No Tent Could Hold This Circus!

I want to thank everyone whose comments and pointers have helped me become a better writer than I was starting. It helped me become a better me so I could write better stories for you to enjoy. I understand that some will find fault with everything, but I have come to terms with that.

So I want to be known as 'The Pirate Writer' from now on, meaning if you don't like the treasures I leave while I try to get better, then look to the upper right... 'X marks the spot!'

===== And now for the rest of the story ====

I am Hal Kemp, owner of a midsized company known as 'Better than Thought.' We build those unique rooms or buildings for those who can afford them. I was made CEO when my father handed the company over to me, but he ensured I worked my way up from the bottom so I had a firm grasp on things and how they needed to be done. I was a 'hands-on' guy, not that I didn't know the computer side of things, but I loved working with my hands!

One of the forepersonsmen, Derick, poked his head in, asking if I was still buying the first round as the guys pulled off a massive build and were even two days early before the deadline. The job netted the company 2.4 million in revenue and referrals, so I was buying the first two rounds and their favorite sandwich at a pub called 'Stubbies.' It was the best place around for miles.

I called Gerry, who owned the pub, and told him to open up the back room as about 38 guys were coming over to celebrate and to reinforce the kitchen staff as well; we both agreed that we didn't need a repeat performance of a few weeks ago when the pub's regulars got a taste of how construction workers party when a couple of my guys wanted to dance so they pushed the folding wall back into its slot. Hence, they had access to the dance floor and all the females in attendance. (We can laugh about it now, but back then...not so much.)

I was the first to arrive, told Gerry that whatever the bill was, I would cover it, and gave him my card to set up the tab for tonight's festivities. We had known each other since the second grade, so I was not worried about him jacking the bill with bogus charges. My guys started to arrive, and orders were taken. After about 45 minutes, all were in attendance, and I made my speech thanking them for all their hard work and that I was picking up the tab for tonight, so don't go overboard! They had a good laugh about that!

Then, just as I raised my beer to toast my ragged-looking bunch, I heard my phone tell me I had a message. I decided to wait and check it out later, but Just as I was biting off a mouthful of my ham and cheese sitting at the table, my phone went off with back-to-back messages, and I thought so much for enjoying my sandwich and pulled it out.

Suddenly, I wasn't hungry anymore!

There were messages from a number I didn't know, but what concerned me was the messages themselves...

Number 1: Your wife, Becky, is fucking around behind your back. Interested?

Number 2: was an audio clip of a man's voice saying how 'this ass was his to fuck' and my wife's voice telling her ass was only for him. (she never gave it to me).

Number 3: Are you interested now...?

I just sat there as my world collapsed all around me, and all I could do was watch it all fall apart.

I noticed that my beer was suddenly empty. I slowly got up and made my way to the bar. I needed something more suited for this type of thing and started on single malt bourbon as I texted this person, 'Who is this?'

The reply: I am a friend in need, and you need a friend indeed

Then I sent: So apparently you know us, so tell me... Who is this?

So what do you want, money?

Their following text: Nothing more than you will freely give to me

"WTF is that supposed to mean?" I shot back

I never got a reply, but Gerry noticed something wasn't right with me and came over to see what was happening. I just held out my car keys and told him to leave the bottle. His eyes narrowed, looking at me, but he also knew not to push it when I got this way, "I've finished two of the four apartments upstairs, and you can have the unoccupied one for the night. We'll talk in the morning." Then he slid the remainder of my sandwich in front of me, "Drinking on an empty stomach is just asking for trouble."

The pain from having my heart ripped out and then tossed into a blender was directly slipping away the more I emptied the bottle I was drinking and hazily remembered ordering another one as I was in danger of running out (I had to finish off my sandwich first though) Then I remember getting caught up with the festivities with the crew. Then everything got greyish as I faded away into black. I woke up with a head as big as Texas, laying on a bed that wasn't comfortable at all; that's when I suddenly noticed that I had two right arms...that's when it registered in my mind, and I sat bolt upright and noticed there was a woman under me, what was different was we were both still fully clothed!

