I said to my wife Nora one night during the days we were considering Adrian Benton's proposal for Nora to become his mistress, "Nora, it would excite me to hear you tell me about some of your sexual experiences before we met, maybe the ones you recall most vividly or were especially important for you. If you have been nervous to talk about this in the past I would think you would no longer feel insecure in doing so. I believe it is important that I understand your past better before we begin a relationship with Adrian which will inevitably change our life together.
Nora began. "James, as you know I attended an exclusive private Catholic high school for girls in Kansas City. Many of my classmates and most other friends came from prominent families who owned large houses south of the Plaza or in Mission Hills, just across the Kansas line. My father was very successful in business and my parents socialized with many of these people. However, he and my mother were very conservative Catholics and very strict with me, more than most other parents in their social set. At that girls school I worked very hard at academics and did well in even the most challenging advance placement courses. I was in the Honors Society, on the student council, editor of the literary and art magazine and won a number of regional awards for my drawings and paintings. Plenty of honors came my way. I was never very interested in sports, though I did hold a spot on the tennis team my junior and senior years; the exercise and competition both were good for me.
"It will surprise you to know that sex was not high on my list of priorities. Despite my popularity in the girls school, I did not date much. Most of the boys I met were from the families we knew socially and most of them lived in the neighborhoods around us. They generally seemed to regard me as very attractive -- even beautiful if I believed what some of them said to me or wrote to me. I knew many of them were on their way to being frat boys at the University of Kansas or Missouri and I confess I did not take them very seriously or find them interesting.
"James, I did understand that I was attractive at that time. People told me so, and it was clear to me when I looked at myself in the mirror whether dressed or with nothing on. I knew my face was pretty and I was fortunate to have lots of naturally blond hair. When I asked myself about what I would change about my looks I found nothing of note. I was tall, but not too tall. My breasts were firm, not too large but also, more importantly, not too small. My legs were long and toned and my rear seemed nicely shaped, tight not flabby. I was well satisfied with my looks. I was not as relaxed in conversation with men as I wanted to be and not very interesting to them beyond my looks. My shy mother was not a helpful mentor.
"Why I was so late in developing stronger sexual desires I cannot say. I had learned to pleasure my body myself but did not do so often or with much passion. It was only in the final months of my senior year, after I had turned eighteen, this began to change. By then I was no longer so preoccupied with academic credentials and other recognition I needed to be accepted to excellent colleges. I most wanted to attend the School of the Chicago Art Institute, thinking I would have a career as an artist. I was relieved when I was accepted early decision in February.
"That spring I was relaxed enough to become more receptive to dates with boys my age and quite a few seemed eager to go out with me. I know they liked the way I looked and I am sure hoped I would offer them some sort of sexual experience. They assumed an attractive eighteen year old surely must have done much more than I had and would have more to offer them. Instead, they found me cautious and unreceptive to anything beyond kissing and mild petting. I tried to be more engaged but could not bring myself to respond to their forwardness or meet their expectations--and I felt their growing impatience.
"Even the boys I liked and respected seemed clumsy when we were alone together. After hurried kissing and petting their rushed attempts for more turned me off rather than on. I was beginning to think I would go to college still a virgin. More and more frequently I found sexual pleasure in pleasing myself, usually picturing my self having romantic sex with an older, more sensitive and experienced partner. Amazingly to me James, in early summer my fantasy began to be realized. By the time I left for Chicago two months after graduation I was a very different person sexually -- more experienced, more confident and much more interested in sex. By the end of summer I was feeling sexy, desirable. Here is how that dramatic change came about.
"One Saturday morning while I was walking our dog in Loose Park I encountered David Landsdowne who was also walking his family's dog. I had met David before, perhaps at a holiday party, but we had never really spoken beyond a quick introduction. I had no sense of what he was doing or where. His family lived eight or ten blocks from our house across Ward Parkway.
"We began to walk together and to chat. David told me he had just finished his sophomore year at Stanford and was home for the summer, working as an intern at the Kansas City Board of Trade. He asked me about myself and I told him about my interests and my plans for college in Chicago. David was very handsome, dark hair and green eyes, medium height and slender but nicely muscled. He seemed to me relaxed, confident, well spoken, and very mature compared to the boys I had been around. I liked him right away.
"After we had walked and talked for a half hour or so, David told me he was surprised I had only just graduated from high school; he thought I looked and acted older. This pleased me and I told him so. Before we had finished our walk he asked me whether I would like to go to a movie with him that evening. I accepted and I had an enjoyable evening -- a good movie, good conversation, and good vibrations overall. David seemed to like me and to take me seriously. He seemed comfortable talking about serious things as well as the light and trivial. He was very modest about his own accomplishments and even getting him to talk about them was a challenge. As he left me at our front door he asked if he could kiss me. When I nodded yes he gave me a very slow, sweet and gentle kiss. And then he asked if I would walk with him to the Nelson Art Museum the next afternoon to see their new accessions of historical photographs from the Hall family collection. Again I agreed, this time with obvious enthusiasm.
"So David and I began to date, often several times each week, for the rest of the summer. This quickly became first a nice friendship and almost as quickly my first meaningful sexual relationship as well.
