My Coming Out The Aftermath

"Confidence Is An Aphrodisiac."

For the first 32 years of my life, I had pretty much disbelieved that statement. I know, women are supposed to be drawn to men with a high degree of self confidence. However, in my case, I have found that, with some guys, self confidence has sometimes mutated into arrogance; a trait that totally turns me off.

I hadn't really thought much about myself, that is, my confidence or lack of it. It just wasn't paramount in my mind. Growing up, I don't think I could ever be termed as either submissive or aggressive. I had always thought of myself as just "nice".

The same could be said of my sex life. While I was not submissive to the point of being a "pushover", I was certainly not out every night with a different guy. Although I suppose I could have been described as sexually active, I wasn't some mousy little college girl waiting in the dorm for a guy to take her out and screw her.

In my marriage to Gary, my behavior didn't change. Although, at times, I did initiate the sex I have to admit that most of the time I did follow his lead. If you read my first story, you probably remember that I had wished, at times, that Gary would be more aggressive and take what he wanted. However, there were other times that I wished for other things; for example, that he "go down" on me for longer periods, that we use positions where I could be more "in charge", and that both of us would be more verbal in our lovemaking.

Still, I truly loved Gary and didn't bring up my wishes either because I didn't want to "rock the boat", or, perhaps, deep down, I really didn't have the confidence. Was I terribly unhappy? Certainly not. I just had the feeling that things could have been a little bit better.

Then, one night, everything changed. And while it took me a few days to get my feelings sorted out, I eventually realized there was a "me" that I hadn't previously seen. Stay with me and let me try to explain.

If you read my first story, you know what that "one night" was. But stop; wait a minute. If you think that I'm going to tell you that just having my brains screwed out by my husband and another guy was THE cathartic turning point of my life, then you're mistaken; no, you're SADLY mistaken. And, if you think that I'm saying that all a woman has to do to feel good about herself is to go out and be pounded by two well endowed studs, then you're equally mistaken and need to take a reality check.

However, I can't deny it. Having two great (and I mean great!) guys absolutely all over me and being made love to until I physically ached was a huge...no...make that a gigantic ego boost for me.

So what was next? Had the experience released my "inner slut"? Was I going to start "whoring around", frequenting the Atlanta night scene? Well, in the words of my favorite professor at the UGA College of Education: "N.O.N.B.H.N" which means "Not Only No, But Hell No". It's really very simple; first, I'm incurably in love with my husband, second, I'm equally in love with my profession (I'm a school teacher), and, finally, anyone who would screw around these days with all the exotic diseases going around would have to be crazy. (The "housekeeping" that I referred to in my first story pertained to HIV testing.)

There was no doubt though. I did want to do some things differently. On the Monday following that memorable weekend, Gary had to attend a coaches clinic in downtown Atlanta. I puttered around our house, doing some cleaning but I spent the entire day thinking about what I wanted and how I might be able to bring it about. I was able to resolve absolutely nothing. That afternoon, my neighbor came over and gave Gary and me an invitation to join her and her husband at the Braves game. I readily accepted and we spent a very enjoyable evening at the ballgame. I have to admit, however, that I really couldn't get into the game; I was still thinking about what I wanted to do.

Thankfully, the game ended so late that, by the time we returned home, Gary was so bushed that he didn't even think about sex. I was grateful for that; I wasn't really in the "mood" and, I was still a bit sore from the activities of the weekend. I couldn't get to sleep however. I was still hopelessly preoccupied with my thoughts.

I couldn't help but think back to an educational seminar that I had attended, in Nashville, about a year after Gary and I had been married. After the seminar, three other teachers and I met for dinner at the hotel we were staying. After dinner, our conversation had turned to our husbands (all of us were married) and then to sex. I can't remember how, but the conversation turned to openness.

One of the teachers (about my age at the time, in her early twenties) mentioned, "You know, it's sort of funny but my husband really gets turned on when I mention other men that I was with before we got married. I've always thought that was really strange."

Immediately my ears picked up although I looked down at my wine glass. Gary was the same way. I had noticed during the early months of our marriage that he had been intensely interested when I casually mentioned that one of the actors in a porn video we were watching resembled a guy I had dated in college.

