Karen had not always been this concerned about her looks and never felt the need to splurge on sexy underwear. In fact, growing up she didn't think about it at all. She was petite and cute, albeit a little flat chested, but also a nerd. She liked math and science and didn't understand boys. Things that came natural to her high school and college classmates like clothes and hair and makeup and flirting and dating, seemed to escape her. She just wasn't interested.
But lately she was very interested. In fact, it was all she thought about. What should I wear? How's my hair? Is it time to redo my nails? How do I look? Will he be pleased? Yes, pleasing Jeremy had become an unspoken obsession and one that steered her quite frequently to the mall and into Victoria's Secret.
"Damn, you should wear them more often. They're fucking hot as hell," Richard said with a slight crack in his voice as he stared at his near-naked wife. He kissed her again letting his hand travel down her flat stomach towards the top edge of her panties.
"No!" Karen voiced a little more loudly than she had intended as she grabbed his arm with a fierceness, she didn't know she possessed and pulled it away from her vagina horrified at the thought of him inserting a finger into her.
You see, Jeremy had not used a condom today. The fact was he never did. The first time they had sex two months ago was so frenzied that neither one of them had paused to think rationally. He had enthusiastically fucked her pushing himself into her up to the hilt with his orgasm; giving no thought in that moment for her feelings, permission or the consequences of coming inside her. But to be fair, she never told him to pull out or, even better, put on protection. In that moment she had reveled at this new man between her legs, his strength and forceful ejaculation and had ashamedly relived the exact moment when he came inside her a thousand times since.
So instead of speaking up, she just added his entitlement to unprotected sex to her long list of rationalizations: I'm on the pill. He's clean. The risk of pregnancy is low. He's a man, so of course, it feels better for him. It's awkward to stop in the middle of things and put it on, Etc. Etc.
She did, however, continue to regret her wishy-washyness from that first day. She wished she had insisted on a condom. In her mind forcing Jeremy to have protected sex would have given her a small sense of power in the relationship. It would have also sanitized the sex. It would have made the whole sordid mess somehow a little less lewd and messy by lightening the literal and figurative weight of her having to carry around traces of their elicit couplings deep inside her. But that proverbial horse had left the barn. Jeremy had cum inside her more times than she cared to count. The window to insist on a condom had long since closed.
All of these thoughts darted around Karen's mind in a flash as she held tight to Richard's arm preventing his hand from its intended target.
"The kids will be home soon so we better speed things up," she offered as way of an excuse for her sudden action. She then reached over to help him remove his pants and began stroking him, eventually lowering her head and opening her mouth to suck on the second erection she had coaxed into existence today.
For the last two months she had coped with her deceit by never allowing her two lives to cross. She had not permitted herself to compare Richard and Jeremy. One was the husband she loved and the other was a meaningless fling. They were separate, and for two months she had adamantly kept it that way. But of course, they weren't separate. Ultimately, they were two very real men brought together by one woman and, on this day, they were separated by just a few hours.
So today as she bobbed her head up and down on Richard's penis she couldn't help but compare. Richard was smaller she ashamedly admitted. He tasted and smelled different, not better or worse, just different. He was also more passive than Jeremy. Richard was content to just lay there and accept what she offered. He was also that way with their sexual routines, never venturing out beyond the tried and true. Jeremy, on the other hand, didn't want to leave his sexual pleasure to chance. He preferred to insist, direct and suggest. Karen, who was naturally shy, found she loved it when he took charge as it heightened her own arousal. With Richard, when they made love it was gentle and comfortable. With Jeremy, she got fucked. It was never violent or demeaning, but it was always raw and unpredictable. Once he penetrated her, Richard tended to gently move in and out, while Jeremy was the opposite. The moment he pressed himself to her opening, he always seemed to lose control as he plunged in and forcefully had his way.
Two completely different experiences no doubt. But one thing the two men did share in common today, was how much they both enjoyed Karen's talented mouth.
Richard's moans brought Karen out of her destructive reverie. She was encouraged as she hoped beyond hope that she could end this nightmare soon and entice Richard to shoot his load harmlessly and hygienically up on his abdomen.
