Revenge or Reconcilliation?

This is my first attempt at writing...please be kind.

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"Mr. Watkins...Chas. I don't believe this is really what you want to do."

I raised my eyebrows. "And why is that, Doc?"

"Well, I know that it is natural to want to seek revenge, but I also know that it is a dangerous response that I guarantee will backfire on you."

I slowly turned my head to the right to look at Amy who had her head down and looked to be trying her best to appear insignificant to the discussion at hand. I stared at her for a few moments then glanced back at Doctor Karnes and noticed her irritating attempt at a benevolent smile that looked more like she was repressing a fart. I also noticed the absence of rings on her left hand. She was an attractive woman, close to my own age I would guess but she had been really trying my patience for the past several weeks.

"Well, Doc" I yawned "I am sure I don't know what you mean by it backfiring on me. I just can't see that as a possible outcome."

"Well, let's see. What Amy did was selfish and wrong. Revenge is also selfish and wrong, but it is also a purely spiteful attack. Amy wasn't attacking you. Revenge would let Amy know that you are only interested in hurting her back and that means there is no love or caring in you for her or the marriage. I think that the fact that you are here means that you do care and..."

"Sorry, Doc. You must have forgotten. I filed for divorce, remember. I am here because Ol' faithful over there fought it and demanded counseling and the court ordered it"

"Yes, well nevertheless, we must work together to rebuild the trust and that will certainly be more difficult if she loses her trust in you. What if she decides that your attempt to hurt her is more than she can stand and decides to give up on the marriage?" I smiled at her.

"That would seem awfully hypocritical to me. What do you think, Amy? If I fucked someone else, or I guess four someone elses...repeatedly, would you give up on our marriage?"

"Mr. Watkins, the best revenge is to refuse to compromise your dignity or your principles by stooping to that level by having a revenge affair."

"Thanks, Doc I hear you. What I haven't heard is an answer to the question I posed to my wife. Come on, Amy why don't you join the discussion. How do we fix our marriage if you refuse to face the difficult questions? If I went out and fucked four other women, multiple times each to even the score, would you consider us even or would you consider us finished?"

Amy squirmed. "Mr. Watkins I..." "Oh, for fucks sake, Doc call me Chas."

"Chas, this is unproductive and whether or not you choose to save your marriage your self-esteem, self-worth and happiness is yours to keep. No one should be able to take that away from you. Don't stoop to negative behaviors that put you on the same level as Amy's infidelity. Take the high road and focus on your major strength - yourself. Making yourself stronger, happier, and more confident is probably the best revenge you could ever have and the only chance we'll be able to identify the problems in your marriage that led Amy to cheat on you in the first place.

"Infidelities." I said quietly.

"Pardon me" asked Doctor Karnes.

"Infidelities, Doc. Plural...she cheated on me several times...with several men. But now if you don't mind, I'd like to shift the discussion a little." Doctor Karnes nodded. Amy was still trying to pretend this wasn't happening.

"Amy, I'll be coming back to my question so you may want to take some time to consider your answer." I looked back at the good doctor and wondered idly if she didn't fart soon would she spontaneously combust.

"So Doc, you just said that I have to take the high road, remain positive and committed so we can find out what precipitated Amy's cheating. That we need to identify what is wrong with our marriage that caused her to spread her legs for several other men, repeatedly. Is that correct?"

"Precisely, Chas. Once we identify those reasons we can tackle them from a positive place and begin the healing process and rebuild your relationship."

"So, what you're saying is that her being a slut is my fault?"

"That language is counterproductive, Chas and yes, to a degree it is your fault. Women in happy, fulfilling relationships simply do not commit adultery." I gave her my best incredulous look which she ignored.

"It takes two people to make a marriage work and ensure that neither partner strays. If we can identify those issues, we can work through them and have a better chance of ensuring fidelity, trust and harmony."

I was taken by surprise for a moment considering this and finally said quietly "I call bullshit and shenanigans."

"Pardon me" a confused doctor asked.

"Shenanigans, Doc, a devious trick used especially for an underhand purpose." "I know what the word means, Chas. I just don't understand why you believe there are any shenanigans going on here."

"Uh huh. First of all my faithless wife who professes to want to fix our marriage, a marriage she broke, refuses to participate in this discussion. There are two people working on this marriage but she isn't one of them. And secondly, you thinking it is appropriate to charge me with any responsibility for her whorish behavior."

"Mr. Watkins!" "Shut up Doc this is my dime and I'll have my say. If there were problems in our marriage then the appropriate response from my 'loving' wife would be to confront me with them so we could work on them wouldn't you agree?"

She nodded looking a little confused. "So, if she elected to take a proactive, healthy approach and discuss with me with her concerns and desire to address those issues in our marriage and I ignored her or refused to accept there were any problems then I would be culpable and responsible for my contribution to the continuation of the problems in our marriage."

