Hello, for the purposes of this I will call myself Jane and my husband Steve, these are obviously not our real names. This is my first attempt at writing anything like this, I hope it at least proves interesting to other readers but this is principally written for Steve, who I love more than I can say.
Although I don't want to go into any great detail about my health, our story really started a nearly two years ago. I had a small accident while we were out walking and although I wasn't badly injured, I ended-up in hospital for a long time because of the resulting infections that I picked-up.
The net result was that I was ill for a very long time. Even when I was able to go back to work the travelling on top of the ongoing treatment meant that I was always tired. To makes matters worse I later also got offered a promotion at work. Although it meant more money, it also meant more hours and more stress, which didn't help.
Steve was very understanding throughout and despite the odd argument about not spending much time together (because I would often want to go straight to bed and sleep after dinner), Steve was supportive throughout.
I must say that with hindsight I didn't realise how supportive he was at the time. I didn't appreciate the impact my health and my job were having on him. His comments about spending time together were often taken by me as nagging. I admit I was kind of selfish at the time, focussed on my own problems and oblivious to his, but I guess it is all too easy when your health is at risk.
That gives you a tiny bit of the background. Anyhow about 7 months ago I was feeling tired, as usual, so I went to bed early leaving Steve on the computer in the study. Unfortunately I couldn't seem to get to sleep because of the noise from next door. They were having a party for their daughter's birthday.
I gave-up after about an hour and decided to go downstairs and join Steve. Obviously he didn't hear me coming down the stairs. I opened the door and was shocked by what I saw.
On the computer screen was a video of a woman giving some guy a blow job and Steve was stroking his cock while watching it.
I gasped, Steve looked around in horror at being caught and I just ran back upstairs to bed in shock.
Steve came up after me a minute or so later and apologised profusely but I wasn't willing to hear any of it. I was hurt, disgusted and in disbelief. I told him to leave me alone and despite his apologies said no more to him.
Steve went off to work early the next morning. When I came downstairs there was a note on the table simply saying sorry and that he loved me.
Nothing was said for a couple of days although there was an atmosphere of tension between us.
I went to see my sister at the weekend. We have always been very close, and she knew instantly that something was wrong when I got there. It took me a little while but I eventually told her what had happened. She said that I shouldn't worry about it and that most men are turned-on by porn but that it doesn't necessarily mean they aren't faithful to their partners. We talked around it for a while with me saying how it made me feel. The she asked the killer question, "Your sex life is OK isn't it?".
The realisation hit me like a hammer and she knew instantly from the look on my face.
"oh my god....." I gasped.
"What?" she prompted.
"Well we did ......." It then dawned on me that with everything that had happened with my leg, my job and my dad (who had also died soon after my promotion), that we hadn't actually had sex since our walking holiday – and that was about 18 months ago. I explained to Sarah
"Well its not surprising that he's resorted to porn" Sarah added "hasn't he asked for sex?"
Lots of images then came flooding back of me refusing because of being tired, or not in the mood or such like. I suddenly felt like such an awful wife but I can honestly say that I hadn't missed it myself and that I had genuinely not realised how long it had been.
Sarah then concluded that in the circumstances perhaps I owed Steve an apology for making him feel ashamed for having to do things by himself.
By the time I left I not only had to agree with Sarah but also felt terrible for what I had done to him. I promised myself that I was going to try to make it up to Steve.
I said nothing to Steve but started to think about how I was going to make things better with him. As luck would have it was our 5th anniversary the following week.
I started thinking about what could I do to make it up to him and break the ice between us?
Eventually I thought back to that evening that I had walked in on him. He was obviously fantasising about the woman on screen giving a blow job. I have never been keen on receiving oral sex let-alone giving it. I had tried it a couple of times for Steve in our early days but didn't like it. I especially didn't like the thought of having him come in my mouth.
I knew in my heart that this was the special thing I was looking for to say sorry but it took a while to convince myself to actually go through with it. What clinched it was the memory of some of the medication I had had to take in the past. Some of the medication had made me feel very ill after I had taken it. I had willingly taken that stuff for months, surely I could do the same for Steve.
So with a little dread and more than a few butterflies in my stomach I decided that it was the treat that Steve deserved, and I owed it to him.
I decided to do a quick bit of research the subject and read a few web sites in the hope of getting a few tips to make it as good as possible for Steve and not feel completely clueless myself.
On the day of our anniversary we were both working but had booked a meal at a restaurant for that evening. I decided to dress to impress with the full set of black lingerie including stockings, under a short black dress that I hadn't worn in a couple of years. It fitted a little tighter than it used to but gave the effect I was after.
Steve gave me a nice wooden beaded necklace (it was our 5th anniversary, which by tradition is wood). I told him he would have to wait until we got home for his present. The irony did make me laugh at the time – I had planned to give him wood too, just not the type he was expecting.
When we got home I told Steve to go to bed while I took my tablets and got his present.
I took my tablets and then waited until I was sure he would be in bed. I took off my dress and went upstairs to our room. Sure enough Steve was sat-up in bed waiting for me.
The look on his face was a picture when he saw me walk in, dressed in black underwear and stockings. He saw the glint in my eye and almost immediately I saw the stirrings of an erection starting to appear under the sheets.
I slowly approached the bed "I haven't come to bed like this in a while, have I?"
"No" Steve half stammered-out.
When I reached the bed I pulled the top sheet back in one swift movement. "Looks like he likes what he sees" I said teasingly.
"Very much" Steve replied "Come here and he'll show you"
I was now feeling more nervous than ever and was tempted back out and simply lie down and let Steve take the lead.
"Not yet" I replied, climbing onto the bed near his feet.
It was now or never and as nervous as I was feeling about what I was planning to do, I was also determined to do it.
