Scales Balance

I sat in the back row of the church throughout the whole funeral service, having slipped in unseen as it was starting. I certainly had no desire to meet with the grieving family during visitation and tell them their deceased love one was a good man, especially since he wasn't.

In fact, he was a motherfucking son of a bitch whore-bait bastard, and I, for one, couldn't have been happier he was dead. I only hoped his last several hours on this earth were filled with pain, real physical pain, to match the emotional distress he inflicted on me just a few years ago.

The pastor quit droning on and the service finally ended. The casket was led through the sanctuary to the front door, where it was to be loaded into the waiting hearse. The family followed after, led by the grieving widow. She was crying again. I'm not sure why, but as she approached the last row, she looked over at me, like she was drawn to do so. As I had been all morning, I was smiling.

Upon first glance my way, the widow looked shocked, probably that anybody would be smiling at her during her husband's funeral. But then I saw the light of recognition come into her eyes, and the look of shock morphed into one of rage. I kept my gaze on her, not blinking, until she finally turned back to her path and walked out of the church.

Walking close behind her, her mother recognized me almost immediately, blushed deeply, and quickly looked straight ahead. At least someone in the family felt guilty for what happened.

Today was the first time I had seen either woman in more than five years. My anger hadn't abated one bit. I caught myself hoping that my ex-wife would die before me so I could attend her funeral, too.

Six-plus years ago, she and I made quite the dashing dynamic duo. We had been married for 10 wonderful years. She was a well-respected lawyer working for a top firm in our east coast city, and I was the hottest real estate developer in our part of the state, actually pulling in more dollars than the esteemed Traci Conroy.

And then the deceased -- quite alive at that time -- set about to ruin my life. Actually, I don't think he tried to ruin my life ... I was just collateral damage when he set out to win my wife back. He just didn't care if there was anybody in the way.

++++++++++

Traci and another young female attorney turned up at an art show for a group of upcoming painters. I was there representing the development company I then worked for, the Watford Group, which was sponsoring the show. I was 24, making good money, fit, and not half-bad looking, and I used all of that to my advantage as I was making a reputation as a ladies' man. That all came to a screeching halt when I laid eyes on Traci Truman. I felt the lightning bolt hit me in the head and go all the way to my feet. She was gorgeous: mid-back length blonde hair, cobalt blue eyes, angelic angular face with thick red lips, and the body of a goddess. While she was talking to her friend, she smiled in my direction, and I'm pretty sure my heart skipped a beat.

I picked up two glasses of Chablis and a shot of Don Julio tequila from the bar, went up to the pair, and introduced myself. I apologized for being a little brash, but they both accepted a glass of wine when I presented it. We made small talk for a few minutes, then started working our way around the show, looking at the art. I found out that Traci and Lenore Gold were roommates and friends, and both had a better grasp of the art world than I did. But I'm a quick study, and I think they were impressed that I was able to not only keep up, but add something to the conversation.

I had a great night in the company of both women, but I had my sights set on Traci from the start, and before we parted that night I asked for and received her digits. I played it cool, though, and didn't call for about a week to ask her out to dinner, but she played it cooler and turned me down. In fact, she turned me down six times before she finally accepted, and then, I think she accepted just to get me to stop asking. If she was expecting me to quit, she had a lesson to learn.

We had a great night out, or, at least, I thought we did. We went out to a great steakhouse and then hit a dance club. I'm not Savian Glover, but I can hold my own out on the floor, and I know I was better than her. But at the end of the night all I got was a polite handshake when I walked her to her apartment door, and she turned me down for a second date. Crushed? You bet.

I decided to play the space game, and I didn't call her for two more weeks. This time she accepted my invitation to a string quartet and a late dinner. I got a peck on the lips at the end of the night, and she accepted a date for the next weekend.

We continued this chaste, halting relationship for the next six months. I was head over heels in love with the Traci she had let me see, but I knew she was holding back for some reason. I was hoping that the reason she was holding back wasn't because she didn't feel the same spark as me, and was trying to be gentle. Apparently, she wasn't going to tell me, so I had to go for it.

I hadn't asked her out already for the next weekend, so on Wednesday of that week I called over to the law firm and left a message for her that we needed to talk. I got a call back within 10 minutes.

