Ravenous

Thank you to blackrandl1958 for being such a great editor and friend, and to D for your feedback and support.

*****

The zombie appeared to be ninety-five years old, but it was likely much, much younger. Its skull was mostly visible, and the rest of its flesh was gray and limp. It had clumps of what might have been hair hanging off its head, but it was filled with dirt and debris so I couldn't be sure. It didn't matter. I took my bat, rather than the gun, and smashed its brains in until I was sure that it was gone.

Rachel whimpered a little at my side. I whirled around and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her hard. "Did it bite you?"

"N-no."

My hands ran over her body, inspecting her. "Are you sure?" It had been all over her, ravenous and greedy.

Nash got between us and examined her. "Shit," he said, a catch in his voice. "She's not sure. Look at her face."

"Shut the fuck up, Nash. If she says she's not bit, she's not fucking bit, okay?"

Lucy ran over and tugged Nash away. "She's fine, babe, leave them alone."

I took my wife into my arms and kissed her cheek. "Are you all right?"

"Yes."

The relief was indescribable. "That was a close one, baby."

She gave me a shaky smile. "The closest."

If I hadn't been so shaken up, I would have been crying. "It was my fault. I wasn't watching closely enough and I lit the fucking fire and..."

"Shh," Rachel whispered, putting her fingers to my mouth. "That's not true."

I hugged her tightly and kissed her shoulder. "I don't know what I would have done if I didn't get back in time."

"Guys," Nash interrupted, "we need to get moving. There will be more, and soon."

Somehow, I managed to let her go and packed up my stuff. I shook as I thought about how close that truly was. Nash and I had left our wives behind to go to the nearby lake to wash ourselves and our clothes. We never dreamed in a million years that any of those things would be so close; we had both walked the perimeter of the camp we set up and we hadn't seen shit. Zombies weren't exactly stealthy, either. Somehow, this one got through.

"Get over it, Liam," Rachel called, putting her backpack on and adjusting her gun in her hands. "We need to leave."

*****

"A juicy steak. That's what I'd want."

Nash and I laughed at Rachel, who only shrugged. It was nice to have a light moment after one of the biggest scares of my life that morning.

"You used to be a vegetarian. Now, you're craving steak?"

She shrugged again and continued counting bullets. "You boys asked."

Rachel had been the ultimate vegetarian her whole life. She used to get on my case about eating meat constantly, saying that I would have a happier life adopting a vegetarian lifestyle. I always told her I would do anything for love, but I wouldn't do that. I thought it was additionally funny that I was quoting Meatloaf. She was never amused.

"I want cheesy scalloped potatoes. My mom used to make them," Nash cut in. "Really cheesy, gooey, and satisfying potatoes. Yum. What would you want, Lucy?"

Lucy rolled her eyes. "I'm not playing this game. It's making me hungry and cranky."

"No fun. What about you, then, Liam?"

I grinned. "Rachel's famous butternut squash lasagna."

She snorted and shook her head. "Shut up, Liam, you hated it."

"I did not."

Nash scratched his beard thoughtfully. "I don't remember ever having your butternut squash lasagna. Should I be insulted?"

"No, doofus," she said. "I made it for Thanksgiving once and I almost killed Liam with it. Probably because it wasn't pure red meat. He hated it, so I never made it again."

"It really wasn't that bad," I conceded, but it hadn't been her finest effort.

Rachel stood and stretched. She looked exhausted. Her long black hair was scattered all over her shoulders in messy layers. The contrast of the color of her hair and the paleness of her face only emphasized her fatigue and malnutrition. It killed me to see her looking like that, and I knew I probably looked no better.

Nash was always a rugged fucker, but the six months since our world went to shit made him look even meaner and tougher. His sandy-colored hair hung loosely to his shoulders, and his blue eyes had taken on a calculating glint that had never been there before. Nash and I had been best friends since we were kids, and he was the most easygoing, trusting, and kind guy you would ever meet. That was before. Now, he sometimes scared the living shit out of me. Lucy was his wife, and they'd only just gotten married before the world went to shit. She was the most important thing in this world, and I didn't doubt he would stab me in the gut before he let anything happen to her.

I hadn't forgotten how he was ready to dispatch with Rachel that morning, and even if it seemed she had forgiven him, I still wanted to confront him about it.

