I've never enjoyed firing people, but that day was an exception. I was looking forward to it. If ever someone wanted to be fired, it was these two. And I was glad to fulfill their wish.
First up was Gloria Whiner-Blogett. Gloria was the graphic artist I'd hired to run the decorations department of our small plastics company. The decorations department made signs, banners, balloons and all types of plastic party decorations and devices. Gloria, during her interview, made it very clear that she was a feminist and a lesbian. Neither bothered me -- I applaud feminism and a person's sexuality should not have, and in our company doesn't have, anything to do with their employment. It's a person's own private business.
Gloria also made it clear she didn't need the job -- her wife was quite wealthy. In fact, they lived in a mansion in the most exclusive and costly part of town. That actually gave me pause -- I didn't want to hire some dilettante who would leave us high and dry when things got tough. But she was highly qualified and recommended, as well as very skilled. I took a chance and hired her over my misgivings.
Her work for the first few months was outstanding. She was quick and proactive, and the department seemed to hum under her direction. The only drawbacks were the complaints from her employees. She constantly harangued the staff with radical feminazi diatribes. The women found it disturbing, and the manufacturing staff, who tended to be less educated males, found it infuriating.
When I spoke to Gloria about it, I approached it by saying it was inappropriate to subject people to her personal beliefs on company time. Thereafter, she reserved her opinion for the break room and lunch hours. While the employees still complained, I didn't see much I could do about other than recommend that they just keep away from her during breaks.
Soon after Gloria's probationary period was up, and I turn the complete reins of the department over to her, complaints began pouring in. One of our newer products was the "Gender Reveal" balloon package. When triggered, the package burst open and balloons, originally of blue or pink, shot out. Gloria added violet balloons as an option, for those who didn't want their children pigeonholed into traditional genders. When I found out, I pointed out that those "woke" people were never going to order a gender reveal, so it was unnecessary. That set her off into a very "woke" diatribe, so in the end I figured we'd never have to create the violet balloon packages, so what did it matter.
The complaints that came in were about the gender reveals. It turned out that the blue balloons were emblazoned with a large "LOSER!". When I looked into it, I found out that Gloria had ordered the balloons that way. When I questioned her, she first claimed that the order was originally for a bachelor party, but had been cancelled, and that the balloons must have accidentally been shifted to the gender reveal.
"Then why," I asked, "were the pink balloons marked with 'WINNER!'"
"Well," she snickered, "where there are losers there has to be winners."
I sent her home while I tried to calculate what her, (what would you call it?, prank?), was going to cost us. I also spent the afternoon trying to replace any package that hadn't yet been opened. The cost to our reputation was incalculable.
When I called her and the HR manager into my office that morning, and without preamble, fired Gloria without severance, she was incensed. "Those people who got the blue balloons are LOSERS!", she screamed at me. "No one needs you fucking male scum." she shouted as she stormed out. The HR manager looked dumbfounded. Later, when I announced Gloria's termination to her department, they cheered and applauded. I honestly hadn't known things were that bad.
After Gloria, it was Steven Wingate's turn. This was a personal pleasure for me.
My personal assistant was a 23-year old named Marcie. She was petite, with knockout looks and figure. She was not only beautiful, but competent and attentive. A real jewel of an employee.
Steve was one of our IT guys, who believed he was God's gift, and who wouldn't stop hitting on her, to the point she was in tears and asked me to get him to stop. I told him that if he didn't stop, it would be considered harassment, and he would be fired. After leaving my office, he apparently thought that if I wanted to see harassment, he'd show it to me.
He found a picture of a couple facing the camera butt-fucking doggy style, and photoshopped Marcie's and my faces from company pictures onto it, showing us grinning ear to ear. He sent an email (using his company email account, the idiot) to the rest of the employees, with the picture and a note suggesting that Marcie was a favored employee because we were screwing.
The photoshopped job was horribly done -- the shadows were inconsistent and the resolution of the faces didn't match the rest of the photo. No one would have believed it was real. None of the employees did. But it definitely was sexual harassment, and I was livid for Marcie's sake.
I had Steve brought into my office by our security personnel, where the HR manager gave him his final check and had him escorted out of the building. I didn't trust myself to address him in any fashion. I was afraid if I did, I'd only make it worse and probably end up in jail.
My wife Julie is super jealous, especially of Marcie, unreasonably so. I talked to the couple of people who were friendly with her and asked them not to mention the photo to her. She'd assume where there's smoke, there's fire, and I didn't need the hellstorm that would erupt if she saw the picture.
Friday's Julie's and my date night, but as the weekend approached she wasn't feeling well and asked if we could delay until Saturday night. She even hinted that we might try some new stuff in the bedroom. That got my attention and I agreed. It never occurred to me how she knew she wouldn't be feeling well on Friday, but would be totally recovered by Saturday.
When the weekend came, Julie sent me out to play golf, saying she wanted to make a special dinner for our special night, and didn't want me under foot. We kissed and hugged, and she playfully grabbed my ass, promising fun things that night.
When I came home, she chased me upstairs to shower while she set the table and put the finishing touch on dinner. I re-shaved and showered, and splashed on some aftershave before heading back down.
Julie had outdone herself. Dinner was a beautiful tri-tip roast, vegetable medley and potatoes as the main course, with tiramisu and coffee for dessert. To cap it off, she came up with a bottle of my favorite port. After a couple of glasses of port, as Julie lingered over her coffee (she doesn't like port), I noticed I was slurring my words, and having trouble keeping my eyes opened. I struggled with it, but lost.
I came around slowly, and found myself locked in a pillory stock of some kind. I was bent over so my back was almost straight, with some kind of support under my rib cage. Additionally, my lips were forced open with a dildo crammed in my mouth.
"Oh, you're finally awake. I thought you were going to miss the main event." Julie smiled into my face. I tried to respond but was only able to grunt and drool.
Julie held up the photoshopped picture in front of my face. "I knew you were fucking that little bitch!"
More grunts and drool, more panicked now. She couldn't believe that badly photoshopped picture! But wait, the picture she was showing me was not the same. The shadows and pixels have been fixed!
"Steve and Gloria told me you fired them because they were going to tell me that you'd stolen Marcie from Steve, and the two of you sent this picture to him to rub his nose in it. They said you were saving a copy for me, for after the divorce!" Flames practically leaped from her eyes.
Gloria! She was the graphic artist who had fixed up the photo. She and Steve were getting their revenge on me. In retrospect, it might have been a mistake not to let Julie know about the photo.