Heather held up the complicated contraption: wires, tubes, what looked like a motor. "What the hell is this?" she asked.
Margery, the representative from Cupid's Gifts, said, "That, my dear, is what we call the 'Handyman's Tool Kit'...
"...It's a motorized penis pump."
"A what?!?" shrieked Mary.
"Well, you slide that red tube over..."
Debbie's mind wandered a bit as she looked around at the group of women. Three of them were her good friends: Anne, whose house they were in, Mary, and her best friend, Claire. Maggie worked at the hair salon she and Claire used and was becoming a friend. Laura was a paralegal in the same company as her husband, John, and had become friends with Mary since they lived in the same condo complex. Heather and Vi, were neighborhood acquaintances who lived down the block and she saw them in out their yards or at the store once in a while. Tracy and Jackie she had just met today. And, of course, Margery, who was running the Fuckerware party they were having.
"This is going well," she thought, "much more fun than the Bunco party would have been."
"Earth to Debbie, come in Debbie!" Debbie's mind came back to what was going on. "It's your turn to open a box."
Each of the women had nondescript, cardboard boxes on their laps, taking turns opening them and displaying the contents to the others as Margery answered any questions. The initial shyness at the start of the party had turned to plenty of ribald joking and laughter as they got comfortable under Margery's easy guidance and a few strawberry daiquiris.
Debbie popped hers open.
"Oh, perfect!" she exclaimed, pulling out a collar and leather manacles that all snapped together.
Claire arched her eyebrow, "And just what do you mean by that, young lady?"
Debbie laughed in confusion, "Oh, nothing, just that they look kind of daring and sexy."
Claire gave her an exaggerated, "Suuuurrrreeee!" and winked.
Jackie picked up her box, drew out a blister pack with 'The Love Bug' in big letters on it, and the attention moved on around the room.
...
Finally, the boxes had all been opened; all the lingerie, lotions and toys had been examined and speculated upon. Margery started packing up, "Just put the order forms in the envelopes and I'll take them with me. No need to mail them in."
The party had been Claire's idea.
About two years ago, Anne's husband, Sam, had been killed in a car accident. The three friends had rallied round her once the funeral was over, not letting her sit around by herself being lonely.
The four of them went back years. Debbie and Claire had been assigned as roommates their freshman year in college and had hit it off, rooming together all four years. Anne and Mary had split an apartment with them once out of school and the four had become fast friends, sharing vacations, clothes, and stories about sex...commiserating on jobs, delighting as men came into each other's lives, easing each other through the heartbreaks when they left.
Though all had married over the intervening years, they were still close, in and out of each other's homes on a weekly basis, the four men brought comfortably into the circle...each accepted as a good choice by the other women.
When Sam died, they started weekly get-togethers, just the four women at first. It wasn't that the three friends wanted to exclude their husbands--there were still barbecues, dinners and beach outings that they all did together. But, they knew that Anne sometimes felt like the odd person out at those things, the only single person, so what started as some impromptu gatherings became a regular Wednesday ritual of Girls Night--sometimes Out, sometimes In.
In the beginning, they just ordered pizza or Chinese and sat around talking, but they soon realized that Anne needed something to distract her a bit more.
They tried going out dancing, but fending off drunk and horny guys week after week was more work than it was worth, so they took turns thinking of things to do: movies one week, dinner at some new restaurant another, trips into the city for museums, a bowling outing one time. The last was kind of fun because the bartender at the bowling alley was an amiable fellow and the shots and beers, combined with truly atrocious play, turned into a bit of a drinking game. They ended up having to take a cab home, laughing the entire time. But, you can't do that every week.
Ideas ran out a bit, so they went back to meeting for drinks and dinner, just talking. As the months slipped by, Anne's mood lightened up a bit and the four resumed their talks from those early, single years, often about men and sex.
"So, do you think you want to start seeing someone, Anne?" Debbie had asked after about a year. They had debated fixing her up with some nice guys, but were hesitant, unsure of Anne's reaction.
"I don't know," Anne replied, "maybe someday but I don't think just yet."
"It would give you some company at the movies," Mary said.
"It would give you some company between the sheets!" Debbie teased.
"Oh, I have the ol' rabbit for that," Anne laughed.
"Rabbit?" asked Mary.
