Revelation Blues

Chapter 6 – Confronting Mary

Mary came back home around 11:30pm, Scott first heard her car then the garage door opening and closing. She was holding a sleeping Dean against her and was struggling to open the connecting door. Scott walked over and opened the door for her, a quick hello was exchanged before he carried Dean up the stairs to his bedroom. He quickly undressed him, took off his shoes and put him to bed. No 'brush your teeth' tonight, Scott thought. Dean was sleeping deeply and was oblivious to what was happening to him or around him. He must have spent quite a bit of energy this afternoon and Scott doubted he spent it all sitting inside Fiona's apartment.

While Scott was busy with Dean, Mary went to their bedroom and dropped her handbag then spent a few minutes in the bathroom. She came back down looking for Scott. She found him sitting in the kitchen. She apologized for being so late, Fiona had cooked a great dinner and after dinner they watched a fun movie and chatted for a while, she didn't notice time go by. Scott was watching her attentively while she was talking. Had he not had that chat earlier with Carla he would not have given Mary's evening a second thought. He asked Mary a few questions, inquiring about what did Fiona cook for dinner, how was Fiona doing, and told her that he was glad she had a good time. Anesthetics were in order before major surgery, he thought.

"Dean seems to be completely out of it, he hardly opened an eye. He looked like he was pretty worn out tonight. What did you have him do all that time you were there?"

"Oh, he went with Steve to visit the kids next door, the neighbors were having a kids Easter party organized at the local playground, Steve and Dean were invited along and stayed with the neighbors till almost 10pm. They were both so tired when they came back they hit the couch and slept almost immediately."

Steve, Fiona's son, was not Dean's favorite friend. They seemed to tolerate each other when their mothers met and spent time together. Scott was becoming suspicious for the first time in their fifteen years marriage, maybe even his life. Leaving Dean for so long with people they barely knew was not typical of Mary. A thought that never crossed Scott's mind before struck him all of a sudden. Mary and Fiona had the whole afternoon and most of the evening to themselves. No kids to worry about. Was that planned or accidental?

"Are you coming up to bed?" Mary asked as she was heading for the stairs

"I will as soon as I finished my notes and sorted out a few remaining questions." Scott was still looking at her attentively.

"Working late?" she asked.

"No, it's not work related, it's personal." He surprised himself, his tone was amazingly neutral.

"Oh! What is it about?" She had a puzzled look on her face.

"It's a transcript of my chat with Carla." Scott saw her wince and then he knew. Mary wasn't surprised, she was irritated.

"Oh!" She paused briefly then continued as if collecting her thoughts, "What did Carla say?"

Second confirmation in a few seconds, Scott thought. The answer to his doubts was in her question. She didn't ask 'when did Carla call?' or something along those lines which would have been the logical sort of questions. The fact that she asked 'what did Carla say?' meant that Don had probably informed her of Carla's doubts and she was expecting some sort of fall back.

"I am sure you know what she told me, Mary. No point pretending now," he said as a matter of fact.

"I have no idea what she told you." Her voice was shaking; he could see now anguish on her face.

"Of course you do. Don would have told you, you two spend a lot of time together, on the phone and otherwise, and I doubt he would have omitted telling you something so important." Damn it! He didn't want that but the cat and mouse game had just begun.

"I have no idea at all and Don didn't tell me anything," she retorted vehemently, "We are just good friends and enjoy talking with each other, he doesn't tell me much about his private life and what goes on with Carla." Scott saw her wince again.

Bloody hell! He thought. How come he didn't notice anything before? It is so damn obvious, she is not even a good liar. He didn't say that he suspected that they were 'more' than friends. The 'just' before 'good friends' was just the word to avoid.

"Well, it may be so but you sure do tell him quite a bit about your personal life. He repeated everything you told him to Carla." The cat was being mean.

Scott could see uncertainty painted over Mary's face. This was not going anywhere she wanted. She tried to hold his gaze but couldn't. Her body language spelled discomfort.

