How to explain the conflicted feelings? Guilt, remorse and overwhelming sexual excitement, knowing that my wife of twenty years had taken a short vacation with a man half her age, giving herself to him with unrestrained passion.
Maybe a latent masochistic bent made itself apparent in my middle age. Maybe the sexual excitement deflects the pain. Whatever it is, it's a confusion of emotion that I cannot honestly say was unexpected. But I guess I should start at the beginning.......
My wife Elena, is 45 years of age and I am 50. We met when she was 23 and I was 28. The sexual spark between us was always strong then, and probably the main force that kept us together during some rocky times in the relationship. Elena is of Italian descent, 5' 91/2" tall, slender, delicately-boned, long-legged, with full 34 DD breasts (nipples pointing up), perfect golden-olive skin, and those Italian womanly hips that a man instinctively lusts after. Her long dark-brown hair has some color help now, but it is still one of her best features. Her best facial feature are her eyes, which are huge almond-shaped, doe eyes. Honestly, the most frequent visual comparison people made with her has always been the young Sophia Loren. But she also shares some of the same hot-blooded temperament that Sophia displayed in so many movies. And therein lies part of the problem.
Over the years, Elena has blossomed even more beautifully than her youth, and she has always been conscious of it, to the point where the focus has primarily become spending on anything that makes her feel young or good. Over the 20 years, we have had bitter fights over money, as I don't earn quite enough to fully support her in the custom she requires. In fact, she earns more than I do in her position as a business manager in computing firm, which makes it difficult for me to tell her not spend money like a drunken sailor. There have been tough times trying to keep a budget, and our debt never seems to diminish. Through it all, we have always remained faithful to each other, although I know we both have had many opportunities for affairs.
In the last few years , I have found that although I still love her and find her extremely alluring, my sex drive and attention to her needs has tapered off. Part of the blame goes to anti-depressants I have been taking since learning in one of our marriage counseling sessions that I am clinically depressed - they really seem to take libido away. This has been one of her major complaints the past few years. She has always loved sex and required a good deal more of it than I could handle at times. But lately the frequency has dropped off to less than once a week, and when she isn't getting fucked regularly, she is not happy.
Through all this, I found myself fanticizing more and more about her fucking another man. It probably helped in some way with my libido, as I don't have any fetishes, and this seemed to always help. We have fucked and sucked in every possible way, but she has lines which it seems she will never cross. I brought the other-man idea up a few times during sex, but she always seemed against the idea. One time she told me she really didn't see other any men that would turn her on enough to do it. Although it was a compliment to me, my fantasy was basically left at just that.
Anyway, in the last six months or so the situation of arguing over money and the frequency of sex has gone from bad to worse. I think we've resented each other more and more, and I know I've been neglecting her and her feelings - which any man should know is a very dangerous thing.
Well, back to the present. I came home from work Friday and on the kitchen table found a letter from Elena: "Dear Michael, as you know, we've both been very unhappy lately. I have tried connecting with you over the past couple of months but you only seem to push me further away. Our sex life has dwindled to nothing, and though I think I‘ve been very patient and understanding, I just can't take the rejection. I think I'm a beautiful and desirable woman, and plenty of men confirm this to me every day. It's too bad my husband can't feel the same way. So, I ‘ve decided to take a breather from you. I told you about a new programmer named Rick who started work for me a couple of months ago. Well, Rick has been paying me a lot of attention and complements, which is doing my ego a load of good since he's 23 and gorgeous. We‘ve had lunch together a few times and he's always upbeat and positive, such a change from what I'm getting at home.
Anyway, I've grown very fond of him, and I know the sexual tension between us has become unbearable for us both. We've flirted a lot, but have not so much as even touched each other. Well, I'm changing that. I know you think I left for work this morning but actually l didn't. I've charmed Rick into going away with me for a couple of nights. We'll I tell you I didn't have to twist his arm much. He was concerned about my husband, but I told him you were all for it, that you were into that sort of thing and actually encouraged me. Well, it's rather true isn't it? You've been hinting at me fucking another man for some time now, and as I see it, now is the time. We are leaving tonight for a two night escape, not too far away. I have the hotel reservations and everything planned out. By the way, and here's the best part.....I am bringing along the laptop and Rick is bringing his digital camera with remote control. Ingenious isn't it? Rick and I will be E-mailing you pictures of our little trip for your enjoyment (and mine I must say), and I plan on fucking his cock off! Expect the first tonight. P.S. - I want you to think about what you really want while I'm gone. When I get back, I want you to know if you really want me or not, and if you do, how will things change. Also, there will be absolutely no recourse against Rick. I practically seduced him into it, besides he thinks you don't mind. I'll see you when I'm back in town....E."
