Next Step Blues

My wife, Jan, and I were in a 'friends with benefits' relationship with Eva and Russell, an older couple like ourselves. We started as nudist friends, but soon progressed to some fun exhibitionist and voyeur social activity, putting on a bit of a show for each other. Then, as Part 1 explains, there was a day when we crossed the line into intimate touching between the couples. Jan and I had earlier established some rules for ourselves about how far we would go in sexy fun outside our marriage so, whilst that shared and erotic touching had been enjoyable, it opened some questions for us, as part 2 tells. Part 3 picks up the story as it becomes clear that, more than just intimate touching, the other couple wants to move to full-on swinging, and they were awaiting our answer.

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We didn't talk about it any further that evening but it was an elephant in the room that needed to be addressed, and sooner rather than later, not least because there was an expectation that we, or more probably Jan, would soon be calling back with our response. So, there we were, at breakfast, trying to sort this out over our muesli with not a glass of wine in sight to help the discussion along.

"So, what are we going to say?" I asked.

"I don't know," was all that came back from my attempt to start the conversational ball rolling.

"Well, I don't know right now, either," I contributed, "but saying that to each other doesn't help much, does it?"

There must have been something in my tone of voice because Jan's reply was sharp. "Don't get poopy with me. It's not my fault."

"It's no-one's fault, sweetheart," I said, immediately trying to soothe her. I knew that if she got an obstinate mood going, our conversation on this was sunk. "It was probably inevitable," I added, lamely.

"In a way, it's even flattering, I suppose," she muttered.

"Yes, well....," I trailed off for a moment, and reached for the coffee. "I presume Eva was speaking for both of them in her proposal?"

"It sounded like it," Jan replied. "I can't imagine she'd make the call and pop the question entirely on her own but," she paused, "then again, who knows?" She looked at me directly then, adding, "I suppose you could call Russell and ask him. You know..... sort of discuss it. Get the male perspective." The punch line that followed was, "That could even let me off the hook about being the one to answer their question."

I wriggled on the hook. "What's to ask? I reckon know already and for sure that Russell will want this. We both know he lusts after you, and he's now had a taste of the fruit." I raised my eyebrows archly in mock reproof.

"Now that's a bit unfair," she retorted. "He likes you as well. And you like him well enough, it seems to me. But it's more than that, now, isn't it?"

"What he sees in me and what he sees in you are very far from the same thing," I said, perhaps a bit defensively. I was processing what she meant by the comparison, and as I did so I was recalling Jan's recent admission that she was thinking seriously about going all the way with Russell in the heat of the recent shared playtime. I wondered what to say, so, kicking the can around, I contributed, "Since we know what they want, I guess it comes down to what we want."

With a bit of an anguished look, Jan replied, "Yes, I guess it does. Do we know what we want?"

I gave it a brave try. "Let's see if I can help us out here, because I sense you'll be reluctant to say it." I drew breath and paused a few seconds. "You like Russell, and admitted to being on the brink of throwing caution and our rules to the winds the last time we were together." I could see Jan draw breath herself then, about to interject. " No, no, don't interrupt. You were! You told me so. You wanted to screw him." It came out a bit harshly, perhaps, but it was true enough.

"Yes, I know. I know," she said, sounding pained. But I think I'm pleased that I didn't. I told you I wasn't sure how you would feel, or me, or them for that matter." She stopped then, and I sensed there might be more tears on the way if I didn't divert or diffuse her evident uncertainty.

This was shaping-up to be one of those pivotal moments, and to be truthful I wasn't sure how I felt myself, now the question was 'out there'. So, to test the water, I said, "If I told you I wouldn't mind, would that change things?"

"Wouldn't mind me getting it on with Russell, you mean?" Jan looked surprised and worried at the same time. "I'm not sure how I feel about you saying that." Then, after a moment, she went on, "Yes, I suppose it would make a difference. But," looking worried again, "as I sit here having breakfast, I don't want to screw him, or anybody." After a moment, "Other than you, of course," to which I grinned. "And no, I don't mean right now!"

So much for my grin. Jan was warming up to the subject now, so it was time for me to properly listen and not joke about.

