THE FOLLOWING STORY IS TRUE. ALL EVENTS AND BEHAVIOR ARE FAITHFUL ACCOUNTS OF PAST OCCURRENCES. NAMES HAVE BEEN ALTERED TO PROTECT MY POSTERIOR AND KEEP ME OUT OF COURT. WRITER'S LICENSE AND HUMBLE DISCRETION HAVE BEEN USED WHERE AND WHEN I FELT IT EXPEDIENT TO AVOID ADVERSITY OR TO ENHANCE EPISODIC INTERVALS.
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Recently Leo stopped by the office to see me and torment my assistant, Marci. Scheming to tease my pretty subordinate is always high on his docket. The unabashed admiration of her short-skirted legs induced the retreat of those nylon-clad limbs from sight.
Two children have left Marci with just enough baby-fat to make her appear younger than her thirty-two years. Naturally friendly, her slight naivete sometimes elicits unwanted attentions from the many men who stop by our office. She also is mortified at both my candor and lasciviousness toward those same men.
"Sorry Marci," my significant dildo teased, "does it bother you when men investigate you?"
"You weren't investigating, you were scrutinizing me as if I was a piece of meat on the rack!" she snapped at him.
"Now that's not really true," said Leo, feigning distress. Surprised, Marci awaited further explanation, so he teasingly continued, "Actually, I was staring up your skirt! You have beautiful legs, which I never tire of examining. The way you fill out that uniform blouse tends to produce quite a bit of excitement in all my appropriate places, too."
"Susie, he can't say things like that to me! That's sexual harassment! If you don't keep your evil minded remarks to yourself, I'll contact the proper authorities!" These declarations of hostility she fumed while unsuccessfully attempting to pull her skirt further down.
Stifling a snortle, I noticed the more she tugged her skirt the wider her blouse gapped between its strained buttons. I was confident my dear Leo would never notice her low cut and almost transparent bra those gaps exposed. Something as immature as staring down a ladies blouse is far beneath his dignity. Uh huh! I was going to reference "Pigs fly, etc..." but then again, I work with flyboys every day.
Innocently I looked over and said, "Shame on you Darling, one would think you never got any at home" (Marci blushed profusely). Resuming the game, I stated positively, "It's all right Marci, Leo won't force you to do anything you don't want to do when he makes love to you."
Her face flushed and her chin quivered angrily above her ample chest. Though not prudish, she is easily mortified; an aspect I am often unable to resist, "Go apologize Leo, you don't want us to have a session with the social actions people, now do you?"
Humbly he approached her (I know him too well, he was up to something) and pressing the back of her fingers to his lips, solemnly intoned, "I'm sorry to have caused you embarrassment Marci. You're a very special lady and much too delightful to warrant my petty annoyances. It's just that you're also a very foxy lady. When one is in the presence of a finely sculpted orchid it's difficult not to stare."
Shaking her head Marci smiled in spite of herself, "Oh you're smooth! You're so slick I bet your clothes keep slipping off." Realizing immediately the innuendo of her words, she buried her face in her hands and spat, "Oh shit, don't say anything. Just let it go, okay?"
Always one to rescue kittens (and ladies in distress), Leo drew her into his arms and hugged her. Try as she might, she couldn't avert the tears of frustration and relinquished her dignity against his shoulder. "I'm sorry too," she sniffled. "You've never done anything but be nice to me really. But I'm embarrassed when you flirt with me right in front of Susie. How do you think it makes your wife feel when you do that?"
"Secure," Leo and I answered almost as one voice. "And horny," I finished alone!
Pulling away from Leo's embrace, Marci looked questioningly over at me. "That can't be right, Susie. You have to be jealous," she maintained! "Besides, you're the best boss I've ever had, "I never want to do anything to make you mad at me."
"Marci, Marci," I tsked. "Jealousy never enters my mind when someone makes Leo happy! So it surely won't anger me if you bring him happiness. If Leo didn't want to investigate the charms of an attractive young lady like you, I would be very worried about him. Oh, I understand perfectly when he yearns to enjoy the touch of another woman. Which, by the way, in case you haven't noticed, my dear Leo seems to derive joy from holding you in his arms at the moment."
Marci jerked away, but Leo held on, then gently eased her back against his shoulder. "Just because two people find pleasure in each other's company or touch, they don't have to form a lifetime commitment," I assured her. "A moment ago, you needed comfort. Leo responded and gave you that comfort. I see no problem with that, do you?"
"It's hard for me to believe that you don't mind," she murmured. Then addressing Leo, she said, "Thank you for holding me, I really needed someone to care right now." Settling back into her chair, she added, "I've been a little upset recently."
"Tell us how we can help," I prompted.
"I don't think there's really anything you can do," she answered, looking significantly at Leo.
"In other words I make you nervous," Leo asserted. "That's a pretty good indication that your problem is sexual," he continued reflectively. Pulling a chair closer he added, "If you'll give me a chance, I'm a very good listener."
Marci looked rather pleadingly at me, then declared, "I'd feel more comfortable talking to a woman."
"Hey, he's a hell of a lot better at listening to people than I am," I answered. "Just look at those big, sympathetic eyes."
"Woof, woof," Leo joked. "You make me sound like a hung over cocker spaniel." Clasping Marci's hands, he assured her, "There's nothing so shocking nor so personal that we can't discuss it. I'm willing and really want to help you. Anything you tell me goes no further than this room."
Marci inhaled deeply, then after several false starts she finally declared, "Oh I just can't, not with you. It's too embarrassing!"
Caressing her palms with his thumbs, Leo smilingly suggested, "You've taken a lover?" Before she could answer, he added, "It's a female lover and you've decided to come out of the closet. She's a particularly ugly bull dyke and that's why you're so mortified, right?"
My always-humorous spouse elicited a smile from his subject. "No silly, it's nothing like that. It's just that," taking another deep breath she plowed on, "I've been having this problem. I mean, I think that, or more correctly Mark thinks that." Obviously trying gain courage, she sat quietly for several seconds before trying to continue. "Oh, never mind. I just can't tell you," she sighed as tears sprang forth again.