Mistaken Identity
It's ten AM on Saturday morning. I'm waiting for my wife, brother-in-law, and sis-in-law. I can only imagine the condition the girls are in, considering that they attended a bachelorette party last night. I wasn't really crazy about my wife, Jan, attending the party. The soon-to-be bride is an old college classmate of my wife and wife's twin sister Jean. When I say twin, I mean identical, down to every freckle, and probably every hair. My brother-in-law John and I try to keep a tally of how many times we've patted the wrong butt or boob. I have a sticky note on the wall in my home office. At present, I lead the "cop-a-feel-count" with a score of; John 4, Phil (Me) 6. Luckily were very close so it's never been an issue.
Jan spent the night with Jean and John because they only live a mile or so from the venue where the party was held. It would have been a thirty-minute, each way, for me to pick my wife up and there was no way we were going to let them drive.
I was working on my second cup of coffee when I heard them come in the front door. As they entered the kitchen, I had to stifle a laugh. Both women looked like death warmed over. They looked like they had attempted to brush their hair and make themselves presentable, but they missed the mark. Both had eyes so bloodshot you couldn't tell the true color. If it wasn't mid-June I would have commented on the Christmas motif of green and red. I could tell by the look on their faces that no amount of levity would be appreciated.
The thing that I really notice was the difference in their demeanor. Jean, though looking rather ill, had a pissed look on her face. My wife, Jan, on the other hand looked very subdued. I thought she must have celebrated a bit harder than her sister.
I commented, "Looks like you two must have had quite a night. What time did you pick them up, John?"
John answered, "Just a couple of minutes after midnight. I was surprised. When I got there, the party had wound down. The girls were ready to go."
I said, "I'm surprised too. I guess, as you get older the parties get tamer. What kind of bachelorette party was it? No strippers, nothing crazy?"
Jean spoke up. "Oh there were strippers, and there was craziness. I'm sure there are a few women that are terrified this morning, remembering what they did last night."
I looked over at Jan and saw tears in her eyes. "Oh shit. You want to tell me what happened Jan? Did you forget the talk we had, yesterday?"
In a very subdued voice, Jan whispered, "Nothing happened at the party."
I asked, "You didn't mess with the strippers?"
"No honey, I didn't mess with the strippers. I promised you I wouldn't.
Jean spoke up. "Nothing happened at the party, other than three naked guys with enormous cocks running around trying to get drunk women to suck or fuck them."