Sunday
We were silent. The only sound was the noise of our tires traveling on the road and the radio playing softly in the background, although neither one of us was hearing either one. My wife Sara and I were deep in our thoughts, struggling to deal with so many emotions coming and going inside of us -- sadness, anxiousness, excitement, happiness, anticipation...
Our oldest child Craig had graduated from college last May and spent the summer at home as he started his new engineering job. He wanted to save up a couple of months paychecks before getting an apartment with a buddy. Those months passed too quickly for us and just last week he moved out to his own place.
Then yesterday we were off driving our vehicle which was full of clothes and stuff. We were following our middle child James and our youngest child Claire in the car they shared. Their car was packed to the brim as well. We were helping them move in at college. James was a junior and would be living in an apartment with some of his college friends, while Claire was a freshman who was going to be living in a dorm.
Thus, in a matter of about a week we found ourselves going from a full house to empty nesters (at least for the school year). It was a lot for us to process. And Sara had been particularly emotional when we said our goodbyes to James and Claire after an early breakfast this morning following our night in a hotel. We needed to leave early today as we had a long drive ahead. I had anticipated this would be tough on both of us, so rather than driving back to an empty house, I planned a weeklong vacation at our favorite place to escape, the beach. While we had always enjoyed whatever vacations we took, a beach trip always ranked at the top. Given that we lived in the middle of the country with no ocean nearby, it was always great change of scenery to get away and enjoy the surf, the sand, and the fresh seafood.
This trip was not only to get away after the mass exodus of our kids from our home, but we also wanted to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary which had come and gone without much fanfare back in July. Life was hectic and other than a nice evening dining at a fancy Italian restaurant and a moonlight walk followed by a wonderful lovemaking session, we hadn't done anything extra to celebrate the milestone.
I glanced over at Sara. I knew that there was nothing I really could say to help her knock down all the emotions she was feeling, as I was having a hard enough time dealing with my own. But I knew I needed to distract her to give both of us a chance to focus at least partially on something else and to break the smothering silence that hung heavy in the car. Then it came to me. I switched the car sound system from the radio, it was fading away anyhow as we cruised our way away from the college town radio station, to the music on my iPhone. The music in my library had a heavy dose of some of our favorite tunes from high school, college, and our early married life years, along with some current hits. I hoped these songs would lift her spirits and take her mind back to our early days together as college friends who fell in love, then married and started our family.
As the first song started, I turned up the volume and looked back and forth between the road and Sara. It took a while, but as each song passed, I noticed that Sara's face and body seemed to be relinquishing some the emotional turmoil she was in, and while not yet smiling she did seem to be more at ease. Finally, when one of her favorite songs started, she turned to me and when I glanced over, she mouthed "Thank you" and then "I love you". That simple thanks and expression of love released some of my own emotional struggles but in particular my concern for her. I was able to relax some, and we both started singing along with the songs. I reached over and held her hand and she squeezed mine in response.
Sara finally spoke up, "I knew that today was going to be tough, but until we were leaving today, I never fully anticipated how difficult it would be to leave them. I am so glad you planned this trip. I can't imagine going home right now."
"I know. It hit me harder than I thought it would. It will be good to relax and unwind. Going home right away and having none of the kids there would not have helped us to ease into our transition to empty nesters."
"Agreed. But I also want you to know that I have some good emotions mixed in with everything else."
I thought I knew what she meant because I had those feelings too, but I wanted to hear what she was thinking and feeling in order to confirm my suspicions. "Me too. What good emotions do you have?"
"I am excited to spend this week with you. Almost all of our vacations have been family ones, so I am looking forward to some us-time together. I am also happy that our kids are doing so well. I am excited for them to experience all the things that college and beyond has to offer. I am anxious in a good way to have more freedom and less responsibility."
"Great minds think alike, as I am feeling the same way. I know we will miss them, and we still have responsibilities related to them, but I am excited to see what the next chapter in our story holds for us, because all the chapters so far have been great. Not always easy or without struggles, but in the end always great, because we have written them together and my love for you just keeps to continuing to grow."
As I finished my little speech I glanced over at Sara and saw tears, but I also saw a smile. I felt better and then I felt great, when she leaned over, kissed me on the cheek and said, "I know you aren't just saying that. I know you really mean it. However, It was really nice to hear you say it out loud. You really know how to get to me. And for some reason, it made me think of another good thing that I am looking forward to with you -- sex and lots of it at any time and any place and as loud as we want in our home. No worries about one of the kids catching us or hearing us." She smirked.
"I like that thought, but if the windows are open, we may need to be careful, our neighbors aren't that far away, and I do know how loud you can be when you get going."
"True." She giggled. I was so glad to hear that happy sound.
The rest of the trip proceeded on a more upbeat note. There were still some moments when we went silent in our thoughts, but they got fewer and farther in between, and much of the trip was centered around good music and good conversation.
The sun was sinking low on the horizon when we drove down the road to our vacation rental. We knew from the pictures online that it was a two-unit house directly on the beach. What we didn't realize was that it was the last house at the end of the road and not only were there no houses after it, there were none across the street either. It appeared we were across from and abutting up to some kind of nature preserve, with dunes, grasses, and low trees. In addition, the house before ours showed no sign of anyone being there and it had a for sale sign in the yard. So if the other unit in our house was unoccupied, we would truly have a somewhat secluded vacation to ourselves because the closest people would be at least two houses away.
But as luck would have it, it wasn't meant to be. We could see a car parked under the left side of the house. So, we realized we would not be completely by ourselves, but I wasn't going to let that spoil anything. We were at the beach for a week! Nothing was going to ruin that. I just hoped for our neighbor's sake that the walls between our unit were well insulated for sound as I planned to see how loud I could make Sara moan and scream, and how many times we could do it in one week. I suspected I would have no problem getting Sara on board with that plan given the fact that she already said that was looking forward to lots of sex now that the kids were no longer around.
I pulled our car under the unit and parked. Our car faced the beach, but we could not see anything because the parking area was completely walled in. The parking area was deep enough to fit two cars deep, so I pulled in a little farther than our neighbor had, who had barely pulled their car in to cover it all. I started to wonder if perhaps there were two cars parked under their unit and if so, how many people would be next door. Well, it would be what it is. Nothing I can do about it, I just hoped that they would be pleasant if and when we met them, and we would have any issues.
Under our half of the duplex was what appeared to be a storage unit for the owners. It was locked with a padlock but looked big enough to hold a trailer for possibly a small boat or some wave runners or maybe just kayaks, paddle boards, surfboards, etc. Also, there were some beach chairs, umbrellas, boogie boards, etc. stacked along the wall. We had read in the house description that we were free to use any of these items. The trash and recycling cans were there as well. On the front of the house was a back-and-forth staircase that led up to a landing above the car. This was where the front door into the unit was.
Sara and I both got out and stretched. It had been a long drive and despite some quick fuel, potty, and food breaks we had basically been in the car all day. On trips I typically drove the whole way. I enjoyed driving and Sara did not, so that arrangement was fine for both of us. I usually pushed the envelope on speeding, so we would get there quicker than the GPS's ETA. I think it's a guy thing to take the ETA as a challenge and try to beat it. I was successful this trip, despite our stops, thanks to some groups I had joined in who were going well over the speed limit. I just ducked in the middle of the groups and hoped any cops that might be out patrolling would either get the first car or last car of the group and not one of the ones in the middle. Then when a group would break up because of people exiting or whatever, then I would return to a more reasonable level of speeding and wait for the next group. Also, since most of the road construction had or was wrapping up before winter arrived, we had no real construction slowdowns.