My experience as the controlling force in my husband's life is certainly not unique, but I do believe that the way I guide our lives works so well that it is worth sharing. As is the case with many of your wives, I did not have any idea that BDSM, when used by a loving wife within a female-led marriage, could be such an effective way of improving my marriage and my life. I know lead the kind of life many women only dream of living. My husband is a caring and devoted submissive who spends a great deal of energy focusing on how to serve and please me. He is my devoted slave, although his life still contains many and varied tasks and activities that allow him to pursue his dreams and goals in the world that exists outside of our home.
We have been married for twenty years and had our ups and downs during the first eight years of our marriage. During that time I was not able to give my husband the loving guidance and direction he truly needs because I was unaware of both my power and my responsibility.
How I found out about his need to submit and my ability to lead our marriage is not nearly as important as the journey that has resulted. I began tentatively, but in time I realized that what was best for him was a regimen based on my absolute control of almost every area of his life. He is still a "man," if you are worried, but he is a man whose wife loves him enough to provide the strict supervision he needs. When we are alone he is kept naked or in something skimpy and sexy. When he is wearing his slave collar he must ask permission for everything and thank me for each moment of humiliation and every instance of pain acceptance.
The starting point was when I learned how powerful was his need to be sexually submissive. It embarrassed him to admit to his needs because he thought they were so strange and deviant that I would lose all respect for him and leave. And at first I too had many reservations about what it "meant" to have my husband want to be treated in such a way. But I am an intelligent woman and once committed to providing the control, I approached it with a reasonably open mind and heart. I'm so glad I never told him something he wanted was too much for me, because at this point it is me who sees the value in ever increasing demonstrations that he is mine so completely. I am the one who made him bend over the bed and hold a candle in his ass while I sipped wine and read a book by candlelight.
Obviously I am happy enough with the results that I have forced him even further into submission than he ever dreamed possible. First I have a husband who is devoted to me with his entire being. He cleans, dusts, does laundry, yard-work, maintains the cars, picks up the cleaning, etc. I take advantage of his need for my control because it's not only fun but actually best for him.
Lovemaking is wonderful and just the way I want it. I have never enjoyed intercourse as much as some women so I've limited the frequency, but I have greatly increased the number of orgasms I expect from his eager mouth and fingers. I also completely love watching him on his knees --- naked, erect and needy, using a vibrator on me until I climax just the way he has been trained.
That he is eager to please should not be news, but what is very important to me is that he is getting the love and attention he needs at his core. He claims his performance at work has improved and I have the bonus checks in the bank to prove it. He is also simply happier, his dirty, dark, secret need has become even dirtier and darker because I love the effect it has on him.
I began by limiting his orgasms and having him complete a weekly list of tasks, typically housework. As his training has progressed, I have added more to what he is expected to give as my servant and taken further liberties with his body and mind. He needs the control I offer and he often requires direct supervision to insure he behaves the way I wish.
In no particular order I will list some of the more important tools and techniques I use to teach and train him:
