I believe last June 1st may be the luckiest day of my life. That's the day I dumped my fiancΓ©e. Although I was devastated at the time, I've come to the conclusion that the gods must have been smiling on me. On June 1st, I found out that my now ex-fiancΓ©e had absolutely no respect for me or our relationship. I also found out that she had been cheating on me the whole time I've known her. Why is it lucky finding out the woman you're planning to marry is unfaithful? Because I found out about her before I spent a dime on our wedding. Before we got married, combined our finances, bought a house together, or had children. I found out before I had to pay a lawyer to get rid of her and before a judge was able to give her anything of mine. All I had to do was tell her that we are done, pack her stuff and say goodbye. And I got to punch her boyfriend, something I enjoyed immensely.
First a brief history of our time together. It's probably important to hear the background to understand why all the red flags started flying for me on June 1st. My name is Mark and my ex-fiancΓ©e's name is Nora. We are both now 23. We met at a party the Spring semester of our sophomore year in college. We saw each other off and on for the rest of the semester but neither of us was serious about a relationship. Just friends with benefits. Both she and I were seeing other people. We both knew it and were okay with that arrangement. We didn't keep in touch when we went home for the summer.
We ran into each other a few weeks into the fall semester of our junior year. We started to hook up again but this time around we gradually became more serious. Eventually, we agreed to stop seeing other people. We spent so much time together neither of us had time to see anyone else. When Thanksgiving rolled around, I invited her home for Thanksgiving to meet my parents. My parents loved her.
Semester break arrived and I expected her to invite me for Christmas to meet her family. No invitation was forthcoming. Nora kissed me and just said she'd miss me over the break when I dropped her at the bus station. I was disappointed and began to wonder how serious Nora was about us.
But we talked every day over break and a few days before New Year's she called to ask if I would be her New Year's date. Maybe we would go out to dinner alone and then spent the rest of the evening with her parents and her sister and her husband.
I would be staying at Nora's sister place, not with Nora at her parents. Sara, Nora's sister, is two years older than Nora and had married money. When I asked Nora why I wasn't staying with her at her parents, she told me that their house was too small. I'd be more comfortable at her sister's. Nora would be with me most of the time anyway. To say that Sara and her husband Mike have a very nice home is an understatement.
I arrived late afternoon the day before New Year's Eve. Sara and her husband couldn't have been nicer. When I got to their place, before Nora arrived, Sara offered me a drink and sat me down to see if my intentions toward her younger sister were honorable. Sara is funny and welcoming. It seemed like she was really interested in getting to know me. Our discussion was more like two friends joking and talking than an interrogation to find out if she approved of me for her sister. I liked both Sara and her husband.
Nora arrived with her parents for dinner a short time later. I found Nora's parents pleasant but standoffish. Another interview but this time it was more like I was applying for a job I was definitely not qualified for. Nora was very nervous throughout dinner and didn't say much. Sara answered some of the questions her parents asked me. She had become my biggest cheerleader. I must have passed muster because both Nora and Sara told me later that her parents thought I was great. I was just happy they didn't hate me.
After semester break, back at school, Nora and I were inseparable. My roommate was living in his girlfriend's dorm room so Nora basically moved in with me. That summer we both lived at home and worked summer jobs. I made the 2 1/2 hour trip to see Nora nearly every weekend. Most of the weekends I didn't spend with Nora were because Nora said she had family commitments or was seeing her girlfriends. The reasons she gave me didn't make much sense to me but, whatever.
Before semester break senior year I asked Nora to marry me. We had been exclusive since junior year and were living together in my dorm all of senior year. Nora said yes and told me this was the happiest day of her life. I had no money for a ring but Nora didn't seem to mind. We agreed to wait a year or two before marrying. We needed to be set in our careers before a wedding.
But we were going to live together after college. We began to discuss where we would live after graduation. Our first big fight. Nora wanted us to live near her parents and sister. I was studying mathematics and education. I wanted to be a high school math teacher. Over the semester break, I interviewed for teaching jobs in the school district where I went to school. Nora knew I would be doing that. I got a job at a middle school not far from where I grew up. I would start there the following fall. When I called Nora with the good news, she was not happy that I had accepted a job in my hometown. She was adamant about living near her family. I should tell the school I wasn't going to take the job. She was sure I could get as good a job in her hometown. Most of our conversations became arguments about where we were going to live.
When we returned for the spring semester, the argument continued. It got so bad that Nora moved back to her own dorm room. She told me that she wouldn't consider living anywhere else but near her family. We didn't talk for almost a week. I couldn't figure out what to do. It has been a dream of mine to teach at the high school I graduated from. I wasn't teaching high school yet but the middle school job in the same district as my high school was a step in the right direction. But Nora seemed determined to live near her family.
I decided that Nora wasn't being rational. I had a job and could support us both while she looked for work. I took classes that I knew I needed to qualify as a teacher in my school district. Who knows what credentials I would need to teach in a school district near her parents. Neither of us had a job where her family lived. We would be 2 1/2 hours from her parents and sister, not a million miles away. Finally, I knew if I gave in on this, Nora would expect me to give in on everything. Not a life I wanted to live.