Respect

Note: This story is significantly changed from the original post on ASSM and SOL particularly in Chapters 1 and 8 ...thanks for reading -rr

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

This story is composed of 4 chapters of approximately 10K words each.

Copyright 2006 Rachael Ross all rights reserved.

*

I couldn't bear the thought of sneaking around all the time. Going behind my husband's back to meet a boyfriend. He loves me and trusts me, so I don't want to hurt him, but I need a little more than he can give me, you know? He works so hard, putting food on our table, buying me little unexpected gifts that are just perfect. He's a pretty amazing guy, my husband, I'm a lucky woman and I know it. So I don't want to lose him. But, gosh, I just need...sex.

I'm only 20 years old, but sometimes I feel a lot older, just because I only get it from my husband maybe once every two weeks or so. He's tired, I know, exhausted from the daily stress. And he does try, but I hate making him do it, when he's so obviously uninterested. I do buy sexy clothes for him; you know lingerie, stockings and garters, thongs and peek-a-boo bras. I'm 5'4" tall about 105lbs, with a good hard body, a great ass, fine legs, and I got a boob job, so my breasts are magnificent 34C's now. My face is pretty, my teeth fine, my eyes brown and hair a long healthy wave of black silk. So, I don't know what else to do, nothing seems to work with him.

Maybe it's because I'm just not into really weird stuff, you know? I mean dressing up is okay, it's even fun, but when we first started dating, and even right after we were married he'd ask me to try things. But I guess I'm olad fashioned? Or it was my upbringing maybe, which I'd never thought of as being particularly strict, anyway I just wasn't comfortable with some of the things he suggested. But we could still have sex, wouldn't you think? That was all I really wanted and it was frustrating when he wouldn't give it to me.

Like I said though, I didn't really want to fool around on him. I love him. I masturbated a lot, and that helped, but not much. I need a man's touch. So, I was talking with a friend of mine named Clarice. Her husband is always there with her, a very attentive man of about 35 or so. She's 38 and comfortable with that as she's a strikingly attractive woman. I use her for my role model when I go shopping. If I look at a dress, I say to myself, 'Would Clarice wear something like this?' and if the answer is no, then I don't want it. So she has a lot of influence over me.

I started talking to her one day about my sex life. Actually, I think she brought it up, speaking at first about another friend of hers whom I vaguely knew. Clarice doesn't gossip very much, so this surprised me, but the conversation soon changed to mine, as I said. I told her I was a little frustrated, I supposed, because my husband wasn't very active in that department. He had a low sex drive, I shrugged.

"And yours is...high?" Clarice smiled at me.

"Yeah." I nodded and giggled a little self-consciously. "High like through the roof sometimes, you know?"

"Yes, I think I do." She was smiling at me. "Have you taken a lover?"

I gasped at that. "No, of course not!" I told her. We'd only gotten married 8 months before. "I thought it was common decency to wait at least a year!" I joked.

Clarice laughed too. "I have several lovers." She told me. "It really is the best thing when two people are in love, but just unsatisfied in that one small way."

I looked at James, her husband who was sitting there nearby, reading a book and drinking some iced tea. He must have heard his wife's words, which means he must have known...and didn't care? I wondered about that.

"Oh, James doesn't mind if I have lovers, do you James?" She smiled at her husband.

"No dear, of course not." He looked up and smiled back at her.

"See, Lisa?"

"But, uh, excuse me for being nosy, why doesn't your husband care?" I couldn't help but ask, could I?

"Oh, he probably would if I hadn't had him castrated." Clarice shrugged. "But since I've removed his balls, he's so much more relaxed and understanding."

"You...What?" I couldn't have heard her right. "I'm sorry Clarice, did you say you removed his...balls?"

"Well, I didn't do it of course. I have a friend, a doctor friend, who specializes in that sort of thing. She's very good; maybe you should talk to her about Jack."

Jack was my husband. "But, oh...I don't think so. He'd never even think about that, and besides we want to have children someday, so..." I was shaking my head.

"Well, it was just a thought, Lisa." Clarice smiled and changed the subject.

But the seed had been planted, as she'd known it would be, and I often found myself thinking about what she'd told me. I tried to picture what my husband would look like without his balls. They really were kind of ugly. I mean, I know some women like them, but I found them to be rather...unseemly. A hairy little sack swinging back and forth? Ugh! Where was the excitement in that?

