Robert & Margaret

* This story is 100% true. Nothing in it is whitewashed.

* All characters in this story are eighteen or over.

******

Margaret was a friend of my twin girl cousins. They spent a lot of time together growing up as kids and were good friends. That's how I met Margaret. I was born in that town but I was living in a different city at the time in a neighboring State, and would only see her periodically. She was a pretty girl and really caught my eye when she was seventeen and I was twenty-one. Her chest was almost flat and not much of a butt, but she had a pretty face and nice long legs.

I asked her for a date and she accepted. I don't know if it was her first date or not, it could have been. She was raised very conservatively by an over-protective mother who wouldn't allow her or her four siblings to leave the yard unless it was under strict rules. The first date with her should have been a warning to me, but I was too stupid to see.

We went to a drive-in movie and were very proper; we may have kissed a few times but that was all. Margaret was more than quiet, she was an introverted wallflower who wouldn't say shit if she had a mouth full. Quiet does not describe her in any way. Abnormally silent would be closer. She may have spoken two words the entire night. We dated several times after that and corresponded regularly. It's funny she can write things, but has a terrible time verbalizing thought.

Margaret told me of a time when one twin really wanted Margaret to go to church with her one Sunday night for company, but Margaret refused because she didn't want to go. Trying to twist her arm, the twin told Margaret if she didn't go, she wouldn't be her friend any more. Margaret still refused and told the twin they wouldn't be friends then because she wasn't going. Margaret could be a stubborn ass when she wanted to be. As if it would hurt her to do something just to please a friend.

We got married when she was eighteen and I was twenty-two. I was not a virgin; I lost my virginity when I was twelve, but I can't tell you about it. Suffice it to say, I had some sporadic sexual encounters between twelve and twenty-two, but they were never regular, normal relationships. If you want to know more detail, talk to me and ask me about it, I won't go to jail for it then. That's my sexual background, but she was a virgin (in so many ways).

I was a musician and played in bars on weekend nights. She sometimes would go with me to the bar but she could only drink soda, her being underage. She got pregnant one month after we married so I guess that pretty much ended her going with me to music jobs. I went to play music, but for me it was a job. I wasn't there to get drunk or to pick up another woman. I was not a type-A personality character, but I did look around, and perhaps thought about stuff but never acted on my thoughts. Other than an occasional dance, I didn't mess around.

Whenever we were at a bar together, or at a party where there was dancing, I would ask Margaret to dance with me. I've always loved to dance. Margaret, true to her stubborn ass ways would always, and I do mean always, refuse. I would actually beg her to dance with me to no avail. I would get peeved with her: so what. When I asked her why she wouldn't dance, she said she didn't want people looking at her. Talk about being a backward, introverted wallflower, that was Margaret. That was one thing about Margaret that really angered me, but what could I do? Pleasing herself would always be the number one consideration; what I wanted be damned. Even though we could have had so much fun together, she would have none of it. Stubborn ass.

For a quiet, sweet acting, bashful girl, I found out she had a bitch of a temper. A couple of things I remember: she made me a cup of cocoa for breakfast one morning but didn't put any sugar in it. I, thinking it was ready to drink when she put it in front of me, took a big swallow of it. I was surprised more than anything. When I made a remark about there being no sugar in it, just in conversation, not yelling at her, she grabbed the cup up and poured the cocoa down the sink. Then later on at work one day, a coworker of mine brought in some home-made Italian red wine which he gave us all a taste of. It was good! When I got home I thought nothing of it and kissed her, I wasn't trying to hide anything from her. She smelled the wine on my breath and really got pissed. I explained to her the situation but it still took her forever to cool down. God, what a temper she had , but she would always keep everything inside her. She was like a turtle, she could withdraw into her own little shell and shut everyone out.