Richard, however, had other ideas. The blow job just added to his state of excitement. He pulled her up and kissed her again. He then rolled the two of them over, pinning Karen on her back. He pulled her underwear off not noticing the discharge that had recently stained the fabric. He then climbed between her legs sliding his penis into her effortlessly.
Oh shit, she whimpered to herself. This can't be happening, but of course it was. She knew instinctively how slippery she was down there. Even so, she wasn't prepared for the sensations. She could feel him, of course, but everything felt different. The level of lubrication was beyond what her body would produce naturally and the lack of friction as he moved inside her was surreal. But even setting aside the physical unpleasantness, she couldn't escape the mental torment. Richard was unknowingly coating his cock with Jeremy's cum as he was the second man she had voluntarily spread her legs for over the course of just a few hours.
To avoid staring at his face and risk bursting into tears, she pulled him down on top of her so that his head was beside hers.
Richard was lost in his lust. Karen was lost in her humiliation and shame. His cock was hard. Her vagina was soft - stretched, forgiving and well-coated. Richard's grunts reflected passion. Karen's whimpers masked tears. Richard was singularly focused on what was happening in that moment and, in this one regard, he had something very much in common with his wife.
In the end, if the ease in which he entered her or the lack of friction in her vagina felt different, he never said. He just moved in and out until he could hold back no longer. His body tightened as he orgasmed deep into his wife, mingling his seed with that of his boss.
The second it was over Karen jumped out of bed as if she had been shot from a cannon, grabbing her soiled panties off the floor along the way. She raced to the bathroom, locked the door and wiped herself obsessively over and over trying to remove all physical traces of both men as if that would somehow atone for what she had done.
The pain she felt for her husband was excruciating. The shame she felt for herself matched it. There were no thoughts of girl power or sexual liberation. No naughty bucket-list check-off. Just a rehash of her disgusting personal statistics - two men, three ejaculations and all in four hours. Her actions made her feel cheap and gross.
The day was demeaning. And yet, there was no one to blame but herself. She wasn't raped. She wasn't drunkenly taken advantage of. She wasn't coerced in any way. No, she had freely put herself in that situation.
"Why?" she softly asked herself out loud as she came back to the present and continued to stare up at the rotating ceiling fan as she laid in bed later that night. "Why am I doing this? Why am I risking everything to fuck Jeremy?" she added to no one but herself.
She instinctively knew that if she was ever going to figure out the answer to that question it had to be tonight. It had to be now!
Is it the high I'm getting from feeling so good about the way I look?
She thought back to twirling in front of the mirror earlier today. How much fun it was to shop for new lingerie and clothes. How nice it was to get complimented by her friends Susan and Ann on her looks and get a few extra stares from their husbands. She knew she was playing catch-up to the joys of being female and was loving it.
Is it the thrill of being desired and not wanting it to end?
Every girl, if they're honest, wants to be pretty, she thought. They want men to notice them. Being constantly pursued by a younger, tall, rich, handsome man was exhausting but also so very flattering. Since the affair started, she had been functioning on a different level. Her senses were in overdrive. She felt more alive and beautiful then she had at any time in her life. The on-demand sex kept her in an almost constant state of titillation. When Jeremy wasn't demanding to be sucked off or pushing her legs apart and pounding away in her for all he was worth, she was secretly imagining all the times he had, and ashamedly looking forward to the next time he would.
Is it the feeling that she had missed out on something growing up and was somehow owed some new sexual experiences to make up for it?
Her friends, Ann and Susan, had a long list of old boyfriends. They were able to recount colorful stories of dates that went horribly wrong and wonderfully right.
She had none.
Her sexual experiences were limited to Richard. They had met in college. Both were computer engineers and both virgins. Both loved math and science. Both were geeks. Neither had dated anyone seriously, so they entered into the relationship with gusto. Karen was petite and pretty, but she wasn't connected very well to her feminine side. She was never quite sure what to wear or how to pull off cute outfits and do all the other things that came so natural to some girls. But with Richard it didn't seem to matter. He was just as unsure and awkward as she was. So very soon the relationship became comfortable. It became something that neither wanted to leave, because the thought of dating and finding someone new was frightening for both of them. It's not that they settled, it's just that they had settled in.