One night, lying in bed with my husband, I started fondling his cock, trying to get him stirred up because I was feeling the need. But he just sighed and rubbed my thigh. He loved me, but he said he was just too wound up to relax, he had numbers and accounts and clients dancing through his head. He needed to work extra hard because we needed a new car, blah blah blah...I'd heard it all before and it didn't make the ache between my legs feel any better.

I felt his balls, hairy and warm, rolling them around in my fingers gently. I started thinking that maybe losing those wouldn't be such a bad thing. Clarice's husband was perfectly normal, very calm, almost sedate, but a lot of fun to be around too. He was the model of a good husband, just like Jack. The only real difference was that James didn't mind if his wife had a lover, whereas my husband...I couldn't even imagine his reaction.

"Jack?" I whispered.

"Hmmm?" He responded softly. "What is it, baby?"

"What do you think of castration?"

"Huh?" He rolled over. "Castration? Are you getting a dog?"

"No, Jack, I mean like a guy, a man getting castrated."

"Oh. Mmm...I don't know." He started sleeping about then and I rolled over, frustrated as usual and finding it hard to sleep.

If Jack was castrated, I kept thinking, perhaps I could be with another man then. I could be having all the sex I could handle and Jack wouldn't care. He'd still be the same, and I'd be so much happier. He might be happier too, Clarice seemed to think so. It really could work, I thought, if we could get around the baby issue.

I spoke with Clarice a couple days later, asking her about that doctor she'd mentioned.

"Oh, have you been thinking about getting Jack fixed?" She asked.

We were seated in the backyard with a young Hispanic woman, Roselyn, who couldn't have been more than 18 or 19 at the most. She was exotic, which made her all the more beautiful with her dark skin and black eyes. I didn't understand exactly what her relationship with Clarice was, but the two women seemed close somehow.

"Uh, kind of, I don't know. I'd just like to ask some questions, you know?"

"Oh sure, I have her phone number in my address book. Roselyn, would you be a dear and get Dr. Lyon's phone number please? It's on my writing desk. Thanks sweetie."

"Yes ma'am." The young woman nodded and walked off to find the information.

"Oh Dr. Lyons really is very good, too. You'll like her I think. She's been castrating men for years and I've never heard of anyone complaining." Clarice continued, gazing after her Hispanic friend.

"There are more castrated men in town?" For some reason I'd imagined Jim as the only one.

"Oh yes, dear!" Clarice chuckled. "Quite a few in fact. Most of my friends have had their husband's castrated already. It really is a very trendy thing nowadays, even among newlyweds like yourselves."

"Really?" I was surprised at that.

Roselyn returned with the phone number, written on a piece of stationary for me in her neat handwriting. "Here you are, Lisa." She gave me a little smile. She was quite beautiful but there was something about her dark eyes that was vaguely unsettling.

"Oh, okay. Thanks Roselyn, thank you Clarice." I smiled at the two women and decided I'd call this doctor and see what the deal was.

-=-=-

"Sunrise Care Services, my name is Peter, how may I direct your call." A very nice man asked me.

"Uh, Dr. Lyon's office please."

"Thank you, have a nice day." He said and then another phone was ringing.

"Good morning, Dr. Lyon's office, Nurse Ryan speaking, may I help you?"

"Hi, good morning, I got your number from a friend of mine and I was wanting some information regarding a, uh...castration procedure?" I actually blushed when I said it, I think, although I don't know why.

"Sure, I can answer any questions you might have. Could I have your name please?" She sounded very young.

"My...name? I just wanted to ask..."

"I understand, we just like to keep a record of who calls, the information is confidential, I assure you."

"Oh, well, my name is Lisa Pavageau and my husband's name is Jack." I hadn't meant to say that!

"Then I take it this is regarding the castration of your husband?"

"Uh, yes." I winced.

"And how old is your husband, Lisa?"

"He's um, 27 years old."

"Oh, that's a good age to get castrated." The woman told me.

"It is?"

"Oh yes, there's numerous health issues related to the testicles that first arise in the 25-35 age bracket. Many of these problems are undetectable by normal examinations until the they become symptomatic, and by then the medical costs of treatment is much higher, and the likelihood of successful treatment much lower. So many men who are very ill today, in their 40's and 50's would be living much better, healthier lives if they'd been castrated when they'd been 30 or so."

