The morning was tense for Brad and me. I was secretly looking up exercises to burn calories fast, how to properly diet and portion my food, helpful tips for weight loss. Meanwhile, my husband was glaring at me staring at my phone. "So," he huffs, "What, uh... What are you doing on your phone there?" he questioned, offended. Is he jealous of my phone or something? I thought.
I was embarrassed about going to the gym, and I felt like I could keep secrets too if he was himself. At the very least; so I joked, and said in a matter-of-fact tone I was watching porn. Brad scoffs, knowing my disdain for porn and the fake actresses, the whole vibe. So he asked again more seriously. "None of your business," I replied. In a fit, he lunged forward, trying to take it! I was genuinely appalled by this, jumping back. How dare he try to take my phone away? I felt anger bubbling inside of me as I saw him staring daggers into me.
"I am your husband, Emma, I have a right to know if there's something going on I should know about." Where the fuck does he get on about that? He's the one cheating, and oh how I felt the burning desire to blurt that out. But I beat that strong desire deep down. I just pushed my chair out, storming out of the house with my car keys. He yelled behind me that he's sorry. My husband tried to rush me while I was going to my car, but it was no use. I was steaming in the driver's side, buckling and engine revving towards the gym.
I got a few texts from him apologizing, how he knew how dumb that was, and to please come home. I didn't bother, I need to sweat out my anger. I changed inside the lady's locker room and ventured out in a loose long t-shirt and spandex pants. First, I wanted to get some cardio in. Next, maybe some weights to build muscle. Then, maybe cardio again; I don't know, I haven't exercised since high school when it was a requirement. I'm really just hoping I do this right.
My insecurities and anxiety overcame my anger as I step inside the intimidating iron jungle. I couldn't recognize what half the equipment did here, so stuck to the treadmill. My anxiety made me self-aware and more in tune with my surroundings. Which person was on what machine; what they were saying, if they were talking about the fat, lard whale on the treadmill. In the corner of my eye, I noticed a fit convivial older woman making stops, chit-chatting with the other sweaty gym-goers.
That's when she came up to greet me, catching me off-guard. "I'm not some weirdo," she laughs, totally not being weird right now. "I'm a personal trainer for this gym. If you need help just let me know," she smiled warmly.
"Actually," I heaved, stepping off the on-going treadmill. "I do. I'm new here, and, I wanted to get fit but I don't know how to start," I admit shyly.
The woman reaches a hand on my shoulder, and the other to offer as a handshake. I grab hers, and she replies, "You're already starting. My name's Lynn-lemme show you the basics about losing weight I think you'll benefit from." She takes me under her toned, chiseled arms and relays to me what every newbie should know. She tells me it's mostly about the food and not the exercising. Dieting and how to replace unhealthy food cravings with healthy ones; getting rid of bad eating habits such as eating past 8 PM, especially heavy meals; eating irregularly, and snacking more. I'm fascinated at how ignorant I was to my lifestyle and how it's so unhealthy and self-destructive.