My Fragile Male Ego

I'll give the usual disclaimers, no animals are killed, no sex or if any is even hinted at, the participants are over 18.

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"Can I ask you what you are doing sir?" said the man to my left, just outside of my car window.

"Yes, you can," I answered. "Ask away"

"That's not quite what I meant." the voice said. "I want to know what you are doing." Of course I'd noticed and was fully aware the man asking was wearing a city police officer's uniform. I was not so drunk I could not recognize that fact. I was, by this point feeling a pretty good buzz. The reason for my flippant response was that right now, I simply did not give a fuck about much of anything, especially stupid questions no matter who was asking.

"I'm sitting here enjoying watching the moonlight reflect off the lake while sipping on my single barrel select whisky. It is a calming sight." I answered. "Now I do not like being pretentious, but I happen to enjoy the flavor of this particular whisky. I spent the extra money to buy the stuff and I intend to enjoy it. And if I may add, it is a little better than the blended variety offered. At least this time. And something about moonlight is kinda calming."

"Sir, are you drunk?" the voice asked.

"Almost," I answered. "I hope to be there before long. In fact, I hope to kill some brain cells tonight. I'd like to obliterate a few million of the suckers that tell me I love the bitch I am married to. I'd at least like to get to the point I can handle getting rid of her without too much remorse."

"Okay, we can get to that in a minute." the voice said. "Do you realize that operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated is a crime?"

"Yes, sir, I do." I answered. "But I'd like to point out I am NOT operating a motor vehicle. I am merely sitting in one drinking and getting intoxicated. This vehicle has been rigged to not operate or at least move if the driver is inebriated. The driver has to enter a four digit PIN number plus blow into this device." I pointed out the straw above the ignition switch. "Any alcohol content above three quarters of the legal limit renders the vehicle inoperable. I am certainly incapable of operating this vehicle." The voice pointed out the interior light was on as was the radio or at least the sound system. "Yep, that all works." I said. "I want to see well enough to not spill when I pour my whisky. I could listen to music if I wanted, Right now, I just want a little background noise. It's cool enough to not need the AC."

"I'd also like to point out that while the engine may turn on automatically occasionally to recharge the battery, the car can not be put into gear and driven." I added.

"So, would you care to explain why you are sitting out here in a city park, drinking?" the voice offered. I looked at him closely.

"Well, Sir," I offered. "I needed a place to sit and collect my thoughts. Home is just not conducive to that endeavor at the present time." I wondered how he'd react to my changed manner of speech.

"You do not need to call me Sir. Officer will suffice or you can call me by my name, Gary." he said. "May I see your driver's license?" I handed it to him and he passed it to his partner. I'm sure he had already run the license plate number so he knew I owned it. Maybe he was just checking who was using the car.

I almost laughed. I could understand some of the politically correct bullshit society was throwing at us but cops offering their first names in a non-violent encounter? This guy seemed unflappable."Well, instead of calling you 'off- is- sir', three syllables, I figured to cut that short and call you sir." I said. He looked at me closely and then grinned.

"You aren't that drunk are you?" he asked. He could tell I was just being a bit of a smart ass.

"Oh, I'm every bit 'that drunk'." I answered. "I'm just not 'that stupid' and can maintain. At least for now. I really don't give a shit if I get too drunk to cope."

I was aware of the cop's partner stepping back up to return my license. They obviously had no intention to leave but had not ordered me to step out of the car either. I wondered about that. They stood there hunched over while they observed me, looking uncomfortable. Both refused my offers for a drink or to sit in my car where they could relax. Their sergeant arrived and conferred with them. I guessed later on they had quickly established my identity when the first officer came back, walked around the car and sat down in the passenger seat. "How about we talk a bit, Mr. Jacobs."

I liked the young man. I told him the last Mr Jacobs I knew was my father. My name was John. He smiled and nodded. Then he asked if I had somebody he needed to call. I shook my head and said not unless it was illegal for me to continue my drinking, and then he could call my lawyer. "Drinking alcohol is legal in the park until 2 am." he said.

"Then I'll sit here until then or am ready to leave and I'll either call an Uber or my daughter to come get me. I'll need to talk to her anyway. By the way, why did you decide to sit with me?"

