moistened, pushed it back into Sandra. While his left hand was busy pleasuring her his right hand rose high above Sandra's arse and came crashing down with full force. Again Sandra gave a yelp. The person most benefitting from this action was Fred. Despite her, occasional, best intentions Sandra had never shown much prowess in the area of deep throating. Getting her butt spanked seemed to have increased her oral capacity, or was that cavity?, by a fair bit. Her head went down on Fred's lap, nose touching his pubic bone, his cock deep inside her mouth. Saliva began to flow down Fred's penis, he was in heaven. Sandra, of course, saw the situation somewhat differently and lifted her head up fast, leaving a trail of spit in her wake.

"Don't hit me so hard, you bastard" she growled. In return Jim reminded her of her position by giving her another SMACK and removing his finger from her cunt.

"Do you want me to take my finger out and smack you a bit harder?" he asked Sandra.

"No, you dirty bastard, put the finger back in. Make it two. No, three. But smack a bit lighter, okay?"

One stern look told her all she needed to know.

"Please. Sir."

With Jim's authority firmly cemented the game could continue and continue it did. Sandra quickly started licking and sucking Fred again, Jim reinserted his finger into Sandra and then added two more. Really, the only one who was completely helpless was Fred. He was lost to his wife's and his best friend's whims. After what seemed like an eternity, but couldn't have been more than two, maybe three minutes, he touched his wife's head, the internationally accepted warning sign amongst married couples. Misunderstanding his intention Sandra re-doubled her efforts, Jim followed suit, leading to a very satisfying result. At least for Fred. He came in big spurts, his penis enlarged to a size Fred had never known to possess. Sandra struggled to swallow all her husband's cum, a routine she had so far steadfastly rejected. Maybe it was Jim's skillful fingering of her cunt, maybe it was the intoxicating situation, maybe it was simply Fred's lucky day.

Jim continued his fingering for a while longer, but sensing that Sandra was not going to come, slowly withdrew his fingers from her body and began instead to caress her back. Sandra in turn jellified, relaxing even further into Jim's lap, sighing contentedly and brushing against his erect penis with her torso.

"Thank you, Sandra, that was a beautiful display of feminine grace."

"Thank you, Jim, and even more so for your sensitivity. I think my hiney is a bit too sore for an orgasm. Can I offer you any relief? We'll have all night, hubby seems to be out for the count." On cue Fred opened one eye and smiled widely at his wife and mate.

Jim remained gentlemanly: "No, Sandra, I did more than enjoy myself. Not that I wouldn't like to take you up on your offer, but I think this evening was strange enough as it was. But there is always another weekend. Maybe next time we could bet for a threesome."

"Maybe, although I wouldn't put it past you that you'll add something kinky into the mix."

"Whatever do you mean, Sandra, isn't a threesome kinky enough?"

With that Jim helped Sandra off his lap, not without giving her behind a longing farewell kiss.

Fred to this day remembers the evening with fondness. With the occasional doubt of course, if he shouldn't have warned his wife about Mageiricophobia. Or the lack thereof.