Not so Funny

This is my first submission. I am not a writer by trade but have been reading stories on Literotica for about a year now and thought I would try my hand at it. I hope you like the story. I have other ideas that I am working on as well. I don't know if the story is worth writing alternate versions or endings, but you are all welcome to do so. I enjoy reading alternate endings to a good story.

___________________________________________

I put my golf clubs on the hook in my garage.

Golfing is my way of enjoying "me" time. I seldom golf with friends. Every once in a while, I golf with a business associate, but most Sundays I would just pick a course I haven't played in a while and make a tee time. I always hope to play a round by myself, but most weeks I would be paired with other golfers. Not knowing the people made it easy for me to keep to myself and enjoy the afternoon. It is just the way I like it.

I am not the best golfer, but I usually shoot around eleven over par. My short game is where I excel. I seldom miss the green from 150 yards in. Driving is... well... hit and miss. One week I would be straight down the middle, the next I'd be practicing my sand wedge all day. You golfers know what I mean.

I walked into the kitchen to wash my hands and grab a beer, when I heard my wife talking on the phone through our kitchen window.

We had put a pool in last summer and my wife just loved it. On most warm days, she was either in the pool, laying out by the pool or just lounging in a shaded chair by the pool. I loved watching her layout because she wore her smallest bikini and oh what a sight! Made me want to rip her suit off and pound her right there on the pool deck. What I heard through the window pulled me up short and caused my senses to spike.

Yes, we should all wear skimpy bikinis like we did on spring break back in college. You remember the reaction we got from the boys. It will be so fun to mess with the guys.

Maybe some of the guys will get a boner like that spring break trip and have to try to hide out in the water till it goes down. We will know who has the biggest dick then.

She giggled after saying this. It will be so much fun. I know I'm bad, but it will be some good fun for us girls. Oh... that would be hysterical. Who do you think we should do it to? My husband? No doubt he will be mad, but I'm already laughing just thinking about it. Ok. I'll do it.

Well, I should get going. Mike will be home from golfing soon and we are going to grill out and relax by the pool. I just love Sunday afternoons. After working all week and doing chores on Saturdays, Mike likes to play golf on Sunday and I like to do, well... nothing. This pool has been a great way to unwind. I read, tan, and just relax. Ok, I can't wait to see everyone. Bye

At this point, I realized that I had been holding my breath and let out a long slow exhale.

What was she talking about? What was she going to do that was going to be so funny? It sure sounded like whatever it was, she was planning to do it to me. It sounded like I was going to be laughed at.

At this point, I want to share a little background about my childhood. Lisa and I have been married for 6 years. We met in college, and I won't bore you with the details, I chased her for 3 years and got married the month before our senior year. We rented a 1-bedroom apartment off campus and all our friends were jealous of us.

We were so in love, and we still are. Most of our college friends paired up one by one and married within a year or two of graduation. We were the "old" married couple in the group. Our group of college friends, well really Lisa's group of friends, and their husbands had decided that instead of going to our 5-year class reunion we would rent a house on the beach for a weekend.

I thought it was a good idea as I never really had that many friends in college. Besides playing soccer on scholarship and studying hard to get a double major in business and accounting, I only had time for Lisa. It is all I want to do. Soccer, study, Lisa.

Lisa was different. She was getting a degree in psychology, and it seemed like she never had to study. It just came naturally for her. Sure, she had papers to write, but most days she had time for friends. And she was always off doing this or that with some girl from her dorm.

It didn't change after we were married, but whenever I was not playing soccer or studying, she and I were together.

So, she had 5 of her college friends and their husbands planning a weekend that was coming up in 2 weeks. They had rented a 6-bedroom house and planned out a 3-day weekend.

I knew all of the women and one or two of the husbands. It was going to be fun for me, but more fun for Lisa, as they were her friends. Us husbands would be hanging out, swimming, grilling food, and drinking beer.

But this bit about wearing skimpy bikinis and trying to get us hard, what was that about? I guess they are trying to relive their college years.