"Of course but – "

"And if that was the case, her response was to either accept that or not and decide whether she wanted to leave the relationship or continue to try to make it work. She didn't do that. As far as I know, she wasn't unhappy. I'm no saint but she never spoke to me about dissatisfaction with any aspect of our marriage that warranted her torpedoing the marriage. No, Doc. If she was unhappy or dissatisfied in our marriage then her actions absolved me of that responsibility completely. She owns it and your trying to shift the blame to me is shenanigans and I will not accept it."

"Chas if you cannot accept your portion of the responsibility I guarantee your marriage will not survive this."

I slowly stretched in my chair then stood up and moved toward the door. "I think we're done here. Doctor Karnes if you want to continue to ah, help us, then leave me a message before our next session explaining to me precisely why I should fucking bother."

****

Our lives together to this point have been unremarkable, ordinary. Amy and I had been married, for twenty years. We met in college our freshman year but we didn't date right away because we were both in serious relationships with others when we met.

By our junior year, however, we had bumped into each other at a party and discovered neither of us were seeing anyone seriously and we quickly started dating. After several months of dating I wanted to become exclusive but Amy refused. I looked at her and thanked her for the past several months and told her to have a good life. She was confused.

"Chas, wait. What's going on? Are you saying that if I refuse to become exclusive then we're done."

"Yes, Amy, exactly that. I am looking for a long-term partner, not a fuck-buddy I have to share. If that isn't you then I want to be free to pursue others to find what I am looking for."

"But you are free to date others, Chas. I don't understand why we need to stop seeing each other just so you can date others. We have fun together and the sex is great. I date several guys and still want to spend time with you. You are free to do the same and if you find someone special you want to get serious with than I won't stand in your way."

"I thought I had already found that, Amy. I am sorry I have wasted your time and mine. Good bye."

I didn't date Amy any more after that and spent the rest of my junior year dating others. We occasionally bumped into one another at a party but I never spoke with her and I certainly never called her again. By my senior year I was dating a beautiful Asian girl and was seriously considering marriage when she told me that she had been accepted to do graduate work overseas and would be leaving within a week of graduation. She was so pleased I couldn't bring myself to tell her how I felt and swallowed my hurt pride and helped her celebrate.

Gradually, I began to pull away from her but she didn't seem to really notice, or if I am completely honest with myself, care. And within a week of graduation, she was gone. I still receive the occasional email from her but that was the end of that romance.

After, I graduated I accepted a job with a large software firm and started my career. I was making excellent money and within two years was asked to join the sales team. I had started working on the development side but they quickly discovered that I was one of the few developers they could trust to put in front of customers and I quickly became a project manager for implementations and a pre-sales asset for our Account Executives who needed technical but personable assistance. In the end, the VP of Sales decided I would probably excel in sales and she was right. In my first year of sales I made 121% of quota which translated into a serious income tax bracket.

I was happy in my work, owned a beautiful, upscale condo, drove a nice new car and generally lived the life of an unattached, wealthy bachelor. I dated, I fucked and...I was miserable. I wanted a relationship, someone to share my success and life with.

After two successful years in sales I chanced to meet Amy again. She was a junior purchasing agent at a company I was presenting to and was included in the team evaluating our solution and bid. To make a long story short, we started seeing each other and it seems this time Amy was ready for a commitment and was actually the one who demanded an exclusive relationship. She seemed to have changed and the chemistry was still there, so I agreed and within 18 months we were married.

Two years later Amy gave birth to our son, Peter but unfortunately was told that another child was ill-advised. We were crushed but happy that we had Pete at least and decided to soldier on. I had a vasectomy and we moved on, cherishing our marriage, each other, our son and our careers.

After Pete left for college, Amy and I began to experience some friction. She was short with me and seemed inclined to be anywhere I was not. Our once robust sex life shriveled to near nothing and I began to wonder about Amy. She was working a lot and not at all affectionate with me. I was never one to ignore a problem and so I hired a PI firm to find out what was going on.

What was going on led us to this point.

****

"Mr. Watkins, this is Doctor Karnes. I believe I understand your frustration from our last session and I want to ensure you that I am committed to helping you and Amy and I really am not assessing you any blame for her decisions and actions. I do maintain that there had to have been cracks in your marriage but I acknowledge that you are correct when you say that how Amy chose to deal with that is our primary concern. Please understand that I want you two to be stronger when all of this is done. I want you to heal from the hurt she has caused you and help you both to cope with the new reality. Whatever that ends up being. Please don't give up on me, Amy or your marriage. I sincerely hope we'll see you at our session tomorrow."

I really did want an answer to my question, and since Amy was currently living with a friend and we weren't speaking I thought, what the hell, I'll give the Doc another chance. Besides, I could be found in contempt of court if I refused to participate and then ordered to start the sessions all over again.

****

"Have you two been intimate since this all started?" I stared at Amy who looked to never have left her chair or position from our last session.

I waited a moment before replying "No, Doc we haven't been intimate in any way." still staring at Amy who steadfastly refused to look at me or the doctor.

