My February Sucks

Author's note:

To any Trolls: Go fuck yourself!

To everyone else:

So

HikingThru

posted a story the other day called "Feb Sucks - Talking it Out." I read it once and enjoyed it but went to check out the original, "February Sucks" by GeorgeAnderson. After reading George's post and seeing that he had an open offer to write my own. I went back to Hicking's and re-read his offering again. Still loved it. 5 Stars, easy.

But George's original story? Well, the beginning was brilliant! All the way to the last few pages. But the last couple of pages just read as, contrived. I mean it felt like the couple got back together because that is what GEORGE wanted to happen. Now, I'm not saying I don't like reconciliation pieces, I do. If they're done well. But in this one? I just didn't buy it. Which was a shame since the first 2/3rds of the story broke my fucking heart. It was so well crafted.

But the ending? Well, it made me want to write this.

P.S. For those of you who have read George's piece you will recognize a LOT of his text. Especially at the beginning. But there are major changes once Marc shows up.

____________________________________________________________________________

Paraphrased from

GeorgeAnderson:

The conversation:

At a conference. About 20 of us, men and women, most married, at a watering hole one evening. The locals were hitting pretty heavily on the women at our table. While we winced at their attempts. One particularly bad approach drew the comment, "He's lucky I like this beer, otherwise he'd be wearing it."

"So what if it had been [famous football player: call him Jocko] saying that to you? Would he have scored?" Another woman asked.

"Hell, yes!" "Absolutely!" It was unanimous.

"What if it meant, you know...?"

"Especially if it meant that!" The women's laughter was genuine; the guys' was a little forced.

Understand, these women weren't dogs who couldn't get a date: they ranged from pretty to downright hot. They were in their late twenties and early thirties, and dressed for a night out.

"Um, what would you tell your husband?" one of the guys asked hesitantly.

"Um, why would I tell my husband?" The reply was instantaneous, and greeted with laughter and head-nodding from the women.

"What if your husband was here?" the guy persisted. We could all hear the anxiety in his voice.

One of the women, Shannon I think her name was, leaned forward with her elbows on the table and looked him dead in the eye. I remembered her from lunch; she'd been showing off pictures of her husband and their perfectly adorable five-year-old girl. "I would tell him that he knows how much I love him, and he knows I'll always come back to him, but I'm not going to pass up this opportunity, and I'll see him sometime tomorrow." She spoke calmly and kindly but with determination. None of us could doubt that she meant exactly what she said.

Several guys' jaws dropped considerably; I know mine was one.

"No, you wouldn't," the guy next to me muttered. The woman looked at him pityingly.

"Yes, I would, and I think every woman here would do the same."

"You might leave with him tonight, but if I was your husband, you sure as hell wouldn't see me tomorrow." He was as serious as she was.

Another woman tried to fix things. "Listen, I love my husband, I wouldn't trade him for anything. Jocko doesn't mean anything to me and never will, and he probably wouldn't even remember my name the next morning. But spending a night with him, just one night out of our whole marriage, would be something I could remember for the rest of my life. An event, you know, with a capital E? It would have nothing to do with the way I feel about my husband. Afterward, I would go home to the man I love, and everything would be like it was before."

"Ha!" I heard a genuine mirthfilled laugh from Hayden.

I knew his name because he still wore the nametag from the convention. I told him he still had it on long ago but he said he liked it. With a perverse smile he asked if I wanted to touch it. I was confused until I heard everyone laughing and realized he was messing with me. But now? There was something about that laugh that said he wasn't actually amused.

"You think I'm lying?" Shannon almost barked.

Hayden shook his head. "I don't know if you are or aren't. I'm just trying to figure out who convinced you girls that the only thing you bring to the party is your vagina?"

There was a sharp inhale of breath as every woman at the table wanted to be offended.

"

Excuse

me!?" Shannon declared.

"You heard me." He smiled. "I didn't come down here with you gals because I thought I'd get laid. I came down here to drink with you because I enjoy your company. You're all smart, capable, funny and

yes

, beautiful. You have so much to offer this world but somehow, somewhere, someone convinced you that

who

you fuck. Is more important than your accomplishments? Your family?...Your daughter, Shannon? Seriously?...You're willing to lose your family for some dick from some dirtbag stranger you don't even know?"