"I got special permission. I'm not sure why. My sergeant told me to sit with you and talk." he offered.

"Why? What do you know about me?" I asked.

"Not much. This began as a simple 'man drinking in a car in the park' call. Once we identified you, my directive was to sit and engage so here I am. I really have no idea what that means. My sergeant said have a single drink if I think the situation warrants. He'll sign off on it. That alone gets me thinking there is far more to the story. But I'm still not going to have a beer nor any of that whisky. Do you have any soda or water?" the young cop said.

"This is single barrel whisky. It is almost sacrilege to dilute it!" I exclaimed with a grin. "But there might be a soda you'd like in the cooler behind your seat. I like something caffeinated every now and then so I keep some stocked." He reached back to open the built in refrigerator unit.

"What kind of car is this? It looks like a regular little hybrid from the outside. But everything in it is high tech. This is no ordinary car." he asked. "Who are you?"

I ignored the young cop's obvious confusion and changed the subject by asking, "Are you married?" He shook his head. "Well, I won't be for much longer. Have you ever thought about marriage, or rather the sanctity of marriage? Fidelity versus infidelity? "

"Well, yeah." Gary offered, hesitantly. "I'd expect my wife to not screw around and I sure as Hell would not. I had a girlfriend that thought since we weren't married she could still have sex with whoever she wanted. We aren't together anymore, not once I caught her screwing a guy in our apartment." I asked him what he did. "I almost did enough to get kicked off the force. I pushed my service weapon into his balls from behind and offered to blow them to kingdom come. He was screwing her from behind when I got home. If I'd known they were recording their screwing, I still might have punched him in the balls but I'd never have pulled my weapon."

I laughed and offered my fist for a bump. He grinned back. "Of course he begged and cried and almost shit himself and then later tried to file a complaint. He was taken aside and told he'd have a hard time if he pursued anything and he might not even be able to walk down the street without having to show ID every block or two. And if he spit on the sidewalk he'd be arrested. He got the message and left town. I still got a letter of reprimand, of course. That was a total gift and only because a senior officer had been in a similar situation a few months before and they covered for him."

"Well, that is a better story than I have." I confessed. "I'd have loved to caught the bastard while he was fucking my wife. I might have pulled that trigger though. I'd certainly have nailed his balls. Even if the bastard is half again as big as me and a dozen years younger."

Gary looked at me. "Okay, I take it your wife is cheating and you know who it is." I nodded. The kid was perceptive."You didn't catch them in act?" I shook my head.

"My wife Donna gave me the dumb line, "'we need to talk'. She didn't even preface it by saying 'honey'. I got no more respect than Rodney Dangerfield." I said. "I got home from a long day at work and there was my wife and sister in law waiting with a couple small suit cases packed. I walked in the door and got ambushed."

"Damn!" Gary exclaimed. "What happened"

"I get told I am a worthless bastard." I said as I took a sip of my whisky. "Well, not in those exact words. What the wife says is she found somebody 'more exciting', 'more in tune with her needs' than I have been. Doris, her sister, is sitting there smirking at me, listening. I ask her what she is talking about and she says she found a real man, one that puts her needs above his own, and makes her feel like a real woman." I said. "Her sister is nodding like one of those little bobble head dogs you used to see in the back window of a car. Then the bitch, the sister in law I mean, says, 'He has plenty of money to support her in the way she deserves! So no arguing about it and no talk of divorce. You better get on board and let her have her fun without any bullshit!" She went on to tell me the guy was man enough to handle both of them sexually and rock their boats. So apparently both women are sluts for this guy."

"Now that hurt. Not the 'she was cheating' part. I hadn't even fully processed that part. It was that I did not fill her needs and make her feel like a woman. Strangely, that was my first thought. Plus I could not or did not support her. I have to admit Ii was confused with it all."

"Donna never complained about our sex life before so I know I am adequate in that department and I treat her well, but the 'support her lifestyle part' was plainly wrong. You think I altered this car to keep myself from getting a DUI? I built this thing because my brother in law was a chronic drunk and I was trying to protect his ass. Do my part as a member of the extended family. He'd have to enter the PIN and blow into the analyzer before he could drive home after drinking. I always suspected the reason he drank so much was probably because of his bitch of a wife. He was a nice guy and stayed with her because of his kids even if they were mainly grown. The idiot could not get the car to run one night and accepted a ride from one of his drunk friends and both got killed. I took the car back."

