The small Cessna touched down on the remote Hawaiian Island of Molokai, kicking up dust and sand as it bounced across the breaking concrete landing strip, high on the western plateau. Raymond Boulder and his bride of almost twenty five years, Debbie, were going to celebrate their silver anniversary in paradise. Stepping out of the plane they were met by a party of two, a pair of large Polynesian brothers who placed leis over their heads in the traditional greeting. Their smiles were warm and welcoming...
Ray and Debbie were seated in a four wheel drive Jeep as supplies from the plane were loaded onto a flat bed truck. The two vehicles set out across the island over a bumpy unpaved road, descending down into the tropical jungle, before arriving at an isolated beach where their anniversary bamboo hut stood.
Mosquito netting hung over a huge straw bed covered in silk sheets and pillows. There was no electricity, only torches to be lit at night. A thatched outhouse, complete with wet aloe towelettes, provided a small measure of comfort and civilization. The warm wind blowing off the ocean kept the insects away and temperature comfortable. Raymond showed his wife a cooler filled with water and champagne.
"Honey, this is wonderful! A Robinson Crusoe anniversary... We're in the middle of nowhere, I can be as loud as I want, and nobody will even hear my cries of passion!" Debbie excitedly exclaimed.
"I'm counting on it, dear..."
"God, this is so romantic! Thank you for making this so special!" Debbie cooed.
"Nothing but the best for you, dear."
The larger Hawaiian brother spoke in his native language to the couple. Raymond loosely translated the words for his wife,
"Debbie, I think we have been invited to a special pig roast this evening in his village several miles inland. Seeing that it is our anniversary, you are to be the guest of honor. A Jeep will come back to pick us up at sunset. But first we will eat lunch and take a little nap on the bed this afternoon..." Ray winked to his wife. Debbie smiled a knowing smile.
Freshly picked pineapples were sliced and bananas were peeled. For beverages, the large Hawaiian brought two coconuts, their tops already cut off and straws inserted into them to draw out the sweet water. The tropical sugar overload quickly had Debbie yawning and sleeping under the mosquito netting inside the straw hut.
The big Hawaiian shook hands with Raymond, before driving off in the midday sun. Looking at his wife sleeping, Raymond had a quiet sense of peace that she was so pleased with his anniversary plans. As he stared out into the blue ocean, he was certain that tonight would be a night to remember...
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"Badum Badum Badum ba ba"
Rhythmic drums beat in a small opening of cleared jungle deep in the dense forest. The starless night was lit only by a circle of torches surrounding a six foot pit. A virtual army of large Polynesian men in grass skirts holding fire batons shuffled restlessly on the outskirts.
"Badum Badum Badum ba ba"
Debbie woke up naked, bound vertically with ropes to a six inch board, a red apple shaped ball gag fastened tightly into her mouth. Metal rods fastened to each end of the board suggested that her immobile body could be easily rotated.
"Welcome to the luau, honey! As you can figure out, you are the featured guest. Don Ho will not be attending."
"Badum Badum Badum ba ba"
"And now, dear, I want to thank you for over twenty four and a half years of wedded happiness. You were a wonderful companion, partner and friend. I truly miss the relationship we once shared..." Raymond lamented,
"However, as you well know, all that has recently changed. No matter how much I love you, I simply cannot stomach being married to someone who lies and cheats!"
Debbie's eyes opened wide in surprise at hearing the last words, and then she desperately tried to talk through the apple ball gag and shake her head through the binding ropes.
"So you're going to deny it? I should have expected as much from you..." Raymond questioned. "But I am not quite as clueless as you think..."
Raymond gave a signal and three 4 by 6 feet poster board photos beyond the circle were slowly brought forward into Debbie's vision. Illuminated by fire light, Raymond provided descriptive subtitles for each to his wife.