" As we left the Museum that Sunday afternoon, our first of several visits there together, it was closing for the day. I asked David if he would like to stop on our walk home at a favorite neighborhood bistro that had outdoor seating under the trees. We talked pleasantly there over wine and cheese, exchanging in more depth our career and personal interests and hopes for the future. Then, as it began to grow dark, we passed through the park toward our house and we found ourselves sitting on a bench in a quiet spot under the trees. David put his arm around my shoulder as though sheltering me and leaned over and we began to kiss. These were the first deeply affecting kisses of my life; I can remember thinking: now I know what the word swooning really means. David pulled me toward him as he kissed me slowly, softly, on my lips, on my eyes, on my neck. While this seemed unhurried and easy for me, at the same time it was incredibly exciting. I felt almost like I would faint in his arms. I began to kiss David back and to put my arms around him and to press myself against him. I had never really desired this with the boys I had dated. I wanted to feel him and most of all for him to feel me.
"While we continued to kiss David leaned me back against the bench and began to slide the palm of his hand very slowly and gently back and forth across my breasts grazing only my nipples. Not grabbing. Just a light touch but enough to give me pleasure, to make me feel something sexual was going on and to realize David's light touch was enough to arouse me. I wanted this new feeling to last and last.
As we broke from a long kiss David said, 'Nora, I love looking at you. I love your beautiful face, but at times I can hardly keep from embarrassing myself, and perhaps you too, by just staring at your lovely breasts. It is very exciting to touch them and to feel your nipples harden from my touch.' I told David I had never before liked a touch as well as his and I wanted him to like my face and my breasts and all of me. 'Nora, you are a beautiful woman,' he said. 'I like everything I see and all that I can imagine.'
"James, I have not forgotten that sentence. Do you know why? No man before had called me a woman. Not a girl, a woman! Until David did.
"I would have stayed all night with David on that bench. But after a few more kisses he said he thought we should go because my parents might be worried and he did not want to do anything that might keep me from agreeing to see him again. So he walked me home with his arm around me and I loved feeling that and the long kiss as we parted at our house.
"We agreed to have dinner together two nights later. As he left he said, 'Nora, my parents will be at their house in Colorado from Tuesday until next Monday. If you like we could have our dinner outside near our pool on Tuesday evening and then swim and enjoy our time together. Think about it and let me know.' I knew I wanted to see as much of him as I could and to meet him at his house. I did not tell him my parents would be leaving Kansas City for two weeks to be with friends on the coast of Maine the very day his parents were returning. Fortunately, because of my own internship, they let me stay home with only a maid to come to our house twice a week, always during the morning.
"After only a few days of knowing David I was aware this was unlike any relationship I had had and I hoped it would continue. Although David had told me the day we met he had a girlfriend in California and looked forward to seeing her again in August, I felt this might change and, in any case, he could be perfect for me for the summer. As I came to know David better in the days just ahead I found him kind, thoughtful and gentle -- and I soon learned he was experienced sexually. His great gift to me that summer was to patiently and skillfully lead me through new sexual experiences, giving me intimate adult pleasures for the first time. I knew I should not fall in love with David -- and I soon learned it might be very hard not to.
"When I arrived at David's house early on Tuesday evening I found that there was no one else there and that he had prepared a simple meal for us -- a cold soup and a salad along with fresh bread and then peach ice cream to follow. We sat at a table near the pool and enjoyed a bottle of fine white wine as we ate and talked. I pushed him to tell me more about what it was like to go to college at a place like Stanford and to be in California and I explained to him why I thought the Chicago Art Institute School would be the right college l in the right city for me. I guess I was right James, because nearly fifteen years later, I am still in Chicago. And still happy being here.
"After dinner we swam, then put on dry clothes and drank more wine. As it became cooler we moved inside to a very comfortable room with windows overlooking the pool. We sat together on a couch with candlelight and the rising moon to see by. David asked me whether I had smoked pot and if so would I like to share a joint with him. Although I had smoked a few times and had not found it very enjoyable, I did not want to disappoint him, so I answered yes. This time, perhaps with the wine and relaxed in his company, I was soon floating on a very mellow high. And I told David that I was feeling unusually contended. I welcomed his kisses and I found, for the first time, that I also enjoyed his tongue exploring my mouth such that I began to match his probing. This was all becoming even more intense than our previous time together. I felt eager for more, not knowing what might be coming.
" David asked me if he could unbutton my blouse so that he could see my my breasts and touch them. Very daringly for me, I began to unbutton my blouse for him. I was feeling very sexy. He reached around to undo my bra and I felt his hand cupping my breasts for the first time and pulling gently on each nipple. 'Nora, lean back so I can see how lovely you are like this.'
I believe I closed my eyes as he looked at me. I know I could feel his eyes on me and when I opened mine I could read his excitement. 'Thank you, Nora. You have given me a beautiful gift. Seeing you like this makes me want to ask for more.
"James, I recall that David next put his hand on my leg and began to stroke slowly and gently up the inside of my thigh. He said he hoped I would like his touching me there. And then he said that he would not do anything that I did not want him to. I feel sure that I told him I wanted him to touch me. I loved the way he moved his hand on my legs, just gently and gradually moving his hand higher and higher on the inside of my thighs. When he paused he left me wanting more, desiring to go further than I ever had with anyone.
"David asked whether I liked his hand on me and I told him I did very much. He asked if I would like for him to go a bit further and I told him I wanted him to. I felt his finger just gently graze my pussy through my panties, and then to stroke slowly along my slit. I realized that I was very wet. This had not happed to me before with a man. I remember thinking I was with a man. He asked me whether I was enjoying his finger on my sex. He knew the answer. He said, 'I think you do. I like touching you there.
'Nora, what do you like?'