I was raised by conservative parents who showed no sign of affection to one another in public. They never talked about sex to me or in front of me. I guess everybody in our hometown was like that, including Margaret's parents. The whole damn town was backward. I would try to show Margaret affection spontaneously, but whenever I did, it was not well received. I remember trying to kiss her when she was washing dishes and received a sharp, bony elbow in my ribs for my reward. Margaret was not an openly loving woman, even when we were alone. To this day I can't remember her ever once taking the initiative, walking up to me, putting her arms around me to kiss me and say, "I love you." That was always my job, she would always be the passive recipient. She would respond with, "I love you too," without emotion.

How was our sex life, you wonder? Vanilla all the way. We had three kids so we did have a sex life, but let me tell you, it was nothing to brag about. We would make love after nine pm, in the bed with the lights out and in the missionary position, her legs straight out flat on the bed. Anything other than that for Margaret was considered kinky and taboo. It was my first and only marriage so as far as I knew, that was normal. I desired more than that but couldn't make a change, so I would fantasize a lot and masturbate to pick up the slack in the sex department. I was addicted to porn and would read Playboy magazines and such, which she didn't complain about a whole lot. She did ask me one time why I had to look at pictures of naked women. I told her that I didn't have to but it was something I enjoyed doing. I don't think she ever understood that. Sexuality was not something she was interested in.

I really desired for her to loosen up a bit and become more normal and more accepting of life in the real world. It was a long, tedious row to hoe, and after seven years of marriage, I finally started making some headway. We were living in Florida at the time and had three children by then. I became interested in nudism a while back but never could get her to try it, so that nixed that idea. But in Florida, I began to get nudist magazines, and must have been getting them for a couple of years, but I don't know if she ever looked at them. She must have, I don't know, but if she did, she did it while I was at work and never in front of me.

Well, I finally convinced her to try a nudist club with me. She was bashful, self-conscious, and her normal backward self, even there in a nudist club. I enjoyed it so much: the pool, the volleyball, and, yes, the sight of all those naked people walking around. For non-nudists, let me explain something. Seeing a pretty woman naked in that kind of a setting is not erotic. It depends on what you're thinking about when you look. You can look at a girl's naked ass and see the mosquito bite on her right cheek, or you can imagine your cock between her cheeks. One will give you a hard-on, the other will not. I don't know what Margaret thought about, then nor ever for that matter. She would never open up and tell you what she thought, you were supposed to know by ESP somehow. I think she just went along with it because it was something I wanted to do, (she would give in sometimes) but she was just there and not with any enthusiasm.

There was a couple there at that club who were into swinging. I received an offer to get a swinging magazine with couples' ads and singles' too, I suppose. I'm sure my address was passed on to them by that couple. I subscribed to it out of curiosity.

Before I give you the impression that I was a squeaky-clean, goody- goody, no, I was not. My childhood sexual experiences had much to do with what I was as an adult. I was a voyeur, addicted to pornography, and had an interest in group-sex, among other things, all brought about by my childhood experiences. But one thing you can't accuse me of, I never cheated on Margaret. I kept all my desires locked away until I could talk Margaret into partaking of them with me. It wouldn't do much good in asking her how she felt about something; that would only make her give you a trip around a very large bush. She would never tell you exactly what her feelings were. What ever she felt and thought was private, and religiously guarded by her to keep to herself from all outsiders, including me. She expected you to guess how she felt.

I found out years later that Margaret thought I was cheating on her when I was out playing music. Many times I would stay out after my job was over to do a little partying myself after watching other people partying and having a good time dancing for four or five hours while I worked. She would never go with me, and she never questioned me to see if I was cheating on her; she just harbored her suspicions in her mind which I believe started making her sick.

One particular night I remember, I was at a late hours club, having a very good time, had one too many drinks and stayed out a little too late. When I unlocked my front door, the sky was getting light. She was upset (pissed but under control) with me and asked me why I didn't call her and let her know where I was. (I found out many years later from my daughter that Margaret had packed her bags and was going to leave but my daughter pleaded with her to stay. Margaret did everything behind my back.) Maybe I should have called her every hour on the hour when I was out, but I don't think she would have appreciated that either.