"I'm tired," Rachel said. "I think I'm going to go lie down, if that's okay with you guys."

Lucy got up and dusted dirt from her jeans. "Me, too."

I stood and kissed Rachel. "Sleep well, baby," I said, knowing that wasn't likely. She had nightmares nearly every night, and particularly violent ones after we came across one of the undead fuckers.

She kissed me, then rested on our sleeping back a few feet away. I waited a while until I knew she was asleep. Nash didn't expect my hands around his throat, and he gasped as I tightened my fingers around it.

"Don't you ever, ever, question me again like that. Especially when it comes to Rachel."

"She could have been bit," he ground out, fighting against me. "I had to check."

"Could have been, but wasn't. If I left it up to you, you would've chopped her head off."

"That's...not fair," he struggled to say. "I'd never do that to Rachel. You know how much I care about her. But we need to be s-safe."

"She was safe. She is safe."

"Okay. Okay, man."

I let him go, heaving in deep breaths. He coughed a little and fought to get back his breath. I half-expected him to come after me, but he stayed seated in the dirt.

"Asshole," I muttered, sitting back down.

"Yes, he is," Lucy said, coming back to the fire. "So are you, Liam. You woke me up." She played with her hair again and stretched out. "It's cold tonight."

I shook my head and tried not to stare at Lucy. She was a giant temptation for me and I wasn't proud of it. Her skin was like porcelain, and her sapphire eyes were large and bright in her pretty face. She had curves that made my hands clench so that I wouldn't reach out and touch them. Then, there was her hair, long and the color of flames. I fantasized about wrapping it around my hands and tugging on it as I did other things to her body. She tormented me in my dreams. I loved my wife, there was no question about that, and I knew I would never act on my impulses, but I couldn't get her out of my head.

Truthfully, I hadn't thought about her like that until the outbreak. Having her around all of the time, growing to care about her even more than I did before, and seeing her vulnerable somehow stoked the illicit fires and the attraction developed.

"I'm going to bed," I said at last. I couldn't handle being near her for long.

I went over to Nash and held my hand out. "We cool?"

"Fuck you, Liam," he grunted. Then he shook my hand.

*****

The day that the world as we knew it ended, Lucy and Nash were at our house. The news reports weren't saying anything, except that some disease was causing people to become vicious and bite others.

"Sounds like zombies," Lucy remarked.

We watched in horror as reporters were attacked, as bloodied people ran aimlessly in the streets, as cars zoomed off the streets because their drivers were dying, and as those affected by the disease chased and ate other humans. It was horrific and unfathomable. It was a horror movie that never ended.

We knew we had to go when we no longer needed to watch the TV to see what was going on; we only had to peer out the window.

Somehow, we survived. We knew everyone else in our families was probably dead, but we never talked about that. We rose in the morning and continued to move south, as far as we could get. We hunted animals and avoided cities. It was slow-going, but we finally reached Florida. There were fewer zombies there, but six months after the initial outbreak, they were still going strong. We talked about finding a way to get across the water to see if there were any places unaffected in the world, but we knew it was impractical.

"Shouldn't they be fucking starving by now?" Rachel asked one frantic afternoon as we ducked from a massive horde.

"I don't know," I whispered into her hair. "I don't know."

The fact was they weren't starving. Bible thumpers had said this was God's punishment for all of our sins, and maybe it was, because the damage they did was biblical. We rarely ever saw other people, and when we did, they were usually dangerous scavengers who wanted to do us harm.

It was just the four of us, trying to survive. Death was constantly hovering over us, toying with us, but we decided we needed to fight back.

*****

I was dreaming, that much I knew, but it was a memory from shortly after we reached Florida.

I had hurt myself, falling badly over a tree root. Lucy was a nurse, and she took it upon herself to treat my sprained wrist. She checked on it constantly, clucking her tongue when she saw the swelling wasn't letting it up.

It was probably one of the first times I was acutely aware of my attraction to her. Her red hair hung over her shoulder in a long braid; some strands had come loose and blew in the wind. Her long lashes fluttered as she turned my wrist this way and that.

"Does that hurt?"

"Huh?"

Her smile was bright. "The wrist."

"Oh," I said, feeling like a moron. "It kills, but I think it's better."

"Me, too. At least it isn't broken." She wrapped it back up with some extra clothing we carried around.