"Is there something wrong, Jimmy? You sounded so serious," she said.

"Trace baby, we really need to talk. Let's meet at my house tonight at 8."

"Uh, OK, Jimmy. Your house at 8."

Although we had been dating for more than six months, Traci had been over to my house less than a handful of times, and when she was there, she didn't seem comfortable. But I needed us to be in a quiet place with no distractions, because I had to know if this relationship was going somewhere.

Traci showed up on time in jeans and a sweatshirt, looking very nervous. I invited her in and asked her if she wanted something to drink, which she refused. I walked her to my sofa in the living room, sat her down and sat facing her about two feet away.

"I don't have to know everything, but I have to know enough about what you're hiding from me to know if we have a chance to continue on," I told her. "I love you more each time we're together, but I'm not sure you feel the same ..."

Traci burst into tears at that point, and I leaned in and wrapped my arms around her. She cried for a couple of minutes before she sat up and looked me in the eyes.

"Jim, the relationship before ours ended badly for me and quite frankly, I was gun-shy going into this," she said. "I guess it's time for me to move on from that, because you've shown me you're not the same kind of guy he was ... and honestly, I think I could fall in love with you."

I thought my heart was going to burst out of my body, and I'm pretty sure I heard angels singing in the distance. We retired to the bedroom where I ate her to a half-dozen orgasms before we made what I considered to be the most passionate love I had ever had. Trust me, I had fucked plenty of women to that point in my life and made love to quite a few more, but nothing I had ever experienced before approached the intensity of my love-making with Traci on that very first night. I knew at that time that I would marry this woman.

Three months later she took me home to meet her parents and the rest of the family, and that weekend I popped the question and handed her a diamond ring. She said yes without hesitation, and I was over the moon with happiness, which helped me overcome the feeling I got the whole weekend that something was not quite right. Traci's parents seemed nice enough but not overly warm toward me, which I just put off to just having met them. Her older sister, Leslie, on the other hand, really seemed to be in my corner, and she and her husband, Stephen, welcomed me with open arms.

Traci's parents lived in a slightly smaller city on the East Coast about a two-hour drive away, close enough that we could easily visit but not so close that we were on top of each other. With the wedding being held at Traci's home church, she and her mother spent plenty of time together planning, and it wasn't uncommon for Traci to head home for the entire weekend. I'd occasionally go with her for the weekend, but it usually felt like I was in the way, so I'd head over to Les and Steve's house about 15 minutes away to hang out with them and drink some of their beer.

With the exception of the death of my father-in-law, Mel, at 68 from a sudden heart attack about five years after we were married, things were great in our little world. Yeah, we had some problems here and there like every couple, but for the most part it was almost too good to be true. Yes, there were times our jobs got in the way of us spending much time with each other for a week or so, but Traci was rapidly becoming a go-to attorney in our city, and I was on top of the development pyramid. The only thing we seemed to lack was children, not that we didn't try, but I guess you can't be blessed with everything.

And then came her mother's 70th birthday open house. Traci and Les sneaked around and planned the whole shebang right under her mother's nose, and she was so surprised when she showed up at Leslie and Steve's for what she thought was going to be a quiet family dinner. When she entered the house there were 50 friends and relatives springing out to surprise her, and people came and went from the house all afternoon.

I was talking with Steve off to the side of the living room when I heard Traci give a small squeal by the front door. As I turned to see what that was about, I saw her jump into the arms of some guy about our age. He easily caught her and they hugged tight. I didn't think much of it as I figured it was probably some old family friend stopping in to wish Alva a happy birthday, but I noticed that when I caught Alva's eye looking over at me, she was blushing ... or so it seemed. I went to turn back to Steve to continue our conversation, but he had moved on, so I went over to the bar for another beer.

I'm not a jealous guy, but a couple of times when I looked over at Traci, she seemed to be in animated conversation with Mr. Old Family Friend. She kept touching his arm, and at one point he put a lanky arm around her shoulders. At that point, I started toward my wife, but just then Alva called me to come over and meet a third cousin or something. I never quite got over to Traci, and she and the guy disappeared from my sight after a while.