"I told him nothing about my personal life. What could he possibly have told her?" The mouse was delaying, trying to figure out what the cat actually knew.

"It seems after all that he is not 'just' as good a friend as you may think he is. He should have at least warned you that he was blaming you for all those excessive calls you two are having. He told Carla that you are calling him all the time."

"He is the one calling me," Mary interjected.

"He also told Carla that you are unhappy with your marriage and that you shared with him all your past life and future plans, Now his wife is furious and suspects more. I don't think we will be their friends for much longer." Bad, bad cat.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Tears were now forming in her eyes yet she held her ground.

"Very well then, Carla knows about your affair with Don and Don told her all about your previous affairs." The cat didn't want to play any more. He rephrased the truth but didn't feel a bit guilty about it.

Scott had never seen an expression of horror so well defined on someone's face.

"I have never had an affair, with Don or anyone else," she screamed, tears welling in her eyes.

Scott had a fleeting moment of doubt. Had that happened in any of their previous arguments, and he felt in her half the misery and anguish she was displaying now, he would have stopped the argument, took her in his arms, comforted her, told her that everything will be alright, and whispered in her ear how much he loved her. Not this time. He snapped out and refocused. This was his one and only opportunity to bring it all out and lay it all down on the table. This was no trivial matter and he wasn't going to let go any time soon.

"You do and you did. No point denying it Mary. It's all out now thanks to Don. Carla knows all about Andy and the others. Don has been quite talkative as you may have gathered by now. It seems, HE wants to save his marriage." His voice was calm; there was no anger in it. It unsettled her. His calm attitude always destabilized Mary when they argued.

"To be complete, she also told me that you intend to leave me, probably after your new car has been delivered, she told me about the financial support you are expecting from your father and the inheritance from your grandmother. You see, there is no way Don, and even less Carla, would have known about these things unless you told him, maybe not all of what you told him is true, maybe Don embellished your story or plain lied about some things. The fact remains that there are things he could not have simply invented. Now, we have two choices. Either you continue lying to me and I don't have much hope for our future together, or you come clean once and for all, and we can deal with the situation the best we can and try to fix what can be fixed."

His words were cutting but there was no anger in them. It was like in a chess game between two best friends where one just announced 'Check Mate'. Intense but civilized.

'Well,' Scott thought, 'I laid it all out in the open. The ball is in her court now. What the future holds depended on what she will say next.'

Mary was silent for a while. He could see how embarrassed she was hearing all this. The mouse was caught. Is confession time imminent? The mouse may have also seen in the cat's last statements and opportunity to minimize the damage.

Mary started hesitantly to tell her version of what happened, in her own way.

"It happened only once."

"What happened only once?"

"With Don." A whisper, she wasn't even looking at him.

"Come on Mary! Why do you keep lying to me? Do you think one or a hundred time makes a difference in the fact that you slept with him?"

"It only happened once, and it wasn't even good." Her voice was firmer.

"You don't say! Why wasn't it good?" This was unbelievable, Scott thought. Did that make it acceptable? He was so astounded by her answer he couldn't even get angry.

"Don couldn't get an erection."

"Why not?" Scott asked. Seriously? Is this what's bothering her. He might as well drink it to the last drop, he thought.

"He kept thinking of Carla. He was feeling guilty. He couldn't get an erection."

'Give me a break,' Scott thought, 'she couldn't be serious! Is she losing it? Is this the woman I love and married and lived with for 15 years?'

"How inconsiderate of him! I hope you didn't let any guilty feeling ruin your fun." He couldn't even get mad at her.

"Don't be sarcastic, I didn't enjoy it either."

Wonderful, he thought. Is she expecting him to feel sorry for her, for them? Not even a hint of guilt or the beginning of an apology. Very well, let the charade continue!

"Only once, huh?"

"Yes, it happened only once, believe me." Sure!