"And why is that, Chas?" "Doc, do you mind if I interrupt here for just a second and address Amy directly?"

She seemed wary but agreed. "Amy, are you here to participate or not? I seem to be doing all the heavy lifting here and the last I checked I wasn't the one lying and fucking other people. I didn't want this, you did. Either you step up or I end this right now!"

"I, uh, yes, I, that is...sorry I'll try to be more...yes, I'll participate."

"Okay, great, the Doc here wants to know why we're not having sex. Why don't you field that question and I'll clear up anything that needs it afterwards."

"Of course. Sorry. Well, Chas isn't really speaking to me and at the moment I am staying with a friend so we don't really have any opportunity and..."

Tick, tick, tick.

"And?" I prodded "And...and I have not been tested for diseases."

Tick, tick, tick.

"And?" I prodded again. "And, well Chas says that intimacy isn't something he is comfortable with at the moment."

"That isn't precisely what I said but it certainly is less colorful. Doc, do you have any idea how many times I have had an opportunity to have extra marital sex over the years?"

"Well, no. How could I? I can guess that you have had more than your fair share of opportunities though. You're a very attractive, fit, successful man so I would imagine those opportunities have been plentiful"

I winked at her and she blushed just a little. "Damn right...and they continue to be, uh, plentiful. I have a problem here, Doc. You see setting aside Amy's absolute dishonesty and selfishness and what that has done to my love and attraction for her, I can't be intimate with her for three reasons. First, I don't, in any way, want to be seen as accepting her behavior. If I were to be intimate with her before we resolve our marriage than I would feel like I was accepting her infidelities, which I am not. Secondly, I refuse to put my health at risk. I have no idea what kind of disease soup is swimming around her cunt at the moment and I wouldn't touch it with someone else's dick." I chuckled at that.

"Lastly, I would need to balance the scales. I have, to this point, refused all comers if you'll excuse the pun. I believed in the vows we took and respected and loved my wife enough to not want to hurt her or jeopardize her health or our relationship. But now, it seems she has taken the opportunity to test drive five different cocks, several times each, and for me to feel like the scales are balanced I would have to have the same opportunity to see what other women have to offer me. This isn't about revenge, Doc, that's just a happy byproduct. No this is about equity, fairness and balance. Wouldn't you say that those are important factors in fixing our marriage?"

Amy was shaking and the Doctor Karnes was chewing the inside of her cheek considering her response. "Five?..." she whispered.

I grew impatient with the pair of them. "Doc, how many more sessions has the court ordered for us?"

She looked at me quickly considering the change in topic.

"Uh, let's see...four more sessions are required by the court, Chas."

"Okay, and let me ask you do you think that we're likely to repair anything to the point I would consider dropping my petition for divorce in the next four sessions?"

Amy gasped. I turned to look at her. "Amy, I am going to be as blunt with you as I can. The only hope, and let me be clear I am not saying I guarantee anything here, but the only hope of my dropping the divorce is if I feel the balance has returned."

"Mr. Watkins, I had thought that I explained how destructive that would be. We have four sessions left and I think..."

"Thanks, Doc, I'm aware of your thoughts on the matter. Amy, I will repeat my question of last week. If I feel the only way for us to consider staying married is for me to re-balance the scales by fucking five different women several times what will you do? Will you feel that you can no longer stayed married to me and allow the divorce to proceed or will you accept it?"

No answer, just sobs. After a couple of awkward moments I tuned to Doctor Karnes. "When we first arrived in this office several sessions ago Doctor Karnes, what did you tell us was the most important thing to successful counseling?"

"Honesty. You must both be absolutely honest with me and each other if we are going to get anywhere."

"And would you say you feel I have been honest with you, Beverley?" Her eyes opened a little wider at my use of her first name. "Yes, I can say that I feel you have been brutally honest with me, Chas."

"Thank you and can you say you feel the same about Ol' faithful over there?" She glanced thoughtfully at Amy who looked slightly less than comfortable. "To be honest I don't think I can answer that. She...Amy you have not really had much to say through these sessions and as I consider it I have to wonder about that."

"Yes, well me too. Would it surprise you to know that Amy is still spreading her legs, Beverley; that the friend she is staying with is a new lover?"

Amy shrank lower in her chair and started softly sobbing. Doctor Karnes seemed distressed.

"What are the minimum requirements to complete the remaining sessions to the satisfaction of the court, Beverley?"

"Beverley?"

"Yes? Sorry. What? Oh, right well I am able to report to the court at any time if I feel there is no point in continuing the sessions and..."

"And what will you be recommending, Bev?" I asked smiling at her.

She examined my face carefully for a moment and then a small, sincere smile started to spread across her face. Looking at me square in the eyes she responded "I will report to the court immediately that I recommend the sessions be terminated and your divorce granted."

Amy started shaking and sobbing violently.

"Thank you Bev." I extended my hand and asked "will you call me when our file is closed? I'd love for you to be my first."

Her eyes twinkled, as Amy fainted.

"Count on it, Chas!"