I have always gone out of my way to avoid embarrassing situations and Lisa knows it. I mean, who wants to be embarrassed? But I was way more sensitive than most.

I had shared with Lisa while we were dating about how my mother had embarrassed me many times when I was a kid. My mom had an in-home daycare. There was a revolving door at our house of four or five kids at any one time. Girls and boys, some older and some younger than me. The oldest never being over 12 at any one time.

Just one thing that my mom had done to embarrass me as a child was to spank me on the bare butt in public when I misbehaved. Three or four hard spanks and she didn't seem to care who was around was watching.

Many times, after pulling my pants up, I would look around and see girls staring at me. Some with smirks on their faces. Some with their hand over their mouth trying not to laugh. Others pointed at me and openly laughed.

Since I went off to college, I have only seen my mother three times. I got a job on campus during the summers to avoid going home. During holidays I would plan a week camping or skiing or whatever. I always had an excuse to not go home. Can you blame me?

I didn't actually hate my mother. I just didn't have any desire to be around her ever again. I couldn't completely avoid all contact with my mother, so I answered about one call a month. She was always asking how I was doing and wanted to know everything about my life. Most recently she was bugging me about giving her grandkids. She had retired from her daycare business after my dad retired, and now she said she wanted to watch her grandkids. So she said that I needed to get busy.

Fat chance I would ever take my kids to her house! But I just changed the subject to avoid the issue. Grin and nod. Never say no, but never commit. That was my mode of operation.

You see, second to being embarrassed, I hate conflict. I will avoid conflict at almost all costs. If my wife and I have conflicting views on something, I usually just go quiet and let her talk herself out. It is not that I agree with her. It is just not worth it to me to argue my view or be in conflict with her.

Some may say I'm a pussy, because I do not stand up to her. I just say that, for me, it is the easiest way to go through life. Don't really care what others think.

Anyway, my mother did other things to embarrass me growing up, but you get the picture. What it did was shape my personality into having a very strong reaction to being embarrassed or humiliated. Especially in front of women!

So, as I walked out the back door to the pool my brain was on overload, wondering what she was planning for the reunion weekend.

Hi honey, Lisa said, how was golf?

It was fine. Shot five over. I couldn't miss today with the driver today, so I had a good round. My brain was saying, stay calm, stay calm. Who were you talking to on the phone?

Oh, I didn't know you were home. I was just talking to Angie, my old roommate. We're making plans for the reunion weekend.

Oh, ok. I'm going to shower and get some burgers out to grill. See you in a little bit.

I won't bore you with the next two weeks, but things were normal between us. We had sex a couple of times a week and it was always great. Lisa is really good-looking and has not gained an ounce since college. She is still 135 pounds with full 36C boobs and a butt that you love to walk behind.

I can't help patting her butt every time I walk past her in the kitchen or anywhere else for that matter. She gets on me if I do it too blatantly in public, but I just tell her that I am attracted to her and that her butt is the only butt I get to pat. So I take advantage of my husbandly privilege whenever I can. She never gets mad about it. I think she secretly likes it.

Anyway, we all showed up at the beach house at different times on Friday. Some of us got out in the sun Friday with others showing up just in time for dinner. We had a great night sitting by the fire pit drinking beers, re-living stories from our college days, and getting caught up on what we all have done since college. Only one of the couples had a child so far. Everyone else talked about not starting a family for at least another four or five years.

Lisa and I had been talking about having kids recently and decided that we were ready and she had gone off the pill. We were the "old" married couple after all.

Saturday, we got a slow start with an event the women had planned and then we sat on the beach, swam, and drank all afternoon.

I was surprised when all the ladies wore modest swimming suits that first afternoon. After hearing my wife on the phone with Angie I thought they would be in string bikinis.

Heck, I would love to see the ladies in string bikinis. They were all good-looking. I just didn't want all the guys to see my wife in one. I know that's a double standard but hey, so what.

After another evening of grilling out, telling jokes, and talking smart we were all off to bed by ten.

