In many ways, Dale and Sybil could be placed in the 'opposites attract' category of couples. Dale was a business major and Sybil was a social work major. Dale knew where he was headed. His family was wealthy but did not believe in spoiling their children. He worked in the Student Grille while in college which is where he met Sybil. Members of Dale's family would be given the startup funds for a business, but after that, they would be on their own. Sybil's family was not wealthy and had, in fact, needed government resources to survive at times. Sybil relied on superior grades and test scores to pay for the basics of college. Working paid for everything else. She was having trouble focusing on what clientele she wanted to serve after her degree was completed. Every needy population was attractive to her.
Both Dale and Sybil were good looking, intelligent students. Neither had a lot of time to date. They saw more of each other at work than they did in dating. They found out they both had a similar philosophy towards helping others: Instead of just 'Feeding a hungry man by teaching him how to fish,' they agreed that sometimes you needed to feed the hungry man until he learned to fish. Dale thought the learning time however should be limited. Sybil wanted to be more flexible. They were both very focused students and quickly became best friends and lovers. Everyone considered them a couple who would make a great marriage.
It was not long after they both agreed they wanted kids, Dale proposed and Sybil said, "Yes." They had settled on an initial house selection, which church to attend, and when it would be best to have kids. Shortly after graduation, they had a simple ceremony. Although Dale's father offered to pay most of the wedding costs, Sybil's father was too proud to accept the offer. Dale had no problem with the simple wedding. When any glitches came up in the preparation to the wedding, either Dale or Sybil would say, "It doesn't matter as long as we are legally married."
It turned out that Dale's economics thesis for a new business model for support software was manifested into the business his family was willing to sponsor. He hired some fresh college graduates, most good friends, who were wiz-bang on programing and some people who had long worked in accounting, word processing, and data bases. It was their job to make a better wheel. Over the years, Dale's business gained the reputation that they really listened and were conscientious about solving the programs people working in the various fields needed. Staff grew tired of hearing Dale asking, "Are you sure this is what the customers need and want?" They learned to have feedback reports before they ever had a product ready for market. Follow up was always part of the business model and saved countless losses of customers once the product was no longer meeting the needs. Updates were always prompt and inexpensive. It wasn't really a new concept, but one that had not been as actively implemented. The business did very well and was approached by many major firms who wanted to buy it, usually to get rid of the competition Dale's company presented.
Sybil first chose to work at a Children's Shelter program for abused and neglected children. She didn't last long. Seeing the physical abuse and emotional abuse these children faced broke her heart every time a new child with a new story came. What was most frustrating was that there were too few resources to help the kids. Family counseling was available but mostly ineffective. Parents attended most of the time just because it was a requirement to get their kids back. Foster parents were scarce. Sybil would tell Dale that the major criteria for certifying a foster parent was they passed the AB test: alive and breathing. Too many foster parents were in it for the money. The required training for foster parents was ineffective in producing good foster parents when they were not truly motivated to help the children. There were some very good foster parents and the social workers fought over whose children got placed with them. It was not unusual for more kids than were supposed to be placed with those parents to be sent there. Sybil quit in frustration in less than six months.
Next, Sybil tried working in an un-wed mothers' home for girls who wanted to have the baby. Girls and women would stay in the home in preparation for the birth of a child where the parents were not married nor likely to be. There were all ages, races, and social backgrounds. For example, one girl was about to graduate college. One of the younger girls still sucked her thumb. The social worker was supposed to counsel the girls/women about what they planned to do with the baby. Sybil was not allowed to recommend either of the choices: adoption or keeping the baby. A good portion of the girls kept their babies and received counseling on how to take care of a baby and how they were going to provide childcare and also work. A lot of those girls' parents and grandparents decided to help out now that the shame and anger had died down.
Girls who said they wanted to adopt were watched closely. Word always got out that there were people who would try to bribe a girl to let them adopt her baby in exchange for paying medical care and a 'bonus' to the girl to get started on a new life. Paying for babies was illegal, but it happened. Sybil found out that the time for her to be most vigilant was when the religious groups would come by. They usually sang, gave a sermon, and then handed out goodies (sweet things the girls were not supposed to eat much of). Members of their congregation would talk to some of the girls individually and there was where the danger arose. Sybil would caution every group or organization coming to visit the girls that if they tried to get a girl to give up her baby to them, there would be good chance the girl would agree to let a couple adopt, take the money, and then take the baby and the money away. Couples caught offering money to girls would be prosecuted. The couple had no recourse to sue because they would have to admit buying a baby. The desire to get a white, healthy baby was too strong. The people didn't listen. Sybil saw far too few instances where a successful home for the baby was projected.