She shook her head. "I wouldn't lose my family."

Hayden shook his head back at her. "I'd believe you if you could actually find

any - man

that agreed with you."

____________________________________________________________________________

My "February sucks"

Worst month ever. My wife Linda and I had planned to have a magical Valentine's day but snowpocalypse put an end to that. The kids were ecstatic, snow days? Emma and Tommy wanted more of that! Which begs the question, just how bad is 1st Grade and Pre-K when your kids act like it's a Gulag. I mean I loved the time I got with my wife and children, but I would've liked some romantic time with my wife too.

And just when I thought the whole month would have to be written off, Linda got a call from our friend Dee. Dee and her husband Dave, along with Phil and his wife Jane, were some of our closest friends. Dee called with just a heck of an idea. Us and several other couples would get babysitters, rooms at The Four Seasons. Then eat at one of our favorite restaurants, The Madison. Before dancing it up at Morrison's, a club Dave knew about.

So, absolutely! Let's salvage this horrid month!

Linda isn't classically beautiful, but she has an innate sense of style: everything she wears not only looks great on her, but it reflects who she is.

It was blue. The dress Linda wore. It made her blue eyes look like they would glow in the dark. It was long sleeved and high necked, and the skirt came below her knees. The bottom of the skirt was flared, and rippled just enough as she walked to attract attention. When she danced, it would flirt all on its own. The smooth, tight but not too tight, fabric made you want to run your hands all over it, as it concealed and displayed the slim, womanly shape beneath. Linda smiled as she slowly sacheted down the stairs to where I waited for her, dumbstruck and gaping.

Our group met at the restaurant. We laughed and talked and enjoyed a great meal, happy in each other's company and glad that February was finally ending. Linda was the most attractive woman in the room, and I must have told her so a half dozen times. I looked for any excuse to touch her and she returned the favor and smiled into my eyes. This was going to be a night to remember.

We checked into our rooms before we headed over to the club. She excused herself to go to our room alone for a few minutes. I took that break to make sure the four viagra I had slipped into my suit pocket at home were still there. Linda returned with her suggestive little "I'm gonna get you so good" smile on her face.

"We don't really have to spend very long at the club, do we?" She whispered to me. I knew how much Linda enjoyed dancing with our friends, so she might as well have said "I'd better not have to wait too long before we're alone together." I grinned right back at her.

We'd reserved a table for ten at the club, and it was a good thing we had. It seems a lot of other people were busy forgetting February, but they weren't too busy to notice the five women in our group.

"You're attracting a lot of attention, babe," I whispered to Linda. "You're the most attractive woman in the room, as usual."

"Oh, you." She looked up at me, lightly pressing a soft breast into my arm. "You don't have to say those things, even though I like hearing them."

"But I do have to," I responded. "Truth is truth, after all. You can't have opinions about truth."

She glowed even brighter.

I danced with the love of my life, with occasional breaks for hot wings and a drink. And returning from one drink run I heard Linda say, "I'd love to, Dave, and I would another time, but I want to make tonight special for Jim and me. I'm only dancing with him tonight."

You can't imagine how big my ego was right then.

A few minutes later, the band took a break. In the relative quiet, we could hear loud laughter from another table, and turned to look.

"Hey, isn't that Marc LaValliere?" Phil was craning around me to see.

"It is, it is!" Dee squealed excitedly. Marc LaValliere was the star tight end on our city's football team. He had the reputation of being a genuinely good guy, and he was as well known for his community activities. "It doesn't hurt that he's a hunk, either," Dee put in.

Linda and I both knew who he was, but we weren't very interested in anything besides each other just then. The band started playing again.

"Shall we dance here, or upstairs?" I whispered to Linda.

But before she could reply, Jane interrupted.

"Look! He's coming this way!" Sure enough, Marc LaValliere had left his table and was heading for ours. I was amused by the reaction of the women at our table. Four of them primped and strutted, all but saying "pick me, pick me!" Linda looked downward, and held my hand a little tighter.

"Hi, I'm Marc. Would you like to dance?" He was standing behind Linda's left shoulder, holding his hand out to her.