I know, us "old" married people go to bed at ten. Not like college anymore. There were lots of sounds of sex in the house that night. But most of us did not hear a thing, as we all made love to our spouse and then quickly fell asleep. Spending the day in the sun and drinking takes a lot out of you.

Sunday was a repeat of Saturday until we got to the beach that afternoon. All of us guys were sent to the shore to set up blankets, coolers, and umbrellas with the women saying they would be down in a minute. Nothing unusual. It takes a guy about three seconds to pull on a suit and we were all out the door.

The only odd thing was that I couldn't find my suit. I asked Lisa if she knew where it was because I thought I had left it over the side of the bathtub. She said she had not seen it, but had packed me a spare. I thanked her, put it on, and was out the door. Women take a lot longer to get ready. They have to put on sunscreen, put their hair up, and find sunglasses and a matching wrap. You know what I'm talking about.

So off we went to set up our afternoon spot on the beach.

When the women showed up all of us guys seemed to go speechless. Here came our six wives in very revealing swimsuits. There was so much side boob and ass showing that if we were on a public beach, they would have been arrested.

When they got close you could see some very defined camel toe on three of the ladies and four of them had thong bottoms, that left nothing to the imagination.

Angie was the first to speak. We thought you guys deserved a treat for being such good husbands. Plus, there is a lot of real estate that needs tanned, so we thought we would give you guys a show this afternoon. Does anybody want to object?

Us guys seemed to forget how to talk.

Anyway, we did our best not to stare and ogle the "not our wife" ladies and try to act normal. I will say that one of the wives had a great set of boobs. They were much bigger than Lisa's and she had this little triangle-shaped string bikini that almost covered her big areolas. It did nothing to support anything, so her boobs bounced, swayed, and hung down low when she bent over. It was a constant struggle to stop from getting a boner.

At some point in the afternoon, the girls all started playing paddle ball. You know the game where you each have a paddle and you hit a rubber ball back and forth? The goal is to see how many times you can hit it before the ball hits the ground.

Well, this caused a lot of flesh to bounce around. Often the girls would need to stop and readjust a top that was losing a boob or pull a thong out of a butt crack when it disappeared. It was just too much for me.

Looking around at the other guys, they seemed to be struggling as well, but I was on my way to a raging boner. Before I got completely embarrassed, I casually walked my way to the water and waded in. Once in the water above my waist, I turned around to continue watching the show on the beach.

I was instantly surprised because all of the action had stopped on the beach and all eyes were on me. Big grins on everyone's face.

I said, what are you all staring at?

Instead of answering, my wife said, why are you the only one in the water?

Well, I just thought I would cool off. What's it to ya?

You wouldn't be in the water because you got an erection and didn't want us to see it would you, Lisa said.

Everyone had either a smirk or a wide grin on their face. I started to feel the heat in my face as I started to get embarrassed. I guess at least some of them had seen that I was starting to tent my suit when I walked to the water.

No, of course not, I lied.

I subconsciously reached to push my penis down and got a big surprise. Where was my suit? I was now holding my now semi-soft cock with no swimsuit.

Looking down I saw part of the suit floating in the water and part still attached to my leg. Then it hit me. Lisa had bought me a disappearing swimsuit! This must have been what she was talking about on the phone with Angie when she said "It will be hysterical".

She had either decided on her own to prank me or had been asked by the girls to have me be the one husband who would get set up with the dissolving suit.

It felt like everything in my brain had gone into slow motion. I could hear my heart beating in my ears.

I looked at the shore and saw that all the women were laughing and pointing at me. A couple of the guys were laughing and a couple looked like they didn't know what was going on. Everything was in slow motion but my mind was firing at a thousand miles a minute.

Here I was, reliving my childhood embarrassments, only as an adult. All of the terrible feelings and humiliation returned like a crashing wave.

My wife, the woman who was supposed to have my back through thick and thin, the only one with whom I had shared my true feelings about what my mother had done to me, the one who was supposed to love and respect me, had set me up to be naked in public, once again.