With everything going on, I hadn't seen Traci for about an hour, so I went and looked around. I found her and her friend -- still with his arm around her shoulders, talking to another couple I didn't know. Maybe it was just my imagination, but I think the conversation got a little quieter as I approached.

I came up from behind Traci and her friend, and without making a big deal of it, I removed his arm from around Traci's shoulder and just let it drop to his side. He started to move toward me slowly, but Traci deftly placed herself in between us, making it look almost natural.

"Jason Battendorf -- 'Bat' -- let me introduce you to my darling husband, Jim Conroy. Jim, Jason and I go back to about fourth grade, when his parents moved into the neighborhood. Jason, Jim and I have been married for 10 wonderful years."

As she said this, she wiggled her fingers so he could see her engagement and wedding rings.

While I wasn't happy with his attitude, I wasn't about to start anything at my mother-in-law's 70th birthday party. I gave him a solid handshake, a small smile, and then I walked back to the bar. As I turned away, I caught Traci giving him a raised eyebrow look.

Traci and I talked about the party on the ride home, but Jason Battendorf wasn't mentioned at all. I chalked up the earlier problem to me overreacting, and didn't bring it up on the ride home.

Two weeks after the party, Traci told me she was going to start spending some time at her mom's every few weeks, going over on a Saturday morning and staying until midday Sunday, in part because she missed her and she realized that Alva wouldn't be around forever. As I had lost both of my parents in my early 20s, I certainly understood her wanting to spend some time with her mother, and I didn't have any objections. Sometimes I would go with her, but more often than not, she drove over by herself. And, on those times when she would go by herself, more often than not we would have a rousing Friday night of sex to hold us both over for the rest of the weekend.

About six months later, Traci was over at her mother's when I got a call from Lisa at All About Flooring, looking for Traci. Traci was having new tile laid in the kitchen, and Lisa had some question for her. Since it wasn't my project, I didn't know enough about it to answer her.

"I called her cell several times and it immediately goes to voicemail, like she's turned it off," Lisa said.

"That's impossible. That phone is always on, unless she has everything covered completely, like when we go on vacation," I told Lisa. "I'll give her a call or track her down and have her get back to you."

Her phone was indeed turned off, I found when I tried her number, so I called Alva on her landline and asked to speak to Traci.

"Why aren't you calling her on her phone?" Alva asked me in a clipped tone.

"I tried, but her phone is turned off," I responded. "Can you get her for me?"

"She ... she's out of the house right now. She's ... gone for a walk," Alva stammered. "Let me take a message."

I knew Alva was trying to cover Traci's butt, but she wasn't very good at lying.

"Just have her call me when she gets in, will you?"

My spider senses were tingling badly.

"Mom," I said quietly before hanging up, "Tell me at least one truth here. Does she at least visit you when she comes to town?"

"For a few minutes, at least," Alva answered just as quietly.

Traci finally called me back about an hour later from her cellphone.

"Sorry to be out of touch, Dear, I had to charge my phone. I was out walking around Mom's neighborhood for a while, stretching my legs, when you called. What's up?"

I had to hand it to her. She was awfully cool, and not knowing that Alva's inability to lie virtually gave her up, she thought she could continue to play the game. My heart was breaking, but I kept it to myself and told her to call Lisa about the tile.

"OK, Hon. Will do. Thanks. Got to run."

When Traci ended the call I immediately dialed my sister-in-law.

"Spill. Now. Everything," I said harshly without even identifying myself. "Who the fuck is this Jason Battendorf to Traci?!"

I could hear the gasp, and then the giant sucking sound. I kept quiet, which seemed to drag out the silence even more.

"What's there to tell? You met him at my house at Mom's birthday party a few months ago. Traci and I go way back with him. His family moved into the neighborhood when he was about 9 ..."

"Now tell me what you and Traci don't want me to know!" I half-yelled into the phone.

"It's ancient history, Jim" Leslie started to protest.

"No, it's not. It looks like the end of my marriage!" I cried.

"Wait. What do you think is going on?" Leslie answered with real urgency in her voice.

"My wife has been spending several weekends a month in your fair city, under the guise of visiting your mother. But I'm very sure that she really hasn't been spending most of her time with Mom. Now who the hell is this guy?"

