*Author's Note: Any and all persons engaging in any sexual activity are at least eighteen years of age.
*****
John Guidry looked through the Program Schedule for Channel 12 in the DeGarde, Louisiana viewing area. The Monday. Twelve Midnight to Two AM was their 'Ghoulish Pleasures' movie, usually a Hammer Films. From Two AM until Four AM their programming block was the 'Slumber Party' movies, usually soft-core erotica. From time to time, they did receive complaints about their 'Slumber Party' selections, but for the most part these complaints were ignored.
From Four AM until Four Thirty AM was an Outdoors show, 'Louisiana's Bayous and By-ways.' The host of that show, Tim Thibodeaux, had such a droning and monotonous delivery, only a hard-core Nature lover or the truly insomniac could stay awake during that program. From Four Thirty to Five AM, John broadcast Dr. Sylvia Hooperstein's 'Empowerment' program.
The radical feminist, with her touchy-feely, warm fuzzy pop psychology irritated John, which was why her program aired at such an abysmal time slot. John had tried to cancel Dr. Hooperstein's show, with its ridiculous fortune cookie advice for women, and its talk about the power of the vagina. The station had been deluged with protesting feminists, and John himself had been pelted with used tampons and sanitary napkins. So, he moved Dr. Hooperstein from her previous Eleven Am time slot to the Four Thirty time slot. But it seemed to pacify the throngs of unattractive feminists.
From Five Am to Five Thirty Am, The Very Reverend Zechariah Smith, from The Church of The Risen And Living Messiah ranted, railed, thundered and sobbed for twenty four minutes. John had seen it as a stroke of genius; if he couldn't cancel the cunt, he'd put Dr. Hooperstein's 'Empowerment' between two of the most boring males he could find.
Channel 12's Performance News aired at Five Thirty and again at Six Thirty AM, with an Independent National News Feed being broadcast at Six AM.
The local Performance News, John saw as one of his best programming successes. Cheryl Goodwin was a stunning twenty nine year old blonde with long sculpted legs, tiny waist and impressive breasts. She had a soft, sensuous delivery when she read from the teleprompter and the camera truly loved her.
Without the teleprompter, Cheryl would be hard-pressed to have a conversation but John had not hired Cheryl Goodwin for her brains.
Her co-anchor was Jack Graham, another twenty nine year old blonde with muscular physique, dazzling smile, and strong, deep voiced delivery.
And if the teleprompter was turned off, Jack didn't have a clue of what was going on. But women, and a few men, tuned in to see his smiling face.
Vee Aucoin, his meteorologist, was a true gem. The extremely intelligent brunette oozed sex just by looking into the camera. She wore very low cut tops and very short skirts, and bent over quite often as she stood in front of the monochrome screen and showed the various weather systems. While she discussed the weather, a piece of classical music would play. At the very end of her segment, she would always identify the piece that had played, and then she would turn and flirt with Tommy Kowalski, the Performance 12 sportscaster.
Because of the low cut tops and very short skirts, Vee's broadcasts were time-delayed by three seconds, so that the occasional errant nipple or that 'bit too much' of her buttocks could be pixelated. Their station was flooded with calls, emails, and letters requesting their 'Bloopers' or unedited tapes.
Thomas Kowalski, or 'Tommy' as Vee called him, was a very handsome man of six foot six and two hundred and ninety nine pounds. Vee flirted with him and felt very safe flirting with him because he was hopelessly and utterly devoted to his four foot eleven inch wife, Mary Kowalski and their four children, all of whom were regular guests on the broadcasts.
"So, Tommy, think the two to three inches of rain is going to affect the U.L.D. Storm when they host Harvester's College tomorrow?" Vee would ask, draping herself over his shoulder and running her hand through his curly hair. "Why don't you come over and watch the game at my house? I'll even make popcorn."
"Well, thanks, but Mary's already planning on making her fried chicken for the game," Tommy would smile, and then launch into his delivery. Both Tommy and Vee could handle their segments, even if the teleprompter went down; both usually wrote out their own scripts and Tommy had his notes right in front of him as he spoke.
Had Cheryl Goodwin flirted as shamelessly with Thomas, Mary Kowalski would have jumped into her car, raced down to the studio, and given the nearly six foot tall Cheryl a severe ass-whipping. But Mary had met Vee's lover, Paris Mouton and knew that the gay Vee Aucoin had no interest in Thomas and posed no threat to their marriage.
From Seven AM to Eight AM, Channel 12 and Channel 26, the Independent Broadcasting Station out of Elgee, Louisiana shared 'Money Matters' and 'The Medical Bag.'
John hated paying Eagle 26 for 'Money Matters,' especially since Dolly Huvall had originally approached him with the idea. But John simply couldn't see how twenty four minutes of a red head with cute freckled face talking about investments and market speculations would sell. But sell it did. And, in John's eyes, Dolly did more to empower women than Dr. Hooperstein and her idiotic throw-away lines ever did.
'The Medical Bag' was a feed out of another independent station in Mumphrey, Louisiana. A kindly old retired doctor generally read viewer emails and answered their medical questions. Every now and then, Dr. Bowman would have a guest doctor to answer a particular question.
