I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Harvey, my husband of six years was on our patio with his friend Gary. They'd just finished playing golf and were having a drink under the shade of our umbrella. I'd been working on my flower beds, and I was currently no more than a couple of feet from the corner of the house. The patio was just around the corner.
I heard Gary ask Harvey, "I didn't want to ask in front of the other guys, but have you had any luck getting Jill to loosen up any yet?"
"Nah" my husband answered with a sigh, "I keep throwing out little hints, but she just lets them fly by. I don't know if she doesn't understand, or if she's just intentionally ignoring them."
Hints? Loosening up? What hints? Loosening up how? What the fuck were they talking about?
"Sorry, buddy. I'm lucky. I didn't even have to say anything to Sharon. When our sex life started slowing down, she took matters into her own hands."
"That's, awesome." Harvey replied. "Our sex life is on life support. I hope you don't mind me saying so, but Sharon is hot as fuck."
Sharon? Hot as fuck? I'd known Sharon since she and Gary got married. She was about as sexy as a lobster. She was overweight; she had no sense of fashion, and she snorted when she laughed. What the hell was 'hot as fuck' about that?
"Mind?" Gary asked with a chuckle, "Hell, knowing other guys think she's hot and want to fuck her just makes it even better. We talk about it, and those conversations always end with us having incredible sex."
Sharon? Other guys think she's hot, and they want to fuck her? Who are those 'other guys'?
My husband chuckled, "Well, ole buddy, you can put my name on that list."
What? Harvey? My husband thinks Sharon is hot and wants to fuck her? No way!
* * *
That evening, I was still fuming. When Harvey came downstairs after his shower, I was sitting in the den having a Martini.
"What's for supper?" He asked me, obviously oblivious to my sour mood.
"I've been working in the yard all day while you were out playing. I'm having a drink now. Is that okay?"
He stopped in his tracks and held up his hands in surrender, "Whoa! What's got your panties in a wad? I just asked what's for supper."
"I'm not hungry. You know where the kitchen is, don't you?"
My husband had never learned not to push me when I was in a mood. He walked over to the bar and poured himself three fingers of Scotch. After adding two ice cubes, he swirled it around and sat in his recliner. "Okay, I give. What did I do now?"
I pointed to his drink, "Make me one of those and I might tell you."
He hadn't taken a drink, so he got up and handed me his glass. He took my empty Martini glass and returned to the bar to pour himself another. I waited until he was sitting again, "So, you want to fuck Sharon Mason, huh?"
He looked like I'd just nailed his cock to the floor. I could almost hear the gears turning in his brain. When it looked like he was just about to speak, I drove in another nail, "She's hot as fuck! Add your name to the list of men who want to fuck her! Am I misquoting you? Did I misunderstand? Go ahead. I can't wait for you to explain it to me."
"Okay" He finally said, "I guess this is as good of a time as any to have this conversation."
"I'm listening." I scowled at him with flames shooting out of my eyes.
I'll give credit where it's due. My husband is an Alpha Male and a lawyer—a damn good lawyer. That fact was evidenced by the income he generated. He was not accustomed to losing, and for sure, not backing down from a fight.
"First, Sharon IS hot—not like you though. She doesn't have your looks or body, but sexy is as sexy does, and she's got it all over you in that department. Secondly, the wanting to fuck her part; when a man says that or something similar to another man about his wife or girlfriend, it's metaphorical. It's the ultimate compliment. It doesn't mean they literally WANT to fuck her."
I didn't relax my scowl as I let his explanation soak in. I still hadn't decided how to respond, so I threw back the remainder of my drink and went to the bar for another.
While my back was turned to him, I pulled the 'sexy is as sexy does, and she's got it all over you in that department' dagger out of my heart. If it had been a real dagger, I may have turned around and stabbed him with it.
I stayed at the bar with my back to him. "Sexy is as sexy does, huh? What does Sharon Mason do that is so sexy?"
"For one thing, at least when you and the other snooty wives aren't around, she's not opposed to sharing a dirty joke now and then."
"Me and the other SNOOTY wives?" I asked him with as much venom in my voice as I could muster.
"You asked." He said as he got to his feet. He walked around to the other side of our small bar to pour himself another drink.
I didn't want to look at him, especially not from that close. I was tempted to throw my drink in his face, so I turned around and walked over to the picture window and stared out. "So, that's what she does. She tells dirty jokes. I didn't realize that was the definition of being sexy."
And then my husband threw me a curve ball. I expected him to give me a list of what else Sharon does to be considered 'hot as fuck', but he didn't. Instead, he asked me, "Jill, are you happy with our sex life?"
I tried my best to explain, "Our lives are . . . we've been . . ." I almost said that other things have taken priority, but I knew how bad that would have sounded. Finally, I bowed my head, "No."
In a much kinder, more compassionate voice, my husband said, "Maybe you should talk to Sharon."
I could only nod as tears began running down my cheeks.
* * *
In bed that night, long after Harvey had fallen asleep, I thought back over the last year. How many times had he presented me with flowers for no reason? How many times had I gone to bed, only to find a nice new piece of jewelry on my pillow? How many times had he suggested having a date night and encouraged me to go out and buy a new dress or outfit? The answer to all those questions was the same, many, many times.
I'd never equated those things with sex, only love. How many times had I pined all day for him to come home from work so that I could jump his bones and fuck him silly? Honestly, not in two or three years.
How many times had I woken him up on Saturday or Sunday morning with a blowjob? I couldn't remember the last time. How many times had I dressed sexy for him? Hell, I didn't even have anything like that left in my closet. For too long, I'd played the part of the prim and proper little wife.