Need Some Help

Thanks to rnebular and MMBNY47 for editing. I changed it with their input, but any additional errors are mine alone. They have been very helpful. Thanks for reading.

*****

Tom

After Jenny ran to her room, I decided I would go ahead and eat. I think I had scared Jenny enough for her to understand the depth of my pain. I tried to remain as calm as possible, but inside I was seething.

How could this woman who I loved so much and was my best and dearest friend, hurt me so badly. I told her everyday that we were married, that I loved her. I always remembered all special dates. Anniversaries, birthdays, date we met. What the hell did I do to deserve this disrespect.

I still wanted children, but what an enormous risk that would be if I could not trust her. If I waked away from this I would truly start over. No relationship and no one to share life with.

Jenny slowly returned to the kitchen as I was cleaning up. "Want some coffee?"

She nodded, and I poured her a cup. "Tom, I am at a lost to tell you why I would do something like this. There is no excuse at all. John is nice and attractive but nothing special. You are my man. Everything we have is because of our relationship. I am disgusted with myself."

"Ok back to the questions ok?" I said.

Jenny just hung her head and sat there.

"Jenny did I ever treat you poorly, forget you, disrespect you, fail to show that I loved you?"

She shook her head.

"Was I a bad lover, had a small dick, or failed to properly make love to you?"

"Never Tom never. You were loving in every way. It is all on me I failed you." She sobbed.

"I have thought about your steps to try and get our marriage back. I was impressed that you at least gave me some ideas. Thank you."

"Please Tom, it was a one-time mistake and not worth a damn. I have let you down and hurt you so much. I am soooo sorry. Please Tom, please forgive me."

I simply stared at her. "How many times did you and John fuck?"

Jenny was sobbing, "once, oh Tom..." She ran back to the bedroom.

I left for work. Jenny as far as I know stayed home because she could never get ready in 30 minutes if her life depended on it.

Jenny

I fell on the bed and cried until I was exhausted. I called in sick and quickly prepared some lesson plans.

I felt like my world was coming to an end. I needed to talk to someone, but decided I better schedule a doctor's appointment first. Calling and saying it was an emergency, so they worked me in.

When the nurse came out and took me to a room. She asked what was the emergency? I was so humiliated when I told her my story. I burst out crying. She was looking at me like I was a whore. She had known Tom and me for years.

She shook her head and went to draw some blood from me. As she did so, she asked how many partners have I had? I continued crying and saying only two. She also was going to get the Doctor and she would also check me over.

As Dr. Rice came in and was always pleasant with me, she saw me break down yet again and the nurse whispered to Dr. Rice what had happened. She nodded and told me to relax and she would check me over.

Dr. Rice asked, "Did you use a condom?

I shook my head. I told her, "He pulled out before he ejaculated." I felt like an absolute idiot for acting like a teenager.

She told me, "That it was too soon for a pregnancy test but that I should be tested soon and that, even thought he pulled out, I can still get pregnant. I am sure you know that Jenny."

"Yes, I do, and I am ashamed of it."

"Jenny, does Tom know?"

"Yes, he does, and it may ruin my marriage. I do not want to lose Tom, he is everything to me." I started crying again. She put her arm around me and told me she would help as much as she could.

I told Dr. Rice, "that I promised Tom, I would see a counselor. Do you recommend anyone?"

She told me she knew two and told me she would call and get an appointment as quickly as possible for whoever was available first.

I thanked her and told her "I hope I am not too late."

She asked me many personal questions, how long was the affair, was I willing to save my marriage, was I falling for my lover, what types of sexual activity did I do. She had to know to see if any additional tests were needed.

I answered each one and felt the shame of being such a slut. I told Dr. Rice she was my only hope at this time. I did not feel like talking to anyone else right now.

She patted my back and told me to go home and rest and she would call when she had an appointment. Also, it would take a few days to test for any std's and some take weeks to find out. As far as the pregnancy test, it usually needs to be at least one to two weeks or if you missed a period.

I left the doctor's office feeling terrible and it was the most demeaning thing I have ever had to admit. I am 32 years old and felt like a 15-year-old after having sex for the first time. How could I be so stupid.

Tom

I was at work, but I was not focused. I was hoping it would make me forget my problems, but everything I thought of was about Jenny. I did still love her but right now I was so mad and wanted to hurt her. Not physically but emotionally. I know she was feeling bad, but I was not sure it was from being found out or truly sorry for her actions.

I had my phone off all day and told Lisa, that if my wife called, tell her I am busy. She nodded and asked if I was going to be ok. I told her it was too soon to tell.

I attended a meeting concerning our public offering of stock and this at least kept my mind off my problems. As soon as that was finished I worked on the SEC requirements. That took the rest of the afternoon. I stayed until about 5:30 and turned my phone back on.

I was as heart-broken as I had ever been. Was Jenny worth it? Was I being stubborn? I was worried about her and myself.

Do you stay in a marriage and hope to get the trust back or do you just say, "fuck it' and move on? I did really love her. She was everything I had ever wanted in a spouse. I don't always show emotions, but she knew I loved her, that was absolute.

Jenny

Dr. Rice called and said I had an appointment with a counselor whom she knew and was very well respected. It was scheduled for tomorrow at 4:30.

I texted Tom and told him I had been to the Doctor's office for tests and had set up an appointment at the counselor's office. I texted him at least five times during the day to tell him everything I was doing and always closed with I Love you. I was too afraid to try to speak to him.

