Sandi's Sojourn to the New World

The events in this story are true - in a sense. The first event happened beyond the shadow of a doubt, it just may not have happened EXACTLY this way. But since she could remember nothing (yeah, right) when asked about it years later, I filled in the details myself. The second event may not have happened at all. But something happened with someone. It was around this time that she changed very subtly, but definitely. After this event, our marriage was doomed. All names have been changed to confuse her into thinking it's not about her. But I'm going to send her the link to the story, so she'll know it's about her.

So, I guess that strategy is shot. I'd better forget that idea. But I DID change the names. Know that I changed the names.

Note:

At various points in the story there is text which is in italics and underlined. This is a monologue which is supposed to represent what Sandi was thinking, but did not want to tell David. It is Sandi's true thoughts.

*****

"Did you enjoy it?" he asked. He was trying not to let his exasperation show in his tone of voice. He was being mostly successful.

"

More than I can describe

," she thought to herself, her outward facial expression unchanged. "

I felt so alive, so electric. Every square inch of my body glowed with pleasure. I felt like I was born again

."

"I suppose I did. I must have, we 'did it' more than once," she admitted.

"Did he cum in you?"

"

God, yes, over and over. I thought he'd never quit. I could feel his cum exploding inside me. Every time his sperm shot the walls of my pussy, I would cum again.

"

"I can't remember," she declared, trying to think and relieve the tension that was building.

"You can't remember?" he shot back, incredulous. "You can't remember if the man shot his load in you? You never seem to forget to jump out of bed after we fuck and run to the toilet till it all drains out. And you can't remember if you did that to him? Or did you just lay there with his cum running out all over our bed? Did you change the sheets?"

"We never did it in our bed," she said defensively.

"

But we did it everywhere else in the house, but you'll never know that. It wasn't that our 'marriage bed' was sacred to me, we just couldn't wait that long to start fucking. So we just started fucking wherever we ran out of clothes to take off

."

"That's a consolation. Just everywhere else in the house, is that it? And you can't remember if you stopped in the heat of passion to put on a condom?"

"No, I wasn't paying attention to that, and it WAS a long time ago."

"

I can still feel it as if it were yesterday. I was too busy cumming to notice if he had a condom or not. I wasn't going to get pregnant anyway. My tubes were tied. I just didn't want him to stop pumping that piston in and out of me for anything

."

"Come on," he said in disbelief. "So you can't remember if he came in you, or even if you enjoyed it? Were you making a shopping list while you let him fuck you?"

"Of course not, I just don't remember that."

"

Multiple orgasms on a huge cock will do that to you

." She made sure to keep a straight face.

"I'm not asking what color socks you had on, or what you had for lunch that day. These are basic questions about an event that would be very traumatic and memorable in any woman's life. The first time you were unfaithful to your husband and children. Every detail would be etched in your memory forever. It was not an accident, you planned it. You were looking forward to it. It had been building since the start of the semester. It wasn't a one-night stand, you weren't drunk. You were planning on other times to fuck him. You were deciding which activities with your family that you could dump without raising suspicion. It was memorable enough to occupy a lot of your thoughts, which makes it much more significant than you're saying now. And you've never answered the question of why. Did he have a big dick? Did it hit that sweet spot deep inside your pussy that I'll never reach? So forgettable that it was more important spending time fucking him than spending time with your family. For Christ's sake, Sandi, he smoked. You told him it was sexy on him. You crucified me for the same thing. Maybe if would have been sexy on me if I had a giant dick. I knew this would happen. You never had any intention of answering questions about a colossal moral failure on your part. You refuse to be held accountable for the consequences of your choices. Just deny it all and start over. No blood, no foul."

"That WAS 20 years ago. And I have tried to put that awful time behind me. Maybe my brain blocked it out for me.

"

God, I've got to keep a straight face. The only awful thing about it was when it ended.

"

"You've never given me a proper apology either."

"I've apologized countless times to you. How can you say that?"

"You've given me countless HALF-apologies AFTER I pointed it out to you. You never gave a true apology voluntarily, because you can't. You have to be genuinely sorry to give a genuine apology. It's called remorse. You're just sorry I caught you."

"That's not true. I've said I hurt you. I apologized for that, too."

"Again, only AFTER I pointed it out to you."

"You keep bringing it up, opening up old wounds. Let's just put it behind us. We'll never get past this until you can learn to forgive."

"Dear, in order to forgive this wound, you have to stop inflicting it."

"What's that supposed to mean? I ended the relationship. It was wrong. I haven't done that again."

"

As far as you know. But you'll never catch me again

."

"That's easy to say because there's no way to confirm or deny it. All of your information is on lockdown. Just like it was 20 years ago. You have too many secrets."

"I HAD to do that. You were spying on me. Can't I have any privacy?"

"

You almost caught me. I HAD to change all my passwords. I don't care what you think anyway. I'm a big girl; I can make my own decisions

."

"You HAD privacy once - and trust. Then you introduced lies and mistrust into the relationship. You never felt you had to rebuild it, you just expected it to be given - like it was before. It doesn't work that way. You're lying to me right now that you can't remember basic things about what should have been a traumatic event in your life. And you think that earns you privacy?"

