Reflections

Chapter 2

This will make absolutely no sense if you don't read Part One. But as a reminder Julia wants to sleep with another man. Alan is torn with what to do. He realises the Julia has to call this off otherwise the itch will always remain, so he plans to say 'Yes' but make it impossible to achieve, and he starts his campaign. Enjoy his antics.

Monday

Breakfast with us is normally a quick cup of tea and a biscuit, or slice of toast if there was time, this one could take longer. I still wanted to be at work early to get my laptop and phone set up. I'd already made my decision. Against my better judgement I was going to let her do it.

We were both up before half six, tea was made and poured and we sat at the kitchen table, so far not a word has been spoken. I got my phone out again and set it to record. She started. "I appreciate your offer of an escort, but that's too impersonal, I want it with someone I know but don't care about, so none of our friends or neighbours, don't worry I didn't even consider them, so it's going to have to be Shithead." She called him 'Shithead'. In a way, I sort of understood her female logic. Fuck.

"Right," I said, "against my better judgement and in an attempt to save our marriage, you can do it." A small smile started to gently spread across her face, I growled at her. "Don't go looking fucking smug or I will wipe that grin off your face, not with a slap but a divorce petition." The smile disappeared instantly at the mention of divorce. "You don't know how fucking unhappy this has made me. Just keep in mind rules three and four but don't forget the others, and rest assured I will be looking for you to fuck up and I will use every opportunity to break this up if either you or Shithead break the rules. And if this goes sideways because you can't keep to the rules you've agreed to, it's your fault, not mine and it stops or we get divorced, maybe both, got that." She was no longer smiling and nodded her head. "Say it for the recorder." I told her, she did.

"I'm going to work." I walked out slamming the door behind me and leaving my mug full of tea on the table, I normally drink a whole pot before I leave each morning, so to leave a steaming mug on the table would not go unnoticed.

In my anger I had forgotten to tell her that I would contact Shithead to set it all up, so I sent her a text, I didn't feel it was worthwhile wasting time talking it over, I was really, really hoping he wouldn't accept the rules and I would offer her plan 'D' again.

I started work and tried to get everything done as soon as possible to free up some time. The two lads who work for me, John and Chris came in and I heard them say. "Bollocks, the Chief's got a shitty on, best we stay out of the way." When there was no maintenance on, my chaps went and helped the production boys, good for everyone, it also meant they left me alone and that could be useful. I got on with stuff but just before eight, when Julia normally starts, she walked into my office with a hot tea, it was machine crap in a paper cup, but I accepted the peace offering with a small smile.

I phoned the doctors and tried to get an appointment, you don't get to see a doctor anymore, however I did manage to talk to one and complained that I was stressed, worried, and not sleeping and it was a circle that I couldn't break out of; and it was getting worse and was affecting my work. She gave me a prescription to help which I could pick up at the chemist later. That was a relief, at least a decent night's sleep tonight.

A quick walk round and check that all the devices and cameras were working, and all the factory machinery as well. And now wait. I was hanging around the front of the factory, clipboard in hand, making notes of absolutely nothing when I saw Shithead arrive, Ok I was waiting for him. He got in the lift, and I thought, "shit, I've missed a trick here." I rushed round to the control box and circuit breaker panel by my office and tripped the circuit breaker for the lift. That was when I heard the alarm go off, I rushed back round to the front, and no Shithead, he must be stuck inside the lift, fucking excellent. Mr Barstow turned up and asked if there was anything I could do? I pointed out that we weren't trained for lift machinery, it was a different contract and the lift people got grumpy if we started messing around with their equipment, but I told him I'd have a look and see what I could do. Fortunately, everybody was waiting by the lift door.

I went back around to the circuit breaker panel, but I didn't rush and closed the circuit breaker for a few seconds and then opened it again, just enough to make it jerk. I rushed round the front and asked how everything was, not fixed. "Bugger, ok something drastic, leave this to me Boss, if this doesn't fix it, it's the lift contractors." I rushed to my office grabbed a large spanner and as I reset the circuit breaker I bashed a metal pipe, and everything worked. Magic.

