"You made what?" I gasped into the hands-free phone in my car.
I was driving myself to work the following morning feeling like I had been run over by a bulldozer. My body ached, my head throbbed and my vulva was raw from the onslaught it had received barely eight hours before.
Plus of course my previously mild morning sickness had chosen that day to become more severe.
I had called my daughter as soon as my car had hit the road. Prior to that there had been no time. Exhausted from Will's energetic fucking, I had overslept the alarm and been forced to dress hurriedly and skip breakfast to avoid being late for my morning meeting.
Izzy's phone was answered instantly despite the early hour, telling me immediately that she was anxious. The relief in her voice showed clearly how relieved she was not to have to wait any longer. First she made sure I was alone; that her father wasn't within earshot then, after less than a minute of preamble she had blurted out the extraordinary news, almost making me crash the car in shock.
"We..." Izzy's voice was low and desperate. "We made a sex tape."
"What in God's name were you thinking of?" I demanded angrily.
"Everyone does it Mum," she protested tearfully. "And I thought we were going to be together forever so it didn't matter and..."
I pulled the car into a lay-by to the annoyance of the driver behind me who sounded his horn angrily. I pulled on the handbrake and turned off the engine so I could concentrate on the almost unbelievable words coming through the car's speakers.
I listened, stunned, aghast and amazed as my twenty year old daughter told me how she and her previous long-term boyfriend Steve had on more than one drunken evening, recorded themselves having sex.
"Everyone does it?" I demanded in disbelief.
"Well, lots of people anyway," she replied sounding at least a little ashamed.
"Jesus Izzy!"
Was there no limit to the girl's bad judgement and her even worse timing, I wondered while she assured me that amateur porn was common practice among young couples these days.
Of course in my cuckold researches I had come across plenty of homemade videos but it had never crossed my mind that my own daughter would be stupid enough to take part something similar. I suppose, given her recent record and the stupid things I, her mother had done I should have expected something like this.
But I hadn't expected it and now my already over-complicated life had just become that little bit more difficult to handle.
Eight weeks pregnant by a boy young enough to be my son and in a precarious marriage to a would-be voyeur cuckold, wasn't my life messy enough? Indeed less than twelve hours ago I had been obliged to let my impregnator's housemate fuck me crudely late at night in the sports club changing room to prevent him giving away the details of what had up till then been my only one night stand.
My body was still sore and achy from that surprisingly pleasurable encounter, and now I had to deal with the third sexually based disaster in my daughter's life in only a few weeks.
Do the responsibilities of being a parent never end? Apparently not!
From her broken, tearful conversation, I gathered that Izzy and Steve had been in the habit of filming themselves 'in flagrante delicto'. The risks, though screamingly obvious to me seemed not to have registered in my supposedly intelligent daughter's mind. On one particular occasion they had filmed themselves having especially noisy sex in his room in the Hall of Residence in which they were both living.
They had been particularly pleased with the resulting movie. The disaster now was that this video file had somehow leaked out and my daughter's new boyfriend had apparently now seen it.
Suddenly Izzy's panic of the previous evening made sense, if nothing else in my life did.
"What did you record it on?" I asked.
"Steve's Dad's camera," she said, her voice breaking into short sobs. "He'd borrowed it."
"Specially to record the two of you together?"
"No, for his course. It just seemed a good idea..."
"Not to waste the opportunity while you'd got it?" I asked sarcastically.
"That's right," came the embarrassed reply.
"And you think Simon's seen the video?"
"I don't know. I think he has but he's not answering any of my calls or messages so I can't be sure."
I could hear her breaking down. As a mother, the heart-felt tears of my distressed daughter brought out all the maternal instincts at once, however ill advised her actions might have been. I wanted desperately to hug Izzy, to comfort her, to bury my face in her hair, her head in my arms and to help her. But as we were on the phone and she was over four hours' drive away from me this wasn't possible.
But I was also angry with her for her stupidity. This was the third time in a matter of weeks that my supposedly bright, supposedly intelligent daughter had got herself into a difficult situation sexually. Her last fiasco had been when she arrived home unannounced with the news that she thought she might be pregnant with her ex boyfriend's child.
It was through trying to help her deal with the agonies of inconclusive pregnancy tests that my own highly unexpected and even more unwanted pregnancy had become known, if only to me and then to my husband.
"Is it obvious who it is?" I asked, trying not to let on that my researches had made me very familiar with this type of home video. "Is the picture good enough to make it out?"
"It's good enough," she said downcast. "You can't see Steve's face. If you know him well you can tell it's his body but his face isn't visible"
"But yours is?"
"Yes," she snuffled. "My face is there - front and centre. And I'm shouting... you know, those words."
I knew what she meant. As readers will remember, my daughter had acquired the soubriquet 'Izzy-Oh-God' after her loud orgasmic cries throughout the first night she had spent with her current and recently-acquired boyfriend Simon.
Apparently not knowing she was already in a long term relationship, Simon had seduced and comprehensively fucked my daughter throughout the night of the Student Union Ball. She had woken the next morning naked and still in his bed to find a message on her phone from her boyfriend Steve dumping her immediately.