"That's easy to say because there's no way to confirm or deny it. All of your information is on lockdown. Just like it was 20 years ago. You have too many secrets."
"I HAD to do that. You were spying on me. Can't I have any privacy?"
"
You almost caught me. I HAD to change all my passwords. I don't care what you think anyway. I'm a big girl; I can make my own decisions
."
"You HAD privacy once - and trust. Then you introduced lies and mistrust into the relationship. You never felt you had to rebuild it, you just expected it to be given - like it was before. It doesn't work that way. You're lying to me right now that you can't remember basic things about what should have been a traumatic event in your life. And you think that earns you privacy?"
"I told you I stopped it. I never did it again."
"Maybe you did, maybe you didn't. You never felt it necessary to prove it one way or the other."
"How long are you going to make me pay for that one mistake? You want me to spend the rest of my life chained to this house, begging your forgiveness, groveling at your feet. Just because you can't forgive."
"I CAN forgive you. But forgiveness is conditional on repentance, as well as restoration. You have to be willing to restore what you destroyed. We can't simply go back to the way it was, after the trust has been broken. There is more than the physical act of infidelity that needs to be stopped. The lack of accountability that needs to be stopped. It's what led to the infidelity in the first place.
"Accountability," he continued, "will restore the trust. It will not be what it was, and we will both have to work at it to overcome all the effects of the loss of trust, but it can be done. You have to be willing to stop destroying the trust on a daily basis. You have to see that it is just as wrong to keep letting that aspect of our relationship go as it would have been to continue in infidelity. The damage was done. It has to be repaired."
He was getting it all out. "Many other things you haven't even thought about need to be stopped and repented of, but you just want to go back to the way is was without repentance or restoration. You don't just deserve that carte blanche anymore. You considered it less than nothing before. To repent and restore will take a reversal of that attitude. There are some things that can never be restored. You'll never be able to undo the fact that you gave away the pussy that was mine alone to another dick. You didn't think of me or the kids, all you were thinking about was stuffing that joystick up your cheating cunt. No one would ever know about it. But I DID find out. And if I hadn't, you were never going to tell me about it."
"I hadn't made up my mind yet. I was trying to figure out what the best thing was. I needed time to figure it out. I didn't want to hurt you any more than I had. It was over before you found out about it. "
"I'll just have to take your word for it, 'cause I got nothing else to go on. No remorse, no attempt to rebuild the trust through accountability to me. It's just your word. But without trust, your word's worthless."
"Why do you have to be so hard? I have apologized to you and I stopped that relationship. I make one mistake and you want to hold it over my head forever."
"The choices you made, Sandi, have consequences. Mistrust is one. I would love nothing better that to put this behind us. But unless you become accountable to me for a time, there will never be any trust. And trust goes both ways. You have to trust that I'll not hold this over your head forever, are you willing to trust me in this?
"When you're not, or late, or not where you said you'd be, that panic will rise up in me. I'll have that picture of some guy slamming his cock into you in a remote part of the Wal-Mart parking lot. Sandi, I was in the same marriage as you, hurting just as bad as you. But I didn't choose to abandon it in the arms of another woman. When you chose infidelity with no outside influence, completely on your own, you abandoned us. You decided we weren't worth the effort to save. Your loyalty was transferred from us to you. And it has been that way ever since.
"This is something you did. Even after I discovered it, I could have divorced you - that was my first choice. But I didn't. I never imagined I would ever have to make that choice. And that choice shows I'm willing to work on us. But you just wanted to return to a status quo that doesn't exist anymore - and never will again. All the things that made it up are gone or changed drastically.
"We can rebuild it into something special, but we have to be willing to take responsibility for doing our part. And one of the parts is restoring the trust you destroyed. That requires a transparency and accountability you have rejected for 20 years. We have to work together to keep those feelings of panic from coming into my mind when things come up in the future. My part is to trust you more, but your part is proving that you are trustworthy. It's a shares responsibility. That's all I'm asking you to do - share the responsibility with me."
We had that argument, or parts of it, countless times over the years. I stood in his bedroom, his dresser drawer opened where I had found the letters she written him only a month before. Until that moment there had only been a fear, a nagging doubt buzzing around my subconscious. Suspicions, unanswered questions and anomalies. But standing here, I had in my hands the undeniable proof of her infidelity - in her own handwriting. When I dropped them on the bed in front of her that night, all she said was,
"Where did you get those?"
There were no tears, no apologies, no pleas of mercy. Just "Where did you get those?" But she already knew the answer. She knew exactly what they were and exactly what the contained. She also knew they were marital strychnine. She couldn't really say she felt any guilt - because she didn't. That was gone well before the infidelity.
A better question would have been "how" did you get those? But she already knew that, too. There was only one place her husband could have gotten his hands on them. He wasn't supposed to EVER know about her infidelity. It must have been "The Dick". It had to be him. Did "The Dick" have a sudden revival of conscience and go to her husband? Whatever the reason, whatever the way, her husband knew now. He most closely guarded secret was out.
All she could do now was "damage control". Her mind should have been occupied with covering her tracks but, ironically if flashed back to the first time he came to her. She had to suppress the smile that threatened to appear. Now was DEFINITELY the wrong time. But she had another reaction - one he couldn't see. Her pussy began to tingle at the memory of the first time his mammoth cock slid past the outer ring and slipped into her pleasure chamber. The stretching had held her breath.
"Is it gonna hurt? Will it fit?" raced through her mind. The sensation of pain intensified until his cock head pushed through and transformed the pain into instant sexual bliss. Never had she felt anything remotely close to that sensation of stretching.
To Be Continued...