As I rolled over to sit on the edge of the bed, the woman groaned loudly, and her joints might have popped a couple of times as she rolled over, too, looked at me, and slowly smiled. I asked if she knew what brought us to this point. She then told me about the party downstairs and how it got everyone in the mood to party, which they all did up to closing time. Then, four of my drunken crew tried to help me up to the apartment. She came out from her apt to see all the trouble and decided to lend a hand with getting me squared away. When my friends just pushed me towards the bed, not realizing that she was between me and the bed, and so they weren't paying attention, and she was trapped beneath me, and I was dead weight, it was too much for her to move, so we passed out that way.

I tried to explain how sorry I was that it had happened and how my world imploding led to all my drinking and now the embarrassment I felt, and at least owed her breakfast. She cut me off, saying that she didn't want breakfast, but she wanted me to promise that she would be my first date after my divorce became final. I agreed but commented on the strange way we met when she wrapped her arms around me and gave me the most passionate kiss I had ever received! Then, pulling away, she said that she had spent the night feeling me get hard and soft all night long, and if my wife was stupid enough to let me go, she was smart enough to grab on tight and never let me go!

We exchanged names and numbers. Then I had to find the coffee and food I knew was downstairs. I needed to refuel with coffee and something sweet to give me energy, but I wasn't looking forward to the talk I would have with Gerry. Becky was his step-sister, after all.

I sat at the table as Honey (the waitress) placed a plate full of scrambled eggs with cheese and thickly sliced bacon with some toast and jelly on the side. Then she left, returned with 2 cups of coffee, and set them down. She gave me a wink and left Gerry and me alone to talk. I thought the sooner I got this, the sooner I could start getting all my ducks in a row.

Becky, Gerry, and I split up, going to different high schools, but we all wound up at the same college. Gerry and I were starting our junior year when Becky arrived to begin her first year. Beck was a little hottie back then, and her ass showed how hard she worked to shape it. Her brown hair fell halfway down her back while framing her face perfectly. I used to secretly relieve my hard-on in the shower as I fantasized about her sucking my cock while looking up at me with those hazel eyes as she started deep-throating me. Still, my favorite was I would be her on top of me, riding me hard, then she would lean forward, and her full 36 c-cup breasts would be right in front of my face, and I would suck her nipples into my mouth and start biting it while my hand would grab her other nipple and pinch those nipples real hard just as she climaxes.

All that changed the day Becky and her boyfriend were chosen to receive an award or something. Then, the next you know, they had a knockdown drag-out fight and split up on the night of the party! I caved to stand for him when she included dinner at my favorite seafood restaurant. We drank too much, and we woke up together in her bed. I came to with the sun shining in my eyes through a slit in the blinds. I looked over at her, and she was already looking at me, telling me that she had always been in love with me, and when she saw a chance for us to be together, she made sure I had strong drinks to ensure that it happened. I told her she didn't need to get me drunk as I rolled over on top of her...Then, 14 months later, we were married.

The look I got from Gerry told me he wanted to know what was going on but didn't know where to start, so I started at the beginning and let him view the texts and hear the audio clip. A single tear ran down from his right eye as he handed me the phone, "I would have never thought Becky was capable of this. God, Hal, I'm so sorry!" I assured him that that made two of us. "Are you going to follow through on things?" He asked, knowing that, when this all started, I viewed cheating as a deal breaker, and my thoughts had not changed through the years. Then my phone showed I had gotten another text and an incoming call from my son, who was heading off to college in a few months. I took the ring first.

"Hey Robert, how's your morning?" I tried to sound cheerful

"Hey Pop, I need to ask you something...are things cool with you and Mom?

"What do you mean?" trying to keep the anguish out of my voice

"You go out with the workers to celebrate, then you get drunk and don't come home. Mom calls around and finds out everything about Uncle Gerry, and then she dresses up and goes out for the evening with a few friends. I'm not stupid, Dad."

"We're just hitting a rough patch, son. Please stay out of it while we try to work it out, OK?" I tried to put him off and hoped it worked.

"Can do, old man, but remember that I have your back as you try to fix things. Even if you want to talk or need help burying the body, I'm you!" He chuckled and then ended the call.

