Remember When...

A word to the reader, this is not my story, I'm not living it. It is however the story of some one I know and care about. It is still on going, evolving if you will. If you want my story, read "Stuck". I honestly believe "that the best revenge is living well". I am also convinced that "happy" endings almost never happen. I acknowledge my limited writing skills, critiquing them serves no purpose. For those who want more details on the cult, google it. Cult in Kerrick Minnesota should bring it up. They chased the perv leader all the way to Brazil but they got him and brought him back. One more thing, no one gets out of this life alive.

Chapter 2

I spent a couple days at Toivo and Hilda's. On Thursday I was back at work. The whole time Denise kept trying to contact me with Hilda intercepting her. I honestly think I was in shock. I damn sure didn't want to see Denise. Of course I was ten minutes into my shift when she walked in.

"Hi Greg. I know you don't want me here so I won't be long. I've moved my stuff into the lake cabin. I tried to stay as close to the prenuptial as possible. I don't want a divorce, I know that's what you're working on. Hilda told me." With that she turned and left.

It was a long shift. When I headed back to Toivo and Hilda's they were waiting for me. I wasn't even out of my truck when Hilda walked up and started to talk to me.

"Greg, you need to go back to your place. Lori and the kids are coming here to stay. She's a wreck. Jimmy cleaned out the accounts and took off. Didn't say word one to Lori. He and Denise left it to me to tell her what was going on. That's why I had the cousins help Denise move to the cabin."

I said "Well that's just great. Now everyone in he family knows what she and Jimmy did to me."

Hilda shook her head and said "Greg, most of the family has known for quite awhile. Denise and Jimmy were less than discrete when you or Lori weren't around. Most of us thought it was something the bunch of you had going on. I thought so too. It wasn't until I heard Jimmy call you Dudley Dewright that I thought you might not know. That's when I confronted Denise and got the whole story. For a really smart guy Greg most of the time you haven't got a clue."

I all but fell on my ass. I literally sat down on the driveway. I looked at Hilda and all I saw was pity, Toivo wouldn't even look at me. "What the fuck Hilda?"

Hilda continued "I debated telling you at all Greg. You and Denise seemed so happy. I waited for her to stop it with Jimmy or tell you for almost 2 weeks. When she didn't, I told you, then I told her when she was on her way home from being with Jimmy, that I had. I'd of sworn that hell would freeze over before Denise did something this wrong."

About that time Mike and Marty came out of the house with the first of my things. They started tossing them into the bed of my Silverado. Mike and Marty look like twins but they aren't. Mike is a bit over a year older than Marty. Both are 6' 4" and close to 300 lbs. not the brightest bulbs in the box but they follow orders well. They were Hilda's errand boys.

I asked Hilda, "so you're just tossing me out?"

She replied "not really and you know it. Lori's need is greater and she's in no shape to mind her kids. Besides I know you're going to be ok. You're tougher, you adapt faster and you think before you do anything. Lori needs to be watched for awhile. She's apt to do things that might get her locked up. You've got your own mean streak. You hide it well but I've seen it a couple times since you were a kid."

I got up off the ground just as Mike and Marty loaded the last of my gear in my truck. I didn't say a word as I got in and headed home. Pulling up it looked different, duller. Same on the inside, home but colder. I wasn't home ten minutes and the phone rang. I thought it was Denise but it was my dad. He was drunk again. He laid into me for not coming to them. Last thing I needed then was his being drunk and belligerent. So, I hung up on him. It crossed my mind that I didn't understand why mom stayed with him but really these days she was just a shadow, dementia sucks.

I had contacted a divorce attorney while I was at Hilda's. The one she recommended. It just didn't occur to me that she might of had an agenda in that. He drew up the paperwork, had Denise served, fielded counter issues and helped set up couples therapy. I didn't know about the last till he called and said I had to go. By this time six months had passed. A lot of my anger with Denise had abated. I could even tolerate being in the same room with her. I didn't see where couples therapy was going to help. I was afraid (rightly) that I was going to be blamed for her being involved with Jimmy. While she took the lions share of the blame, I got part because I left her alone to go into the service. I'm still not good with that.