"Really?" I wondered how she remembered all that, but maybe Dr. Lyons really did have a lot of customers...er, patients or whatever.

"Oh, yes ma'am, that's a medical fact. Of course the biggest issue is that the medical establishment is largely run by men, if you catch my meaning, Lisa." She chuckled softly.

"Ah." I said, being a little unsure of what she meant.

"Men being, well, men...They're a little reluctant to publish the fact that castration as a preventive medical measure is both feasible and desirable."

"I see." Actually castration as preventive medicine sounded a little strange to me. I mean I wouldn't want to get a mastectomy to prevent breast cancer, would I? "But what about, uh babies? I want to, we want to, start a family and if..."

"Oh we always preserve sperm specimens from all of our patients. Your husband's sperm would be stored indefinitely, and available for in utero fertilization any time you desired it. The viability of the process is right around 98% which means very little of the spermatozoa itself is degraded, and in general terms it isn't even worth worrying about since the average patient donates roughly 10CC's of sperm containing literally millions of healthy sperm cells."

"So I could get pregnant any time I wanted?"

"That's right Lisa, exactly like that. All that is required is your husband to sign a few forms releasing his sperm for fertilization. He can sign those anytime and they'll stand up in any court in the country. Our clinic isn't interested in a hypothetical custodial battle over sperm;" she giggled, "we leave that to the daytime talk shows."

"So even if we got...divorced, I could still get impregnated by him?"

"As long as the paperwork has been done, sure."

Wow! My mind was going a hundred miles an hour. Is there such a thing as too much good news? That made me smile, but still, the whole castration thing was sounding strange too. This girl was almost excited about it!

"And, um...what about the procedure itself?" I wondered. "Is it..."

Nurse Ryan reassured me immediately. "Oh, the procedure is very simple. Unless your husband has complications, such as hemophilia for example, the castration itself is an out-patient procedure. That means he comes in and we prep him for surgery, Dr. Lyons removes his testes and excess tissue, and we suture him back up. It takes less than two hours and he's back home."

"It doesn't hurt, does it?" I had no desire to hurt my husband, of course.

"No. Not at all. We generally prefer to use just a local anesthetic, since anytime a patient is put unconscious it creates small but unavoidable risks. Of course, some men, many men, would prefer to be completely out during their castration." Nurse Ryan laughed. "But unless there's a real medical reason, we keep them awake. Dr, Lyons believes that seeing their balls removed is also good for the psychological health of the patient."

"I see." I paused for a moment, wondering if I'd asked about everything I wanted to.

"Would you like to set up a consultation?" Nurse Ryan suggested.

"Oh! Uh...I don't know, um..."

"It's okay, you probably haven't really had a chance to discuss this with your husband yet, have you?" Nurse Ryan must have had a lot of experience with young wives like me.

"No, um...not yet."

"Well, you could still come by, if you like. By yourself, or with your husband, and see our facilities, meet Dr. Lyons. Especially if you find it hard to talk to your husband. We might be able to suggest some methods to convince him of the value castration can add to his life...and yours, Lisa."

I could almost hear Nurse Ryan's smile through the phone and I couldn't help but make an appointment with Dr. Lyons for the following week. I wasn't really sold on the idea, it was just one of those weird thoughts really, but if Clarice seemed to think it was a good idea...

As we lay in bed that night, I broached the subject again with my husband. "Dear?" I was rubbing his chest lightly, knowing all too well that I'd probably get no physical interest out of him. "I was thinking about that...thing...that we talked about the other night."

"Mmm..." He murmured sleepily. "What thing?"

"The castration thing." I glanced at him but he just lay there. "Did you know it can be really good for you?"

"Good for me? What?" Jack turned over, onto his side facing me.

"Castration, the doctors say it can be really healthy."

"Lisa." He almost laughed. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I love you. I just want to do what's best for you, that's all." I didn't add that I thought it would be pretty good for me too.

"I have the biggest presentation of my life in three days." He sighed. "The president is going to be there, the CFO, all the department heads..." Jack shook his head. "And you're talking about cutting off my balls?" He did laugh then.

"Well, I think it would help you." I shrugged a little. "The lady I spoke to said a lot of stress comes from having balls." I wasn't explaining this very well, was I?