All of the embarrassment and humiliation flooded back in. In a microsecond, my brain told me that I would never forgive Lisa for this. Just like I hadn't forgiven my mother. There would be nothing that she could ever say that would change my mind.

So, right then I decided, that... well... I might as well get this over with. No use prolonging my embarrassment. No use standing in the water naked and prolonging the humiliation.

So, I pulled on the remaining piece of the swimsuit and it easily floated away from my leg. I then started slowly walking out of the water completely naked.

All of the women started yelling something or other but it was like I was in a trance and didn't hear anything they said.

They say that some cocks are for show and some cocks will grow. Well, my cock was one that was for show. It was always about six inches long and medium thick. It never shrinks down to little, like most guys. When I get hard, it only grows about an inch longer and gets a little thicker.

When I reached the shore, I just kept walking at my slow even pace towards the house. My face was flaming red but I kept my eyes fixed straight ahead. My cock was swinging back and forth as it bounced off my legs.

Lisa stopped laughing long enough to shout after me "What the hell are you doing?"

I just kept walking toward the house. When I got there, I went to our bedroom, put on a pair of shorts and shoes, grabbed my wallet and keys, and headed out the front door. I didn't look back as I drove off so I don't know if anyone had chased after me or not. I just drove home.

It went almost just as planned Lisa chuckled to herself. We were bouncing around in our skimpy swimsuits and the guys were all struggling not to get boners. Mike was the first one to walk into the water to "cool off" and the disappearing swimsuit that I bought worked as well as advertised. It was obvious to all of us girls that he was shocked when he reached down and felt the suit as it dissolved in the water.

There were all sorts of emotions going across his face, shock, surprise, embarrassment, and some other emotion that I could not recognize. And then he just up and walked out of the water, right by all us girls, and up to the house.

We were all stunned! And, I was a little miffed that he would walk by all my girlfriends with his package swaying back and forth. After all, he was my husband and only I should get to see him naked. I even got a few comments from the girls about "how lucky I was with a stud like Mike" and "damn girl, nice package".

What I had planned was have our little joke, and then after a minute, walk down to the water and give Mike his old suit that I had in my beach bag. Then he would come out of the water and after a little ha-ha's and he-he's... we would go on about the day.

The guys would get the excitement of seeing all of us girls in our hardly there suits all day. When all the laughing died down, I said that I better go get Mike. I'd probably have to make nice and kiss up a little bit because he was obviously bent out of shape. But he'll get over it.

As I walked up to the house, I had a quick thought that maybe he had a flashback to when his mother used to embarrass him. Maybe that was the emotion that I saw on his face in the water. If that was the case, then I might have made a terrible mistake as his childhood had traumatized him. He still has not forgiven his mother and basically avoids any communication with her. I think that I talk to Mike's mother more than he does.

I quickly put that thought out of my mind. I was sure a few kisses and I'd reassure him that I loved him and it was all just good-natured fun amongst friends. He would be fine.

I called out his name when I entered the house. He didn't answer so I went to our bedroom. He wasn't there. I looked all over but could not find Mike. I finally looked out front window and saw that our car was gone. I wondered where he went. He was taking this too far. It was just a joke and now he must have gotten all bent out of shape and took off.

I called Mike's cell and heard it ringing in the bedroom. Sure enough it was sitting on the dresser. Now what was I going to do? How would I contact him? Well, I decided that he must need some time to blow off some steam and would be back soon, so I went back to the beach and rejoined the party.

Everyone wanted to know where Mike was and when I told them he wasn't in the house and our car was gone, a few of the guys got a concerned look on their faces. The women just told me that Mike probably took it the wrong way and got his ego bruised and that he would be back soon. Quickly, Mike was forgotten about and we were back to playing paddle ball and enjoying the beach.

As I drove home, I realized that I had forgotten my cell phone. Oh well, at least no one could call me this way. That might be a blessing in disguise.