Seems nearly every one's plan was a reconciliation between us. Never mind my objections or plans. I got lots of hints that way at work. Every time I saw Hilda or Toivo or one of the other family members they always brought up how bad Denise was taking our separation and how good she was being by not dating or going out. None of them had much to say when I told them I'd heard that before while she was fucking my best friend while I was over seas. Kind of a conversation killer that.

Lori and her kids were still at Hilda's. Hilda had somehow found good old Jimmy in Phoenix, working at a dealership pulling wrenches. I got the feeling that Lori was getting the same reconciliation pressure I was only more often. She had more reasons than I did to do so, 4 of them real prominent.

After I left Hilda's that day I had very little contact with Denise's family. For one thing I had a hard time facing them. For another I was more than a little pissed with most of them for keeping Denise's secrets and finally, all they wanted to talk about was my forgiving Denise and taking her back. It didn't matter that I didn't want to, it was what she wanted and it would be good for her. I guess what I needed or wanted didn't count for squat.

I've got to be honest, it was tempting to just give in. She still commanded my full attention every time I saw her, heard her voice, she was still the one. I still loved her. It wore on me not being with her, near her. It started the first night I went home and just got worse. But, the elephant in the room was how do I ever trust her again?

We were actually seeing each other socially, dating if you will. The divorce was on hold, things were improving. Then Hilda and Toivo's 4th of July party came along.

This was the big event for Hilda and Toivo's employees. The stores were on minimum staffing. It was a nearly mandatory event if you wanted to stay employed. As General manager my presence was required. I worked the day shift in the biggest store by myself. When the 2 person crew came to relieve me at 3 they came from the party. All the stores were manned by supervisory staff that morning. I arrived at the party around 4. I'd taken the time to freshen up and put a clean shirt on. As I was walking in I saw him, Jimmy. I swear I saw red. I had no idea he was back in town and I was going to send him back out on the tip of my toe.

I never saw them coming. Before I got within ten feet of the snake I was off my feet. Mike and Marty had me by the arms and off the ground.

Mike said "Just be cool Greg. Let him say his piece"

By this time Jimmy was starting to laugh, so we're a lot of the family members and more than a few of my subordinates from the stores. Jimmy was drunk. He started " Greg I really need you to get over what Denise and I did. We never meant for you or Lori to know or get hurt. You know between you and Hilda you guys really fucked up my life. My folks barely talk to me, Lori tossed me out and wouldn't let me see my kids. I lost my job, hell I had to leave town all because you got pissy about my banging Denise on the side. What the fuck Greg, you fucked up my life over some dumb slut's pussy. Hilda brought me back to make nice with you, to apologize, well you know what? Fuck that, fuck her and fuck you."

That's when he kicked me in the balls. Punched me in the nose and spit in my face. Mike and Marty dropped me and I fell hard. Jimmy was lining up another kick to my head when Mike knocked him flat with a back hand to the side of his head. Marty grabbed him and he and Mike hustled him off.

It was all I could do to keep from rolling on the ground. Denise came to me crying and I pushed her away. There was a lot of noise, but none of it laughter. I had made it to my knees, the pain backing off, my clean shirt blood stained from my bleeding, broken nose when Hilda walked up.

"This didn't go quite like I had planned Greg. He was supposed to apologize, he promised to apologize. I'm sorry."

"You made me the butt of a long running joke Hilda. Seemed like every one here was laughing at me till Jimmy kicked me."

"Honestly it wasn't planned that way Greg. I had him come to the party thinking you'd give him a chance to talk. But I told Mike and Marty to keep you from hitting him. I didn't think you'd attack him if there was a crowd around. I damn sure didn't count on him being drunk and humiliating you like that."

"Whatever Hilda, whatever. Am I done here now? Can I leave? Or are Mikey and Marty going to hold me while some one else takes their turn?"

I got up, I was doubled over but I made to my truck. I had just opened the door when Denise came running.

"Please stay Greg! Let me help you. Don't go"

I looked her in the eyes and said "Just stay the fuck away from me. I don't want your help. I don't want to talk. I don't even want to look at you."

I fired up my truck and left.

I was very busy over the next few weeks. Avoiding calls from Denise, my folks, Jimmy's folks, Mike and Marty. Hilda I couldn't avoid. She and Toivo were the owners, but after the first session of apologies and "you need to talk to Denise", I made it clear that another non business related meeting or call would result in my quitting.