My friend and fellow teacher, Samantha called and asked if I was ok as I missed two days from school. I broke down on the phone and told her I had made a huge mistake. I told her I had slept with someone and did not tell her who it was. I was never going to admit that to anyone unless I had to. She told me she loved me and that she would do anything she could to help.

I was afraid if she found out it was our vice-principal she would be angry as well. All teachers knew that was an absolute reason for dismissal. The only thing worse was if you had a relationship with a student, which was a criminal offense.

I had not heard from Tom but started to prepare dinner and hoped that he would come home. I was so worried and loved him so much. I have never felt so alone. He had always been there for me in any crisis. This time. I was the crisis.

Tom

I had several texts from Jenny. I did not read them as I was driving home. She could fill me in when I got there.

I walked in the front door and Jenny ran to me. I held up my hand and she stopped. She started to say something but turned and went to check on our dinner.

"Tom did you have a good day dear?"

"It was busy, and I have a lot to prepare for in the next few days."

"Tom, I beg you, please let me help you. I need you and I will not survive if I can't have you.

I laughed, "Really, you were managing quite well the other day. Did you get checked today?"

"Yes, I did, and it was the most humiliating thing I have ever faced. I also have an appointment for a counselor. Dr. Rice set it up for me and she will notify me of the test results."

"Very good, at least you need to protect yourself in the future when you fuck around."

She dropped the spoon and yelled, "I WILL NEVER TOUCH ANOTHER MAN AGAIN. I ONLY WANT YOU TOM. YES, YOU DAMMIT." Then she started crying again and sat down.

She continued bawling. I went upstairs and changed clothes. I came back, and she was setting the table.

"Honey, I know I let you down and you are furious with me. I understand it, but I need you and love you and hope you can in time feel the same way."

We ate in relative silence and I told her the food was delicious. She thanked me. After dinner and I got up and cleaned the kitchen. It kept me busy and I didn't have to talk to Jenny.

Jenny said her appointment with the counselor was tomorrow afternoon and she might be late coming home. "Tom from now on anytime I am running late I will notify you why. You can add that to the list of things I will do for you to regain your trust. Please Tom."

I nodded and told her that was good. "What do you plan to find out from your session?"

"Why I let myself be taken in by someone, when I already had the best man I could ever find with me. No excuses but I am curious why myself."

"Jenny can I ask you a question?"

"Yes, Tom anything you ask I will answer honestly."

"If I can go over and play with Sally's big tits, you would not consider that my free pass, would you?" I was trying to be sarcastic and not show my pain, but my heart was breaking.

Jenny hung her head down. "Tom if you want to hurt me you are doing a wonderful job. If there is no hope of ever getting back together, please tell me now because I cannot take a lot more sarcasm. I love you and never want to lose you, but I cannot keep trying and have you demean me knowing I am wasting my time."

"Jenny, if there was no hope I would have left by now. I know I am being shitty to you, but it is the only way I know how to cope. You hurt me more then I care to think about. Do you understand?"

The next morning, I awoke and smelled bacon and coffee. I love the smell. I dressed quickly and felt better than I had since the whole mess started.

Jenny was cooking and looked terrible. I know she was a wreck but was dressed for work. I poured myself some coffee and poured her some too. She smiled as I fixed it like I always did. This was the first thing I had done for her since I found out about her cheating.

She told me, she would be late tonight, and I told her I would pick something up for us to eat.

She thanked me, and we sat and spoke a little at breakfast. Mostly weather and other nonconfrontational things. After that we both left for work.

Jenny

The day was difficult. I was exhausted and wanted to get through the day and meet my counselor. I tried to stay away from everyone and stuck in my classroom most of the day. I saw John once and simply looked away. He was as pale as I was.

Samantha also stopped by my room and asked how I was. "Jenny, you look terrible. How are you holding up?"

"I am trying my best and I have an appointment with someone who was referred to me and I hope they can help."

Please take care of yourself and call me tonight ok?"

"Ok, Sam I will and thanks, you are the only one who knows and please don't tell anyone?" She nodded.

Finally, the day ended, and I was driving over to the office.

Dr. Jessica Hughes, counselor, on the door of her office. I stepped inside. I seated and filled out all the forms and waited. I felt like I was going to the execution. My name was called, and I went into her office.

I spent the next hour answering questions and trying not to cry. Dr. Hughes was professional and was trying to get as much information from me as possible. As the hour ended, I realized the last few days were the worst days of my life and they were all self-inflicted.

How in the hell could I be so stupid? Now it was time to go home and face my very angry and focused husband who was ready to twist the knife some more.

Tom

Jenny walked into the house about 6:15. I had bought some Chinese food and was setting the table. She looked tired and worried. I had decided, that I still loved Jenny and I should probably back off some of my intensity. I was afraid she might have a breakdown. "Tough day dear?"

Jenny looked at me with red eyes. She hugged me tight and refused to let go. I held her in my arms and she cried.

She felt so small and fragile. I was concerned about her. "Let's sit down and get something to eat."

She sat down, and I fixed her plate. It looked like she had been physically beaten because she barely moved. I poured her some tea and told her to eat up.

She started to eat, and I tried to engage her in conversation, but she simply nodded. I had never seen her this down. We finished eating in silence and I cleaned everything up and told her to go and take a nice hot bath.

Sam her friend called and asked if she could speak to her, but I told her she was in the tub. She will call back later.

About thirty minutes later I went to check on her and she was lying in the bed. Looked like she was asleep. I showered and jumped in our bed and laid there thinking about what was next.

Did I still love her? Yes, I did. I was just very angry. I did not want a beaten woman but one who was sorry and ready to work through any problems together.

I was conflicted, dump the bitch or try to reconcile. What to do?