Meeting My Old Roommate

750 Word Project 2022

Story

Loving Wives

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"Honey, I'm home."

"You're late; how's your old roommate?"

"Yea, she's...well, she talked a lot, confused me, tried to make me...Tim, can we talk?"

"Of course, Amy."

"Lacey laughed when I told her we've been happily married for ten years, have three children, and go on date nights. She says I'm delusional if I think that's happiness."

I patted the sofa next to me, and she sat down and snuggled tightly against me.

"How did you answer that?"

"I told her that we've been together since I moved next door to you in the fourth grade, and we were inseparable until the week before we got married. She snickered and asked how many men I have test driven?"

"How many was that?

Her eyes bulged out, and she pinched my ear, growling, "Only one, doofus, just you."

"So then I told her when I knew you were the one; my senior project on my dead laptop."

"Ah, and you forgot about the cloud backup."

"And while I downloaded it to your laptop, I discovered a folder on your desktop titled "Amy" containing hundreds of pictures of me."

"I was pretty embarrassed you found it, and I didn't say anything for about a minute, and then I let everything out, my thoughts, my feelings and...."

"...all I heard was "I love you, Amy," and then I jumped on top of you and...."

"...started kissing me all over my face until my mom walked by my door and stopped, and you looked at her and said...."

"...hi Mom, Timmy loves me, and she smiled, closed the door, and said, 'I know, dear.'"

"So, Lacey, the girl I thought was my BGFF, called me a fool and said, 'Tim only married you to have his kids, babysit, keep house, and cook while he fucks around. You need some variety, a real man to stretch your cunt out.' Before I could slap her, two guys came up and asked us to dance. I said, no, thank you, and Lacey said we'd love to."

"You were going to slap her?"

"Don't interrupt, or I'll hurt you. Anyway, this guy grabbed my hand, and we started dancing, a fast dance, and when it was over, a slow dance started, and he put his hand on my ass and started kissing me on the neck. I kneed him in the balls, grabbed my purse, and stalked out of Renegades. Lacey caught me in the parking lot, and I screamed at her, called her a four-time loser who cheated on all her husband's and couldn't have kids because gonorrhea damaged her ovaries. She slapped me, and I grabbed her hair and punched her in the stomach."

"Amy! What would our children think if they knew what a brawler you are? Me, I'm proud of you."

She smiled at me.

"Two big guys separated us, and the cops came and handcuffed us. I told my story about what happened, and while I was alone in the back of the police car, I thought I saw Tucker, but he works days. Finally, they let me out, uncuffed me, and did the same for Lacey. Then they made us face each other to apologize. Lacey went first, and then I tried but couldn't get the words out."

"What'd you say?"

"I said, 'Lacey, you stupid whore, if I ever see you again, I'm going to beat the shit out of you and spend a night in jail because I love my husband, kids, and our sex life. I don't need you to tell me what happiness is; I live in the middle of happiness. Tim is a real man, and he worships me, and if I ask him to scratch my itch, he follows me to the bedroom with a big smile on his face. He takes care of the house and the kids when I am sick and still works. He quit bowling because our daughter wanted to try ballet, and when she quit after a month, we have movie night every Thursday watching 'Frozen' every week. I love him so much I want to have another baby.'"

She looked at me and smiled, "Oops, I didn't ask you yet."

"Okay." What else could I say?

Then she straddled me on the couch and began licking my tonsils. Before surrendering, I had the thought that Amy told the same story her brother Tucker did when he called me.

And I never get between two girls fighting, so I stayed home.