MANDY
Love of my life
I know it's a clichΓ© but I really was at a crossroads in my life. I had recently turned 60 and I was saving manically for retirement but had just been informed I was going to be made redundant so suddenly there were major financial implications to consider. The kids had all left home so the usual buzz of activity had disappeared leaving behind a semi silence that was partly a blessing but also a realisation that my wife and I were simply comfortable together.
We had been married 35 mostly happy years but strangely as life and finances started to get easier and we should have been making the most of things, our relationship became colder. My suspicion is that when you stop having to fight and struggle for things you both switch off.
My wife had started keeping her distance in bed, so I wondered if she had lost interest in sex or me or was it both. We did not even share the warmth of simple contact that couples should share at bed time. Maybe she had a lover. It was possible as she was working in a charity shop so had started meeting people again.
I tried talking but couldn't get through. We were fine as far as the day to day stuff was concerned, but the real close bond was missing. I needed a friend, a woman, someone to share things with such as closeness, conversation, warmth and intimacy. I wanted someone that I could give pleasure to and enjoy their happiness but my wife was somewhere else.
After a lot of soul searching, I joined Friends Reunited Dating and boy were my eyes opened. There were so many people out there missing out on something. I looked at and read profiles and considered contacting a few women but didn't. Eventually a woman contacted me. I felt flattered. We fenced verbally for a little while then she asked me to phone her so we could have a little fun. I thanked her but said no as it seemed too sordid, even though it was very tempting.
Then more women contacted me. It seemed the ones doing the chasing were the ones who simply wanted on line or phone sex. I went through the questions and answers with them and found it a bit of a turn so rang a few but really missed the physical contact.
I kept it simple and I tried to only chat to women of a similar age who were some distance away so that if we got on, I wouldn't be pressed to meet up. I was now having regular conversations but it simply made me realise what I was missing and that I wanted the real thing.
There was only one way to solve my problems and to find out if I could have a sound relationship and that was to meet someone. But it couldn't be just anyone, it had to be someone I felt a bond with and where a relationship could develop as I knew it had to be more than just sex. It had to be someone close by so if we did get on we would be able to meet frequently. I had started to chat during the day as it seemed easier to get to know people during the day and leave the heavy stuff until late at night. I continued to look and suffer disappointment after disappointment. Then just as I was on the verge of giving up there she was
Mandy
Although she was 18 years younger than me there was something about her profile that struck a chord with me, everything suggested she was in the same boat as me with similar likes and dislikes and similar concerns.
She had a fairly stable home life and didn't want to wreck it but still felt something was missing. She was married, so there was a degree of safety in that she wouldn't want to meet every night and demand we move in together. I decided to dip my toe in the water and sent her a message and she replied. She was also logging on at work so the replies were slow but encouraging. We talked about our lives and our interests and we got on really well.
I felt a bond forming and the biggest buzz was the first time she came on and said hello to me without waiting for me to message her first. There was some innuendo, but nothing really sexual, just two people actually communicating and being open and laughing.
She was clearly having difficulties with her husband and although she loved him, the difficulties were getting in the way. She had two daughters who were growing up fast so there were many pleasures in her life but also the concerns that go with teenage girls, such as careers, boyfriends, university. She was open with her girls and discussed most things but not her marriage difficulties.
We had empathy from the start and our conversations started to cover all topics. She had shied away from sex with her husband as there was little foreplay and he seemed to want to satisfy himself rather than making it jointly enjoyable. He also tended to drink heavily so she had to suffer the strong smell of alcohol when he crudely climbed on top of her.