Mirror Mirror 24

This short (well, short for me.) story is my second submission in the LW category. The feedback from my first didn't disappoint...LOL. I appreciate those who took the time to give both positive and constructive criticism. Rest assured I would never expect everyone to enjoy where my written thoughts go. It's our differences that make us human.

I have a few more stories that I hope to publish soon, each different in their own way. This story, Mirror, Mirror..., is mostly inter-reflective for the main character. Could you? Would you? Should you? Hopefully the small twist gives the perspective I was hoping for.

There is no sex in this short story.

(I write and self-edit/proofread. It's all part of my therapy. My apologies for spelling or grammatical mistakes)

Enjoy,

C_T

**

Mirror, Mirror...

"I... I don't understand. Why? Don't you love me?"

It was a talk that I knew would be the most difficult in my life, but I owed it to myself. I owed it to my marriage. Tears rolled down the cheeks of my wife of five years, truly putting my will to the task.

"You know I love you sweetheart. I want to be with you forever, you're my soulmate."

"If I was your soulmate, why do you want to do this?" She looked beyond upset.

"What I need to do isn't about love, or soulmates sweetheart. It's just sex. There's no romantic involvement. It'll always be just you and I from this point on. We'll start our family, watch them grow as we age together. I want to spend my life with you." I meant every word; I was hoping she could see the big picture. Afterall, we grew up so differently.

**

I was what you would call, a late bloomer. I was always tall for my age but skinny... I mean really skinny. I tried so hard to put some meat on my bones, all through high school, but whatever I ate just got burnt off in my extracurricular activities. I was a decent soccer player, but an above average basketball player. I even had colleges looking at me my senior year, but they all said the same thing. I needed to beef up and as a result, no scholarship ever came my way.

I got to college and had two goals. Get my political science degree then move into law; and make the varsity team. I managed to fulfill both of my goals and as luck would have it, I met Jill in the later years of the process.

Jill was my polar opposite. She was the popular cheerleader in school. Had to beat the boys off with a stick, is the way her mom put it. Along with beauty, she was academically smart and went to college for commerce.

By the time Jill and I met, I had finally caught up to my body. I had put some beef on my bones, and all my acne had finally dried up. I could see girls were finally starting to show interest in me, but the revelation was also very daunting. You see, I never had the opportunity to date, so I was a late bloomer in that category as well. Like any other red-blooded male, I watched porn and jerked off a ton, but as far as me and the ladies... yep. I was nearing 20 and still a virgin in every way imaginable.

I met Jill through mutual friends and as luck would have it, she found me interesting. It took quite some time before I could muster up the courage to ask her on a date, but she was all smiles when I did. Everything was fun and plutonic for the first while, since I had no idea what was expected of me. I still remember that night after the movie, when we stopped at a late-night coffee shop and talked.

It took some time, but she finally just came out and asked if I found her attractive. I was flabbergasted! As far as I was concerned, she was gorgeous! She was confused why I hadn't initiated anything further than a kiss. If I could have swallowed my heart, I would've.

I went for broke and told her about my lack of experience thanks to my slow development. I expected her to laugh me off but instead she took it as her personal mission to teach me the wonders of the flesh... and what wonders they were!

She taught me everything there was to know about sex, and it took no time at all to figure out I was in love with this girl. It seemed her feelings were mutual and by the time I started law school, we were engaged. Three years later we were married and that progressed to our moment today.

Unlike my early years, I had blossomed into a very good-looking guy and with Jill's help I gained the confidence for a healthy swagger. Something that helped me become successful very quickly in my new law firm. More and more women were stealing looks at me and openly flirting... it was amazing! Every Friday at 3pm, many of the lawyers left in the building would meet in the boardroom for a few drinks. It was an opportunity to socialize and shake off the stress of the week as we headed into the weekend. It was at one of these social gatherings that I had amused some of my colleagues that I was a virgin when I met my wife.

"Are you serious Nick? You've never been with another woman besides Jill? Like... ever?"

I laughed at his shock. "Nope. Jill was the one who brought me out of my shell, and we fell in love almost instantly." I proudly declared.

"Man! You have no idea what you missed out on." Frank, one of my co-workers was indignant.