One of the other women retorted, "How do you figure that's so strange?"

The first woman replied, "Oh, I don't know. I just always wondered about it."

The other woman laughed. Brenda was an attractive woman, in her mid-forties. She had long, beautiful black hair with a bust line that most women (including me) would have died for and most men would salivate over (she wasn't shy about strutting it about too).

"You know, my husband and I have been married for nearly twenty years now and I told him about every single guy that I went to bed with. And, believe me, there were plenty. He still enjoys it when I talk about them."

The first woman appeared to be amazed. (I still feigned disinterest.) "And, he didn't mind you being with all those guys? He actually enjoys hearing about them?"

Brenda laughed again. "Good Lord, where have you been all your life? In the first place, women are natural exhibitionists and men are natural voyeurs; that's way we're wired. Why do think it's mostly men who buy the porno movies?" The first woman didn't answer.

Brenda continued on. "My husband's never told me so but when I'm telling him about my past lovers, I'm really acting like a porn actress and he's watching me. Now, what's so bad about that?" When the other woman didn't answer, Brenda continued on. "Look honey, you're an attractive woman. Would you rather be married to a guy who obviously knows you're attractive to other men, and can handle it, or to some miserable little controlling bastard who's so hung up that he actually wants you to be unattractive?"

Wow! That last question hit me squarely between the eyes! I folded my arms and sat back in my chair. It was easy for me to remember (back in my hometown in middle Georgia) some of those fine Baptist men who totally dominated their wives while, at the same time, wouldn't have hesitated to chase a skirt if they thought they wouldn't get caught. I still remembered some of those creeps; many of them who had become physically violent toward their wives if they even thought of them looking at another man. In my college days, I avoided those kinds of men like the plague. I still can't stand to be around the men in my own church, today, who give off those kinds of vibes.

After that enlightenment from Brenda, I understood a little more about Gary. From that point on, I didn't hesitate to tell him anything he asked about my previous lovers. (One of his favorites was the time one of my dates had spread-eagled me on the hood of his father's Trans Am!)

But now, I still had not come up with one single idea as to what I wanted to do. I shook my head. I'm in my thirties, half-way intelligent, and reasonably good looking. Why can't I articulate what I want to my husband?

I looked up at the clock; it was early evening and nearly time for Gary to be home. I knew we needed a few groceries so I went to the store. On the way there, I went past a strip mall which had a lingerie shop.

"What the heck," I thought to myself, "maybe a little shopping will be good therapy for what ails me." As I walked into the shop, my cell phone went off. It was Gary and he was going to be home a little early. Now, even my shopping had gotten screwed up.

I certainly didn't want to leave empty handed. I went back and looked at the more "risqué" items. It didn't take me long to find something that I liked; a black thong with matching bra that was exactly my size. I had always heard that, when it came to lingerie, "you can't go wrong with black." Now it would be a good time to test that out.

I took my purchase back home, along with the groceries, and prepared supper for Gary and I. After eating we did the dishes (yes, my husband actually does help me!) and watched a little TV. I didn't miss the fact that Gary took pains to sit extra close to me while we watching the screen and that, for most of the time, he laid his hand on top of my leg.

Finally, it was time for bed. While Gary took his shower, I did a short cleanup of the kitchen. By the time I came into the bedroom, he was already in bed, lying on his back with his hands behind his head. I smiled at him as I went past.

I fairly leaped into the shower. I still didn't have an idea as to what I was going to do but I was determined that tonight was going to be just a bit different. As I ran the bar of soap over my body I took extra care to run the soap between the cheeks of my butt; I wanted to be extra clean for what I was contemplating.

I stepped out of the shower and began toweling off while at the same time giving a quick look around the corner. Gary hadn't moved; he was still in the same position with his eyes now closed. I knew that he wasn't asleep. After two straight nights without sex he wasn't going to doze off now.

I reached into the closet and retrieved my purchase along with a pair black leather pumps with four inch heels. I had never worn these pumps before; now seemed like the perfect night.