Linda dropped my hand like a sack of shit. I watched dumbstruck as she turned her back to me, gave Marc her right hand and gracefully rose from her chair.

My friends figured out pretty quickly that I didn't think any of this was funny. I had a stupid kind of 'what the fuck!' expression on my face through the first part of the first song. But that quickly changed to a very angry expression as I crossed my arms and leaned back in my chair. The band played a couple of fast songs, and the whole club watched them dance. Linda was clearly enjoying herself. Her partner and her dress combined to show her off to perfection.

"Don't they look great together? Come on, Jim, let's join them," Dee invited, clearly trying to distract me

I didn't answer. This was supposed to be OUR special night and now some celebrity douchebag just stepped in and ruined it. The next song was a slow one. I watched Linda melt into his arms, fitting perfectly as though she belonged there. Then another slow song, a ballad this time. Marc was smiling as he held Linda in his arms; he was clearly pleased with whatever was going on. I'm glad someone was happy. I was trying to figure out just how 'pissed off' was too much. Finally, the song ended. Marc nodded at the band leader, who started a faster song. He and Linda left the dance floor, smiling at each other, but not touching, not even holding hands. Linda gave him a last brilliant smile as she turned toward our table and Marc turned toward his.

As Linda neared our table and our eyes met, her best smile faded to her second-best. But that faded completely when she realized I was NOT smiling. She looked away from me, across the table at Dee.

"I'm sorry, everyone, I just have to go to the restroom right now. Linda, come with me?" Dee's voice could be heard far beyond our table. I was too angry to wonder why she had to broadcast this to the room at large. Linda looked at me apologetically.

"Sorry, Jim. I can use some freshening up, too." She rose and left.

The table was completely quiet for many minutes until I saw Dee coming back. Alone. I was nodding to myself long before she ever sat down.

"Is she coming back to the table?" I asked.

"Jim, Linda loves you. She loves you and the children more than anything else in the world, and she always will, and you know it. But she is spending tonight with Marc."

The cold chill that spread through my body seemed to give me an almost claustrophobic tunnel vision of Dee. While the tightness in my chest seemed to be trying to force the air from my lungs. But apparently none of this showed as no one seemed to be concerned for my health. If anything they seemed to be worried for their own safety. As all of my friends looked to be leaning away from me.

"Listen Jim, I know this hurts but it's just tonight. Linda knows,

we all know

, that you're the only man for her and you always will be. You're the good guy."

This bitch was insane but all I could manage was to glare at her.

"You're making way too big a deal out of this. It's only tonight, then she'll come back to you tomorrow and everything will be just like it was before. She asked me to make sure you remembered that she loves you, and she will always come home to you."

"

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND!?!?

"

Dee leaned as far back in her chair as she could, with large frightened eyes. I drew in a long calming breath and let it out. Dee was an idiot but she wasn't the one who'd just ripped out my heart.

"So what you're saying Dee, is that Linda would rather fuck some stranger she just met, than me."

"No, Jim. It's just one night, a one-time experience, compared to all the years and all the love you two have together. It isn't a big deal, unless you make it one. I know she'll come home to you, and I know eventually, you'll be fine."

I shook my head at her. "There is so much wrong with what you just said. First off, she never loved me..."

Dee interrupted, "She does love you! You're her world!"

"DEE!...You don't rip someone's heart out and shit on it, if you

love

them!" That seemed to shut her up. I took a much needed breath. Then I held up my hand to get the table's attention. "Here's what I'm hearing." I gave her my best fake smile. "I love you." And then turned to my right as I pantomimed jacking a cock into my mouth. While pushing my cheek out with my tongue three or four times.

Several of my friends and their wives laughed. But I noticed some kind of commotion near the bar. When I looked over there, I saw a young woman had just spewed her Tequila Sunrise all over the floor from laughter. She closed her eyes and shook her head in self deprecation. I watched as she grabbed a few napkins from the bar and began to dry her face and outfit. I smiled watching her. Until she made eye contact with me and mouthed 'You fucker.' She laughed.

I laughed. I didn't think I'd be able to do that for at least another ten years. I shook my head with a grin.