"You must miss nursing. I know how much you loved it."

She stood and tossed her braid over her back. "I miss everything."

"I know what you mean. I even miss the dentist."

Her laugh was like music playing. I heard people say that sentimental shit before and I usually rolled my eyes, but now I knew what they meant.

"Well, I'm not too sure about that."

"No, really, my dentist was a nice guy."

She giggled and shook her head. "You're crazy, Liam."

We shared a look, a mutual appreciation for the other. I thought at the time I must have been imagining it, imagining the muted but definitely present hunger thrumming between us. Yet she didn't look away. Instead, her blue eyes seemed to shine with some indescribable emotion.

The memory faded and I woke up, cold and stiff. The others were still sleeping. I peered at Lucy's sleeping form and yearned for something I could never have.

*****

There was something wrong with Rachel the next morning. She was listless and moody, but she wouldn't say what was wrong. She just said she wanted to keep moving, so we did.

It was boiling hot, and the merciless sun shone down on us as we trudged our way back home.

There was a large house we found that was isolated and hidden. We knew it was the perfect place to stay, and we only ventured from it when it was time to bathe or find food. We had only encountered two zombies there, and since it seemed like the safest option to find a semi-permanent shelter; we called it home.

We made it back around noon. Rachel went up to our room directly, and Lucy lifted her eyebrows at me.

"You two get into a fight or something?"

I shrugged and unpacked my stuff. "No idea. She won't tell me what's wrong."

"Maybe she's still shaken up from yesterday."

Nash nodded. "Or she had another bad dream. I heard her crying last night."

I left them downstairs and went to check on her. She was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Not a good sign. I sat next to her and touched her arm. She ripped it away.

"Baby, what's wrong? You have to tell me."

She sat up and glared at me. "Fine. You want me to tell you? You tried to have sex with me in your sleep last night and you called me Lucy." She flopped back onto the bed and turned so that I could only see her back. "Now leave me alone."

Fuck. I dreamt of Lucy frequently but it had never trickled over into reality. This was very bad.

"I don't even remember. I'm sorry, Rachel. I didn't mean it."

"I see the way you stare at her."

My mouth fell open. "I don't stare at her."

She spun around. "Please don't lie to me. I can't take it. I have eyes, okay? I'm not dumb."

I sighed and tried to think of a way to smooth this over. "Look, I know you're upset about yesterday and..."

"This has nothing to do with the attack. None. This has to do with my husband lusting over my friend and calling me by her name when his dick was rubbing on my ass!"

"Jesus, Rachel, I'm sorry." I rubbed my beard and tried to think of a way out of this clusterfuck. "It doesn't mean anything."

"You want to fuck her. I know you do."

"I do not," I insisted. "I love you. I want you."

Her dark eyes narrowed and she twisted her lips. "What if I started having sex with you and called you Nash? How would you take it?"

I shook my head and let out a long breath. "I... not well."

"So, let me be pissed off. Leave me alone for a while." She turned around again and I thought I heard a sniffle. This was a disaster.

I decided it was best to listen to her and give her some space, so I stood and went back downstairs. Nash and Lucy were standing in the living room, both of their faces red. They were pretending like they hadn't heard as they folded up some clothes and carefully kept their eyes averted from me.

"It didn't mean anything," I announced to them, hoping they weren't furious as well.

Nash finally looked at me, his eyes cold. I braced myself for his reaction. Then his face softened and he snorted.

"Dude, it's fine. My wife is hot." He bumped his shoulder into mine. "So is yours. I'm not mad."

"It was just a dream," Lucy said to me. She was blushing. "She'll get over it."

I shook my head. "I hope so."

"Does this mean I have your permission to fantasize about Rach now?" Nash asked with a massive grin.

Lucy smacked him and I told him to go fuck himself.

Rachel didn't come down for dinner. I brought a salad up to her with some potatoes Lucy mashed. They were incredibly lumpy but I didn't have the heart to tell her. Rachel usually prepared our food.

I put the plate on the bedside table and sat on the bed. "You have to eat."

She studied me for a minute, then sighed and took the food. "You should know last night wasn't the first time."

My entire face flushed. "Shit."

Rachel nodded. "Yup. Shit just about sums it up. That's how I know you really want her. What I really want to know is if it's some end of the world, biological imperative thing or if it's something that was always there. Just be straight with me, Liam."