Then, from Eight AM to Nine Am, Eagle 26 paid Performance 12 for 'Cajun Carl.' Cajun Carl was a bumbling buffoon that was forever trying to impress Princess Powwow, the Indian princess of the Apalachee Tribe that lived nearby. At the end of every program, Princess Powwow would make Cajun Carl blush by kissing him on his cheek. In between the main skit of Cajun Carl foolish attempts to woo the fair Indian maiden, there would be smaller vignettes, usually aimed at just keeping the three to five year old audience entertained, or teaching a moral lesson. Such as Prospector Paul and Sidekick Sam building a house. Prospector Paul would pull a nail out, look at it, and throw it away. Then Sidekick Sam would ask him why he was throwing away good nails.
"They ain't no good," Prospector Paul would complain. "Dagnabbit! They all facing the wrong way!"
"No, no, Prospector Paul!" Sidekick Sam would say. "See? Them the nails for this OTHER wall!"
There was also Gator and Rat hand puppets that would talk to the children about home safety, and how silly Cajun Carl, Prospector Paul, and Sidekick Sam were. But Gator would declare his undying love for Princess Powwow and Rat would declare her love for Chief Wigwam, Princess Powwow's father.
From Nine Am until Twelve PM, they broadcast other independent feeds designed to capture a share of the homemaker's market.
At Twelve PM to Twelve Thirty, the station broadcast the Performance 12 News again, with updates of earlier news stories, as well as local reporters' segments. John's own daughter, Chelsea Guidry was one of the top field reporters. John knew he was prejudiced, but his bias was well founded; most viewers loved the brunette's delivery, with her wide eyed enthusiasm and penchant for blurting out questions that most seasoned reporters wouldn't, but most viewers wanted to know. Like the time Chelsea asked a blonde haired, blue eyed and positively gorgeous policeman if he was single while the man was trying to discuss a recent bank robbery.
Or if Chelsea Guidry was eating a local cuisine, for example, when she was interviewing Phren Tol, owner/manager of The Best Wings in Bender, and blurted out "Son of a bitch! This is hot!"
The Twelve Thirty to One PM slot used to belong to 'Small Bites' a cooking program hosted by Pam Broussard, one of the owners of Shapes Fitness and Health Center. The diminutive woman showed viewers how to cook healthy, nutritious meals that were also low in calories. Then from One PM to One Thirty PM, there was an aerobics program, also from Shapes. The camera crew, all males, spent a great deal of time focused on spandex covered crotches and breasts.
John Guidry was stumped, though. At present, Pam Broussard was out on maternity leave. And both Dr. Sylvia Hooperstein and the Very Reverend Smith were vying for that time slot. The Very Reverend Smith also had his rabid followers protesting Performance 12 for airing programs of an immoral woman that was unmarried, yet delivering a baby.
John wondered how many heart attacks the news that the father of Pam's baby was also married to another woman could produce. At present, he was simply airing reruns of 'Small Bites' but viewers and protesters alike were switching the channel. Once they switched the channel, it was very hard to get them to switch back.
From one thirty pm until two thirty pm, they broadcast 'Helping Hands,' an independent soap opera based in a fictitious charity in a fictitious Mississippi township. From two thirty pm to three thirty pm they broadcast 'Fast Feet,' another soap opera about a dance troupe that seemed to be perpetually on the verge of their one big break into stardom.
Personally, John thought both shows were mindless prattle, but mindless prattle seemed to be selling advertising slots quite well.
Three thirty pm to four pm was taken up by a game show that broadcast out of Houston, Texas called 'Do You Know...' where three contestants tried to ring in and answer questions based on pop culture.
Four pm until five pm was dedicated to 'The Prejean Hour,' hosted by Rodney Prejean, one of the sleaziest men John had ever had the displeasure of meeting. His topics were quite often just on the verge of obscenity. But again, advertising dollars kept the station going.
From five until seven was dedicated to news. From seven until nine pm was devoted to various independent sit-coms, from nine until eleven was dedicated to night-time soap operas, dramas. From eleven until twelve am, Channel 12 broadcast a local news, then a national news program.
But John was still stuck with that twelve thirty to one pm slot.
"Daddy, why you don't get Mr. Milt?" Chelsea asked.
John looked at his daughter for a long moment. Milt Duhon, their next-door neighbor, worked off-shore for fourteen days at a time, and then came in for seven days. Most of the time, the handsome man spent his time with his three daughters and his wife and quite often included the Guidry clan of John, Linda, Paige and Chelsea in their activities.
Recently, over yet another fantastic meal at the Duhon home, John had complimented the extremely overweight Cheryl Duhon on the meal.
Sierra, their fifteen year old daughter, burst out laughing.
"Only reason Momma know where's the kitchen is that's where the ice cream is," Sierra declared.
"You hush you," Milt smiled and used a biscuit to sop up the last of his gravy.
"Then who..." John asked.
"That my Daddy done that," eleven year old summer chimed in.
"Yeah," Skye, their seven year old daughter agreed.
"Well, Millie," John sneered. "It's good."
Linda kicked John under the table.
Normally after the meal, Milt and Cheryl would serve too strong coffee and dessert and break out a deck of cards and the four adults would play a few hands of poker. But last night, as soon as Summer and Sierra had cleared away the dishes, Milt wished the Guidry family a pleasant evening.
"What you expect?" Linda shrilled at John. "Really? Calling him Millie? Just because he does the cooking?"
"Good God, the man is that thin-skinned?" John had sneered.
Now, in his office, though, John nodded to his twenty one year old daughter. He dialed the number for the Duhon house. Since his two daughters had spent a great deal of time babysitting for the Duhon children, he knew the number by heart.
"Hello?" Milt cheerfully answered.