Ihaveso looked at Gerry and asked him to stay out of it. I didn't want to lose a friend or wife. Then I read the text, "You should plan to sleep in your guest room for a while. I believe your wife brought something home that you could do without. I would also get checked for any STDs". My day keeps getting better and better, "Why don't you give me all the info you have on them to help with the divorce?" I shot back. And got a quick reply, "The cost for everything I have is going to be a pretty penny, my friend!" I thought, not for the last time, 'Just who the fuck was this mystery friend who knew so much about my situation?'. I finished breakfast and told Gerry I had some errands to run, so I needed to start.

First, I called Evelyn, my secretary, and told her I wasn't coming in today but would be there tomorrow, and Second, I called my lawyer. I told him to find me a solid divorce lawyer and to begin tying all my investments to the company so they would become part of the trust my father left me, and in so doing, I cut her out of everything I could, the fucking bitch!

Then I went to the house because I had to clean up and prepare for my appointments later that day. The house was empty, and it had the feeling of a tomb. I thought it fitting as our marriage was dead. It should have a marker to bear its passing. Robert left a note saying he was out with his friends until late this evening, and Becky said she was helping her friends at a fundraiser for some charity.

Yeah, of course she was!

When I was done in the bathroom, I got dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, but slipping on my sneakers, one fell out of my hand and rolled under the bed. As I knelt to retrieve it, I saw a light, shiny packet wedged against the box springs on her side of the bed. When I walked around to see what it was, I found it to be a packet of birth control pills, and it was already more than half empty! It was the final nail in the coffin of our relationship. It was then I realized that I no longer gave a shit about what Becky wanted, how she would eat, or even if the bitch had a place to live! The trust I had bought the house we lived in and paid the utilities and taxes for the home and my cabin on a small private lake that I never told anyone but my son about.

It turned out that both my son and I enjoyed a peaceful and relaxing time while fishing. So when I bought the lake that the cabin was on, I hired some unemployed men that the sheriff knew to be honest to patrol the lake and house to keep it all peaceful and quiet. In return, I pay them a slightly higher hourly rate and let them use the place for their families' 4th of July festivities, as long as they clean everything up afterward. I just wanted to grab Robert and head up there and forget about all this shit, but I was responsible for too many friends and their families; I couldn't just run and hide.

So here I am, sitting in my bank, waiting on my friend Stephan. We had been friends since grade school, so I did all my banking with him when he got promoted to branch manager. All joint accounts were closed within an hour, and new ones were opened in my name. Then, I asked him for the paperwork to form an LLC corporation on a whim. He raised an eyebrow at that but complied with my wishes.

My next stop was Fred, my lawyer. He had just hired a divorce lawyer, and if I didn't mind, I would be her first client. Now, I believe everyone deserves a break, but when I walked into his office, he was sitting behind his desk, and an elderly lady sat on the side of his desk. He stood up and came around the desk to shake my hand. "How are you doing, Hal? Wish it was under different circumstances, have a seat!" I sat down in the other chair across from him. He sat back down when he said, "Hal Kemp, meet Karla Thomas...Karla, meet Hal. He's your new client!" I could tell he was enjoying himself.

We talked about my divorce, and she asked what type I wanted. When I looked at her, I asked her to explain. She told me there are four kinds of divorces: 1) reconciliation, 2) the 50/50 split, 3) scorched earth, and 4) nuking the planet, depending on how dirty I was willing to go. She then told my lawyer that she would need another paralegal and that her daughter needed a job, so she would make a call and have her stop by personnel to fill out the paperwork for new hires, and she could get moving later that afternoon.

Besides, now that I've met the man, I don't think he will settle for the first 2, so while we're getting dirty on this one, she wanted her rat in the maze that she could trust doing the dirty that nobody needs to know about. She handed me her card and picked up her things. Still, just before she walked out of the office, she told my lawyer, "I hope you got that coffee maker out of my office and put in a full tea service...?" my lawyer coughed out something about Monday, and she just said she'd call her nephew Tom and he'll get it set up today and walked out.