Knowing it could go very badly, I decided to tell the truth. "I've always thought she was attractive, but yeah. It definitely turned into something else since we've been together." I took Rachel's hand. "I love you, Rachel. You. Not her."

She couldn't meet my eyes. "But you think about her."

I didn't know what to say. I knew I couldn't lie, not to her. "I'm sorry."

Rachel wiped the tears off of her face and shrugged. "I guess it's going to have to be something I get over." She hesitated for a minute, then asked the question that seemed to bother her the most. "Do you not want me anymore?"

"Of course I want you," I said. "There is no question about that." I took a deep breath, then said something that had been on my mind for a while. "Look, maybe it's time we separate from them. Would that help?"

She squeezed my hand and shook her head. "No. It wouldn't. It's going to be okay. Just hold me."

I took her in my arms and kissed her cheek. She was precious to me and I would never, ever do anything to intentionally harm her. That I hurt her because of my stupid attraction to Lucy was excruciating to me.

She kissed me, her impossibly soft lips working against my own. My tongue slipped out and stroked until she opened her mouth and let me inside.

I started undressing her and she stopped me. "You're not just trying to prove something to me, are you?"

"Baby, I want you." I moved her hand to my cock and let her feel what just kissing her had done to me. "Ever since we met, I've been like a teenager around you. That will never go away."

She unbuttoned my shirt and kissed my bare chest. "Then, you better make it up to me."

Rachel rested against the pillows and watched me completely undress. When I was naked, I went back to pulling off her clothes. I was becoming increasingly desperate to be inside of her; I loved it when she let me take charge.

When I moved over her and pressed myself to her pussy, she took a gentle hold of my head and stared into my eyes. "Liam, I love you. Promise me you'll never leave me."

"I won't. I love you, too."

We had amazing make-up sex. She was quieter than usual, but when she started earnestly fucking me back, I knew I was forgiven. I sucked on her breasts and shoved hard between her thighs, needing to make her come. My hand rubbed at her clit and a string of moans came from her throat.

"More," she begged.

I lifted myself up and put my hands on her legs, spreading them wider. Her own hands went to her breasts, and I watched as she tugged and pinched her pretty little nipples.

"How could you ever think I don't want you?" I asked, my voice husky with want. "You are so unbelievably sexy."

"Get back inside me," she ordered. "Make me come. Please."

I loved when she said please. I settled back over her, groaning in ecstasy at the sensation of her breasts rubbing against my chest. I held her hips up and thrust again and again until the bed rocked against the wall. She cooed and whispered how much she loved me, but I couldn't make out the words as my heartbeat thundered in my ears.

Rachel broke beneath me, shuddering as she contracted around my cock. I gave her a brutal kiss and pulled my dick out, spilling my cum against her warm pussy.

"Can you feel how much I want you?"

She was still shaking beneath me. She nodded and wrapped her arms around my body. Then she burst into tears, sobbing as I stroked her.

"What's the matter, honey?"

"I'm just so g-glad to be alive. I was so scared all day and so m-mad at you. I didn't feel like I could trust anything."

I brought her hand to my heart and let her feel its beat. "Trust me. Trust this."

"I do, I do." She stopped crying. "I don't know what's the matter with me."

"Nothing is the matter. You've had a rough few days. It'll be better tomorrow."

I held her until she fell asleep. When I went downstairs, Nash was still up, his gun in hand. We alternated who would stay up on guard. It was Nash's turn that night, but I was wired.

"Let me do it," I said, grabbing my gun and bullets. "I'm wide awake, anyway."

Nash blew out a breath. "I don't know how after the fucking you just had."

"Shut the fuck up."

He shrugged a shoulder. "What was I supposed to do? Pretend like I couldn't hear? Anyway, I'm glad it's all better now."

I didn't want to, but I felt like I should say something. "Look, man, about Lucy..."

He put his gun away and held out his hand to stop my words. "Let's not go there. Like I said earlier, she's hot and we're in close quarters. Bound to happen."

Those were interesting words. I watched him crack his knuckles, one of his nervous tells.

"So, are you implying you fantasize about my wife, too?"

He kept his gaze on the floor. "Well, if I admitted that, it's not like you could be too mad about it."

"Guess not." The situation was vaguely amusing to me and I laughed. "This is fucked up."