There've been two times in my life when everything seemed to crumble before my eyes. The first was about 12 years ago and the second is now. They're both related, so I'll start with 'now'. My husband of 29 years cheated on me.
My name is Pam and my husband is Dan. We're both 52 years old and have two children. Both finished collage and are on their own. Dan and I both work and have a pretty comfortable life. We've really enjoyed the fact that it's just the two of us again. Our sex life has always been good, but after the kids moved out, it got even better. We became a little more adventurous, doing things we hadn't done in years and trying some new things, but only us, nothing extramarital. We made love twice a week or more.
Dan received an invitation to his 35th High School Reunion. Since we've been married, he hasn't been to any of his reunions. Something always came up -- work, the kids, vacations... So I asked Dan if he wanted to go. It should be fun. It starts with cocktails, then a buffet dinner and finally a DJ and dancing. He said, "You know, it would be nice to see all those people again. And, I'd like to show them how lucky I was to marry such a beautiful woman."
I kissed him and went to check the calendar. The reunion was in 6 weeks and we didn't have anything planned, so I sent our RSVP.
The week before the reunion, my sister called to remind me about my niece's dance recital next weekend. I completely forgot about it when I sent the RSVP. Cindy is 7 years old and this was her first recital. I promised her I would be there. It would break he heart if I didn't go. I told my sister that Dan's 35th reunion was then, but I would work it out so I could be there.
I told Dan about my problem and at first he said we would just skip it. But I didn't want to do that. We both were looking forward to it. I said, "Let's think about this." I looked at the invitation and said, "It starts at 5:30pm with cocktails and the buffet begins at 6:30pm followed by music and dancing at 7pm. We'll get there right at on time. The recital is only 15 minutes or so from the Reunion, so I'll leave at 6:30pm to get there. Her 1st dance is at 7:00pm and her 2nd is at 8:15pm. I should be back around 9pm. You can eat and mingle while I'm gone. I'll get something to eat when I get back and we can visit and dance until it's over." He said that would work.
We got there right on time. We got drinks and began to mingle. Since I went to a different high school, I didn't know anyone, but Dan started introducing me to all his old classmates. They seemed like a good bunch. Dan was really enjoying himself. I'm glad we decided to come.
At about 6:20pm I told Dan it was time for me to go. He said he would walk me to the car. I had to stop in the restroom first and would meet him at the bar. When I finished, I found him talking to a fairly nice looking blond. She seemed a little too chummy. She was laughing, talking loudly, touching is hand and arm, all while flashing a big smile. It was easy to see that she was flirting with him.
I walked up and Dan quickly backed away from her and introduced me to Rhonda. She said, "It's nice to meet you. When Dan and I were juniors, he asked me to go out with him, but I wouldn't. In senior year, I realized how stupid I was and tried to get him to ask me out again. But he was dating someone. I regret that to this day."
I didn't like the sound of that. I told Dan I had to leave. We excused ourselves and he walked me to the car. I said, "Rhonda seems to have a thing for you. You better watch out. I think she would like to see what she missed."
Laughing, Dan said, "Are you jealous? Don't worry. I won't fall for it. Although she is pretty good looking." I punched his arm and told him looking was one thing, but he better not touch. He laughed and said he wouldn't.
I got to the recital and watched Cindy's first performance. She was so cute and so proud of herself. Her last dance wasn't supposed to begin until 8:15pm, but the schedule got changed to 7:30pm. This would work out great. I should be back to the Reunion a little after 8pm. After Cindy finished, I congratulated her and presented her a bouquet of flowers. She was thrilled, thanked me and ran to show her friends. Then I headed back.
The first thing I had to do was pee. I went to the Ladies Room, closed the stall door and went and went. I was about through when I heard two women come in talking.
One said, "I guess Rhonda finally got what she was after."
The other said, " What do you mean?"
The first said, "She cornered Dan and has been monopolizing him all night. They were talking, eating and dancing. About 30-40 minutes ago, I saw them get into the elevators that go to the rooms."
The second said, "I can't believe it. Are you sure?"