"He's the guy who just about ruined Traci. I thought she would have told you by now," Leslie started.

"She's told me very little about her past love life, and I didn't figure it was my place to ask. I haven't really told her about mine either."

"I think Traci fell in love with 'Bat' almost from the minute he moved in down the block from us. He was a year younger than me, and a year older than her, and I mean she practically followed him around like a puppy almost from the beginning. They dated all through high school, and our families were always close. I think everybody just assumed they would get married right after she graduated from college.

Since he was a year older, he was done with school a year earlier than her, plus she would have had to attend law school for a couple of years ... but right before her senior year in college Bat just disappeared for a few weeks. Both families were shocked and did everything they could to find him. But after about two weeks, he just showed back up -- no explanation -- with a wife in tow. Traci, above everyone, was just devastated. I think she must have cried for two straight weeks before going back to Cornell for her senior year.

"I don't think she dated anyone until you came along three years later.

"Jimmy, there must be some logical explanation to this. She loves you totally. And I can't ever see her going back to that sleaze-bag."

I thanked Leslie for her honesty. I also asked her not to say anything to Traci about this. Although the facts looked pretty bad, I didn't actually have proof of her infidelity, and I suppose there could be something I was missing. I knew I was pissing into the wind on that hope, but I had to give her the benefit of the doubt, however slim that doubt was.

Traci came waltzing into our house late Sunday afternoon just like she always did, seemingly without a care in the world. As had been her pattern, she just breezily said hello and headed upstairs to shower off "the road grime," as she called it. That used to make me chuckle, but since I was pretty sure it was the scent of sex and not road grime that she was washing off, she didn't get my usual response.

Being a top lawyer, Traci's pretty good at reading people, and I'm sure she could tell things were off between us. She immediately came over to me and gave me a passionate kiss when she came back downstairs (with freshly brushed teeth, I might add), but she kind of drifted over to the other side of the room and began to read the Sunday newspaper. Usually she was chatty for a while when she came downstairs, but today it seemed like there was a little less air in the room than usual. She mentioned calling Lisa about the kitchen tile, and apologized quickly for her phone being turned off when I tried to call.

Things remained quiet on the home front for the next week, with very little spoken between us. I'm sure Traci could see I was off my game a bit, but she never made a move to initiate anything that might alleviate the problem. I wasn't sure if she just thought I was that stupid, or she didn't want to initiate something that would lead to divorce.

I had called my attorney first thing the next Monday morning, and was having divorce papers drawn up. For 10 years, Traci was my soul mate, the light of my life. This was like having a knife plunged into my heart and twisted.

Traci didn't go "visit her mom" for the next three weeks, but apparently couldn't stay away for an entire month. She told me that she missed Mom "terribly," and made plans to go for this coming weekend. I grunted a response to her before texting my PI the address. We also made an appointment for him to see me in my office Monday morning.

I didn't have to call her for any reason this weekend, so things were pretty much back to what they had been when she got in on Sunday night. She first hit the shower and then came over to say hello with a very passionate kiss (again smelling of fresh toothpaste). She was back to being chatty, telling me about visiting Alva and some of the things that happened over the weekend. Now that I knew it was all a rehearsed story, I pretended to be interested and even asked some questions. I caught her off-guard with the questions, but being the good lawyer she is, she handled things fairly well.

Unfortunately for me, the meeting with the PI went exactly as I expected. Yes, she was fucking Jason Battendorf almost all weekend long, with about an hour's visit to Alva early on Saturday before she got to Jason's apartment. I don't want to know how, but the PI had somehow gotten into Jason's apartment and planted a series of hidden cameras with audio feed. He also a series of stills. I looked through just enough video to hear them sweet-talking like they were back in high school. Then I rifled through the photos, until I was completely gobsmacked by one that made me stop and tear up. It was a photo of the two of them naked in bed. Traci was holding his hard cock in her left hand, with her rings shining brightly, and he was smiling at her, but what stopped me was the look of pure adoration on her face and in her eyes. We'd been married for 10 years, and I had never seen her give me that look. A look that said she was his woman, and always had been.