"Let's get back to your wife, Mr Jacobs." the young cop said, patiently. I told him to call me John. "Okay John. So tell me about the rest of your encounter with your wife."

I grinned. "You are recording this, aren't you? I still can't figure why you are sitting here with me. Do you have a degree in psychology or something? Is this one of those new age, 'woke' interventions?" I asked, as I took a sip. "Not that I care. I'm gonna sit here and drink until you arrest me or I need to pee. Oh, I get it. You wait until I step out and arrest me for either public intoxication or urinating in public."

Gary shook his head. "Nope, neither of those things are more than a minor ticket. One of my bosses made the decision I was to sit here with you and that is what I intend to do. My degree was in engineering. I went to school under an ROTC program and served my four in the Army after college. After I was discharged, I needed a job and the police force was hiring. So two years in, here I am."

"Engineering, huh? " I said. "Well, maybe later I'll show you how this car is set up. You might enjoy the tour. Anyway, back to my story. The wife, Donna, tells me I am a worthless shit. Not her exact words, but the same meaning. Her sister is agreeing. They picked up their little cases and walked out the door laughing. My wife said she'd be home Sunday afternoon or evening and we would discuss it. Fat chance I'll be there for that." I muttered.

"I have a daughter who just graduated college who I need to call. I'm a little afraid to, though. She's at that vulnerable age. Trying to start a career and maybe a social life while living on her own for the first time. How do I tell her that her mother is a cheating slut? Worse. What if she knew already and was afraid to tell me? Even worse than that, what is she knew and condoned my wife's cheating? I couldn't take that betrayal!" I began to shake. I almost lost it.

"Hey, guy!" Gary said abruptly to break me out of it. "I mean John, uhh Mr Jacobs." He paused to regroup. "Let's approach this one step at a time. You have not talked to your daughter, correct?" I nodded and then shook my head, confused about which way to answer.

"Tell me about her." Gary said.

I relaxed a bit. "I love my daughter. She came along only a year after the wife and I had been married. We got married while both of us were still in college. The wife said no more kids so that was it, one kid no matter what I wanted. I know what you are thinking, but yes, my daughter is mine. She even resembles me, or rather other females on my side of the family. She is not as ugly as me, thank God." Gary laughed along, which made me feel better. "She is smart as a whip and decided to study computers instead of engineering even though she has the aptitude."

"Maybe you ought to call her now." Gary suggested. I balked and shook my head. He shrugged but I could tell he was not going to let that go.

"Later. MAYBE!" I conceded, not happy about the idea. "I don't want to leave my car here and I'll need a ride when I do. I need to figure that out. I'm just not ready to go. That is part of what I've been thinking about. I'm making plans about how I want to go forward."

"If you keep drinking that whisky you aren't going to remember any of those plans anyway." Gary offered.

""Sure I will." I said. "I have a voice operated recorder going. I've been making notes. Sorry, I should have led with that to tell you our conversation is recorded automatically. I just assumed your body cam was on."

"I expect to have anything I say recorded. So do you know who your wife is seeing?" Gary asked. I nodded my head. About that time he received a call on his radio. He stepped away from my car. After a few moments he returned.

"Mr Jacobs, what is your job with EsyncRobotics?" he asked. I shrugged and told him I was an engineer. Gary smiled, "More than that, a very senior engineer, right?" I nodded.

"This just got more involved than 'sit and engage'. My captain said you were the man who developed some of their cutting edge prosthetics. He was just on the line. He said you were responsible for his daughter walking again. You developed a prototype for limb function. They help existing limbs to function normally. That answers the question of why I am sitting here talking to you, He asked me personally for an update." I shrugged. "He obviously has an interest in you. Please sir, uhhh Mr Jacobs. Don't fuck this up for me." I could tell he was supposed to keep part of what he'd said to himself

I wondered how Eddy knew I'd been contacted by his officers. I suspected he'd flagged my name that he be notified immediately about anything that concerned me. That was not exactly legal in my mind but it was nice he was looking out for me. I'd know Eddie since junior high. His teenage daughter had been injured in a boating accident two years before and lost the use of her right leg. He was happy to let me use his daughter as a test subject for one of my prototypes, and now his daughter was on her feet and walking. Eddie and I had stayed close so I was happy to help.