Karla was a wolf in sheep's clothing! I walked into her office two weeks later for a talk and was waiting with her secretary, hearing her elderly voice beginning to rise and then explode! "You'll finish paying the restitution due by tomorrow, or I'll fuck you over so hard you'll swear I was wearing a four ft. strapon, end of story!", We then heard a handset meeting the cradle of the base. Then her secretary hit the intercom and informed her I had just arrived. It took her a moment, then her door opened, and she invited me inside,

She then closed the door while my eyes looked around quickly for blood stains. I asked her if there were any problems I should know about. She replied that it was just a friendly call between Family and then offered me a plate of cookies she'd baked last night to bring in today. I knew I was safe because I hadn't paid her any money yet, so I took 2!

I was moving my stuff to the guestroom with its bathroom attached when Robert and a few of his friends came home to play their video games and raid the refrigerator for drinks and snacks. I was coming down the hallway to the guestroom with another armload of clothes and found Robert standing by the doorway with a concerned look.

"Hey Pop, How are things going?"

"My doctor said I might have a virus building up inside, and it would be best if I wouldn't have too much physical contact with everyone till it runs its course so I can be rid of it." I wouldn't say I liked lying to him, but I wasn't ready to tell the truth. He asked if I could use a hand when my phone went off again. I said sure, and with his friend's help, we finished up in record time. I ordered pizza for everyone to thank them for their help. Then I settled into my new bedroom, putting clothes away, setting up the bathroom, installing my new TV flatscreen, and hooking it up to my Wi-Fi network. Robert kept looking in, asking if I needed more help because they were heading out. I just smiled and said I'd be good until his Mom got home.

His eyes narrowed, and then he told me she texted him saying she had to take Aunt Clare for a few days to take care of her as she was sick and that she had talked to me about it and everything was OK. I made it seem like I had forgotten everything about it and blamed it on the work pressures.

He turned away, muttering something about 'who was lying to whom?' and followed that up by telling me not to forget to check my phone. Someone seemed anxious to talk with me, and he then followed his friends out the door. I waited a couple of minutes to ensure privacy, and then I opened my phone and saw I had not one message from my soon-to-be ex-wife; all but one was a scam. That one was from my lawyer needing me to call her on her private line no matter the time, so...

"Hello Karla, it's Hal. What can I do for you?"

"Hello Hal, it's time to choose which way you want to go, 3 or 4?"

I felt hollow where my heart used to be as the phrase "4 please, her time has come" left my lips.

"I understand, Hal. Just remember there is an end to it all, and you will survive! By the way, I never worked with your investigator before, but every time I asked for anything, pictures, audio, you name it, he ensured it was delivered to my office within 24 hours. Can I ask how you met him? I wondered if you mind if I hired him permanently. He is a bit salty about the price, but I'd tip him 50% more for what he gave me!"

What could I say? 'I have no idea who you're talking about?' or 'How much did he charge me?' whoever it is, or 'Will this person who knows so much about me come back for another payoff?' My mind was drowning in a whirlpool of possibilities... "Sure, I'm done with him, so you can have him if you strike a deal with him," was what came out of my mouth, "anything else?" She said she had all she needed, and we ended the call. I sat back in my chair and thought I must have the strangest divorce on the planet going on right now and, indeed, have expected a call from Hollywood for the movie rights!

Then another text: 'She's on her way, just not from where you think,' followed by a link, 'Doesn't Aunt Clare live south of you? Why is her car coming in from the east?

I screamed into my phone, "Who is this? Why are you doing this to me?"

"I pretended to be your investigator to the lawyer, and as I said, 'no more than you were willing to give,' remember? So I'm helping you. I just decided to go a different way to bill you, and you get a tax break later on, so you win twice!"

"But you're not going to tell me who this is, are you? I had just about given up asking.

Then he suggested something I hadn't thought of before, "What makes you so sure you don't know me already...?"

And then the follow-up, "You need to stay home tonight. I told your lawyer to pay the overtime and have a server with you when she arrives. Please sit back and watch it all happen. I might even make you a copy of the DVD. Remember, after your last stress attack, your Dr. said to go easy on the spices".