I've never enjoyed firing people, but that day was an exception. I was looking forward to it. If ever someone wanted to be fired, it was these two. And I was glad to fulfill their wish.
First up was Gloria Whiner-Blogett. Gloria was the graphic artist I'd hired to run the decorations department of our small plastics company. The decorations department made signs, banners, balloons and all types of plastic party decorations and devices. Gloria, during her interview, made it very clear that she was a feminist and a lesbian. Neither bothered me -- I applaud feminism and a person's sexuality should not have, and in our company doesn't have, anything to do with their employment. It's a person's own private business.
Gloria also made it clear she didn't need the job -- her wife was quite wealthy. In fact, they lived in a mansion in the most exclusive and costly part of town. That actually gave me pause -- I didn't want to hire some dilettante who would leave us high and dry when things got tough. But she was highly qualified and recommended, as well as very skilled. I took a chance and hired her over my misgivings.
Her work for the first few months was outstanding. She was quick and proactive, and the department seemed to hum under her direction. The only drawbacks were the complaints from her employees. She constantly harangued the staff with radical feminazi diatribes. The women found it disturbing, and the manufacturing staff, who tended to be less educated males, found it infuriating.
When I spoke to Gloria about it, I approached it by saying it was inappropriate to subject people to her personal beliefs on company time. Thereafter, she reserved her opinion for the break room and lunch hours. While the employees still complained, I didn't see much I could do about other than recommend that they just keep away from her during breaks.
Soon after Gloria's probationary period was up, and I turn the complete reins of the department over to her, complaints began pouring in. One of our newer products was the "Gender Reveal" balloon package. When triggered, the package burst open and balloons, originally of blue or pink, shot out. Gloria added violet balloons as an option, for those who didn't want their children pigeonholed into traditional genders. When I found out, I pointed out that those "woke" people were never going to order a gender reveal, so it was unnecessary. That set her off into a very "woke" diatribe, so in the end I figured we'd never have to create the violet balloon packages, so what did it matter.
The complaints that came in were about the gender reveals. It turned out that the blue balloons were emblazoned with a large "LOSER!". When I looked into it, I found out that Gloria had ordered the balloons that way. When I questioned her, she first claimed that the order was originally for a bachelor party, but had been cancelled, and that the balloons must have accidentally been shifted to the gender reveal.
"Then why," I asked, "were the pink balloons marked with 'WINNER!'"
"Well," she snickered, "where there are losers there has to be winners."
I sent her home while I tried to calculate what her, (what would you call it?, prank?), was going to cost us. I also spent the afternoon trying to replace any package that hadn't yet been opened. The cost to our reputation was incalculable.
When I called her and the HR manager into my office that morning, and without preamble, fired Gloria without severance, she was incensed. "Those people who got the blue balloons are LOSERS!", she screamed at me. "No one needs you fucking male scum." she shouted as she stormed out. The HR manager looked dumbfounded. Later, when I announced Gloria's termination to her department, they cheered and applauded. I honestly hadn't known things were that bad.
After Gloria, it was Steven Wingate's turn. This was a personal pleasure for me.
My personal assistant was a 23-year old named Marcie. She was petite, with knockout looks and figure. She was not only beautiful, but competent and attentive. A real jewel of an employee.
Steve was one of our IT guys, who believed he was God's gift, and who wouldn't stop hitting on her, to the point she was in tears and asked me to get him to stop. I told him that if he didn't stop, it would be considered harassment, and he would be fired. After leaving my office, he apparently thought that if I wanted to see harassment, he'd show it to me.
He found a picture of a couple facing the camera butt-fucking doggy style, and photoshopped Marcie's and my faces from company pictures onto it, showing us grinning ear to ear. He sent an email (using his company email account, the idiot) to the rest of the employees, with the picture and a note suggesting that Marcie was a favored employee because we were screwing.
The photoshopped job was horribly done -- the shadows were inconsistent and the resolution of the faces didn't match the rest of the photo. No one would have believed it was real. None of the employees did. But it definitely was sexual harassment, and I was livid for Marcie's sake.
I had Steve brought into my office by our security personnel, where the HR manager gave him his final check and had him escorted out of the building. I didn't trust myself to address him in any fashion. I was afraid if I did, I'd only make it worse and probably end up in jail.
My wife Julie is super jealous, especially of Marcie, unreasonably so. I talked to the couple of people who were friendly with her and asked them not to mention the photo to her. She'd assume where there's smoke, there's fire, and I didn't need the hellstorm that would erupt if she saw the picture.