I stepped into the thong and pulled it up to my waist. It fit me perfectly. I turned around and looked in the mirror. The thin black straps, barely visible, encircled my waist and the vertical strap disappeared between the cheeks of my butt. I stepped into my pumps. The effect of the four inch heels was to tighten my leg muscles causing my bottom to push out even more. I have a deep tan so the whiteness of my butt gives me a "cotton tail" effect that accented it even further. My "look" was exactly what I wanted.

Almost exactly. In looking at my butt I could still see the bruises that Mike and Gary had left on me the previous Friday night (the red blotches on my knees and elbows had pretty much faded away). I shook my head. Well, I still had a pretty good "look"!

I reached for the bra and nearly had it on. However, I stopped and removed it while looking at my breasts. With my tan, my breasts looked like a pair of snow cones, accenting them, making them look bigger than they actually are. I flipped the bra back onto the back of the sink. "Well," I thought to myself, "sometimes, less is more." I took my hair brush, began brushing my hair and opened the door. "Ok," I said to myself, "Let's see how this is going to fly."

I stepped quietly into the bedroom, still casually brushing my hair. Gary's eyes were still closed. I moved up next to the bed and looked down at my husband.

"Honey, you didn't forget that you have to pick up those books for me at the library, did you?" I started out, "I really need them before the weekend." (I wasn't lying; I'm finishing up my Master's Degree and really did need them.) Opening his eyes, Gary looked over at me. Immediately (and I DO mean immediately!) his eyes widened and he rolled over onto one elbow.

"Uh, yeah. I didn't forget. I mean I'll pick them up tomorrow." The look on his face was priceless. I didn't blink an eye or even acknowledge his surprise. I continued brushing my hair with one hand and primping it with the other. I knew that the actions were causing my breasts to jiggle up and down.

"Oh honey, thanks, I really appreciate it," I continued, "I'll be so glad when those classes are finished. I'm really getting tired of studying." My verbal messages were completely different than the message I was sending with my "look". Gary looked totally shocked. I was enjoying every moment of it!

I took another two or three swipes at my hair with the brush, turned away from Gary and walked over to the dresser. I knew that my pumps would make my bottom bounce. Looking into the dresser mirror (out of the corner of my eye), I could see Gary's eyes widen ever more when he saw my bare bottom. Now, he sat up in bed and stared at me while I calmly continued to brush my hair.

Again, I pretended that the only thing only thing on my mind was those books and my class. I continued brushing my hair and chattering away about nothing. A few seconds of this and Gary had finally had enough.

Throwing the covers back, Gary jumped out of bed and swiftly walked over to where I was. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see his big cock, already at full erection, bouncing with every step, as if it were on some string. Evidently, he didn't want to hear any more about my books!

Stepping behind me, Gary put his arms around me and began kissing my neck. "Oh honey," was my response (trying to sound disinterested), "You are always so horny!" His response was to gently place his hands under my breasts. I watched in the mirror has he gently caressed them. In no time at all, my nipples were as hard as they could be.

I could feel Gary's impossibly hard cock poking me in one of my butt cheeks. I slowly reached behind me and wrapping my hand around it, directed the big head down until it was firmly between the cheeks of my bottom. If he minded being trapped Gary certainly didn't act like it!

I was starting to feel really great. The combination of Gary's lips on my neck, his hands caressing my breasts, and his cock twitching in my bottom were really starting to get to me. And, all the feelings were being magnified by the sight of our bodies in the mirror.

Any other time, I would have been content to let Gary take over and do what he wanted to do. To tell you the truth, I was very close to "losing it" and would not have minded if he had put me on my back, ripped my panties off, and screwed my brains out. However, I jerked my mind back to the fact that tonight I wanted to do something different.

I pulled away from Gary slightly and turned around to face him. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck pulling his face down and passionately kissed him, putting my tongue in his mouth as deeply as I could. At the same time, I pushed my nipples into his chest with all the force that I could muster. We remained locked in that embrace until Gary pried my arms apart and began his move downward.

Stopping at my breasts, he kissed and sucked each one until I moaned. Finally, he dropped to his knees and, through the fabric of the panties, roughly kissed me over and over.