'Honestly,' he thought, 'I couldn't blame her for trying. If she managed to deceive someone for 15 years, why can't she continue trying?' What's the point now of knowing the score anyway? It wouldn't make him feel any better. 'All in good time,' he thought. 'This wasn't going to end tonight, that's for sure.' Her answers and attitude told him something else, much more saddening, she didn't intend to stop. She didn't intend to stop lying, but also she didn't intend seeing Don.

"I think Carla has other thoughts on the matter." He said after a long pause.

"Why? What else did that bitch tell you?" Her voice was filled with hatred for that woman.

"Nothing really, she thinks there is more to it than what you just told me and I sincerely doubt that she will drop the matter so easily. Things will get pretty interesting from now on." He didn't imagine then how prophetic those words were.

"Don told me two days ago that she might call you," Mary finally admitted. "He said that Carla has been very suspicious lately and questioned him at length several time. She told him that she will call you to get to the bottom of this. I just didn't believe him when he told me she'll call you. What a bitch!"

So, he guessed right, she was warned. She just wasn't smart enough to anticipate the consequences. Maybe she hoped that things will just go away. Poor Carla, this is all her fault.

There was a pause during which Scott thought about Andy.

"What about Andy Blair?" Scott had to get this one out of the way.

"What about him?" She answered in an irritated tone. She didn't even look at him.

"What did you do with him?"

"Nothing!"

"Come on Mary, you gave all the frigging details to Don and he shared them with Carla. Why can't you try some honesty with me?"

Mary was conflicted and irritated. She just couldn't remember exactly what she told Don and certainly didn't expect him to repeat them to Carla. 'What a wimp!' she thought. She didn't like the questions, the pressure, having to admit things. Not at all. Mary sighed deeply and looked down, at her feet or at the floor. Scott followed her gaze wondering what answer was written down there.

"We did it once." Mary's words were almost whispered.

"Once?" This was becoming a trend, he thought.

"I am not sure." She did sound confused. Scott couldn't figure out what confused her.

"Was that when you were supposed to be helping him out with his exhibition?"

"Yes."

"Did you really help him out with his exhibition?"

"A little."

Scott saw no point in pushing this one further at this stage, this wasn't a job interview.

"Why only once? You were at his place several times." Scott had a hunch that it was way more than once but then again who's counting.

"I don't remember Scott, I really don't remember. I stayed over at his place a few times when you were traveling but we didn't have sex."

"You never told me you slept at his place when I was away." It was more something he thought of in a loud voice that a statement or a question directed at her. She didn't comment anyway. Scott realized how much there was he didn't know.

"Then why did you sleep with him, this one time?" He had to know.

"He was sad and I wanted to cheer him up. You were traveling almost every week at that time. I was with him, he was depressed and I felt sorry for him."

"That simple! Well remind me to be sad and depressed more often." Scott shot angrily back at her.

It was well past 1:00am and Scott felt that there was no point in pushing further at this stage. He still had many questions he wanted answered but that wasn't the right time to ask them. He simply wasn't prepared. It's the 'he said', 'she said' game. No facts. No evidence. He got the major headlines, and they weren't comforting at all, the details were somewhat secondary. He was certain now that even if he asked more questions, he wasn't going to get honest answers. He had some work to do first.

"Let's go get some sleep. Tomorrow think about what you told me earlier and what else you care to tell me and let's talk about it this weekend. This is by no means over."

Mary paused for a second as if she was about to say something, then nodded and moved towards the stairs. Scott went to his office and put his notes in his briefcase and locked it. He went to the downstairs bathroom, next to his office, and brushed his teeth. He used this bathroom in the morning to avoid waking up Mary while he prepared for work. 'How fucking considerate of me!' He thought.

When he entered their bedroom he saw Mary curled up on her side of the bed. He wasn't sure whether she was sleeping or not but he didn't really care. He just wanted to get through the night, or what's left of it. He slipped under the sheets and switched off the light.

Sleep didn't come easy to Scott, he was restless and his thoughts running in all directions.