Shithead was a bit shaken, not stirred. I was there when he came out of the lift and he tried to have a go at me, "fucking spanner monkeys," he said under his breath. Mr Barstow looked at Shithead quizzically as if he'd heard the comment and promptly said. "You should thank Alan for fixing the lift, otherwise you would've been in there till the contractors got here." Shithead didn't.

The game was 'on', and he didn't even know he was playing.

I watched him log on to his laptop on the smoke detector camera, I made sure it was recording, and then I had another brainwave, two in an hour, flippin' 'eck this was hurting my head. I took note of his login and password, that might be useful. Whilst I waited for something to happen, I searched for, found and printed off 3 copies of fake divorce petitions. I managed to change the headers to our local solicitors and popped these in envelopes and put them in my drawer.

I saw Shithead leave his office and, lo and behold a few minutes later turned up in the admin office where the girls were working, chatting like only women can. I couldn't wait, I would see what was said later.

Now for the first of my planned actions. I shot up to the roof and looked over the edge for Shitheads company 3 Series BMW, it was in his parking slot, right below one of the concrete bricks I'd placed there Saturday. All sorts of stuff gets left on the flat roof of factories, sometimes it's useful, like now. Over it went, I didn't wait to see the results, but I heard the crash and then a car alarm go off, by then I was waiting at the top of the stairwell, Shithead ran down the stairs, probably scared to use the lift. I operated the retractable trip wire I installed on Saturday and the turd went flying, not far only two steps, but his head fetched up hard against the wall.

I rushed down looking surprised at all the commotion. Bollocks, I wanted it to land on the bonnet so it would have to go to the main dealer for repair, it went straight onto the windscreen, a massive crack went right across it. That would just be a windscreen replacement job. Shithead was storming around using the 'F' word a lot. He was already looking on his phone trying to find a windscreen replacement service. I had to step in with my transport manager head on. "Hang on, that needs to go back to the main dealer, I want it checked out, don't worry Mr Andrews I have a nice 1 Series for you, I'll bring the keys up later." With that, I walked off. Nice bump coming up on his forehead. I checked the recording of the girl's office, nothing much on the video but the crash and the car alarm going off, but they did seem to be a distinct coolness in the air, especially with the married ladies.

I waited to see if Shithead went to get Julia to look at his head with her being First Aid, that was my first trap. It appeared he was so angry he forgot about falling down the stairs.

I needed his car to go to the dealer as I wanted a Dash Cam fitted, the 1 series already had one. It was one that I could download all his driving data and video to my phone.

I popped into the wood store found a three-foot piece of to be 2x2 and got the chippy to turn down one end as a handle for me. Ideal for beating lift control panels, and possibly other things. I even gave it a name; it was my box bashing stick.

Lunchtime came around and I popped to the local supermarket and collected my prescription for the sleeping tablets, some other medication and a sim card for the old phone. Just before one o'clock, it was time for a little more fun, I took the 1 series keys, went to the car and moved the seat to the most forward position and set it to the spare key memory. I kept the spare keys. Walking up to Shitheads' office I operated another actuator and popped in to see my wife as the admin office was just down the corridor from Shithead's office. The office was still chilly; Jane looked at me and mouthed "Are you alright?"

"Not really," I said in a normal voice. All of a sudden there was an almighty crash along with the sound of Shithead's voice.

"This fucking door won't open, all I want is a fucking cup of coffee," with much shaking of door handles.

Mr Barstow turned up in the corridor just before me, I still managed to get to the door first and as if by the magic of electricity, the door opened. I said to Shithead. "Seems to work alright for me Mr Andrews." Ignoring the look on his face. I said to him, "I have a set of keys for you, you pop and get your coffee and I'll wait here." I went into his office and put the keys on the edge of his desk and popped a sleeping pill from my prescription into my hand, when he returned, I pointed to the keys and 'accidentally' knocked them off. We had a staring match, which I won, and he bent over to pick up the keys, I dropped my sleeping tablet into his coffee. 'Fuck', it floated, I kicked the desk and grabbed his coffee and managed to push the tablet under the posh coffee froth. Fuck that was hot, I struggled not to stick my finger in my mouth and suck it.