"I didn't miss out on anything." I joked in my defense.

"So, you never had another girl suck your dick?" Tim jumped in.

"No, but Jill's very good at. Well, I mean she was back in college. It's slowed down a bit now."

"How do you know? Shit I couldn't even count how many chicks sucked my dick before I got married." Frank announced.

"Well, we know of at least three more since." Tim blurted and all the guys laughed.

I was flabbergasted. Did Frank just admit to having sex with another woman besides his wife? "Wait... you mean you've had sex with another woman? Since you got married?"

The fourth guy in our group, Dale chimed in. "C'mon Nick. Being a lawyer is stressful. Court dates, discovery meetings, litigation. All this shit can get a guy riled up. I'm sure you know what I mean."

"Yeah, sure. But I go home and when things align, Jill and I take care of each other." My three colleagues began to chuckle.

"Oh dude! You're priceless!" The three of them continued chuckling at my expense.

Frank was the first to compose himself. "Shit sorry Nick. We don't mean to laugh at you. We just figured you'd have taken advantage of some of the help here. What happens in your work life stays at work. I love my wife and our two kids, but it's nice to have something on the side that comes with no commitment. In fact, I think it's made my marriage better!"

"How can cheating make your marriage better?" I was in shock.

"Look... Martha has her hands full with the kids and understandably she's tired a lot. So, instead of stressing or pressuring her, I take care of things as needed. Besides, Martha would never let me do anal on her." That got the other two guys laughing hard.

"Betty, right? From the third-floor secretarial pool? She's a little anal freak! Got the perfect ass too!" Frank and Dale high fived.

"Don't forget about pouty Paula from accounting. She's got the best blowjob lips and knows how to use them!" Tim added to the ongoing dialogue. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, and I guess the look on my face was easy to read.

"Hey. Don't get freaked out Nick. We all love our wives. It's just... sometimes a little strange makes the heart grow fonder. I think we can all say that our sex life with our wives has gotten better by it." I watched the other two nod their heads in agreement.

"And... your wives are ok with this?" My curiosity peaked.

Tim spoke up. "What? No, of course not. We'd never want them to feel like they weren't enough, because they are! Tell me something Nick. Does Jill know about every purchase you've made? You know, the new, ridiculously expensive driver in your golf bag, or how much you spend on football pools? No... because that stuff is micro in the big picture. This is no different."

"Jill's a great looking gal Nick. She's wife material at its best, but dude, you have no idea what's out there... what you're missing. It might even spice up your bedroom." Dale wiggled his eyebrows.

I can't say that's all it took, but the more the guys fed me the benefits, the more I began to wonder if it was worth it. After all, I was a virgin when I got married and Jill's been the only woman I'd ever been with. Was I missing something? I know life was busy for us, so maybe it would make the bedroom stress easier?

After an internal argument that carried on for weeks, I had decided that it would be good for me and in return, good for Jill. But unlike the guys I worked with, I couldn't just do it behind Jill's back. I needed to be upfront with her and explain why I needed this and the benefits to our marriage going forward. She knew I loved her with all my heart. She'd understand... It would be just sex.

**

"Are you already having an affair?" She asked through her red, soaked eyes.

"No honey. I'd never do it like that. That's why I'm talking to you. I respect you too much to go behind your back." She choked when I said that. I watched her shake her head. I tried to console her, but she pulled away.

"Why am I not enough? If you want to do it more or try different things, I'm open to it. I love you so much and I can't imagine you making love to another woman."

"Jill! I told you, it's not about love... it's just sex. I've had more than a few women at work hit on me and I just feel like I need to see what I can learn." She made a gurgling sound. "Honey, it's partly your doing, you know." Her eyes focused on me. "You've bragged more than a few times at how well-endowed I am. Some of the women were bound to pick up on that."

"I was proud of you, you asshole! I was letting them know how lucky I was and that you were mine! I wasn't trying to farm you out to the next slut!" She got right in my face. "Who is it? Who's got your dick so hard Nick?"

"I can't in good conscience give you any names Jill. You're likely to make a big scene and that wouldn't look good for either of us." I implored. I still have to pay the bills Jill.