Since Dale's business did so well so quickly, he recommended that Sybil quit work and volunteer at various places that held interest to her. That allowed her to help many different types of people without the frustration that would come if she had to uphold bureaucratic rules that were not helpful and sometimes harmful. Sybil agreed and the best years of their marriage ensued.
Dale loved listening to Sybil's stories of her work. He was very proud of her and admired her giving heart. She often cried as she described a situation that had tugged at her heartstrings. Dale had to warn her to watch against getting overly involved, but she wouldn't be Sybil if she cared too little. She was not interested much in his stories from work. They were all about money as far as she was concerned. Sybil was allowed to direct the charity funds Dale's company gave. That made her happy and gained her a lot of praise from the community's movers and shakers. After years of thankless work, Sybil believed that she was receiving well deserved attention and she liked it.
After six years of marriage, Dale and Sybil had the talk about kids. They felt it was about time. Dale let Sybil find the house that would accommodate several kids and comfort items for them like a hot tub. Once the house was found and the moving completed, Sybil went off the pill.
Both Dale and Sybil had been highly satisfied with their sex life. Four to five nights a week were common. Every position was found to pleasure both. It was rare for Sybil not to orgasm at least once each night. Now, that creating a child was part of the equation, their satisfaction level went even further up. Sybil kept track of her ovulation schedule. During the time she figured she was most likely fertile, they had sex from when Dale got home from work until he left the next morning plus all weekend. At least they had sex as many times as Dale could get it up in that time span. Three months later - still nothing.
Dale and Sybil went to her doctor. He chided them about expecting too much too soon. They persisted in trying to find out if there was anything wrong with one of them as far as producing children. The doctor agreed to do the testing. A week later, he not only reported that Dale had a reproductive problem, but he suspected another problem that needed a specialist's opinion. Both Dale and Sybil cried. The crying was both for the possibility of not having children but also for Dale's health.
A couple of months of testing and seeing several specialists, it was discovered that Dale had a rare cancer in his genitals that was preventing production of sperm and that the treatment would probably cause permanent erectile dysfunction besides keeping him sterile. Failure to take the treatment would lead to a spread of the cancer and, eventually, death.
Dale and Sybil were devastated. They both agreed that Dale would get the treatment and take their chances on the erectile dysfunction. The treatment was effective in killing the cancer but, as predicted, kept him from being able to get it up.
In the years that followed, Dale did his best to please Sybil with his tongue and fingers. Sybil seemed to be able to have orgasms at first, but they became more and more infrequent. Dale knew she needed a penis in her vagina although she continued to say she was being satisfied. Dale was able to tell most of her orgasms were faked. Using a strap-on provided brief hope. Before long, however, the artificiality of the dildo made orgasms rare again. Many nights he stay awake lamenting his inability to perform. He felt he was a failure as a man. He was incomplete as a husband. Maybe he had too high a standard after all the years of very pleasurable and frequent sex. Sometimes after trying to give her an orgasm and failing, Dale would say to himself, "Sybil deserves more than I can provide." When he was away from her, he would cry.
He sought answers from one of the charities that his business supported: Disabled Vets of America. He went to the house the local chapter met out of. Dale asked about support groups. They had one who discussed handling sexual disfunction from war injuries. He got permission from the group to participate. Given the similarity of situation, he was welcomed. There were five couples and one single man. Each went around and told Dale how they were each handling sex with the erectile dysfunction.
Two of the couples were using fingers and tongue. The wives said that having their husband meant more than having 'sex in every way.' Two other couples admitted occasional 'threesomes.' They said that helped keep the jealousy down. Having the sex in their own home and the extra person leaving made a difference. The men said it was a problem at first, but when they saw the pleasure their wife had, and they could immediately talk and snuggle afterwards.
The final couple made a point that they knew of several couples who tried these various scenarios and they hadn't worked. Either the husband couldn't stand his wife having sex, no matter the conditions, or the wife just couldn't bring herself to betray her husband. Many of those couples divorced. Then the couple told about their situation. The wife was allowed to have a lover. They had been able to separate love from sex. Not having to see the sex helped the husband accept it. If the husband go to be too jealous or the wife started developing feelings for her lover, they would call it off. They admitted that very few couples probably could make it happen successfully. The couple said that the love and maturity of any couple trying this would have to be very strong.
After more deliberation, Dale came up with his conclusion and said, "Sybil, we need to talk." Sybil was frightened by those words, but she listened with tears waiting. "You know I love you more than anything. It hurts me greatly that I can no longer please you sexually like you need. I propose . . ."