He imagined that some people would have done things differently after hearing what he just heard. Some would have gone out all guns blazing or been more confrontational about this whole sad episode, but that was simply not his style. Sure, he could have slept in the guest bedroom, or taken a room in a hotel somewhere. He could have slammed the door on his way out and pulled it out of its hinges, hoping that this might relieve some of his frustration. He could have shouted and threatened Mary or told her all the nasty things that crossed his mind. But what good would any of that really do. These would have been signs of bad temper and at best an expressions of legitimate anger or frustration but not the solution.

He couldn't sleep that night, his mind was full of a mixture of emotions, questions, and thoughts. Sadly, the part that hurts most was not her admission of cheating, it's the pathetic way she explained what went on and the excuses and justifications she sprinkled her story with. These were the worst things he ever heard her say, so far!

Scott had the distinct feeling that Mary was upset because she got caught, not because of what she did. In her mind, the guilty party was Carla for bringing all this to his attention.

He had heard stories where, after being caught, the women would say "I am sorry" over and over again. He didn't get a single 'I am sorry' damn it! He didn't even get a silly excuse like 'it's not what you think' or 'it's just sex' or 'it's not what it looks like'. Nothing! Where was his dear wife when those excuse cards were being dealt?

One thing he didn't hear; apologies.

One thing she didn't express; regrets.

One thing he definitely felt; immense sadness.

Until a few hours ago he was deeply in love with this woman. Heck, he still is, he thought, even though his love was being slowly smothered by the sadness that was now taking over. He had that ugly and depressing feeling one gets when one knows that something precious broke and will never be the same again.

He knew that what Mary told him tonight was just a fragment of what probably happened. Even so, the little she told him was a very hard pill to swallow. The only question that kept repeating in his mind like a broken record as his eyes started to close was "What now?"

Chapter 7 – Skirmishes

Scott left early for work Friday morning. He didn't sleep much and didn't feel like facing Mary. He had a coffee at the office and went about his day's business.

After a couple of hours he realized that he couldn't get much work done that morning. His thoughts kept wandering, resisting his persistent attempts to structure them and control them. They wouldn't let him focus on his work. He needed time to step back and think calmly about all this. No point in saying or doing things he may regret later. He also needed to get to the bottom of this story before reaching a resolution.

He needed to distance himself from Mary, at least for a while, but he didn't want to pack and leave like some people did in situations like this. He didn't do anything wrong, why should he leave his house and, most importantly, leave Dean? If anyone had to leave it had to be Mary, but he knew she wouldn't. Where would she go anyway? Not to mention that keeping her close would help him keep an eye on her and get to the bottom of this sad situation much faster.

The facts were still blurred. He knew she had an affair, actually affairs, that's a given now. What he didn't know was 'why'. He was certain it couldn't be any dissatisfaction with their sex life. Theirs may not have been the best in the world but it was pretty good and far better than that of any couple he knew that were together for over 10 years. They were always open about their life in general and their sex life in particular. He never refused her anything she liked and she did the same. They explored freely, occasionally watching an erotic movie that gave them new ideas for things to explore. Scott excluded their sex life as a reason for Mary's behavior. He wondered if this was due to her boredom or disappointments in her ability to fulfill her own ambitions. They discussed this several times, however Mary rejected the solutions he proposed. She didn't want to return to academia and further her education and she didn't want to find a job, not even a part time one. She always told him that she was happy with her life the way it was. He simply couldn't find a reason for her behavior. He wondered what would happen when he did find out what the reason was. Was it something he could understand and forgive? Humans do all sorts of uncharacteristic things in moments of weakness, shock, loss of control, or depression. Was that her case? Was it something he could forgive and try and rebuild their life or was there no way he could ever get past what she did?

Was it something he said that made her think that she had a license to cheat? He had always been open about his opinions and openly dissociated sex and love when the subject came up in conversations. They both had a lot of sex with others before they met and married. He didn't love all the people he had sex with before and suspected that Mary felt the same. He was however equally clear that he didn't approve of any form of sex with others once married. He remembered saying that bringing others into a marriage was the surest way of destroying it. He didn't approve of and could not tolerate what Mary has done, quite the opposite actually.