My wife sat on the couch, looking dejected. "Please Nick. Please don't do this. Can't you see what it's doing to me? You're literally tearing my heart from my chest." She started sobbing.

I'm not a complete asshole. It pained me to see my wife act like this, but I knew deep down I needed to do this. She won't like it, but I know she loves me enough to get past it. "Sweetheart. It's just one weekend. It's a chance for me to experience something new. It'll be good for us, you'll see. After it's over, it'll be just you and me. We can put this behind us and I'll never put you through this again. We can even start talking about the family we always wanted." Her sobbing just increased.

I had to steel my nerve and follow through with my resolve. I hadn't taken this issue lightly. Surely, she could see I struggled with this decision for some time. I wasn't looking for love or to replace her... I just needed the experience. It's fresh and painful right now, but it won't always be like this. We'll grow old together and watch our family flourish. I knew it.

With one final attempt to share my compassionate argument, she rejected it by pulling away. Using a final, I love you, I went upstairs to grab my bag that was already packed. I made a quick stop into the ensuite for my toiletries, when my reflection caught my attention. I stopped in my tracks and looked at the man in the mirror.

"It's the right thing. We'll be fine." I said to my reflection. But the look in return was less than convincing.

My gaze focused on my eyes, and I let myself get drawn in by the intense stare. Suddenly I could hear Jill's sobs in my head. Her begging... her pain... her humiliation.

"You're a real piece of shit Nick." I heard my voice, but my lips didn't move. Was it my conscience? I stared deeper into my own dark eyes as her pain permeated through my mind and body, eventually making me feel sick to my stomach.

What was I thinking? How could I be so selfish? What have I done? The eyes I was staring into were abruptly full of tears, my heart felt like it was going to pound right through my chest! OH... MY... GOD!

**

I bolted up, gasping for air. I struggled to capture something to fill my lungs. My body was covered in sweat. Not just a slight sheen either. My hair was wet, my t-shirt and joggers glued to me by the amount of sweat my body produced. It took some time, but I was finally able to bring myself back under control. I looked around the room, the daylight streaming in from the sides of the blinds. It was the worst sleep of my life.

I pushed myself from the bed in our spare room, where I had slept. Slowly making my way to the shower to wash the sweat and hopelessness from my body. There would never be enough hot water and soap to do the job. Despite the raw, constant gnawing in my stomach, I had come to terms with my life going forward. It wasn't going to be easy. There's going to be a lot of pain... but sometimes you had to deal with it for the things that needed to be done.

I got dressed and grabbed the overnight bag I had placed on the floor earlier. With a heavy sigh, I ventured down the stairs. I could hear my wife puttering in the kitchen. I quietly laid the bag outside the entrance and made my way to the counter. I watched Jill finish filling her coffee mug, taking in the sight of her beautiful figure. I must've been quieter than I thought, as my presence seemed to surprise her when she turned around.

"Oh! Nick. I didn't hear you, sweetheart." Her hand went to her chest. I gave her my best attempt at a smile. "Did... did you want to sit? Maybe we can talk a little more calmly this morning."

I sat down and shook my head slowly. "I don't think it's necessary Jill. I did nothing but think about your conversation last night." She was looking apprehensive. I think she was hoping I'd take more time to think things out.

"I'm sorry. It looks like you didn't sleep very well."

I laughed. "You look well rested." The compliment was backhanded, and she knew it.

"You know I didn't. It wasn't easy for me to bring it up honey. That took a lot of courage for me... to be honest."

I nodded my head in understanding. I looked into her eyes, trying to figure out what she was thinking, but I had clearly lost that ability some time ago.

"Nick?" My silence was making her nervous.

"I spent all night thinking about what you said. I even tried to see things from your perspective Jill. I needed to be as honest as I could with your feelings and what you're asking." She put her cup down, waiting while she held her breath. All my thinking must've been what prompted my dream of role reversal. Much of our real lives were the same. She was a cheerleader; I was a skinny athlete. But sexually things were reversed somewhat. I had definitely been more active than Jill, but by no means was she a virgin, based on what she shared with me. That made her arguments even more lame in my eyes. Some of the idle guy talk from my dream, reflected my workplace, but I only heard rumors. Nothing of that lifestyle appealed to me in any way. I know Jill worked with a few wildcards, and if I was a betting man, they likely had something to do with her proposal.

