My Cliche

Ron's early return

I sat in my favorite recliner with my 9mm in my hand waiting for the 'lovers' to come down the stairs from MY bedroom once they finished their rounds (plural) of fucking. I'd moved my recliner from MY den and placed it at the foot of the stairs so it was just out of sight from those descending until they reached the last step. They were so wrapped up in their sex, they didn't hear a thing.

Having returned early from a business trip attempting to surprise MY wife, Irene, with a vacation to Hawaii, I was surprised to find on entering MY house, men's and women's clothes thrown on the floor leading to the stairs and on up the stairs apparently thrown off in their frenzy to get to the master bedroom ASAP.

While waiting I called my partner who covered the criminal law cases for our law firm and told him what I'd found when I got home and that I'd need to be bailed out of jail later tonight. He said he'd meet me at the station and not to kill anyone. I laughed and said I'd try not to.

I located Irene's lovers pants and got his wallet with his id, credit cards, and pictures of his wife and children. Then I got his phone, which he had tossed on the coffee table (out of habit I suppose indicating this was not a one time occurrence), and I called his home while I waited. Seems I wanted some company, someone to talk to who would understand the pain of betrayal I was feeling as I waited for the coming confrontation.

The phone rang three times before finally being answered by a very irate female (well it was almost 1:00 a.m.) screaming "Jeffery, where the Hell are you, you sorry bastard? Today is, well now yesterday was, your daughter's 5th birthday and you broke her heart you SOB! One more time and I swear I'm gonna divorce you!"

"I'm sorry to have awakened you Mrs. Conner", I replied, "I didn't realize the hour. Jeffery is very busy right now, so I'll have to pass along your message a little later."

"Just who are you and how did you get Jeffery's cell?" she finally asked.

"My name is Ronald Kelly and I found his cell phone tossed on MY coffee table when I came home early from a business trip." I replied.

"Kelly you say? You wouldn't be Irene's husband would you? She's Jeffery's secretary." she asked.

"Yes, guilty as charged I'm afraid, and MY soon to be EX-wife appears to be much more than just a secretary to JEFFIE boy." I replied.

She didn't seem to catch the end of my statement and said, "I don't care how busy he thinks he is, you get him on the phone RIGHT GODDAMN NOW or tell him not to bother coming home ever again!"

"Oh, Mrs. Conner, I don't think he will be able to come to the phone soon, much less come right home. You see, he'll have to wait until the ER doctors finish sewing him back up after I shoot his sorry ass shortly for fucking MY wife in MY house in MY bed. Needless to say I'm more than a little irritated with JEFFIE boy and my soon-to-be EX-wife." I stated calmly.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY??" she screamed.

"Yes, at this very moment they are upstairs fucking their brains out; well, what little brains they have left, and I just didn't have the heart to go up and shoot them as it would really mess up MY bed. Besides, I'm so mad at them right now that I might miss aim and end up killing them both. So I'm waiting down stairs for them to finish and come down for something to drink. Irene always likes to have something to drink after a vigorous fuck session." I said.

"Oops, I've got to go now. I think I hear them coming down the stairs. If I can, I MIGHT let JEFFIE boy call you soon, so stay by the phone. At the very least, I'll have Irene call you about which hospital the ambulance takes him to."

She said, "Don't bother. I don't want to see or hear from him ever again."

"Mrs. Conner, please think of your children. They'll hate you for keeping them from their father while he recovers in the hospital. You don't deserve that. As far as I can tell, you don't deserve any blame in this whole affair." I cautioned.

"Neither do you." she sighed, "OK, I'll await your call." then she disconnected.

************************

Irene's discovery

Irene lay recovering from Jeffery's assault on her vagina for the third time tonight and she thought she heard someone talking downstairs.

"Jeff, did you just hear something?" she asked.

Jeffery was so engrossed in his own admiration of his sexual ability to fuck these stupid married secretaries that he had heard nothing but his own hand patting himself on his back.

"No Irene, I heard nothing." But now listening it did seem like he heard someone's voice, though it was very muted. "Yeah, Not sure what it is, but I think I do hear something though."

"Oh, it's probably just the answering machine recording a call from Ron." Irene responded.

"What's that asshole doing calling after 1:00 a.m. in the morning. Doesn't he have any sense at all." Jeff said.

"Is it that late already? Ron never calls after 10:00 p.m. He doesn't like to wake me in the middle of the night. It must be some kind of emergency for him to call so late." Irene got up, put on her robe and walked out to check the answering machine for the message.

Jeffery, being God's gift to all women, didn't bother with Ron's robe and simply followed Irene downstairs in the nude. If nothing else, he'd drink some of Ron's Glenlivet. He'd grown to really like Ron's favorite scotch along with fucking his wife.

As Irene reached the bottom of the stairs she realized something was wrong and stopped so short that Jeffery ran into her and they both almost fell to the floor. Jeffery was about to yell at Irene for almost tripping him, when suddenly the living room light came on and they saw Ron sitting in his chair not five feet away from them. Irene screamed and Jeffery lost all the color in his face as they both saw the 9mm in Ron's hand pointed at the two cheaters.

"Ron it's not..." Irene stammered, but she knew by the look in Ron's eyes that her life with him was over.

"Shut up you stupid, cheating cunt," I calmly told Irene. She dropped down to the floor with her lovers cum still dripping from her well fucked pussy as I turned to 'JEFFIE boy'.