I thought my marriage was a pretty good one because we never argued and fought the way other couples do. Hell, it was only because she kept everything locked up inside herself and would never say anything. My god, how miserable she must have been all the time. Was her pride and privacy more important than her marriage? -Evidently so.

Anyhow, I began talking to her about the idea of swinging. I half-way expected her to throw a fit and refuse. To my surprise, she was little more than reluctant to do something like that. I don't know, maybe her believing I was cheating on her already, which I was not but had not been given the opportunity to defend or explain myself, had a lot to do with her giving into the idea. Maybe she got to the point where she felt if you can't beat them, join them. I don't know.

We started by inviting one couple, who we'd contacted through the magazine, over to our house. I went into the spare bedroom with Aileen while Margaret went into our bedroom with Bob. I was nervous as hell and totally inexperienced at that type of thing. Margaret was the only woman I had sex with since we got married. We had sex and came out to the living room. I could tell Aileen was not very happy with me but she never said anything to me. I may have rushed through it because of my nervousness, but if I was a bad lover, Margaret never said anything to me about it when we made love. Margaret and Bob were in the bedroom a lot longer than we were. When they had left, I asked Margaret how it went and she just said it was okay. I had to conclude she had enjoyed herself. She certainly didn't complain

We went from one couple at a time to having parties with four or five other couples. I always had fun and I assume Margaret had enjoyed herself also. But because we never discussed our night of swinging with each other, I can only surmise and go by what I had witnessed from time to time. See, I wasn't jealous of her so I didn't watch her like a hawk. I just knew she was having fun as I was having fun.

I did see her having sex with men (as well as women) and it always looked like she was enjoying herself. In fact, I would say she really got into it. We met some really nice friends and enjoyed ourselves a lot. I stopped playing music on weekends to have more time for parties. I was in the same room as her many times, and casually watched her having sex with someone. One time I even held her head up because she was off the edge of the bed while a guy was having sex with her. I loved her so much in those days. I would have done anything for her. She confessed one time that she sometimes felt jealousy when seeing me with another woman, but I never felt jealous of her.

As far as women goes, I don't remember the first time Margaret was with a woman but I caught glimpses of her here and there with a woman. One night she was in this bedroom with our friend Glen and some other people. A girl was on her back on the floor and Glen got Margaret to finger her pussy. Soon, Glen had pushed Margaret's entire hand up inside the girl's pussy. I never will forget that sight.

We had our friends, Ernie and Fay, over to our house one night. Margaret and Fay were on the bed together having sex, and Ernie wanted me to try it with him. I couldn't do that because I'm not bisexual so we switched; I had sex with Fay while Margaret had sex with Ernie. It seems strange to me that, even though Margaret looked like she would enjoy herself, she sometimes acted like she was ashamed of herself and felt guilty about enjoying it. I don't know; she never said anything to me about it. To this day, I can't figure Margaret out. You can paint over the flowers on the wall, but they're still there underneath it all. I guess that's how Margaret will always be.

Not having a college education, I had work problems, so I left Florida and went back to NJ to go into business with my brother doing painting and drywall work. Margaret had to stay in Florida with the kids until our house there was sold. It took about a year but we finally sold the house and moved up to NJ. That's where the shit hit the fan.

I was back into playing music in bars and clubs, and since our kids were grown up enough, Margaret would sometimes go with me. That's when we met Jimmy. He was a singer/musician and quite the cock hound. Jimmy thought nothing about feeling up someone's wife while the husband was right there next to him. He would charm his way in between them at the bar and talk to him while putting his hand under her dress. It amazes me some jealous husband hadn't put a bullet between his beady eyes. I couldn't believe his gall when I saw it happen.

The sex between Margaret and me became shaky to say the least. She was always so passive it was hard for me to tell if she was even interested or not. She would never, I mean never, ever, take any responsibility for anything, and would never stoop so low as to tell me she wanted to make love. She showed no outward sign of wanting or being interested in sex whatsoever. There again I was supposed to have ESP or something.