"You know what? I got somewhere I need to be." I said as I pulled out my wallet and dropped $200 on the table. Then I stood up and pulled my wedding ring off before tossing it onto the table as well.

"You're not going to divorce Linda over this, are you?" Dave asked.

I laughed again. "Good night, guys." I said as I walked to the bar.

She was a fucking ten! Not that cunt, Linda. The girl at the bar! Blonde, blue eyes, long legs, C cup breasts. All wrapped up in a skin tight sky blue dress.

"Double of Johnny Walker Black, neat. With a Coke back, no ice. Please." I told the bartender as I handed her my credit card.

"Just like that?" The girl asked me.

"Apparently." I smiled.

She gave a few small nods. "I saw the whole thing, you know." Now

I

nodded. "When I wasn't checking out Marc, I was watching this adorable couple dance and drink and being so into each other... I thought she was going to turn him down."

"Yeah,...me too." I sighed as I took my two glasses from the bartender and took a big gulp of my scotch.

She sipped her drink before saying. "So your girlfriend ditches you for Marc LaValliere. And ten minutes later you just jump right back in there."

"Uh, no." I said. Which got a small surprised jerk out of her. "My wife of ten years..."

"Ohhh shit!" She interrupted.

"And mother of my two children." I smiled.

"Damn." She squinted at me. "Not to be a bitch..."

"Oh please. Be a bitch, everyone's doing it." I laughed.

"OK, smart ass. Are you sure you loved her? I mean, ten minutes?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I loved her madly. So much so that I didn't even know you were in the room until just now. And if I didn't only have eyes for her, then I definitely would have seen

you

."

She seemed flattered as she took another sip of her drink. "So how are you able to snap back so fast?"

I shrugged as I finished my scotch. "Uh, she's stolen the last ten years from me. I refuse to let her have this night too."

"You know, I'm NOT a sure thing. Right?"

"Baby, if all I get out of this night is a pleasant conversation with the most beautiful woman I've ever seen?" She gave me a coy shrug in reply. "Then I'm gonna count that as a win." I said.

"How are you not a wreck?"

"Just push it down and think of something more important."

"More important than your marriage?"

"Ten minutes ago? No. But now? Oh hell yeah!" I smiled at her as I sipped my coke.

She laughed again. "Still, pushing it down doesn't sound healthy."

I gave her a slight shrug. "It's not. But I'm only doing it for tonight." She nodded. "Tomorrow, I'll go back to our house, walk into my daughter's room and cry like a little baby in the fetal position." She looked like she felt guilty when she laughed at that. "Just

ugly

cry, you know?"

She nodded a smile back at me. "I do, actually."

I felt a tug on my arm. As I turned, I could see it was Dave.

"Jim, what are you doing?" He asked.

I cringed at him. "I am attempting to trick this enchanting creature into having sex with me!" I motioned to the girl without looking at her.

"But... what about Linda?"

"Dave!" I said in exasperation as I rubbed my eyes with my right hand. "If this wonderful woman does not go back to my hotel with me tonight..." I nodded. "Because of your interference." I cracked my neck to the left. "I am going to come to your home tomorrow and whoop - your- ass!...So you had better start praying that she finds me the most titillating motherfucker on the whole damn planet! Do you understand?" He nodded in reply. "Good. Now fuck off, Captain cockblocker." I said as I turned back to the girl to find her laughing. I shook my head with a smile.

"Brutally honest, huh?"

"Depending on the situation, yes." I nodded again as I sipped my coke.

"So your names, Jim?"

"It is." I smiled again.

She took another sip of her Tequila Sunrise. "Not gonna ask me mine? Just doesn't matter to you?"

"It matters

very

much but..." I ended because I wasn't sure how to proceed.

"Buuuuut?" She smiled with a small shake of her head.

No mercy from this woman. I ordered another Johnny. Then cleared my throat.

"You're incredibly out of my league."

"Thank you." She said demurely.

I laughed. "So I have to be very careful about how I treat you."

She squinted in thought.

"What does that have to do with my name?"

I shrugged. "If not asked at the right time, it could come off as needy or clingy. And seeing as you were here for my whole nightmare, the last thing I need is for you to think I might be clingy." I finished as I took my drink from the bartender.