"My admission about going further than just fooling around with Russell was honest, and you're a darling to tell me it would be alright. But, really, I'm not sure it would be." She looked down at the unfinished coffee. "It all depends on the situation, don't you see?" There was a pleading tone in her voice as she went on. "I was turned on at the time, that's true. But in the here and now it seems ridiculous, even a bit tacky. It's certainly not what we agreed when we started this friends with benefits thing."

She was completely right of course. Our agreement on the way into this whole situation of finding cooperative and friendly others for adult fun was that frisky activity with those others was OK. No, to be honest, and clearer; it was more than just 'OK'. We were excited by it. Me perhaps a bit more than my lovely wife, but it was both of us taking this journey. As we had thought about it all in prospect, I don't think we quite got to the point of meaning 'up to and including orgasm' with the other party. That detail was always left ambiguously unstated. But in general, and not in contention between us, was that sex outside our marriage was not something we were wanting. But, that was then. Had that changed now?

So, I honestly wasn't sure what I wanted our answer to be. In my inner thoughts I admit to being a bit turned on by the idea of Jan and Russell getting it on while I watched, but there was a jealous glimmer at the edge of that erotic thought. As a fantasy it was one thing, but in real life I wasn't truly wanting to share Jan. And, how did I feel about Eva? Was I wanting to screw her? Yes and no was my ambivalent answer to my inner thoughts. I certainly wasn't looking to Eva as regular sex partner for myself as an implied 'fair trade'.

Before I could fully marshal these thoughts and properly turn them into a sensible response, Jan moved the conversation along. "To me there's a lot of difference," she said, "between falling over the line one day in an unguarded moment of lust, and us agreeing up front to what Eva is asking. Don't you think?"

I wasn't sure where she was going with that and, to be frank, I wasn't on the instant sure what I thought, so I shrugged and looked a bit blank rather than say anything.

"Well, think about it," Jan said. "If we call her back and say, "Yes, fine, we're in." then what we're really agreeing to is swapping partners for sex the next time we meet them."

I was thinking hard, but not quickly enough to say anything to that before Jan went on, fleshing-out the point (if you will pardon the pun). "Not spontaneously, as it would have been the other day with Russell if we'd kept going," she said, "but in an entirely premeditated way. Not only that, it will probably set the expectation for every time afterwards as well." She looked directly at me now, not smiling. "I like them well enough, but I don't want our friendship to just turn us into fuck buddies. Sorry if that's putting it too crudely, but that's what I think."

Broadly, I had to agree with her reasoning. Our exploration of progressively more sexy things as a foursome had been fun; indeed exactly what we had wanted when we started out on this odyssey. In doing what we had been doing, though, there was always a possibility..... who am I kidding?... there was an inevitability, that we would finish up partner swapping for full-on sex. That it hadn't happened already out of simple lust-of-the-moment was partly fluke and partly self-control based on our rules, but now they had put it openly on the table, so to speak, it was time to address it one way or the other. I could see Jan's reluctance and, despite the promise of sexy times ahead if we agreed, I could see her point. If we agreed, then the four of us would settle into a 'new normal' of behaviors where sex with the others' partner was anticipated, perhaps even expected. To be entirely honest, if Eva had been Catherine Zeta Jones, well..... I think I probably would have said yes to the question. But she isn't. And, all things considered, no amount of sexy fun with Eva was worth prejudicing Jan's and my relationship.

All of this rocketed through my head in a couple of seconds before I said, "Let's just say thanks, we're flattered, but not ready yet. That avoids a rude put-down and leaves things pretty much as they are."

With her feminine brain working better than mine on this whole topic, Jan said, "I agree, but I don't think things can be quite 'as they are' any more. Their.... what should I call it? Offer? Proposition? Whatever..... and our choosing to decline....., well, it's always going to 'be there' in the air, isn't it?

I am not always quick, but I was savvy enough to understand that was a rhetorical question, and made no answer.

Jan went on, "But short of cutting off the friendship entirely, which I am presuming we don't want to do, I guess that declining, I hope without embarrassing them, is our best option." She paused, had a swig of coffee and finished, "OK. Leave it to me. I'll call her."

*** To be continued and concluded in Part 4 ***