"Yes. You know she's had a thing for him since senior year."
"I can't believe they got a room."
"Oh, she had one. She's staying at the hotel. They booked a block of rooms for the reunion. She's in Room 311, across the hall from me."
"Didn't Dan come with his wife?"
"Yes, but she left."
They began talking about other things. I couldn't believe it. I warned him about her but obviously he didn't listen. I was hurt, I was pissed. I got up, went to the elevator and found myself standing in front of Room 311. I was about to knock, no beat on the door when I decided that I ought to be sure Dan was in there. I got out my cell phone and called him. He has the most obnoxiously loud ring tone. He said he always knows when his phone rings. I was right. I heard it through the door. Just before it went to voice mail, he answered and seemed out of breath. He said, "Hi honey. Are you still at the recital?"
Calmly I said, "No. There was a change in the schedule. Cindy's last dance was moved up. I'm already back but I can't find you. Where are you?"
He stuttered a little and said, "I was outside with some of the smokers but now I'm heading for the restroom. Why don't you get something to eat and I'll meet you there in a few minutes?"
I lost it and yelled, "You lying bastard. I know where you are. You're in Room 311 fucking that slut Rhonda." She must've heard me and protested, saying she wasn't a slut.
He said, "No honey, I'm not. You're wrong."
I started beating and kicking the door saying, "You hear that? That's me out here. You can finish fucking her. Hell, spend the night with her. Maybe she'll take you home but I won't be there."
He said, "No, don't leave. I'm coming out. We can talk."
I hung up and headed down the hall to the elevator. Just before I got there, I heard a door open and saw Dan. He had his shirt on, but not buttoned and he was trying to zip up his pants. I turned and left.
I got in my car and started driving. I didn't know where, just away from there. My phone rang. It was Dan. I just turned it off. How could he have cheated on me? And with her. I started crying so hard I couldn't really see to drive, so I pulled over into a parking lot. I had to get myself together and make some decisions.
After a few minutes, I calmed down and started to think. Why would Dan do it? I know she was flirting with him, but why would he risk our marriage? Why would he betray my trust? I could never ... I stopped in mid sentence and started sobbing. Oh my God. It all came flooding back to me. I had done the exact same thing, when, 12 years ago? It was only a one-night stand, afternoon actually. It's definitely true that lies and deception eventually come back to haunt you.
I needed to think. I couldn't go home. I'm sure that's where Dan was headed. I don't think he was going to stay with Rhonda or even let her take him home. I decided to get a hotel room for the night. My gym bag was in the trunk, so I had my essentials.
I got in my room and collapsed on the bed. My life was falling apart and there was a very real possibility that my marriage was over. Partly because of what Dan did but also because of what I did 12 years ago. I tried to remember what was going on at that time and why I did it.
I was one of those people that really worried about getting older, especially turning 40. I don't know why, but I was determined to stay in the best shape I could. And I did. I exercised and watched what I ate. But things changed. As the kids became teenagers, their activities began to take up more time. We were always running to a practice, a game, or some after school program. There was less time to exercise and I didn't always have the time to cook, so we ate a lot of fast food. I gained about 10 pounds, not that much, but more than I liked.
Then I started having 'female problems'. My periods became irregular and were exceptionally heavy, lasting weeks. I had severe cramps and intermediate bleeding between my periods. I had to stop exercising and needless to say, it killed our sex life. My Doctor told me I had fibroid tumors in my uterus. They weren't cancerous but could change. He recommended having a hysterectomy. I resisted. I wasn't ready to go through menopause. I heard too many horror stories about hot flashes, mood swings and sexual dysfunction. Damn it, I wasn't even 40. In my mind, I also thought it would make me less of a woman. My Doctor told me I could take hormone replacements and things would be fine. Most likely I would feel better than before. He also assured me that sexually, I would be the same. Intercourse wouldn't be a problem.
Dan had been very reassuring. He told me that he loved me and that neither my problems, nor my age diminished his desire for me as a woman. He just wanted me to get better. I knew he meant it, but he was my husband. He wasn't exactly unbiased. I still felt I would become less of a woman.