My best friend's wife needed some advise. This story is set in my retirement however the actual event occurred many years ago. I have changed the names but the characters are based on people I know.
My best friend Ed lives in the mountains so we do not get to see each other too often. About once a month he and I get together at our favorite restaurant and "catch up" over brunch. So I received an email from him setting up a brunch date but his email said not to reply. Great! Something must be going on with him.
On the day and time, I showed up at the restaurant and found his wife at one of the tables, so I joined her.
"Hello, Karen. I assume that Ed will be joining us," I said.
"No he won't. Actually I wanted to meet with you alone. I need some advise." she replied. " You and your wife are such a wonderful couple and I know from things you both have said that you guys enjoy an active sex life."
The waitress showed up to take our order so we held our conversation until she left.
She continued, "By the way, do not tell Ed that we had this meeting. This is hard to say but we haven't had much of a sex life for some time now. He is always on his computer and in the evenings while I clean up the dishes from supper, he goes to bed and we watch TV movies until he falls asleep. You are Ed's best friend so I thought you might have some suggestions that I could use to get him interested."
"Well, gosh, Karen, my wife and I have a good sex life but maybe what we do would not work for you two," I replied.
Our brunch meal showed up so I waited until the waitress was gone again before continuing.
"I am sorry to hear that things aren't going well for you both. Ed always seems to be very happy."
"Yes, he is happy but somehow he has lost his interest in sex."
"Well, we all are over 70 now and maybe he has reached his limit and wants to get on with what is left of his life," I replied.
"While we are eating our brunch, think about something that maybe I could try to get him back into the mood," she said.
While we were eating, we discussed the meal. I noticed that the restaurant was getting busy and now there were people sitting all around us. I decided that maybe when we were finished with brunch we should talk somewhere more private for Karen's sake.
When we were finished, I said I would pay the bill and asked her to wait for me outside. When I came out of the restaurant, I took her arm and said, "There were too many people listening to us in there so I thought we could talk some more in my car. I parked at the back of the lot and there are no other cars back there. That way we can talk privately and no one will hear us."
"Thank you. I appreciate you secrecy in the matter. Remember, don't tell Ed that we have met."
I opened the passenger door and helped her into the front seat. I went around and got in the driver's side.
I said, "Karen, I think you have to become the aggressor, but not too strong or it won't work because Ed can be stubborn."
"Yes, he can be that way. What do you think I should do?" she asked.
" I can show to you what my wife and I do. It is not one person all the time initiating sex. Sometimes I start it and sometimes she starts it."
"I see -- maybe something you guys do might work."
"First, we start with a kiss. Not a peck or quickie but something that says "I am interested; are you?' So I want you to kiss me with that intent. OK?"
I turned sideways in my seat and leaned close to her. She looked at me with a frown. So I continued, "Look, you are not going to seduce me but what I want to do is give you feedback on how your kiss is received."
"Ok, I guess I can do this," she replied.
I held still and made her come to me. She kissed me with closed lips and kept her eyes open. I noticed that she had thin lips that were a bit pokey.
"That was very nice; however I did not feel anything coming from you. I would like to kiss you and see if you can see the difference."
I slipped my right hand behind her head and guided her to my lips. I turned my head a bit to the side and parted my lips slightly. As I kissed her I moved my head around a small amount and I gently provided some pressure to the back of her head. I allowed my fingers to caress the back of her head. When we parted, I did notice that her eyes had closed. Good....we are making some progress here.
I remove my hand from the back of her head and said, "Do you notice the difference? Do you think you can do that to Ed?"
"Wow! That is different from the way we kiss."
"How did it make you feel?"
"It was soft and sensuous. I felt that you wanted something from me," she replied.
"Perfect. You want to convey that you want something. Also a hand to the head or the side of the face conveys intimacy. Give me your right hand." I took her hand and placed it on the side of my face and said, "Now you kiss me and tell me you want something."
She leaned forward and kissed me but did not pull my face toward her nor were her lips parted. I could tell that this was uncomfortable for her to do.
"That was much better. I felt it. Some people might break the kiss and tell their partner what they want, but I do not think that will work with Ed. Let's try a different way. Maybe something that he cannot say no to. I am going to show you what I do with my wife sometimes."