I was heading home. The drive was a couple of thousand miles but I was heading home to my husband, Dalton.
I suppose some would say I was simply out of my mind, but I knew exactly what I was letting myself in for. At least I thought I did.
I also was reasonably sure I could handle it.
I left Dalton because I thought he was trying to control me. There really wasn't any thinking about that, it was exactly what he was trying to do. I wanted to be free, make my own decisions about my life.
The truth is, none of us are ever completely free, we always must adjust to those around us. But it can also be on our own terms, I was thinking.
It took me almost a full year and just a few experiences to find that out. What I ran to was not as good as what I ran from.
My husband Dalton, being a good and considerate lover teased and played with me, trying to give me pleasure. He spent a lot of time getting me to the point where I wanted to give him some of the same. I spent a lot of time trying to please him, and not just in the bedroom. Our life together was fine, in many ways.
It suffered in others. Naive to the ways of the world, and of men, I was the dutiful wife. I did as I was told because I wanted to please my man.
I also wanted to go on to school, become a registered nurse. My dream, not for money but to fulfill my sense of accomplishment. Dalton wanted me to be at home for him. Then he wanted me to dress and act sexy for him, it wasn't long before his buddies were involved. I went along, actually, I went way more than along, I tried to take control myself.
I managed in some ways, failed in others. My youth and inexperience kept me from knowing what to do, how to just stand up and be what I wanted instead of be what he wanted. Displaying myself that last evening to his friends was upsetting to me, completely at odds with everything I knew and everything I had been taught.
It was also insanely exciting. I almost could not control myself, finally I ran to my room and safety. But even that safety was taken from me when Bill came into my room. I didn't even resist when he put his hands on me, knowing full well that Dalton had told him to come to me. But Bill had already emptied himself, and didn't have enough recovery to do any more than feel me.
I left Dalton the next morning.
On the road, I ran into an abusive police officer, the man took advantage of the darkened park where I had pulled off the road to try and sleep. He put his hands all over me, even inside me, I was frightened and didn't resist. The road once more became an escape.
I finally found a place to stay, and got barely settled in. I found work, ended up dancing on a stage wearing nothing but a little string and some pasties. That progressed to full nudity and being molested again. I would probably never have taken the job, it started as serving drinks and somehow progressed. When I realized I was being manipulated again, I was back on the road the next day.
I settled in again at a Casino, serving soft drinks and soon even had a nice tiny little apartment. Things went smoothly for awhile, my savings were growing, my dreams of nursing school getting closer.
Then my husband's friend Bill, the one Dalton tried to set me up with showed up. He wooed me, until I did sleep with him one time, he was large, he was hard, he was lousy. Only the 2nd man I ever let into my bed, he was a shadow of my husband.
It was months before I met another man that managed to interest me, his name was Carlos. He was much better sexually, but I realized quickly that his plans were to turn me into one of the girls who worked for him.
I would like to say I was surprised but I wasn't. It seemed like every man I met wanted to use me, use my body for their own ends. I was only 22 years old and had been with just three men. The two other than my husband were a..shall we say, a disappointment?
I looked at my face in the rearview mirror as I drove. The face was completely different from the mousy little girl that had fled home several months earlier. Makeup was perfection, the kind that one must look closely to even realize it is there. My hair was longer, highlighted and falling in waves, the pretty blouse unbuttoned just enough to tease and protect modesty. Other than the matching short skirt and pantihose, it was all I wore.
I knew I looked good and delighted in that. All those years in school I studied and was ignored by boys. Yes, mousy would be the word. The image looking back at me was that of a woman in control, and proud of the way she looked.
"Ice Queen" they had called me behind my back at the casino. Hit upon constantly, I turned them all down except for Bill and Carlos. Even at that, both were a mistake, I added that to my knowledge.
I drove for several days, heading for the moment when I would see my husband Dalton again. I just did not know if love was still there, but I had known comfort and that can count for a lot.
Plus now I had the advantage of knowing how to yank his chain, and I also knew enough about myself to know that I just might enjoy doing that. I was sure I would be in control.
Dalton liked to show me off, I had found I liked being looked at, noticed. So we would see how things would go, and on my terms. I knew I would not mind being a naughty wife, if I got what I wanted out of the deal.
I was only 40 miles from our house when I stopped at a motel for the night. I did not want to arrive exhausted or disheveled from the long drive. The man behind the counter took a long look at me as I signed in, the smile on his face showed his interest. I delighted in that, looked him in the eyes as I took the room key. I saw his face flush. For just a moment, I thought of inviting him to the room but thought better of it. I was laughing at myself for those thoughts as I unlocked the door. Just a year ago the idea would never have even crossed my mind.
I had learned about myself, I had accepted myself as I was. My decisions. From now on, I would decide. I had the power to say no, I had the power to walk away. It wasn't a bad feeling.
Dalton was standing on the porch when I drove up the next morning. He headed for the car, I watched his expression change as he saw me, knowing that he almost would not recognize me.
"Wow!" he said, as he reached for me to give me a hug. I hugged him back, his arms felt familiar, good. Then his hands came up to stroke the sides of my breasts.
"Whoa, hold on, big boy! I just barely got home, let's unpack."
He released me and began to carry the suitcases inside, I busied myself with hanging clothes and filling some drawers with my things. I had a lot more clothes than I had left with.
I also had over $8000.00 I didn't bother to tell him about, money I had saved for my schooling.
I looked over the familiar house, there were some changes. There was a larger TV, different curtains, that seemed odd. I thought about the idea of Dalton hanging curtains, it didn't fit. The house was also neat as a pin, that was odd too, but I passed that off as his having spruced the place up for my return.
We sat and talked for a long time, there was a nervousness there. One would think that a married couple would pick up easily where they left off, we didn't. He wanted to know where I had been and who I was with. I pulled no punches, I told him everything. I also watched as his gaze darted to the open throat of my blouse, the tops of my braless breasts were like a magnet to his eyes.
Then he stood up.
"Jeanie..."
I just smiled. He picked me up and carried me to the bedroom, in moments he was stroking me, loving me in those ways so familiar. I responded in kind, lifting my hips to meet his mouth as he pressed against me, dragging the full flat of his tongue over my loins. It flashed in my mind that he had never seen me shaved, just a wisp of pubic hair above my clit remained. Then he changed positions, placing his erection near my face. I had gone down on him before, never like this, it seemed strange, too. But I took him in my mouth, soon feeling the pulsations as he orgasmed. I didn't stop as I always had before, oral sex had always seemed like something I shouldn't be doing. The sensations as he flooded me set me off and I orgasmed, strongly. He remained firm, Dalton was nearly always good for twice anyway.
Then he turned and pressed against me, I felt him slide inside and I mashed myself against him, legs as wide as I could let them go, feeling the pleasure of him pressing.
We were holding each other, basking in the afterglow when the phone rang. Dalton jumped up to go answer it. I could hear his side of the conversation, even though he instantly lowered his voice and turned his back.
"Not right now." He said.
"No. I am busy."
"Yes, me too." Then he hung up.