Paybac Sex

THE STORY SO FAR

Alice, my wife had an affair with Eric. He then left his wife.

Less than 2 months later Eric returned to his wife. I was now going to get payback sex with Eric's wife, who is called Mary. The arrangement was that I would fuck Mary 8 times because that was thd number of times Eric had fucked my wife before Mary started divorce proceedings.

Eric had taken my suitcases in his car while I went to buy some posh pyjamas, because Mary wanted me to wear PJs when we slept together.

I was to follow in my car.

THE STORY CONTINUES

I didn't own any pyjamas and so I needed to buy 2 pairs.

I am impatient. I once left a trolley full of my shopping rather than wait in a queue.

By English law clothing stores are not allowed to open before 10 a.m. on a Sunday. I didn't want to wait around an hour in my house for the Department store to open. The weather was already pleasant and so I decided to walk to the store.

As I walked I thought randomly on matters historical, psychological, sociological, cultural and philosophical. None of these thoughts were particularly likely to earn me a Nobel Prize, but they made waiting less boring.

CAN YOU BE IN LOVE AND NOT ON LOVE?

Many people are aware of Schrödinger's Cat, which suggests a cat can be alive and dead at the same time. I linked this with 10 CC's song "I'm Not In Love".

It seemed to me that you could be in love and not in love at the same time.

Before Mary told me that my wife had been screwing around, I loved Alice. As Mary told me I was in love with Alice, but I hated her.

It took me an hour before I made the decision not to be in love with my wife.

I called my theory "Schrödinger's Pussy"

CHURCH BUILDINGS

I passed by St Ambrose church. A decade ago it used to be open for anyone to go in. Popular rumour suggests that feral youths, who valued their thrills more than the enjoyment of others, set it alight. Some of the congregation wept openly. I was angry at this wanton destruction.

There was £500,000 worth of damage. Many suggested the church should be demolished. Luckily it wasn't. The church building enhances the area. The insurers demanded that the church is closed except for services and other activities.

THE DECORATED PEWS

Luckily 8 of the decorated pews were salvageable. Each one is an intricate work of carved art. I gave £60 to help restore one of them. I felt good saving this part of Bournemouth's cultural heritage. Perhaps only 100 people a year will see "my" pew but it is there.

LESBIAN PORN

I wondered why most men like lesbian porn.

Men like to see women from different angles. Lesbian porn lets us see 2 or more women at the same time. Suppose we see 3 lesbians we can see the tits of one, the bum of another and the cunt of a third woman.

I call my theory The Lesbian Graces

OLD PEOPLE HAVING AFFAIRS

As I waited for the department store to open, I saw a well dressed, elderly couple. They were in their 70s and he needed a walking stick. They were in love. I had hoped that Alice and I would have grown old together and we would have been like them.

However I also wondered if she had affairs which he didn't know about. Maybe she still had a lover. Maybe he had regularly visited a prostitute and she never knew.

Without verbalising I began singing "Do You Love Me?" which is one of the songs from Fiddler On The Roof. The duet which ends "Then you do love me. It doesn't change a thing but after 25 years its nice to know."

ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSES

I wondered if there is another planet in another universe in another galaxy where people don't fall in love or have sex and live for 1,000 years.

I thought that would be neater than our world. But then I thought that living 1,000 years might be very boring. What would I need to do to while away the thousands of hours.

I concluded that a life, even one which is nasty, brutish and short would be better than a long one without love.

BUYING THE PYJAMAS

My idle postulations had successfully wasted the legally enforced delay in the shop's opening. I went in to see lots of designer names but no sign of pyjamas. I could see lots of branded underwear.

Eventually I did find a small rail.of pyjamas. They came in separate tops and bottoms, each part costing £27. Some had childish penguin designs and others looked like lumberjack uniforms.

Given the urgency I had Hobson's Choice. I bought one penguin top and bottom and one lumberjack top and bottom. I hoped that Mary would appreciate me buying them. I had just spent over £100 for her.

THE TESCO CHURCH

On the way back I thought it might be nice to get Mary a gift. So I called into the converted church and purchased some cut flowers and a box of chocolates. It felt strange having a store with stained glass windows.

ARRIVING AT CHRISTCHURCH

When I arrived at their house Mary greeted me. Eric lurked behind her. I handed Mary the flowers and the box of chocolates.

Mary said "That's very kind of you, considering that I'm a guaranteed shag. My husband has taken your suitcases up to the bedroom we will share."

I felt uncomfortable. I knew how awkward I felt when my wife openly shared my bedroom with Eric.

She continued "My husband thanks you for agreeing not to fuck me tonight. And I see you have purchased some pyjamas. Don't show me them just now. I want you to see you wearing them tonight for first time."

Eric said "And taking them off."

I said "I've been thinking about your naturism. My house is about half way to Studland. How about you staying at my house for the days you go there? I know that Friday and Saturday are reserved for your date-nights. But Bournemouth has lots more choices than Christchurch."

Mary said "That makes sense. Are you sure that you don't want to join us at the nudist beach? If you don't like it there are walks and bird watching hides to amuse you."

Eric said to me "Give it a try. It's great fun."

I agreed to try out the nudist beach.

LUNCH

Eric got 3 bottles of 11% proof Polish beer from the kitchen. We clinked bottles. Mary took a swig and then took her bottle back into the kitchen.

I asked Eric "How did Mary get to like those videos of men pissing?"

Eric replied "When we got internet we explored all types of porn. She took to it. Then she wanted to see me pee. Then came the idea of me peeing into a goldfish bowl. Now she wants to see us both piss into a bowl at the same time. It's Say's Law of supply creating its own demand."

I said "I searched "men pissing" on a porn site. One showed a man pissing into a glass and then into the woman's mouth. The woman then drank his piss. I hope that Mary doesn't do that."

Eric replied "No, she gets me to empty the goldfish bowl down the loo and clean it."

LUNCH

When lunch was ready Eric said "You have the Carver chair because you are head of the household."

During the prawn cocktail starter Eric asked me "My wife wants to marry you if she can't fully reconcile with me. Would you marry her if she divorces me?"

I said "Yes I would, assuming we still love each other."

Mary said "Eric and I have discussed what will happen if I decide to live with you instead of him. He is emotionally attached to Christchurch. When he set up home with your wife, he only took the flat in Bournemouth because flats are more available there. He would buy out my share of this house.

I have often thought of moving to Southampton. Would you consider moving there with me?"

I replied "I hadn't really thought about it. but I suppose if we set up home then Southampton's as good a place as anywhere."

The main course was roast beef and Yorkshire puddings with all the trimmings. Eric poured the red wine.

Eric said "I am obviously hoping to win my wife over. But if I fail to I am pleased that Mary will be quickly sorted. May the better man win."

Mary raised he glass and said "May the better man win."

We clinked glasses. The contest for Mary's affection had begun and I was favourite to win.

To be continued.