"Simon, I have a small problem," William said.
Simon considered his cousin and best friend.
"And this problem is?"
"You know that bout of measles I had a couple of years back?" asked William. On receiving Simon's nod he continued.
"It turns out that it left me sterile. We got the tests back from the doctor a couple of weeks ago. As you know Jessica and I have been trying to start a family. That's why we went to the doctor when it seemed she couldn't fall pregnant. The doctor says she's fine and the problem is me.
Jessica and I have been discussing the matter and what we can do about it. We decided that we could arrange artificial insemination for Jessica from a donor."
Simon nodded. That could be expensive, he mused. I suspect Willy is going to need some assistance.
"A courageous decision, Willy, but I'm sure you and Jessica will make fine parents. You seem to have resolved your problem without any help from me."
"Not quite," said William. "We are going to need a little assistance getting this done."
"Count me in," Simon told him. "Anything I can do, I will."
William grinned. "I knew you would. I told Jessica you'd say that."
At that moment Jessica joined the men. William turned to her, smiling.
"Simon says no worries, he'll help."
Jessica looked startled, to Simon's indignation. Just because he and she didn't get on too well didn't mean that he wouldn't help them out in a bind.
"He did?"
"Sure," Simon said. "Why not?"
"I just thought you might be a bit reluctant," Jessica murmured.
"Don't see why," grumbled Simon. "Any idea how much you'll need for the procedure?"
Jessica glanced at him. "Will," she said softly. "You did tell him what sort of help we need didn't you?"
Simon felt his heart sink as William looked elsewhere.
"Not specifically, but it's OK. Simon won't mind."
"What won't Simon mind?" demanded Simon.
Jessica smiled at him. "You are William's first cousin, and you do look a lot like him and you're reasonably handsome, healthy and quite intelligent. I was a little dubious at first, but on considering I had to agree with Will that you'd be perfect."
Any time that Jessica smiled at him, something was wrong. Simon repeated his question.
"What won't Simon mind? Perfect for what?"
"To be our sperm donor, of course. Using you means that the baby really will be a blood relation to Will, as well as being mine. Far better than some stranger. Don't you agree?"
Simon shot a deadly look at Jessica. She was enjoying this and looking to see if he'd try to squirm out of it. Looking at the expectation on Willy's face, Simon knew he was caught. He was going to have to jerk off into a little bottle to assist them.
He nodded. He might have been suckered, but he knew how to give way gracefully.
"So when and where do I go to play my part in this little drama," he asked.
This time Jessica blushed and looked away, while William looked uncomfortable.
"Artificial insemination isn't cheap, and you don't always catch first time," explained William. "You may have to try four of five times and you have to pay again every time, successful or no."
Simon just looked at him, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"Jessica and I talked it over and we sort of agreed that home delivery would be the best option," William explained.
"You're not being too clear, Willy. Could you elaborate just a little more. Like, tell me just what the hell you're letting me in for."
"What Will is trying to say, Simon," said Jessica, smiling sweetly, "is that we consider the best way to deliver the sperm is personally, without needlessly worrying all those doctors and shelling out all that cash, which we can use to set up the baby's room."
Simon looked at Jessica, appalled. "You expect me to..." is voice faded out as he gestured from Jessica to himself and back.
Jessica smiled and nodded. Simon could swear she was laughing hysterically at him, even if she did hide it well.
"But you consider me to be an ill mannered, sarcastic bore, with all the charm of a hog at its swill. And that is a direct quote," snapped Simon.
Jessica sighed. "We all have to make sacrifices."