"You know, the vibrator thingy," Anne said, watching Mary out of the corner of her eyes.
Debbie and Anne burst out laughing at Mary's reaction. She had always been a bit of the, well, not a prude...more of an innocent in all their discussions.
Later, Debbie said to Mary, "All kidding aside, if she's joking about sex a little, that's good."
"Yes," Mary agreed.
...
They tried putting together a book club but it only lasted a couple of meetings because they couldn't agree on what to read: Mary wanted mysteries, while Claire wanted Nora Roberts; Anne wanted to dive into the new Ishiguro novel, and so on. It fell apart good-humoredly. Maggie, an avid reader, had joined them for that.
The previous thing they had tried was a girls' poker night. It was fun, but the poker wasn't what they hoped. None of them had the nerve to play for real money and, when playing nickel/dime/quarter, there was no incentive to fold...everyone just stuck out every hand. Where was the fun in that?
However, it did bring a couple more women into their group. Laura had been invited to make the table bigger, and Heather and Vi joined them a few weeks later. The men had offered to come "help" but were laughingly rebuffed.
It has been unfortunate that those poker games hadn't really worked out, given the timing. Anne could have used the distraction. Her wedding anniversary had been a month ago. The first year, it had been a terrible time. This year had been a little better, but they had been surprised at how quickly she had slipped back into a melancholy mood. Her friends were worried about the coming week. Sam's death had been a month after their anniversary...in fact, Saturday would be two years...and they needed to figure out something to keep her spirits up in the coming days.
So, there they had been, the eight women, casting around for something else to do each week. Laura suggested playing Bunco; she had tried it at a party and said it was kind of fun if you had a couple of drinks along with it. But, "You need at least twelve to play, and they have to be in multiples of four."
"I guess we could look around for some more people," Mary said doubtfully.
"Wednesday night is Bingo night at the Rec Center," Maggie said--everyone had to scurry to clean up the spilled drinks from the pillows being thrown across the room.
"How about we try a gourmet group?" asked Mary.
Anne wasn't keen, "I wasn't much of a cook when Sam was around; I don't really think I'd like that."
The silence was awkward for a moment or two.
Suddenly, Claire said, "I have something. Let me make a call."
"What?"
Claire smiled. "Let me make a call," and walked out of the room, ignoring the questions.
She came back a few minutes later. "Okay, everyone be here at 6:00 next week; don't be late. If you want to invite girl friends, that's okay. Bring an hors d'oeuvre and a sense of humor."
"Claire, what is it?"
"Well, girls, next week, a woman I know is going to come over to help coordinate the party Anne's going to be hosting..."
"Party?" Anne didn't look particularly happy at the thought.
"Yep. Seems like Anne has just signed up to give a Fuckerware party!"
"No shit!"
"Oh my God!"
...
The order forms were all gathered and Margery had left amidst laughter and good wishes. "I'll drop everything with Anne during the week, ladies."
The women sat back, joking about what had just gone on; comfortable with each other after an hour and a half of hilarity. Anne held up the lacy lingerie she had received as a gift for hosting the party with a wry, "Hmmm, not much use for this right now."
"Wear it just to feel good about yourself," Laura said.
"Hell, yes. I wear sexy stuff all the time. Makes me feel good," Maggie put in. "Plus, whenever Peter gets a peek, I like the thoughts going through his head," she added.
"Which head?" asked Claire, with a deadpan expression.
Anne got a mischievous look on her face. "So, this four year old is being give a bath by his mother. He looks between his legs, then up at her and says, 'Mommy, are these my brains?'"
Anne paused for a beat, "'Not yet,' said the mother."
More jokes followed, mostly about men, but nothing ill-natured. Finally, Tracy said she had to leave. The others milled about, grabbing another daiquiri and nibbling at the cheese and crackers out on the porch, chatting.
"Okay, girl, spill!" said Claire turning to Debbie.
"Spill what?"
"Don't you dare play innocent with me! I want to know what you meant by 'perfect'. I saw your order form; you checked that collar off."
"I can't believe you peeked! Those forms were supposed to be private!" Debbie said indignantly.
"Oh, no, no, no you don't! Don't make this about me." Claire laughed. "Either you tell us all or...well, I don't know what I'll do, but I'll make sure you don't like it."
"It's nothing."