I already told you about the bony elbows to the ribs, and so many nights I would try to instigate sex with Margaret, but it was like trying to make love to a wet dishrag. I can't tell you how many nights I went to sleep with a hard-on because Margaret would lay in bed totally unresponsive to my advances. I got to the point where I stopped trying for longer than a few minutes. I finally told her, "Look. if you want to make love some night, come to bed naked so I'll know." Margaret always went to bed with as much clothes on as she wore during the day, so I figured that would be an easy way for her to tell me. She has never to this day come to bed naked.

Jimmy was not a swinger and had no understanding or use for the swinging philosophy, he was selfish, greedy and had little regard for other men if he fancied their wife. Would it surprise you if I told you he finally got around to making his moves on Margaret? She told me he said she was the only woman that turned him on when they were standing at the jukebox together and me there in the bar. What a line of bullshit the guy had. Why she told me what he said, I don't know. Was it to brag, to make me jealous, or just a point of conversation? Your guess is as good as mine. Anyway, it opened my eyes.

Supposing him to be a friend, I had already told him Margaret and I were swingers, or at least had been in FL. Jimmy had married a woman who had a little money and would buy him many gifts. She wasn't a swinger either and Jimmy probably wouldn't have allowed her to be one. He was not the type to share. He was the type to take advantage of other people and would abuse their generosity though.

I could tell Margaret liked him a lot, though no more than our other friends in FL at first. Being the kind, loving husband I was, I finally allowed Margaret and him to get together for sex. Well it started out as a threesome really, but I trusted Margaret and let her have fun. I did not consider the snake and how far he would go to cut me out of the picture and get her for himself though. He worked steadily, relentlessly, filling her gullible head with who knows what kind of shit. She copied things she seen him do and even started smoking his particular brand of cigarette (Margaret didn't smoke until that point). She would laugh at everything he said even if it wasn't particularly funny. You know the shit people start doing when they become infatuated with another person.

I remember my conversation with Jimmy one evening and he started talking trash. He asked me how much time Margaret and I spent making love the night before. Even when you're talking shit a question like that is inappropriate. I sensed a hint of jealousy in his voice so I answered him truthfully, "two hours." Then I could tell he was jealous. Hell, I have the right to make love to her and why the hell would he be jealous? I was her husband, he was just her damned boyfriend. That must have really been eating at his craw.

Fifteen years of marriage and out of the blue Margaret told me she wanted a divorce. No reason given, but you know Margaret, she never tells you everything. I surmised the snake was getting through to her and turning her head. I know he was behind that. I was able to talk her out of it but from then on I was no longer confident in my marriage and began to watch Jimmy and Margaret like a hawk. I remember like it happened yesterday: I was making love to Margaret in the usual missionary position, trying to show her how much I loved her. She looked at me and said, "We just did it last night." I was really into it, showing my deep love for her, but she succeeded in turning an act of love into a grudge fuck. I never tried to have sex with her two nights in a row since.

The stress and worry affected me in every way. I began to be rough on my kids, especially my son who I felt was defying me also, and lost interest in my job. It was tearing me up and I started dying a little each day. There were those tell-tale signs in the way they would look at each other, you know. I was working with Jimmy and couldn't break all ties with him, but he was no longer considered my best friend. I felt I was losing Margaret but felt helpless to prevent it. If she no longer loved me, what could I do? I suppose I should have fought for her but I had the feeling it was already too late. It was her decision to stay or leave. How do you force or persuade someone to stay in love with you when they have already fallen in love with someone else?

Having had all I could take, I took a good paying job in Dallas to get away from that situation we were in. Margaret didn't even try to talk me into staying and not go to Dallas. I had to pull of the road after about ten miles into the trip and had a good cry for a few minutes. There again, Margaret stayed behind until the house was sold. Margaret didn't mind, she had her boyfriend to keep her company. In fact, my daughter told me she would go to Wilmington to spend weekends with Jimmy. I finally, talking with her on the phone from Dallas, learned she hadn't even put the house up for sale after three or four months. She actually expected me to work in Dallas and send all my money to her so she could continue to fuck her boyfriend! I don't think I ever cried so hard in all my life as I did that day.