He finally stopped and slowly, deliberately, hooked his index fingers over the thin waistband of my thong. With exquisite slowness, he gently pulled them down. I was so dripping wet that my labia actually stuck to the fabric of the panties. Again, with an unhurried manner that was driving me out of my mind, he gently pealed them away. The feeling was DELICIOUS!

In an instant, the panties were down around my ankles. Steadying one hand on Gary's shoulder, I lifted one leg, then the other and the panties were off. Gary moved up until, now, his face was only inches from my sopping crotch. I knew that, in an instant, he would be diving in head first. Now was the time, I had to make my move.

"Gary?" I started. Gary looked up at me. "Honey," I continued, "I want you to tell me something. Do you still like to look at me?"

"God, you know I love looking at you!" was his immediate response.

I pretended to be exasperated. "No dummy! Do you still like looking at her?" There was absolutely no doubt what I was referring to as "her"! Gary was speechless. He quickly nodded his head up and down.

I continued on, "Honey, you know, I still can't believe what we did last week." I moved my gaze from Gary's eyes to my crotch. "You know, honey, I couldn't believe how big Mike was. You know, I knew, from the picture that he was big, but I just didn't realize how big he really was." I could see Gary's eyes widening again. I didn't stop my little school girl prattle. And, I wasn't shy about using my best Georgia Girl southern accent. "I mean, when he put the head of his cock into me I didn't think that she was going to be able to take it." Again, there was no doubt what "she" was referring to!

At this point, I reached back to steady my grip on the dresser and slowly shifted my legs until they were as far apart as I could manage while standing in the high heels. My "dirty talk" never ceased, "I mean, then, when he put it all into me, I'm serious, I thought I was going to pass out. I mean, that guy was sooooo big." I shifted my hips slightly forward. Gary was staring at my vagina as if he had never seen it before. I looked downward at Gary's cock. The big thing was pointing right up at me. I smiled to myself. No doubt about it, he was the consummate voyeur!

Again, I knew he was about to "dive in". But, I wasn't ready just yet. Gently putting one hand on his forehead, I shifted my legs and, with difficulty (those damned spiked heels!), turned completely around. Gary was now looking directly at my little white derriere.

I never let up with my little Southern girl chatter. "Honey, look at the bruises you and Mike put on me. I mean you guys were really rough." Now, with my hands, I braced myself again on the dresser and slowly spread my legs until they could go no further apart. Stretching my neck as far as I could, I could see Gary staring intently into my "nether regions". Now, I was ready for him. "Honey, why don't you kiss her?"

The words had no sooner left my mouth when Gary dived in like a man with his face on fire. The force with which he buried his face into my, well, you know, was a complete surprise. I looked into the big mirror with a HUGE smile on my face, placed my elbows on the dresser and, again, attempted to spread my legs as wide as I possibly could. I'm no Olympic gymnast but my split would have made any of them proud!

Gary had transformed into a complete animal. Alternately kissing and licking he was sending chills through my body. God, it felt great! I strived to keep my voice cool (and, believe me, it was a struggle), "Come on honey, lick me, lick me." He thrust his tongue forward as far as he could and furiously licked my labia. I'm not going to test your knowledge of anatomy but you can just about figure where his nose was. And, it felt great! With every thrust of his tongue came a tickling sensation on my, well, you know. I couldn't help it; I giggled out loud. Was it any wonder that I could see this spread-eagled woman smiling back at me in the mirror?

I honestly believe that Gary would have licked me from the back for another hour but I was ready for some attention at my front. With difficulty, I pushed myself up and, reaching back, gently pushed Gary's head back. I quickly spun around and, again, placed my hands my hands on the dresser while spreading my legs.

"Come on baby, give me some more." I told him. Again, I needn't have asked. Gary jumped back in, continuing his furious licking and kissing of my vagina. However now, I was beginning to lose my "cool" detachment that I had kept while he was eating me from the back. Now, Gary was beginning to hit my "good" parts and I could feel myself getting warm; a sign that I was headed for an orgasm.