"Sorry, old war wound playing up."

I didn't bother him for the rest of the afternoon, I just kept an eye on the videos, at about four I saw him packing up and watched him pop into the girl's office telling them he was feeling tired and was going home early. His door only jammed for a few seconds, enough to piss him off. He wouldn't use the lift, would he? I saw the call light go 'On'. I listened for the doors closing and popped the circuit breaker, just too good a chance to miss. He wasn't very tired at that moment if his language was anything to go by. I waited for the alarm, gave it 30 seconds jerked the lift again. I grabbed my trusty bit of wood and sorted the problem. I met him as the lift opened.

As he came out of the lift, I held my hand up to him and said "Andy, I need a word with you tomorrow morning."

"Whatever."

"08:30 hours, don't be late and Andy, have a good night," he grunted at me, he hates being called Andy.

I got home before Julia and collected some clean clothes from our spare bedroom, including some I hadn't worn for a while, I hope they still fitted; I hid those under the sofa. Words were sparse that evening, she asked me if I had spoken to Shithead about 'it'. I told her with all the goings on I didn't have time, and I would do it in the morning. About ten I said it was time for bed and turned the telly off. Julia got up and walked to the foot of our stairs and held her hand out to me. I shook my head and said. "You know what you have to do to get me to follow you," she carried on upstairs.

Just after twelve I got up, retrieved my clothes from under the sofa and dressed in my old combat Disruptive Pattern camouflage clothing. It was a tight fit; it had been some years since I'd worn it in anger; some black gloves and a black scarf. I didn't have a ski mask, I don't ski. With the spare keys for the 1 series in my pocket, I got on my old trusty bicycle and did the 20-minute ride to Shithead's house for a bit of fun with the car keys. He lived in a nice quiet cul-de-sac; Google Maps Street View was useful, nice open plan front gardens with a shrub in a large pot by his front door. It wouldn't be very quiet for the next half hour or so if I had my way. Leaving the bike round the corner I unlocked the car using the key, not the remote and then opened the door, the car alarm went off, I rushed and hid by a shrub, no one ever looks downwards.

A light came on upstairs in Shithead's house, then I saw the downstairs light come on and the car alarm went off and then all the lights in the house went off. I waited three minutes and did it again. I was getting to like this shrub by his front door, we were becoming quite friendly, it had got much larger from the picture on Google. Four minutes next time, but this time there was an angry shout from across the road. "Shut that fucking alarm up Andrew's you twat, before I come across there and shut you up." Ok I said to myself two more and then go home, I gave it five minutes. I had a bit of a one-sided conversation with Mr Shrubbery about how he had grown, at least he was company. And it had started to rain. Bugger.

Probably due to the threats from across the road, this time Shithead burst from his front door and ran to the car. In a blinding flash of complete and utter stupidity, I stepped inside his house and closed the door behind me. I quickly looked around the room. The lights were off but there was just enough light coming through the curtains to see even though they were fully closed. The front door opened into the main room. There was a large flat-screen telly; pictures were hanging on the wall, sofa, armchair, coffee table a small table by the front door and a flight of stairs. By now he had noticed the door was shut and he was beating it with his fist, I think my heart was beating louder. Shit, backdoor, I rushed to the back of the room and found the door opened on to a fair-sized kitchen with a back door, there was a key in the back door lock, I gave it a twist to make sure it was locked.

I thought to myself. "You stupid twat Harris, he's on the outside, you're on the inside and you have to somehow got to swap over, and it would be really good if you didn't get caught doing it." I stood for a minute, my heart only beating now at the speed of a Spandau machine gun and probably just as loud. The beating stopped at the front door and there was a sound like a wooden gate being shoved open. Did he have a spare key hidden round the back? There was a crash of a plant pot being knocked over, so I assumed he'd hidden one under a plant pot, a key rattled in the back door lock, but as the key was fitted on the inside, it wouldn't go all the way in. I looked at the back door and saw another key hanging from the key ring that was in the lock. "Mm maybe that's another spare key, that could be useful," I thought. It was quiet outside, it was a risk, but I pulled the key from the lock and compared the two keys, they were the same. I separated them and shoved one back in.

