To whom it may concern;
I am writing to complain about Dwayne last name unknown (Employee #34632) for unprofessional behavior at a recent house visit. Dwayne was called to our house last week to provide a quote for refinishing our closet. However, what transpired was a sequence of events that were completely unprofessional and in extremely poor taste.
Dwayne arrived promptly at the scheduled time and was initially very professional with me and my wife, Abbey. We met him at the door and discussed the different renovation options that your company offers. After this discussion we went upstairs to the master bedroom to take some measurements and assess our options. Dwayne, being 6'4'' and extremely muscled we were not all able to fit into the closet. So my wife went in with him to help take the measurements and describe what we wanted. After a few minutes of measurements there was a bang in the closet. I rushed to the door to see what had happened and Dwayne and my wife were laughing as she tried to hold up a shelf he appeared to have knocked over while making measurements. To my horror, as she stood there holding up the shelf a small white object fell from the shelf and landed on the floor at Dwayne's feet.
"What is that?" He asked incredulous.
"Noth-" I began, turning red. But my wife beat me too the response.
"It's just my husband's sex toy." She said matter-of-factly.
"A sex toy for a guy?" asked Dwayne.
"Yeah, he likes that thing so much he barely has an interest in my pussy anymore."
"Guys don't have sex toys, those are for women."
"Ask him, I don't like to think about it. But every evenings before bed I hear him squishing away with it in the bathroom."
Dwayne looked at me with shock on his thick face, unable to form words.
"Not every night," I answered defensively. But at the look on Abbey's face I shifted my gaze down and amended my previous statement. "But most..."
"How does it work?" asked Dwayne, kicking it over with his shoe. The white egg masturbator was misshapen from overuse (I was expecting a new one in the mail any day) and it sort of oozed over the floor from the touch of his boot.
"Isn't it obvious?" I asked.
"No."
Wanting to get this conversation over with quickly, I picked up the egg and showed him the hole at the bottom. "You stick your dick in the opening, it fits over the top." I turned it inside out to show him the ribs on the inside. "The ribs stimulate the tip, and you move it up and down until you cum. Usually happens pretty fast, especially when they're new. "
"Why not use your wife's pussy?" He asked, looking at me like I just said I preferred sex on the moon to doing it on earth.
"She's not always in the mood."
"I would be if somebody didn't need to shoot his load the second he got the tip in."
"Anyway, can you please just finish with the closet?" I asked, not wanting to have this argument again in front of a stranger.
Dwayne looked from my wife, back to me and said slowly. "You can stick your dick in that?"
"Well, it expands, and it's bigger than it looks."
"There's no way a dick fits in that."
"I'm telling you, it does."
"I don't believe you."
"Well, suit yourself. But I've been getting off in it nightly for the last month, so I'm pretty sure I'd know." I retorted before realizing that I probably should not be gloating about that.
Dwayne snorted then looked at my wife. "Have you seen it?" She shook her head. He looked back at me, "I don't believe it."
"Well, what do you want me to do? Drop my pants and prove it?"
"If you can get a dick in that thing and get it off, I'll give you a hundred bucks."
I laughed. "I'm not jacking off in front of you for $100."
"Make it $500." Dwayne said, pulling out his wallet and removing 5 crisp $100 bills.
I couldn't believe this was happening. Right here, in front of my wife I was being offered $500 just to jack of like I did nightly. I never would have considered it but that $500 was awfully tempting. It would go a long way to paying for our new closet. "You want me to jack off right here, in front of you and my wife."
"I don't care where it happens but yeah, if a dick gets off in one of those things there's $500 in it for you."
I looked at my wife who just shook her head as if to say, "I can't believe you," and exhaled harshly.
"Fine!" I said, unbuckling my fly and pulling my jeans down. I looked at them both to make sure they weren't going to burst out laughing at me and say it was all a joke. Dwayne looked skeptical and my wife looked thoroughly ashamed but nobody appeared to be joking. I yanked down my briefs, and pulled out my 4.5 inches which was already hard in anticipation. The egg was fuzzy with lint and a little sticky from its last use, but I wanted to get this over with before I lost the nerve. I slammed the egg down on my cock, it sat there loosely. I looked Dwayne in the eye and sat down on the bed. Then I began to jerk.
Up. Down.
The egg was so misshapen from repeated use that my dick barely made the outside of it quiver.
Up. Down.
I tightened my grip against the outside of the egg to get the ribbing rubbing up against my dick.
Up. Down.
Without any lube the ribbing stuck slightly where it contacted my penis and tugged unpleasantly.
Up. Down.
Still, it was going to happen faster than I had anticipated due the excitement of having an audience.
Up. Down
. On the fifth down-stroke I shuttered and leaked out into the egg with a moan.
"What the fuck? Was that it?"
"Seems about right," said Abbey.
One more stroke and I opened my eyes. I didn't even remember closing them, "$500."
"Hell no! I said a dick. That is not a dick. That's a little kid's wee-wee. You looked like a 10 year old jacking off to his dad's
Playboy
. No, when I said you couldn't fit a dick in there and make it cum, I meant a real dick. Like this." In one swift motion he had pulled down his fly and yanked out a semi-hard monster that was already twice as big as mine had been when it was hard. Abbey gasped.
Hearing his words and seeing the size of his humongous dick enticed mine to go flaccid faster than normal; it pulled out of the egg which fell to the bed a small amount of cum dripping from the opening like it was crying.
Looking from his dick to his face and back to his dick, Abbey said breathlessly (and not for the last time that day), "There's no way that will fit."
"That's what I'm saying," he said, "so I believe you owe me $500."
My heart sank. I had known I was going to win this bet so I hadn't even considered what would happen if I lost. I didn't have $500 on me. I barely had $500 in the bank. And I needed every penny of it for the mortgage at the end of the week. I wasn't ready to give up yet.