"Dave, honey. I want to tell you something."
"Sure sweetheart, what's up?"
"I've been thinking about making a change. My friend Mary says it will be good for me, and for us."
"What kind of change? New job? New haircut?"
"No, I love my job. And what's wrong with my hair?"
"Nothing is wrong with it! I love your hair! Now, what kind of change are you thinking about?"
"OK, let me get this out. Try not to interrupt. Mary said it's important that I lay it out clearly and concisely, so there's no confusion."
"Please go ahead, I'm hungry, so let's hear it, so we can eat."
"It won't take long if you don't interrupt. OK, here goes. We've been married a long time, and I'm very happy. I don't want to change anything between us. You're a great husband and father, a great provider and lover. Mary told me that if I want it to stay that way, I need to change myself. No, don't stop me! I need to become a better wife to you, around the house as well as in the bedroom. I want to start taking classes at the community college in cooking, and maybe, home finance. Self betterment classes, maybe dancing or fitness too."
"That sounds great sweetheart! Not that you're not already perfect, but if it makes you happy, then that's fine. I'm happy you want to improve yourself."
"Thank you for saying that, I'm glad you understand my desire to improve myself, but I'm not done yet. I said in the bedroom, as well as around the house. Stop! Let me finish. The college doesn't have classes in bedroom skills, so I'll need independent study for that. I want to find a tutor to teach me new skills, techniques, develop new talents that I don't know about. Mary said it will make me a more satisfying lover for you. Our marriage will be stronger for it."
"A tutor? What the fuck do you mean, a tutor?"
"Don't get excited! It'll just be that, a tutor. An instructor to teach me how to better please you."
"How the hell would that work? Who is this Instructor who can "teach" you these things? Are these "hands-on" classes? Or are they merely online courses that you just watch? We could just watch porn for that!"
"No, the teacher would have to be interactive with me. That's the only way I'll know if I'm doing it right!"
"Did this Mary tell you about this crap? Is she the one you work with, who you said was divorced three times?"
"Yes, but she knows what she's talking about! She said all her husbands loved the things she could do in bed!"
"You mean they loved it until they divorced her ass?"
"She said their egos were too hurt by her learning process. Their love wasn't strong enough to get over their stupid wounded pride. But I know how much you love me and how, just like you said, you'll be happy I'm improving myself, and in the end, you'll be the biggest benefactor of my new abilities!"
"OK, let me get this straight. You want me to be happy that you're learning new skills by fucking some other guy, who will teach you all kinds of new techniques you don't know yet, all the way until you master them?"
"I don't like that word! It will be instructional and very clinical, almost like in a classroom. But yes, I want to do it until I'm a master in ways to please you!"
"You already are a master at pleasing me!"
"But how long will that last? How long before you're bored with me?"
"We've been married for 21 years, almost 22! I'm not bored and never will be!"
"Mary said it's just a matter of time, before you start to think about other women. All men do, eventually!"
"That's bullshit, and you should know that. Since when do we judge a group of people by the behavior of the worst of them? Most guys never cheat, no matter what that stupid bitch Mary says!"
"She's not stupid Dave. She knows what she's talking about. We've talked a lot."
"I thought you worked together? When do you talk so much? Aren't you worried about getting fired for screwing around, not getting anything done?"
"We talk at lunch and when we're on breaks!"
"Well you talk to her too much. She talking to you into making a bad decision. If you want to learn cooking, or dancing, or how to balance the checkbook, that's great, no problem. If you want to go to the gym and do whatever, that's fine, but you don't need it. You're in great shape, and I love you exactly as you are. But if you think I will understand you wanting to fuck some guy, for whatever motivation, you're dreaming. I will divorce you immediately, and you'll be out of here, on your cheating ass. Because that's what you'll be, a cheater, and I won't stand for it!"
"You would never leave me, you love me too much!"
I didn't say I'll leave. I said you'd leave. I'm going nowhere. This house is in my name! I inherited it from my parents before we married, and I'm not giving it up. And remember, you work too, so in this state I won't have to pay much, if any, in alimony. And the kids are in college so child support is out! You'll have to live on your own income. But maybe you can marry your 'instructor', and he'll help you out. Maybe he'll make you happier!"
"I'm not unhappy! I love my life, and I love being with you! I'll just be able to prove it to you better!"
"I didn't say unhappy, I said happier! Obviously you need more than I can give you. If you do what you want, then I'll do what I want. Since you don't seem to be asking for permission, I guess what I think doesn't matter. You should totally do want Mary says"
"So, are you're OK with me bettering myself?"
"Oh, completely! Be the best you can be! Why would you or Mary care what I think? Mary knows much better what I need for my future. Definitely you should listen to her more. She seems so wise!"
"Oh, she is! You'll see, she knows what will make a stronger marriage for us. She said we need to start tonight by sleeping apart. I've already moved your stuff to the spare room."
"What? You already moved...what the hell? When did you do that? You didn't wait to tell me?"
"Today, while you were at work. Mary and I took off this afternoon and we did it together. She was happy to help, because she feels so strong about it. And she said you'd understand, so there was no need to wait."
"Well great, hopefully I get a chance to show her my appreciation sometime!"
"She'd like that! She's such a good person."
"Oh, I'm sure she is! So good! And you really need to google the word 'sarcasm'. Now, I'm going to my new room, I guess."
"The food's ready. Don't you want to eat first?"
"You know, for some reason I'm not hungry anymore! Maybe when you become a better cook I'll eat your food again."
"But you've never complained about my food!"
"Nope, and you should add 'irony' to your Google search also! Good night."
"Good night Dave. I love you!"
"Not anymore."
"What?"
*************
"Good morning Honey! How did you sleep?"
"Sleep? I didn't sleep. I had too much on my mind. Way too much to think about."
"Well, you shouldn't think about anything so much it keeps you from sleeping."
"Maybe you should think a little more about some things. How long do you plan on us sleeping apart?'
"It shouldn't be too long, Mary said only about six months, and I've already thought everything through, with Mary's help. Today's the start of a whole new me, and you're going to love it!"
"Six months? Wow, that long. So you're starting today?"
"Yep, I'm signing up for the night classes at the college today. A cooking class, and a zumba class. Zumba is both dancing and fitness! Mary said they have a really good teacher."
"Awesome. What about your other, quote, unquote, instructor?"
"Mary said she'd find a good one for me."
"Great. Its so helpful to have such a good friend like Mary. Make sure you tell me when Mary finds you a good one. And when you start those classes. I wouldn't think it would take six months. I guess they must be remedial courses."
"Mary said I need a thorough course, so I can be as good as can be!"
"You will be amazing by then, I'm sure!"
"I hope so! I cant wait to show you all the things I'm going to learn!"
"Ha Ha, yeahhhh..."
*************
"Hey boss lady."
"Good morning Dave! You look tired. Not sleeping well?"