"Well at least I won't have to buy a new robe, JEFFIE boy. I guess I should thank you for that much. Of course I will have to get new sheets, a new bed and a new wife, but you can't have everything. RIGHT, JEFFIE boy."

Jeff began to backup thinking of some way to escape when I shot a round into the banister to halt his retreat.

"Damn, now I have to get a new banister, too. You're getting to be expensive JEFFIE boy, but don't leave now on my account. We have so much to discuss, so much to settle, and so little time. You are going to owe me so much for fucking MY whore of an EX-wife and WE need to reach a settlement RIGHT NOW!"

I turned to my dearly beloved. "How long Irene? How many times has he fucked you? I know of at least three times tonight, alone. Of course I don't know when you two started tonight or when you started whoring out to him so there will be many, many more I'm sure." I asked a crying Irene. "And, Irene, don't even think of lying to me."

Irene could tell from the calm manner that I was showing them that I was indeed serious as a heart attack and would show the two cheaters no mercy. They would be lucky to get out of here alive as I am very vindictive when wronged.

"Six months, Ron. We've been screwing behind your back every trip for six months. I have no idea how many times Jeffery's cum inside me. And, no we did not use condoms." Irene replied. "God, it sounds so cheep discussing it like this."

"Six months, my, my. And No condoms, were you trying to get pregnant?" She was shaking her head no as I turned to Jeffery and said, "So, JEFFIE boy, no condoms, eh? Do I need to get tested for STD's? Oh, of course I do, you don't think I will take your word for it, do you? Irene's not the only stupid secretary you're screwing, now, is she? Come on JEFFIE boy, be honest."

Jeffery said nothing. He was beginning to feel decidedly self-conscious standing there at the bottom of the stairs in the nude facing a mad man with a gun pointed directly at his cock and balls.

Irene was shocked, she'd never even thought about the possibility of passing an STD from Jeff to Ron and her lack of considering this appalled her. "Oh, God, Ron, I'm so sorry. I didn't even think of STD's, but I have been taking birth control pills throughout."

"Such a thoughtful little whore you are my dear. Oh, I guess you're not MY dear anymore are you? Haven't been for at least six months. Is JEFFIE boy the first or have there been more before him?" I asked.

"Jeff's the only one I ever cheated on you with. You have to believe I love only you Ron. This is just sex." she said.

"No Irene, I don't have to believe anything you say and it's not 'just sex', it's everything. Furthermore, I don't believe you could possibly love me. You've destroyed our marriage, my trust, and my self-respect. You've broken your marriage vows, denied me any chance of having children with you, and you may have destroyed my health, as well as your own, through thoughtless unprotected sex with this sorry POS. That's what it is, Irene!" I screamed.

I turned back to JEFFIE boy. "Now just what do I do with you JEFFIE boy?" I paused for effect.

"Well let's see. For starters, I'm suing you for Alienation of Affection resulting in my upcoming divorce of the slut I was married to. Then, I'm suing your company and your Board of Directors along with your parent company and their Board of Directors for failure to enforce your company morals clauses. Still, that's not the best part. I've saved the best for almost last." At this I tossed JEFFIE boy his cell phone.

"I had an enlightening discussion with your wife while I waited for you two to finish fucking each others brains out. By the way, you really shouldn't treat your daughter like shit, it was her birthday yesterday and you missed it just so you could fuck my wife. Call your soon-to-be ex-home asshole."

"Oh no Ron, you didn't!" cried Irene.

"Oh yes I did!" I replied. "By the way Irene, did you bother to tell JEFFIE boy here what I do for a living?" She shook her head no.

I continued "Well JEFFIE boy, I'm one of the top three divorce lawyers in this state and the other two work for me. You can be assured that I'll make sure that your wife has adequate representation in her divorce suit against you and we won't charge her a red cent."

Jeffery turned away from me to go make his call as I continued, "You, on the other hand JEFFIE boy, will be paying through the ass...literally." and I shot Jeffery in his right buttock.

He fell to the floor crying like a little baby screaming "You shot me! You shot me!" over and over.

"You're lucky I didn't kill you, you BASTARD!" I yelled back.

I looked at a shocked Irene as I called 911 for the police and an ambulance. I had already contacted my firm and my criminal defense lawyer was already on his way. As I hung up my cell, I told Irene, "When the ambulance arrives get the name of the emergency room hospital they are taking your 'lover' to and be so kind as to call his wife and let her know. That way she can see to it that his children can see him as he recovers in the hospital. It's the least you can do after ruining their lives through your adultery."

Irene nodded her head and went to get some towels to hold against Jeffery's ass to stem the bleeding until the ambulance arrived. Later, as I was led out in handcuffs (standard procedure in a shooting case), I told Irene, "Pack your shit and get out of MY house before I return. We'll divorce under the terms of the prenuptial agreement. There will be no counseling and no bullshit delays from your lawyer otherwise I'll destroy you. And, before you leave, be sure you change the sheets on MY bed and clean up your and JEFFIE boys mess so I don't have to see it when I come home. It's bad enough you fucking him, but in my own house and in our marriage bed ... you hate me that much?"

Irene just hung her head and said nothing. She knew that because of her betrayal she was as good as dead to Ron, and no matter what she said it would make no difference.

THE END