Marriage Counseling

Marriage counseling. Could anything be worse?

Yes. The court ordered counseling. I spent two nights in jail for contempt before I finally agreed to this punishment. I mean treatment. (I actually meant, bullshit).

I was getting divorced. I wasn't trying to burn the bitch; not really. Nor was I open to reconciliation, not at any cost. Not even without any cost, because it would always cost me my self-respect. I just wanted out. I figured this was the perfect time for it.

It all started like a bad story, my wife coming to me, needing to "talk." By talk, she meant telling me her desires and expecting me to go along with it, whatever it was. We'd had many "talks" during our three-year marriage, and I'd always gone along with whatever she wanted. Vacation trips to our in-laws (two weeks in purgatory for me each time -- they hated me and I them, but Melissa loved the fuss they made over her); a BMW when we should have been saving for a downpayment on a house; Plastic Surgery -- in my opinion, the nose job was unnecessary but I had thought the boob job could be fun (it wasn't -- they felt great before but never seemed quite right after, and she had lost sensitivity as well); and even at the start, a wedding that put us in debt for the first two years of our marriage.

But I wanted her to be happy, don't like saying "no", and never saw the reason to continue arguing once all the logic you can present has been dismissed, almost always, unfairly and without any justification. All you get at that point is anger and fireworks. In my opinion, arguing then was not worth the breath it takes.

So, when she wanted a hall pass to "Experience Life", which was her way of saying she wanted to take her new boobs and see how big a dick she could capture with them, I went over the logical points:

1. There's no upside for me, with only two outcomes: a) It's so good, why would she come back to monogamy with me? Or b) She choses the wrong partner, it isn't any good, but there may be the right one out there somewhere. (She rolled her eyes and began to object, but I shushed her).

2. Disease could be introduced into our marriage, and it could take months or even years to be sure that it hadn't. ("Oh, no, he's married and clean." I rolled my eyes).

3. Pregnancy could occur, even with the best efforts at birth control. (Again, her eye roll, accompanied by a head shake).

4. Divorce was now a foregone conclusion.

"You won't divorce me! We're in love," she immediately jumped in.

"We were, but it's obvious we're not anymore. You already know who you want to sleep with, if you haven't already don't so, but even if you haven't, nothing I say would dissuade you." I shook my head now. "It's also obvious that I'm not enough for you.

"And 5. I think you're already screwing this clean married man," ("How dare you!" she yelled. I shrugged and continued). "But it doesn't matter anyway, because the real point #5 is that you've lost my trust. I will never be able to believe anything you say." I got up and locked myself in our "guest room", which I used as a study. I folded out the couch and went to bed.

When she realized that I wasn't coming to bed, she came and knocked on the locked door. Melissa spoke softly through the door, "Honey, if it upsets you so much, I'll forget about it. We love each other, that's what's important. You're more than enough for me." I stayed quiet and after a few minutes, she sighed and went up to bed.

The next day, I went into the head office at work. Our big projects were coming to completion, and excess workers were going to be laid off. It could be a revolving door in construction. I was a permanent employee, a shift manager, so the boss was surprised when I told him he should keep one of the men he was going to lay off, and lay me off, instead. I specified that he should keep someone with a loving wife to support.

After I had explained the situation, he agreed to do as I asked, but told me if I ever wanted to come back to work, there would be a job for me, whenever I wanted. I thanked him but begged him not to tell anyone else that. He laughed and agreed again.

Then I went to see a lawyer and started the no-fault divorce proceedings. It was the perfect time. Within a week I'd be laid off and Melissa would be the primary breadwinner in our marriage. I was willing to let go of the little savings we'd finally managed to start accumulating, but really didn't want to get stuck with any spousal support. I just wanted to walk away a free man.

Melissa fought it, arguing that nothing had happened, that we loved each other, and that she wanted to save our marriage. I argued that Melissa had made it clear that I wasn't enough, that I didn't meet her needs, and I just wanted out while I was young enough to begin again, with someone who loved me.

Melissa broke down in tears, wailing in the courtroom. I think more to shut her up than any other reason, the judge ordered us into counseling. My strenuous objections and flat-out refusal to be involved in useless counseling was the reason for my two days of incarceration. I finally gave in after being served baloney sandwiches for both lunch and dinner, both days.

So here we are, in our third session. I'd gone but refused to contribute during the first two sessions, but at the beginning of the third the counselor had spoken to the judge and for me, it was either put up with this baloney or get used to eating baloney.

"The situation we should address is the perceived versus the actual." the counselor intoned, as if he had done this a thousand times and just wanted to get past it, "Mike, Melissa has told me that she has never really considered having an affair; she just proposed this because she wanted you to fight for her. She felt that you had become complacent and were taking her for granted. She felt that you didn't value her. She says she realizes now how much her 'test' has hurt your pride and she's very sorry."

Melissa jumped in, "Really, honey, this is all about nothing. There's no one else -- you're more than enough for me. I don't want anyone else, please believe me."

This was a new tact. It might have worked, although probably not, had she tried this route the night of the talk, or during the weeks before our divorce hearing, or during the first two sessions of counseling. How stupid would I be to believe her now? How stupid was she to think I would?

"Wow," I said, trying to look like I was really considering what she said. I nodded. I nodded to Melissa. I nodded to the clueless counselor, who beamed back at me. "Wow!" I said again. "If only I could believe anything a lying slut says, it might have made a difference." I sighed and shook my head. "Nope, I still want out. But it's okay -- you can still go to your lover. Remember, he's married, but he's clean!"

My wife wiped her eyes, then told the counselor, "See, he doesn't value me at all. He won't fight for me!"

"You're right." I quietly agreed with her. "A cheating slut has no value to me. How idiotic would it be to fight for something worthless?"

Melissa sobbed, but quickly wiped her eyes. "Mike, there's something else. The bank called about the payments on my BMW. They say we're a couple months behind. You have to straighten it out."

"What? I don't have any money. Remember, I was laid off. I am living with my parents. My only income is unemployment insurance." I tried not to smile. "In fact, if we don't settle this divorce soon, I'm going to have to amend it to ask for spousal support from you." I looked up. "How much alimony do you think I should ask for?"

Melissa shrieked, then gathered her purse and coat and left the office.

I looked at the counselor and asked, "So, are we finally done?"

We were. Melissa signed the divorce papers. She got everything (what little there was) and I got my freedom.