Hilda and Toivo went on a cruise every summer to Alaska. Had for the past 15 years or so. They left on or about the first of August. By that time my plans were set. They'd been gone 4 days and wouldn't be back for almost 3 weeks when I implemented my plans.

First thing I did was reroute all the incoming cash flow to different business accounts. I didn't take a dime, just moved it around so it wasn't where it was supposed to be when it was supposed to be. In the business, most transactions with suppliers were done on a credit basis. They sent stuff, we sent payments. When the money wasn't there for the payments, suppliers who had decades long associations with us didn't get paid. They suspended shipments till payment was made. No re supply means empty shelves means lost revenues.

The second thing I did was fire for cause every employee I could remember who laughed at me. Petty I know, but it wiped out over half the senior staff and three quarters of the supevisors.

The last thing I did was tender my resignation.

I had emptied my place into a storage unit. I had everything I needed or wanted in my truck as I headed south to the twin cities to my sister's.

I found out later that it took nearly 4 days for the shit to hit the fan at work. None of the people left were able to contact Hilda and Toivo and it took nearly a week for anyone to contact one of the fired supervisors who had the number. I guess Hilda paid for a chopper to pick her up and take her to Anchorage where she caught a flight home. It took her several weeks to fix most of the chaos I left behind me. She was not a happy camper. She was going to have me criminally charged but no money was missing. It just didn't go where it was supposed to or pay who it was supposed to. I'd been at sis's nearly three weeks when Hilda called. The gist of the conversation was stay away awhile. She understood I was angry but I didn't need to take it out on her.

Staying away wasn't a problem. While I was at Sis' place I was going to driving school. I was getting my commercial drivers license. My brother in St. Louis was a dispatcher for a trucking outfit and let me know I had a job waiting. After finishing school and passing my test I headed out for St. Louis. 3 runs with a trainer and I was on my own. For the next nearly 4 years I almost never stopped moving. I left my truck in St. Louis with my brother Keith, in 4 years all I did with it was drive it a day or two a month while I was in town. I didn't have a place of my own any where.

My time away wasn't unproductive. After the party Lori told Jimmy to never ever call her, try to see her or come back. He went back to Phoenix just long enough to to load up his stuff. He headed out and two months later ended up pulling wrenches in Denver. It took me nearly 2 years to find him.

Now good old Jimmy has always had bad habits. Like drinking and driving, like drinking and thinking he's 10 feet tall and bullet proof in a bar. Like drinking and writing checks with his mouth his ass couldn't cash. But most of all, drinking and gambling. Before Jimmy left Phoenix he managed to get into debt with a bookie named Billy (the hammer) McDougle. Billy got the nick name "the hammer" by his use of a hammer on those who didn't pay their debts. Jimmy owed Billy nearly 20k. Jimmy didn't leave a forwarding address. Billy was "concerned".

Now I suppose there are those who feel I should of dealt with my good buddy personally. I surely wanted to, but I never got the chance. Shortly after I found out where Jimmy was he was found in a foreclosed home in an abandoned sub-division development just outside Denver. Some one had worked him over really good with the claw side of a framing hammer. He'd been dead several days and the crows had been working on him. I understand they go for the eyes first. I didn't attend his services back home.

Like I said earlier, I stayed away for 4 years. When I left the divorce was on hold. As far as I knew I was still married. In the 4 years I don't think I said more than 50 words to a woman at any given time that wasn't work related. I didn't know what Denise was doing and didn't really care, at least that's what I told myself.

4 years into my self imposed exile I got a call from my brother Keith in St. Louis. My folks were coming home from a party, dad was blitzed, there was a crash and they were both gone. I needed to go home for the funerals. I was at our dispatch center in Sacramento when I got the call. I took the first vacation time ever on that job and caught a flight to St. Louis. A cab to Keith's and I had my Silverado. The drive home could be done in one day, I had time so I took 2.

When I left I was Mr. Clean cut, these days not so much. Longer hair, a beard and a fair amount of gray in it. I didn't really look the same. I laid low until just as the service was starting. I didn't want a scene, what I got was a shock.