"I'd like to take you home, Sir." Gary said. I refused adamantly. "How about I take you to a hotel? You sleep off your drunk and then approach the day tomorrow with a fresh prospective."

"Seriously? You expect me to look at the world tomorrow with anything better than I do today?" I snapped.

"No. I said a fresh prospective. That means a clear head." Gary explained. "Make decisions rationally and not clouded by alcohol." I said I liked the alcohol and was not ready to go anywhere yet. He shrugged.

He tried to distract me a bit by asking about the prosthetics I was developing. I told him that was only one of our divisions. We had several projects ongoing. We were also working on features to enable self-driving cars. I could see him visibly interested in some of the technical aspects. He asked about some of the other projects were developing.

"We started a line of voice operated robotics to enhance the lives of paraplegics. You know, give them a little autonomy in their daily lives. Voice controlled motorized wheel chairs for instance. Some of our devices would do more. We were even working on robotic arms that would pick up things and even help the user eat. We were working on one that would wipe the guy's ass. We had a little setback there when one of our testers got all excited and shouted. 'Well slap my ass and fuck me raw!' "

I paused see how closely Gary was listening. He stared at me for a second and burst out laughing. I could tell he also had a sense of humor like mine.

"Tell me why you wanted to be cop." I asked. "You seem to have the technical aptitude and the right credentials. Why didn't you apply to EsyncRobotics?"

"I did. They weren't hiring. I got a letter saying they'd keep my resume on file." Gary said. "I knew that was a brush off and my resume wound up in the round file. And I needed a decent paying job locally. My mom needed financial help and my sister is in college. It is what it is."

I was not drunk enough to overlook this kid's potential. "Send me your resume to me directly and come over to visit me in a few days. I have a few obvious personal issues to work out first, but I'll see what I can do. That is if you're still interested in that type career."

He stuttered a thank you then took a deep breath and got back to the task at hand. He was not going to let himself get sidetracked nor possibly bribed. "How did you find out the name of the guy your wife is seeing?" he asked.

"I followed my wife and her sister to the Marriott. Nobody pays attention to a little hybrid sedan like this. I watched them as they met the guy in the lobby. That was all it took. The guy embraced and kissed both my soon to be ex-wife and my sister in law." Gary looked at me suspiciously. He did not state the obvious that I had to know the individual so I did. "Yep, I know the scumbag. Smarmy asshole. I'm curious if he deliberately set out to cuckold me or if he is just playing games, but he is certainly not the well heeled rich guy who can provide my wife a better life she thinks he is."

"I'm guessing you make a pretty decent living, Mr Jacobs, uhh, John." Gary said. "I mean if you are a senior engineer after all. Well, I assume you are fairly senior, judging from your age and the way you talk about the work. I wonder why your wife would think she needs more money. Or is that just something she said to bother you?"

"Ahh, your curious if Donna's just a horny bitch out looking for a big cock, or if she is a money grubbing bitch thinking about trading up." I said. "Probably a little of both. We have, or rather had, a fairly active sex life. Couple times a week. I'm only forty five and not slowing down in that department too much. At least that is what I think. My wife might argue the point. But she seemed to be happy with sex a couple times or more a week. I make sure she enjoys it. Either of us would start things and we seemed compatible. I think she's just getting antsy and talking to her bitch of a sister has probably put ideas in her head."

"My sister in law is one of those compulsive individuals. She'll go gambling and be ahead a few hundred bucks. You know, hit a little jackpot. Next thing you know she has lost it all back and heading to the ATM for more money. She'd say she hit once so it is bound to happen again. By the end of the night, she's shit-faced drunk and broke. She has a decent job that should be enough to live on but she is always broke and barely able to pay her bills even though her kids are grown and out of the house. My wife seems to bail her out constantly, which has been a bone of contention. I think she slips her sister some money often. In fact I am sure of it. I generally try to keep quiet about it. After my brother in law died, Doris started seeing different men. I stayed out of that discussion, too."