Ok, he was at the back, and I was going out the front, but as I moved towards the lounge door there was an almighty crash and the sound of breaking pottery, the double glazing on the back door must have held. For some reason, I paused wondering what was going to happen next, then a large plant pot including a small hydrangea plus lots of soil and compost came flying through the glass. I got covered in compost, shit! I shook most of it off.

I quickly slipped out the front door, closed it behind me and stood very still by Mr Shrubbery, ah, back with my friend. My heart was only going at the speed of a Bren gun now. There were lots of lights going on up and down the street, and I was worried they will hear my heart beating, it was almost deafening me. I stood there until most of the lights went out and I made my way back to my bike, I was tempted to do the car trick again, but I thought Shithead's neighbour had had enough for one night, I knew I had. However, I did move the seat fully forward before I left. It had just stopped raining, that was good but unfortunately, I didn't see the puddles and my feet got soaked.

I got home in about 15 minutes, put the kettle on for a cup of tea, turned it off and grabbed a strong beer from the fridge, my heart had slowed down to double speed now. I looked at the key I had taken from his back door, oh what mischief could I carry out now. Then I realised what I'd done, and that breaking and entering was illegal even if I didn't break in, I did enter, and I could end up spending time at Her Majesties pleasure. I pondered it for a bit and decided it was worth the risk to save my marriage, I would just have to be careful. I slept surprisingly well.

Tuesday

I was up early the following day and had a pot of tea made when Julia got down, I poured her a cup.

"How did you sleep?" She asked.

"Guess?"

"Yes, I know, I can stop it, but I have to do this, please, just the once."

I finished my tea and headed towards the door, but I paused and gave her hand a small squeeze as I passed her.

I got to work and got a piece of metal rod from stores and did some fettling so if the key was fitted on the inside of Shithead's back door, I could use this gadget to get it out and then fit mine and unlock the door. That done I waited for Shithead to turn up. Julia walked into my office with a hot tea, it was machine crap but in a proper mug, again I accepted the peace offering with a small smile.

Shithead turned up just before nine, I saw him go up the stairs, and he fell over, it was nothing to do with me that time. I knew he had meetings with Centrix during the day, so I had to strike now. I got a couple of tablets and waited till he had his coffee and then headed to his office. I burst in and started in on the attack.

"You said be here at 08:30 and it's almost nine before you get here, what the fuck do you want?" I kept my voice low, but grumpy.

He was confused, he didn't look too good either, a bit jaded round the edges "What are you on about, why would I want to talk to you?"

"My very same thoughts, I have absolutely no need nor wish to talk to you, but look at your calendar, you requested a meeting at 08:30 which I accepted, now what the fuck do you want?" He checked his calendar and there it was, 'AH at 08:30 sales brief'. It's useful being IT administrator with access to company logins and passwords at times.

"I didn't do that, it's a mistake."

I leaned across his desk and growled at him. "You did it just to piss me off didn't you?" He leaned back in his chair to get away from me, that was when his chair fell apart and he hit his head on the wall as he fell. Bugger, the chair wasn't due to fall apart till tomorrow, never mind, two tablets into his coffee whilst he was sprawling on the floor. I feigned concern and helped him up.

He looked at me and said. "Look, I'm sorry, I don't know how that happened, if I'd seen it, I'd have been here, I was going to give you a call anyway. The car alarm keeps going off and I was up all night and my neighbours got pissed off at me. And to make matters worse I locked myself out and had to put a plant pot through the back window to get in, and it was raining, I got wet and covered in shit. And when I asked my cleaner to clear it up for me, she quit, now I've got a fucking mess to clear up when I get home and do you think I can get a glazier to come and fix it, not before next fucking week, and I've got to get ready for a meeting with Centrix, Oh and the seat in the car keeps moving." I think he'd caught verbal diarrhoea. And he might have confused me with somebody who gives a shit about his life.

"If you let me have the keys, I'll look at it for you, but the only other car I have is the old run-around Fiesta, you're not really going to look good in that, but you can have it."