"A lady? A woman?" Jack closed his eyes. "What would any woman know about balls?" He rolled over again. "Just go to sleep, okay?"

He wasn't taking me seriously, I realized. I was just his trophy wife, not someone he wanted advice from. It made me more than a little sad and try as I might, I just couldn't think of a way to make my concern for him any plainer. I really hoped Dr. Lyons would have some ideas, if not about castration, then a pill to make him horny, at least.

I kept my appointment, feeling vaguely uneasy that I was alone. Jack should have been with me, but Nurse Ryan, who turned out to be a very attractive young girl, maybe 20 years old and just out of nursing school, reassured me.

"Most of our patients don't come to the first visit." She smiled and patted my arm. "Their husbands, or boyfriends, even sons and fathers sometimes, just don't understand how important their well-being is to the people around them."

I nodded, she was expressing exactly how I felt. If Jack only knew how much I cared about him, he would have come along. I filled out some forms in the waiting room. It was a very nice office, well appointed and pleasant. Not so much like a hospital at all.

There was another woman there, older than I, perhaps forty or so, and she smiled politely at me. Next to her sat a teenaged boy, looking somewhat bored and acting the tough, but it was obvious he was nervous. He was good looking, with short brown hair and a too big t-shirt, worn jeans and unlaced hiking boots. He looked like a typical teenager and I largely ignored him.

"Is this your first visit?" The woman asked me, when it was obvious I'd finished the forms. I nodded. "Husband?"

"Yes, my husband...I'm just getting some information really." I sounded like I was telling a sales clerk I was just browsing a store. "I mean, he isn't really interested in it."

The woman stared at me for a second and then laughed happily like I'd just told her a really good joke. "Oh, they never are! Believe me. I have a husband and three boys. But if Kevin wants to play football..."

Just then Nurse Ryan returned and took my forms. She smiled at Kevin. "Are you ready, Kevin? Right this way please." The boy practically jumped at the sound of his name and he looked at his mother with wide, pleading eyes, but when the woman stood up, the handsome youth did the same. I watched them leave wondering what playing football had to do with being castrated.

"Excuse me." I caught the nurse as she was walking by. I knew it was rude but... "That boy, Kevin, is he going to be...?"

Nurse Ryan looked at me, slightly confused. "What? Castrated?" I nodded and she giggled. "Good heavens, no! He's just getting a prostate exam for his sports physical." She looked around and lowered her voice. "He doesn't really need one, but his mom's a little...you know...overprotective." She twirled her finger near her right ear. "It won't hurt him anyway; Dr. Lyons is very gentle with our younger patients."

"Oh." I actually let out a little sigh of relief for young Kevin. "Uh, good."

Perhaps 15 minutes later I was surprised to see a very good looking man, dressed in green scrubs with a lab coat over his broad shoulders, approaching me. "Lisa?" I smiled and stood up, feeling a little self-conscious beneath his soft brown eyes. "I'm Dr. Prescott, the clinic psychologist." He smiled and I felt my knees go weak. When he took my hand gently in his, it was worse. This guy, I thought to myself, belonged in an art gallery. Or at least in some underwear ads.

"It's nice to meet you." I blinked, feeling my stomach doing little flip-flops. I could smell him. Not his cologne, not the soap he used. I could smell him. It was obscene.

"Dr. Lyons is with a patient right now, but I thought I could have a little chat with you." He let go of my hand and put his palm in the small of my back, making me give a slight gasp. "Would you like to come to my office?"

I nodded dumbly, not trusting my voice. I let him lead me gently down a warm, carpeted corridor and into a spacious office with a nice view. There was a desk, of course, but also a comfortable chair and small sofa, a love seat really, arranged in the corner. We moved there and I sat on the loveseat. I declined his offer of coffee and watched as he sat in the chair, leaning forward so that we were very close.

"Now you're here about your husband, right?"

"Yes, uh, yeah...Jack, my husband." I was looking into the doctor's eyes and having a very hard time remembering what my husband even looked like.

"So, I understand that you're interested in having him castrated." He nodded to himself. "But..." He smiled, inviting me to explain.

"But, uh...He's not very...interested." I admitted. "He doesn't really take me seriously."

Dr. Prescott nodded in understanding. "We'll talk about Jack in a moment. Why do you think it would be good to have this procedure?"