"I told you I stopped it. I never did it again."

"Maybe you did, maybe you didn't. You never felt it necessary to prove it one way or the other."

"How long are you going to make me pay for that one mistake? You want me to spend the rest of my life chained to this house, begging your forgiveness, groveling at your feet. Just because you can't forgive."

"I CAN forgive you. But forgiveness is conditional on repentance, as well as restoration. You have to be willing to restore what you destroyed. We can't simply go back to the way it was, after the trust has been broken. There is more than the physical act of infidelity that needs to be stopped. The lack of accountability that needs to be stopped. It's what led to the infidelity in the first place.

"Accountability," he continued, "will restore the trust. It will not be what it was, and we will both have to work at it to overcome all the effects of the loss of trust, but it can be done. You have to be willing to stop destroying the trust on a daily basis. You have to see that it is just as wrong to keep letting that aspect of our relationship go as it would have been to continue in infidelity. The damage was done. It has to be repaired."

He was getting it all out. "Many other things you haven't even thought about need to be stopped and repented of, but you just want to go back to the way is was without repentance or restoration. You don't just deserve that carte blanche anymore. You considered it less than nothing before. To repent and restore will take a reversal of that attitude. There are some things that can never be restored. You'll never be able to undo the fact that you gave away the pussy that was mine alone to another dick. You didn't think of me or the kids, all you were thinking about was stuffing that joystick up your cheating cunt. No one would ever know about it. But I DID find out. And if I hadn't, you were never going to tell me about it."

"I hadn't made up my mind yet. I was trying to figure out what the best thing was. I needed time to figure it out. I didn't want to hurt you any more than I had. It was over before you found out about it. "

"I'll just have to take your word for it, 'cause I got nothing else to go on. No remorse, no attempt to rebuild the trust through accountability to me. It's just your word. But without trust, your word's worthless."

"Why do you have to be so hard? I have apologized to you and I stopped that relationship. I make one mistake and you want to hold it over my head forever."

"The choices you made, Sandi, have consequences. Mistrust is one. I would love nothing better that to put this behind us. But unless you become accountable to me for a time, there will never be any trust. And trust goes both ways. You have to trust that I'll not hold this over your head forever, are you willing to trust me in this?

"When you're not, or late, or not where you said you'd be, that panic will rise up in me. I'll have that picture of some guy slamming his cock into you in a remote part of the Wal-Mart parking lot. Sandi, I was in the same marriage as you, hurting just as bad as you. But I didn't choose to abandon it in the arms of another woman. When you chose infidelity with no outside influence, completely on your own, you abandoned us. You decided we weren't worth the effort to save. Your loyalty was transferred from us to you. And it has been that way ever since.

"This is something you did. Even after I discovered it, I could have divorced you - that was my first choice. But I didn't. I never imagined I would ever have to make that choice. And that choice shows I'm willing to work on us. But you just wanted to return to a status quo that doesn't exist anymore - and never will again. All the things that made it up are gone or changed drastically.

"We can rebuild it into something special, but we have to be willing to take responsibility for doing our part. And one of the parts is restoring the trust you destroyed. That requires a transparency and accountability you have rejected for 20 years. We have to work together to keep those feelings of panic from coming into my mind when things come up in the future. My part is to trust you more, but your part is proving that you are trustworthy. It's a shares responsibility. That's all I'm asking you to do - share the responsibility with me."

We had that argument, or parts of it, countless times over the years. I stood in his bedroom, his dresser drawer opened where I had found the letters she written him only a month before. Until that moment there had only been a fear, a nagging doubt buzzing around my subconscious. Suspicions, unanswered questions and anomalies. But standing here, I had in my hands the undeniable proof of her infidelity - in her own handwriting. When I dropped them on the bed in front of her that night, all she said was,

"Where did you get those?"

There were no tears, no apologies, no pleas of mercy. Just "Where did you get those?" But she already knew the answer. She knew exactly what they were and exactly what the contained. She also knew they were marital strychnine. She couldn't really say she felt any guilt - because she didn't. That was gone well before the infidelity.

A better question would have been "how" did you get those? But she already knew that, too. There was only one place her husband could have gotten his hands on them. He wasn't supposed to EVER know about her infidelity. It must have been "The Dick". It had to be him. Did "The Dick" have a sudden revival of conscience and go to her husband? Whatever the reason, whatever the way, her husband knew now. He most closely guarded secret was out.

All she could do now was "damage control". Her mind should have been occupied with covering her tracks but, ironically if flashed back to the first time he came to her. She had to suppress the smile that threatened to appear. Now was DEFINITELY the wrong time. But she had another reaction - one he couldn't see. Her pussy began to tingle at the memory of the first time his mammoth cock slid past the outer ring and slipped into her pleasure chamber. The stretching had held her breath.

"Is it gonna hurt? Will it fit?" raced through her mind. The sensation of pain intensified until his cock head pushed through and transformed the pain into instant sexual bliss. Never had she felt anything remotely close to that sensation of stretching.

To Be Continued...