My New Neighbor

The following events were too funny not to tell you guys about. My name is Ken Money, I had moved it my apartment about a year ago. It was cheap but nice and basically it was all I could afford.

I had just gotten a divorce from Carol she had been my wife of 8 years. All being said marrying Carol had been the worst mistake of my adult life. Carol gave gold digging a bad name. She was slut from 8th level of hell. She cheated on me at least 10 times that I know of.

But that's not the funny part. When I filed for divorce, Carol checked into rehab for sex addiction. If sex addiction is a medical problem, then sign me up. To me it was just another way of sticking it to me for a few extra dollars.

The Judge told me I had to foot the bill. When I asked why, The Judge said "it's only money". I said this was fucked up and I was hit with a contempt of court fine $200 dollars and 2 days in jail. I did my bid in jail before "ok, ok" it was just a holding tank for being drunk in public. "Shit" it was spring break and I was only held for 48 hours.

When I returned to court, Carol and her attorney told the Judge that I placed my job before her and our family. The Judge told me my wife was more important than my job. I asked the Judge what family she was talking about because we had no kids. I was warned yet again.

The judge put the divorce on hold for 90 days for Carol to finish rehab and for the two of us to start counseling. I wonder why I needed counseling; hell I wasn't fucking anyone including Carol. I wondered what kind of sex addicted she had since we hadn't had sex in over 3 months.

Well on about the 20th day of rehab and counseling, Carol got caught cheating and was booted out. I thought finally the crappy marriage can be put to rest. But boy was I wrong, they checked Carol into another clinic and the torture continued.

The next time would be 3 weeks into her stay Carol was caught with a couple of the staff members in a 3 man gangbang. The three guys were fired and we were back in court. At the time the Judge seemed to be dead set on our marriage working. It seemed like The Judge was going make me a legal cuckold.

I was about to hit the road and move to Canada when we were assigned a new Judge, the old Judge was sick or something. It took the new Judge 3 days to render his ruling. I was free to go. The divorce was granted and Carol had to repay her stays at the different clinics. I was awarded a 75/25 split. When Carol's lawyer objected, the Judge told him to sit his fat ass down. The Judge told Carol to get a job but most importantly to keep her legs closed and to get out of his court room. It took me a while but I finally moved on. I'm dating a few women but no one I want to marry.

But that's not the funny part; the funny part is the first Judge is my new neighbor. It seems that his wife didn't like him working all the time. So she filed for divorce, it wasn't fun for him to listen to another Judge telling him to man up and find time for his wife. The Judge stopped working so much but his wife had already found a new lover and locked him out of his house. The Judge's wife wasn't asking for a 50/50 split but she wanted 60% of his income in spousal support.

The Judge was pissed but in the end she only got 45% of his income for the next 5 years. The Judge had to move out of his 3 story home and into the crappy apartment next to mine. His wife got the BMW and the Jag. I saw him the other morning in a 1988 Nissan Hard body pick-up truck. I smile and wave every time I see him. But for some reason he doesn't wave back.

It wasn't untill recently, that we sat out on the deck and had a beer. For about an hour he sat on the deck bitching about how fucked the laws are. I said dude, "it's only money". I thought it was funny but for some unknown reason it pissed him off. The Judge grabbed his beer and left in a huff but came back out after about 15 minutes. I can't help saying, "Judge" don't you just love our family court system. I mean when a wife can fuck another man, the court fucks the husband and rewards the wife. But in your case they fucked over a Judge just like the everyday Joe,so then you have to admit the system really works.

"Fuck you asshole", this shit isn't fucking funny said the Judge. Then he took off again.

"Shit", he went inside and slammed the door. Man don't you just love a happy ending. I skipped back to my house, thinking man "Karma is a bitch".

Damn he stole my beer but that okay he needs it more than me.

Welcome to the club Judge.