Lisa was a skinny blond. Her hair was almost white and very thin. Her skin was just as pale. I saw her come in out of the rain one morning; she looked like a drowned Pomeranian.
She had no hips that you could speak of. As a child we used to joke about women who were a perfect 36; 12-12-12. That was our Lisa.
I worked for her father. He didn't own the company, he was my foreman. Lisa worked there too. Someone told me she gave the best head in town. I have been married far too long to even attempt to try it out.
She never seemed to lack for dates; always talking about being out to this place or that place. She was not the type to go out with everyone and his brother; she stayed with the same guy forever.
She had been dating one of the machine operators on the production line for about 2 years. He was a jealous type; if he saw her talking to another guy she would never hear the end of it. He was a big white guy; his feet were size 15, he stood about 6 foot 4, weighed in at 315. He was built solid from top to bottom; all muscle.
This guy was offered a better job in the next town, he took it. I could tell he was not taking care of her when she started to try putting the moves on me. I did my usual number and pretended that I did not notice. The harder she tried the dumber I got. Finally I told her we could be friends but that was as far as it could go. You see; my momma raised big kids, not dumb ones. I liked my wife just fine and didn't want to trade her in for a newer model.
Lisa decided she liked the looks of the new operator on 3rd shift. He was 5 foot 6, about 105 wringing wet and a roll of quarters in his pocket. He was also as black as you get. Have you ever seen a person who was so dark they had a purple sheen to their skin? That was Joe. He never knew what hit him when she decided that he was next in line.
As far as anyone could tell it was working out to the satisfaction of both of them. He was attentive and she was not as horny as before. There were a few times I saw them getting a little more intimate than should happen in a workplace, but it wasn't my job at risk so I kept quiet.
Later that fall the company held their annual Christmas party. Dinner was rubber chicken and fancy food veggies. Afterward the boss handed out the annual bonuses; then there was dancing.
I dance like one leg is 6 inches shorter then the other, so rather than embarrass myself I sat and watched. My wife and I have an agreement that she can go out and dance as long as she reserves all the slow dances for me and returns to the table after 3 dances. She stays for 1 dance and can then go back for another 3. This way she does not get too tired and I don't look like a lonely wallflower all night.
I noticed the wife had not returned after 5 dances and they started a slow dance. She was not coming back still. So I got up and headed out to see what was going on. As I was looking for her I spotted Lisa heading out to the dance floor in a screaming hurry. I found my wife about the same time Lisa showed up looking for Joe. Joe and my wife were slow dancing. His hands were all over her ass.
I tapped him on the shoulder to break in and he turned around saying "What the fuck do you want?"
I told him he was dancing with my wife and now it was my turn.
His response was "Fuck you I found her and will dance with her until I am done." My wife just smiled. No sooner than he finished speaking Lisa cold cocked him in the jaw. He dropped like a sack of potatoes.
My wife was pissed at me. I told her "It was time to leave. We don't air our dirty laundry in front of my co-workers."
She opened her mouth to say something and I told her it was cold outside and 35 miles to home. Did she want a ride or was she going to walk?
As I drove toward home I quietly and gently explained she had broken our agreement. She said nothing and just glared at me.
When we got home she headed into the bedroom and locked the door. I reached above the doorway and got the key to unlock the door and let myself in.
"You're not sleeping with me tonight" she screamed at me.
"If that is what you want go sleep on the sofa then" I calmly replied.
She stalked out of the room and went to the living room. I could see her looking for something. "Where is my purse?" she screamed.
I just shrugged my shoulders. I knew she left it in the car; which was now locked and all the keys for it were locked away in my desk.
I told her "You had too much to drink and should not be out driving."
The banshee came alive again and informed me she was not sleeping in this house tonight. She then went out the door and started down the driveway, without putting her coat on.
About 5 minutes later she was back at the locked door pounding and demanding that I let her in. I took my time coming down the stairs and walking to the door as she continued to pound on it. When I opened the door she was shivering and soaked to the bone. The temperature was 35 degrees and it had started to rain. She had slipped and fallen in the front yard and had skinned her knees.
If looks could kill I was dead 3 times over. I guided her upstairs to the bathroom poured her a hot bath, stripped her down and put her in the tub. Half an hour later I helped her out of the tub, took care of fixing her knees and went to bed.
Sometime in the middle of the night she crawled into bed with me and finally fell asleep.
The next morning I woke, at 9, to find 3 inches of sloppy snow in the yard. I went out to the shed and got the snow blower out to clean off the walk and driveway. Then checked on her, she was still out.
A little after 1 in the afternoon she came downstairs; she did not look good. She wanted to know why there was no coffee made.
I told her "You know I don't drink coffee."
The banshee woke again. I just sat there and smiled.
Later I told her "It was made fresh at 9, but I was sure it was no good at 12:30 so I poured it out. You know what old coffee does to your stomach."
The next week was both of our birthdays. Mine was the 13th hers was the 16th. She gave me a nice pair of socks for my present. So I put away the bracelet and necklace I had gotten her and gave her a six pack of plain white cotton panties; like granny would wear.
She was now even more pissed at me.
The children returned from college to find the house very frosty. She still had not told me why she was angry. I just smiled.
2 days before Christmas I over heard her telling our daughter that I did not trust her. She went on to tell her how I had punched a man out for dancing with her. The child was astounded that I would do something like that.
On Christmas Eve I was too sick to go anywhere. She and the children went to her parents' house for dinner and gift exchange. I sent a lovely pair of jade earrings for her mother and a nice GPS for her dad.
I learned in Jr High that if I ate cheese curls they would make me sick for about 18 hours. I used that trick when I needed extra time to study for tests.
For Christmas she gave me a nice assortment of gourmet coffee. She got a Hickory Farms summer sausage. All the other presents she wanted were stored in my desk.
We had reservations for New Years Eve, so we went out. The drive to the party was frosty; I did not have much to say either. I just smiled.