"I love you, Jill. More than I ever thought possible, and I want you to be happy." A small smile broke across her face. "So... I'm going to my brothers." Her smile faded.

"What? When are you going to come back? We need to finish this talk, honey."

"It's finished. I'm not coming back. I'll be starting divorce proceedings first thing tomorrow. I don't want to hold you up."

"DIVORCE? NICK! NO! That's not what I want! Weren't you listening to anything I said last night?"

I had to chuckle at that one. "Every word."

"Then you know I don't want a divorce, Nick. I want you to be my husband, the father of our kids... forever!"

"Minus the 48 hours you'll be fucking another man. But let's be honest Jill, it'll probably be more. Once you get the high of fucking another man, you'll look for another need that must be fulfilled at some point. That's why I'm giving you the 100% complete ok. With me out of the way, you can turn it into a week or a month. Hell, you could have as many 48-hour fuckathons as you want."

Her face was frozen. She was trying to process my words, but her pretty little brain, was spinning in mud. I stood from the table, placed my wedding ring on the table, and went around the corner picking up my bag and headed for the door. Before I could get out, she was finally able to form a response.

"Are you seriously going to let your ego throw away our whole marriage?" She shouted.

I stopped and turned around. "Seriously? My ego?" I answered softly. "That's your spin on this? I met her gaze. "Tell me something Jill. When you look in the mirror, what do you see?" I let it hang out there for a moment. "I can live with my ego... can you live with yours?"

I walked out the door to the sound of her loud sobbing.

**

I was right about the pain. Jill fought me tooth and nail through the divorce thing. The court mandated six counselling sessions with a neutral third-party psychologist. They were all a variation of the same thing... she was adamant we could work it out. She persistently clarified that she wished to withdraw her request, saying it was stupid and selfish. Apologized for the shot at my ego and for even bringing the topic up, but underneath all her sobbing, I knew there would be another time. She just wouldn't ask me. You don't broach a topic like that unless you've decided, at some level, it was ok. If your reflective image could look back at you without any pause... any guilt; It was just a matter of time.

She finally relented and 13 months later, we were divorced. I pretty much gave her half of everything, with no contestation, for no alimony. Our savings were pitiful, and the house was a starter at best. As a novice lawyer in a huge firm, I wasn't exactly rich, the heavy debt from our education had just recently ended, no longer a financial anchor. So instead, she made off with fifty percent of pretty much nothing.

The pain, however, lingered on. I was totally in love with Jill, and I guess there's still a part of me that is. It has made me gun shy about moving in that direction with another woman. While there was no lack of opportunities, I had no interest in playing the field. I loved being a one-woman guy, hopefully there's a like-minded woman out there in my future.

Some good did come out of it. The whole thing inspired me to take a stab at writing. It was a hobby of mine, but the premise that ended my marriage eventually became the footprint of my first real novel. It was the kind of story that had the Black Widow feeling. You know, a beautiful feme fatal who swindled and used men for her own gain. But her arrogance is her undoing as her life crumbles around her. The fact that the main character's name was Jill, was simply coincidental I assure you. (following my editor's advice, I changed it for risk of any legal proceedings). It was picked up by a large publishing company and it's set to hit the open market in three weeks. The $25k upfront, signing bonus was a nice surprise. The residuals look to be promising if it does as well as they anticipate. In fact, they are so sure of its success, they want me to write a sequel using a male as the main protagonist. I'm already three chapters deep.

I don't keep tabs on Jill, although I've had some friends and family pass on a tidbit here and there. Apparently, she did eventually sleep with the guy that started the discussion that ended our marriage. Word has it that his fiancé wasn't impressed and attacked Jill in a bar, leaving her with a black eye and swollen lip for her troubles. Turns out, she was the last straw in that relationship too. I take no enjoyment hearing these things, but I no longer feel sad. I knew I made the right decision. Thanks to an all too real dream. It gave me the perspective of the kind of person who could expect their spouse to even consider such a selfish indulgence, hidden under the auspices of love.