Denise was sitting in the second row from the front, two chairs over was Hilda. Between them facing backwards was a mixed race girl of 2-3. Denise noticed her and turned her around scolding her just like a mom would.

My folks had a good service. I hadn't said twenty words to either of them in the last year cause they always seemed to nag me about Denise. I really regret that. Just another thing to add to my do over wish list. If you've got your folks yet call them, go see them, treasure them. They don't last forever. After the service there was a meal. It was while I was eating that sis pointed me out to Hilda.

Hilda made a bee line for me. I figured I was in for a real ass chewing, I sorta deserved it. Hilda said "Greg you sure left me a mess to clean up. I knew you were hurt by what happened at the party but I never thought you'd take it out on me and Toivo."

"I was mad as hell Hilda. You set me up for that, good intentions or not. You knew how I felt about that snake. You knew how fragile things between me and Denise were. You knew how much I trusted you to look out for me. You used that to manipulate me. Your puppet on a string, well the strings got cut Hilda. You gave me cause."

You could of ruined us Greg. You nearly did. It took years for some of the vendors to trust us again. Your leaving destroyed Denise. She fell in a bottle Greg. She's sober now but she gutter crawled for over a year. She blamed and still blames herself for what happened to the two of you."

"That's just it Hilda, it never was just the two of us was it? By the way, who's little girl is she watching today"

"Greg, I'm sorry to say that little girl is her daughter Amber. It was getting pregnant with Amber that gave her enough reason to get and stay sober"

"Well ain't that just wonderful. I go away, live like a monk and she's out whoring and drinking till she gets knocked up. Kinda figures you know?

"Greg she lost herself when you left. I feel a big part of that is your fault. Granted her messing with Jimmy hurt you, but she was doing all she could to help the two of you get past that. Then the party and you cut her off again. I know you were humiliated by what happened but she had nothing to do with that. She didn't know he was going to be there till she got there a couple hours before you did. She was going to call and warn you and I convinced her not to. That I had it handled. You need some one to blame, blame me."

"I did Hilda, I still do and now I find even more to lay at your feet. Where the fuck were you and the rest of the family while she gutter crawled? All the years you crammed family first down my throat and you let her do that?"

"We tried Greg, we really tried."

"Yep Hilda, looks like you tried real hard."

I got up from the table, took my dishes to the kitchen and went outside to get some air. Probably 15 minutes later I heard some one approaching.

"Greg, I didn't recognize you or I would of tried to talk to you sooner."

The same voice, the same feelings, the same issues.

"Hi Denise. Your looking really good." I notice she's not wearing her rings.

"Why didn't you call me Greg? Why didn't you send for me? Send me a letter? A fucking smoke signal? I'd of crawled to California to have you take me back. There's no chance of it now but I still would. Why Greg? Please tell me so I understand."

"What can I say? Coulda, shoulda, woulda don't mean shit now. I was so god damned mad at everyone Denise. You, Hilda and Toivo, my folks, Jimmy, the rest of the fucking family. The only person I wasn't mad at was Lori. I was still mad 4 days ago. Then I got word my folks were gone. My being mad at them cost me the only time I could of ever had with them. I've had time to think over the past 4 years and all I did with was nurse my anger. I'm tired of being angry Denise."

"So your saying your over your mad at me for Jimmy at long last? Well ain't that something, the perfect man is over his mad at me. I'm so fucking blessed I could shit. You might not be mad at me Greg, but I'm still pretty mad at you for taking off and leaving me to drown like you did. I lost my fucking mind Greg! I lost my soul for a while. I tried to drink you away and it made it worse. Your leaving put me thru my own personal hell Greg."

"I don't know what to say Denise. I needed the time away but I let it get away from me. Again I coulda, shoulda, woulda. I've got such a long list of shit I'd do over if I could, but I can't. I just get to deal with the shit storm I've made for myself. I'm sorry my leaving did what it did Denise. I guess I ended up hurting you way more than you ever hurt me."

She's got tears in her eyes and her makeup us starting to run. My heart hurts and its my fault. She turns to go back inside and once again I have feet of clay and stand there like an idiot.

I go back in and Denise is gone. Hilda sees me and comes over. "I'm having a get together at my place tomorrow Greg. You should come. I think Its really important that you come."